Would you do it? Would you forgive it?

I only ask 'cuz this girl i'm kind of in this thing with (we dated, i left for college, I still love her, she still loves me, etc) got drunk at a party and fucked some other guy. I'm basically a forgiving person, but it's the kind of thing I can see happening again... I feel childish but there's just something about it that smacks deeply. Opinions? Flames? Perspectives?

Cheating is immature and cruel, no matter the situation. I would not stay with someone who cheated behind my back, being drunk or high is a state of mind that person decided to inflict upon themselves, and is thus not an excuse.

People who cheat are generally going to be habitual about it. If she did it once, what makes you think she wont do it again?

Overall, though, she should have broken up with you once she realized she could not maturely handle a long-distance relationship, and should have given you an official notice before hand that you are both now unattatched to each other romantically, and what you have left is purely friendship. That she chose to do otherwise now compromises your entire relationship.

She is an immature bitch, and should have been honest and forthright with her emotions from the get-go.

She actually told me the morning after it happened, so it's not really behind my back... I dunno. I still really wanna be with her but this really bothers me.

It wasn't with your informed consent, and she knew you would disapprove of it, and you have a vested interest in not having something like it happening, so it really was behind your back.

Long distance makes it even more reprehensible in my opinion. If you can't trust your significant other immensely then it's hard to make something like that work.

Similar thing happened to me with my most recent girlfriend. She moved, she cheated, I forgave her but it fell apart anyways, it was a tense situation to begin with and that ended up pushing it to a braking point.

Course it was just a kiss, I don't think I could have forgave her if it was more than that. :/ and if it wasn't just a drunken mistake and you could see it happening again I'd just move on. Or make it an open relationship.

It sucks something major to be cheated on though, man. My condolences.

Edit: It was actually just a drunken kiss the first time. I really liked her so I just forgot about it, but then it did happen again and then again one time after that. Personally, I really regret not breaking it off after the first or second time, nobody is worth habitually feeling like shit.

(we dated, i left for college, I still love her, she still loves me, etc)

You aren't dating, so it's not cheating. If you love her, you're gonna forgive her, if you don't who knows. Personally, I'd forgive it once. Maybe twice. But if it becomes a habit than it stays a habit.

That was me once upon a time. Cheating, which she didn't do, because you aren't dating (even if you think you are) is fun. Hotter. But it slowly poisons the other relationship. All in all not worth it. But you need to talk with her, tell her what you think, forgive her (she told you too, which means she wants to stay close to you (or she's spiteful)) and then figure out whats up.

amen.

this is entirely true. you should not stay in any relationship with someone like that, let alone a long distance one.

End it right now. Once a girl goes bad, she is gone.

No matter how much she says she regrets it, once she gets over the guilt, she will be very likely to do it again.

What kind of whore fucks somebody in some random party anyways?

You have the right to be pissed, if you're in a relationship then you're in a fucking relationship! And unless its been agreed upon that you can fuck other people, then what she's done isn't excusable. It's your choice if you want to forgive or not but if you know its gonna probably happen again, why not end things now so you can have fun too?

Cheating is cheating.

And I hear it gets easier to push the guilt aside each time.

If you can deal with it, then forgive her.

not even a question, dump her like it was said before, cheating is cheating and she was drunk at the time? how responsible was that? relationships are built on trust.

I've said it before, I'll say it again.

Being drunk is not an excuse. If someone does something while they are drunk, they would do it sober, or failing that, they would want to do it, and care about the consequences so little that they are willing to do it and use "i was drunk" as an easy out.

If she fucked another guy, she wanted to fuck him, she'll do it again, and again. Soon you'll be amazed how often she gets drunk and "accidentally" fucks other guys.

Dump her.

I decided to forgive her. Fuck all you bitter people. I love her. If it happens again, then she's out the door. I believe in second chances. Plus, I kind of fucked someone else too. Sure, I'll probably regret it... but whatever.

Oh, okay, if you would have told us that in the first place, I would say stay with her. You have both clearly demonstrated how much you mean to each other, and I have nothing against cheaters from sticking together, birds of a feather flock together and all, so good luck with that, you two sound like the epitome of love.

People make mistakes.

You seem pretty jaded man.

That's how I felt. For your sake though, if it does happen again do do do let her go.

People make mistakes.

You seem pretty jaded man.

do whatever you want. what hes trying to tell you is that, you may be throwing around "love" to liberally. and lets not forget that you two have demonstrated that you have little respect for eachother. sure you can argue its instinct to cheat, but you could also argue its instinct to kill someone you get angry with.

it will happen again.

If you loved one another you wouldn't be
FUCKING
OTHER
PEOPLE.

Seriously, they need to make kids go to a class about this stuff. Like: How Not to be a Giant Douchbag and a Monster Slut and Fuck Everything in Sight and Still Say You're in Love 101.

you never stated in your original post if you're still dating, just that you dated. it all rests on that.

Those of you calling her immature make me laugh. You're the ones who need to grow up and get out there a little.

The biggest problem with cheaters is that they feel guilty and confess.

Cheating is not the end of a relationship. I've seen plenty of cases where the cheater feels so guilty about what's happened that he or she spends every second of every day trying to make it up to them. Cheater feels like he's atoning for what's happened, and cheatee gets a wonderful loving relationship.

Sure, this doesn't happen every time, but it is far from a unique or rare case.

Wouldn't the cheatee be way better off not knowing?

People make mistakes. People especially make mistakes in long distance relationships. You don't tell us how long you go without seeing each other or how far you were apart, but I can tell you that my most significant long distance relationship spanned 8 months and 2500 miles. Cross country visits were expensive and very rare. We both cheated once or twice. It's almost bound to happen. And you know what I wish more than anything?

I wish we hadn't told each other.

Good for you for forgiving her, and good luck.

To the rest of you: grow up. Cheating doesn't show immaturity. It shows weakness. It shows humanity.

Being able to forgive such trespasses...

That shows maturity.

I kind of fucked someone else too.

How do you "kind of" do this / was this previous, or a revenge f*ck. Cause if it was the latter, well, its all down hill from here out.

Otherwise I commend you for giving her the chance. She told you. That says alot as to how much she feels for you.

And are you dating or dateed?

Plus, I kind of fucked someone else too. Sure, I'll probably regret it... but whatever.

You don't deserve our advice! Kind of fucked someone? You either put it in there or you didn't.

Is sex-ed really THIS useless?

It's nice to see some support...

But yeah it's a very complicated story. So "kind of" cheated, and dated/dating are ambiguous in this situation.

K, so you did engage in intercourse with another, only no-ones exactly sure where everyone stands. Gotcha.

I still say try to make it work. Maybe even give permission for flings / hookups. Why not? Seems to be what you two want.

It's nice to see some support...

But yeah it's a very complicated story. So "kind of" cheated, and dated/dating are ambiguous in this situation.


Those of you calling her immature make me laugh. You're the ones who need to grow up and get out there a little.

The biggest problem with cheaters is that they feel guilty and confess.

Cheating is not the end of a relationship. I've seen plenty of cases where the cheater feels so guilty about what's happened that he or she spends every second of every day trying to make it up to them. Cheater feels like he's atoning for what's happened, and cheatee gets a wonderful loving relationship.

Sure, this doesn't happen every time, but it is far from a unique or rare case.

Wouldn't the cheatee be way better off not knowing?

People make mistakes. People especially make mistakes in long distance relationships. You don't tell us how long you go without seeing each other or how far you were apart, but I can tell you that my most significant long distance relationship spanned 8 months and 2500 miles. Cross country visits were expensive and very rare. We both cheated once or twice. It's almost bound to happen. And you know what I wish more than anything?

I wish we hadn't told each other.

Good for you for forgiving her, and good luck.

To the rest of you: grow up. Cheating doesn't show immaturity. It shows weakness. It shows humanity.

Being able to forgive such trespasses....


Pusssywhippedx2 to the both of you, you both get gold stars. what the fuck did these bitches tell you to justify whats happened? and how the fuck do you "kind of" fuck someone.

Brady, you really need to "get out there" and try your hand at a legitimate relationship. 8 months and you BOTH cheated? thats awful, just awful. You dont get into a long distance relationship unless your A. VERY comitted, and B. completley trust one another beyond any doubt. Someday when you find a girl you really love, like legitimately love, all of the sudden cheating doesnt sound like a good idea regardless how weak you may feel or how long its been since you last saw her.

I dont think the Dad who gets drunk or who just looses his temper when his kid annoys him and beats him to a pulp deserves any forgiveness, for being weak or "human." Obedience to instinct is the one largest distinctions that can be made between humans and animals. I have the ability to use my intellect and not beat the shit out of someone who has fucked me over when i get the urge to do so, that is a large part of my humanity.

If you think cheating is part of a relationship you need to get yourself into an open relationship. your standards are low as fuck. You can easily be equated to wife that stays with her abusive husband because he "means well".

Bottom fucking line: if you want to fuck around dont get into a relationship. and if you need that company, get into one where your s/o agrees that fucking around is alright. Cheating is not the norm, nor has it been. if you are, you probably need to sit down and think how much this person really means to you, and how the fuck you can really justify lying to them/wasting their time.