Now, before someone says it, this is BEFORE I ask a real doctor/health professional, I will do so, I'm just looking for some opinions and experience since I haven't a clue.

Ok, so I was busily scratching myself, and noticed that the head/shaft felt a bit itchy. Took a look, and there's several dozen tiny red blotches or spots on the head and shaft of my penis. None are raised, though, or blister-like at all. No noticeable inflammation, just a bit of itch if I touch it, and the blotches. Only had sex with my gf for the last year, so that narrows it down. FWIW, she has very rare cold sores, but not genital herpes. I realize it's different forms of the same virus and can switch with contact, I'm hoping that's not it, but it's an option. Symptoms don't resemble herpes yet though I'll see in the next few days.

Anyone ever experienced/heard of anything like this before?

Probably thrush.

rug burn

Relax man, it's just splotchywangitis.
You'll be just fine.