The Angry Pirate: Before you blow your load, give her a dead-leg and cum in her eye (therefore the hops around on one leg with one eye closed saying 'aaarrr!'

Donkey Punch: Just punch her in the back of the head

Redsock: Pull out during anal, but pull the internal part inside out (for lack of better words)

You get the idea

Redsock: Pull out during anal, but pull the internal part inside out (for lack of better words)



How would one go about achieving such a deed?

How would one go about achieving such a deed?

Barbed condom

Fisheye- Do her doggy style and then spit on her back. When she turns around, cum in her eye.


The Macaulay Culkin-After sex, slap both her cheeks and scream "AAAAARRRRRRGHHH!"

The best ever has to be the Superman:

After doing her doggystyle, or in the ass, you pull out and jizz on her back, and then when she rolls over to fall asleep, the cum will cause the sheet to stick to her back. Then, when she wakes up, she'll get up and start walking around with a sheet on her back, similar to a cape. Ala Superman!

Oh, I hope this thread becomes epic. The lulz are already ensuing.:D

The Surprise.

do your GF doggy style facing a window, it will help if she's blindfolded. have your friend who is hiding under the bed come out and switch spots with you. (be stealthy) go around outside and have your friend pull the blind fold off while you wave at her from outside the window.

The B2 bomber.

Stand on one end of the bed, and jump over her with your legs pulled up and take a flying crap. pretend the belly button is munich.

The rodeo.

Do her from behind, then halfway through yell "I did it with your sister!". Grab on to her hair and hold on for your life!

LMAO!

houdini - have sex with a girl from behind (anal or vaginal), before you cum spit on her back and tell her you are done. proceed to take out your penis, and when she turns around "BAM!" money shot to the face.

bob sagate(spell check): eat a peanut butter sandwich while getting head, and taking a dump.

chili dog - take a dump on a girls boobs, and titty fuck her.

lumpkin - while taking a dump, have someone give you head.

The rodeo.

Do her from behind, then halfway through yell "I did it with your sister!". Grab on to her hair and hold on for your life!

wrong...i believe u replace the "I did it with your sister!" part with "I have an STD" or AIDS etc.. whichever STI u please..

enjoy lulz

White Dragon: Bust in her mouth and then tell her a really funny joke so semen will pour out of her nose.

Strawberry Milkshake: Bust in her mouth and then punch her in the jaw.

Chocolate milkshake: cum in her ass then suck it out with a straw

Hahahahahhahahahah

I can't remember who posted this one on the last thread but dubs to that guy...It made me laugh hard...Still does...

The Tony Danza: Do her from behind and say "Who's the boss?"...She'll say "you are" and you scream "TOOOOOONY DAAAAANZA!" and punch her in the back of the head!

the stephen hawking

be having sex with her bent over a desk and have a spinning desk chair with wheels nearby

just before you ejaculate suddenly grab her arms behind her back and wrench them upwards to dislocate them

before she can react grab her under the thighs and wrench them upwards and sideways to dislocate her legs

turn her around and blow your load in the back of her throat so you fill her throat with semen and half choke her

sit her down in the desk chair

watch as she sits there without the use of her limbs and unable to speak properly

just like stephen hawking

Redsock: Pull out during anal, but pull the internal part inside out (for lack of better words)

I heard a tale once about a guy who was giving it to his girlfriend in the pooper, and her dad walked in on them. She freaked, and tightened up, and the guy pulled out. Guess what else came out? Her colon.

Don't know how true it is, but it made me lol anyway.

urbandictionary

cunnilumpkin : where a woman recieves cunnilingus while taking a shit (opposite of blumpkin)

Strawberry Shortcake :

The action in which the male ejaculates on his partner's face, and then the male punches his partner's nose, which causes blood to stream forth. The semen and blood fluids create a red and white image, just like the icing and filling of a strawberry shortcake.

dirty gas pump : starting off with simple tea-bagging, making sure that her nose is between your ass cheeks, and as she is jacking you off, you fart as much as possible.

Golden Shower/Bath: The act of urinating on another person, usually for sexual gratification, or as a way of humiliation. More common than a Golden bath, where, during anal sex, one partner urinates into the colon of the other.

Hot Lunch: the act of shitting in clingfilm stretched over someones open mouth then fucking the mouth and at the point of ejaculation bursting through the clingfilm giving the recipiant a mouthful of shit and spunk

Angry Dragon: Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

These two are pro! I am having such a hard time not loling in the computer lab.
Nice job +1000!

White Dragon: Bust in her mouth and then tell her a really funny joke so semen will pour out of her nose.



You don't even have to tell a joke. Just take your hand and jam her head down on it and blow away.



Strawberry Milkshake: Bust in her mouth and then punch her in the jaw.

alternative title: Strawberry Shortcake

I heard a tale once about a guy who was giving it to his girlfriend in the pooper, and her dad walked in on them. She freaked, and tightened up, and the guy pulled out. Guess what else came out? Her colon.

Don't know how true it is, but it made me lol anyway.

I heard something similar only with the guy ending up losing his dick skin.

An Abe Lincon - during doggy style, punch her in the back of the head and knock her out. Then jizz on her face and shave your/her pubes and stick them all over her face like a beard.

Cleveland Steamer - can be done by either male or female to either male or female. ya take a dump on her chest and used your bum to smooth it out over her chest like a steam roller.

Dirty Sanchez- wipe poo under their nose while they're going down on you. it looks like a moustache!

The alaskan pipeline: Take a dump in a condom, freeze it. Take the condom off and have a girl use it as a dildo.

LOL. Ewwwww.

:D

The Stanky Fanger - after fingering a girl, it's the pleasing smell left on your fingers. you can use it to make your single friends feel bad about themselves or attract lesbians.

The Stanky Mouth - after taking your wang out of her cunny, she puts it in her mouth and gets the pussy smell on her mouth. I find it quite atractive.

im loving this thread....

the hitler- while doggystyle, insert index finger in her ass, and swipe across her upper lip, resembling a hitler mustache

the hot carl- take a clear glass plate, place it over her face, so she can see you, and proceed to shit on the plate.

the rusty trombone- have a girl lick your ass, while youre standing upright, and reach around to jerk you off at the same time.

the spiderman- ejaculate into your hand, and flick it at her....the same way spiderman throws web.


ill add more after work........KTMFB (keep this mother fucker bumped)

Jelly dounut: you have a bitch suck your dick and when you pull out you punch her and mix the blood and cum together.

Here is the third name for the same thing.
Let's see how many we can come up with, shall we?

the spiderman- ejaculate into your hand, and flick it at her....the same way spiderman throws web.

haha.

Redsock: Pull out during anal, but pull the internal part inside out (for lack of better words)

I believe I've heard this called the pinksock. The best way to do it would be following a donkey punch, as she tightens all her muscles. Pull out as quickly as possible.

edit: here we go: http://www.thepinksock.com/

verizon wireless - blow a load in her ear and proceed to ask "can you hear me now"

Gorilla mask: Have the victim kneeling giving you oral sex, when you are close to ejaculating, pull out and jizz all over her face, at this point rip out a handful of your pubs (or hers) and throw them upon her face!

This achieves a nice gorilla mask :-P. for t3h lulz.

The gorilla face: Shit on your partner's face, then shave off your pubes and throw them on their face.

the cherry pie: cum in her face then punch her nose

The roadrunner:
One either drugs, captures, or believe it or not, get a consenting (I know, I know, crazy, right?) girl into having sex with them. The girl gets on her knees with them on the sides of a treadmill, and the guy jogs behind her, fucking her in the bum or vagoo. Your choice, really.

Lmao!

That's number four or so.

Forgot the name, so be creative.

Have sex on the beach, but before you put it in, dip you dick in the sand.

the shocker

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/PS/7655~Shocker-Posters.jpg

Awesome read, this is.

The 300: While doing a girl on a bolcony, unexpectdly pull out and yell "THIS IS SPARTAA!!!!!!!!!" and kick her off the edge.

Lawsuit ensues.

Lawlsuit ensues.
Fixed.

Crabby Surprise

The Sneaky Castro, stick a cigar in her vag, proceed to take it out, smoke it, then blow smoke into the vag. lulz.

Bump.

The Spark Plug: Take a 9 volt battery across her clit while fingering or giving oral.

The Rusty Spark Plug: Same as the Spark Plug but across the anus during a rim job.

the sandbox

The grand finale:

Have a girl let you titfuck her, and right as you're about to cum, rip both of her tits off and ram them into her vagina. Then, proceed to have sex with her while titfucking her at the same time.

Is the pinksock for real? I can't find any photos on it.

http://www.surgical-tutor.org.uk/pictures/images/lower_gi/rectal_prolapse.JPG

its real baby!
http://www.efukt.com/1864_Oops!_My_Asshole_Fell_Out!.html

its real baby!
http://www.efukt.com/1864_Oops!_My_Asshole_Fell_Out!.html

It IS real! (http://www.goatse.cz)

--KP

its real baby!
http://www.efukt.com/1864_Oops!_My_Asshole_Fell_Out!.html

Humiliation! :D

The blumpkin always makes me laugh.

Some slut got in my face the other day and I said "blumpkin me" - She didn't get it but fuck I laughed hard.

When receiving head and about to bust, say "Can't you do that thing with your tongue like your mom/sister/brother does?" and she'll jump back a bit, as you shoot in her face.

dont really have a name for it (thought it up myself, but it might exist somewhere else too...i dont really know, i havnt seen it before)

While getting head, right before you cum, bull out of her mouth, then procede to ejaculate all over her face, while screaming "BOOM! HEADSHOT!" as loud as you can. Lulz ensue.

So your a virgin right?.... ok

bwahahahahaha.....epic

The Aristocrats. Note you will need a whole family.

Okay. The- this family walks into a talent agency. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. They're too cutesy." But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." The family jumps right into it. The mother smiles and points to the son, who hits "Play" on a boombox. Thrilling circus music starts to play as the father spins his daughter around, bends her over, lifts up her skirts and starts licking her asshole.

Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him.

Hold on! Hold on. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? While the som, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls.

Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them.

They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter.

Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin' [falsetto] "AAAAAaaAAAAhhh! AAAAAaaAAAAhhh!, the building's comin' down! Heeelllppp!!!" [normal] And finally the family runs back to the center of the room and goes, "TADAAA!!" And the talent agent, he just sits there for the longest time, and finally he says, "...Jesus, that's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "the Aristocrats!"

I was pretty sure the arostocrats joke had been banned from Totse..... but chances are that was another forum I was on.
I still don't find it that great.

Ummmmmmmm.... Not cool.... Not cool at all

I forgot the name of it, but while getting head you shout "Big bucks! No whammy!" as
you smack the back of her head. Your prize is vomit or deep throat.

WHAT? Why would any joke get banned from Totse? You're definitely thinking of another site.

THE BEST DAMN SEX ACT EVER (http://thatvideosite.com/view/1110.html)

I heard a tale once about a guy who was giving it to his girlfriend in the pooper, and her dad walked in on them. She freaked, and tightened up, and the guy pulled out. Guess what else came out? Her colon.

Don't know how true it is, but it made me lol anyway.

Lmao.

Thats funny, I heard a tale about a guy who was giving his girl anal and he felt something wrong with his foreskin movements. He withdrew and checked himself over to find a piece of corn wedged under his foreskin just under the head of his penis.

I heard a tale once about a guy who was giving it to his girlfriend in the pooper, and her dad walked in on them. She freaked, and tightened up, and the guy pulled out. Guess what else came out? Her colon.

Don't know how true it is, but it made me lol anyway.

It's pretty hard to actually have a rectal prolapse.. normally the rectum is held in place within the body by ligaments and such.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_prolapse

Also, about the jokes involving shit, corn, etc..

The ass is self-cleaning. Thus, the best time to have anal sex is a couple hours after shitting. The only time there actually is shit in there is when the person has to visit the toilet. I doubt they would be having sex while very much needing to shit. That also means that random pieces of corn, etc, would not be found in there. That doesn't mean that some people don't have sex while they need to shit (purposely) and then shit on their partner or whatever.

Funny jokes nonetheless.

So your a virgin right?.... ok

Surprisingly no, I'll be the first to admit, even I am a bit shocked. Apparently despite having a very juvenile sense of humor, women seem to think im sexy....

Gorilla Mask.

Shave all your pubes off and hide it.

Cum in her face then through the pubes in her face.

=]

The Cincinatti Bowtie: You find a girl with one of those holes drilled in her throat (put there because she had throat cancer and needed a new way to talk or something). You then proceed to fuck her mercilessly in it - the blood coming out forms a little bowtie shape. Cum in her throat, pull out, and laugh.

The Cannonball: While fucking a girl missionary style, put your balls inside of her ass.


Special Competition Sex Move:

EDB: You stuff your dick and your balls inside their ass, and you start to piss. While you're doing this, they try to shit as much as they can. You win
if you finish pissing without any of their shit sneaking out - then proceed to punch them in the tit as had as you can and vomit into their mouth if at all possible. They win (and I use the term win loosely) if their shit manages to sneak out while you're pissing in their ass. Give them the victory, but punch them and vomit into their mouth anyways.

Also - a quick note for everyone posting the Dirty Sanchez - the grand finale of this move is that after ou give them a shit-moustache, you walk out of the room and never speak to them again. Ever. Only then is it done properly.

bump .

bump .

wtf!?

This thread still makes me laugh and cringe in equal measure every time I open it and read a bit.