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| Sex and Affection Anything and everything about sex and relations. Please try to keep this forum on-topic, since things tend to wander a bit. Search through old topics before posting a new one, as questions get repeated a lot here. |
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#1
 2007-10-21, 08:51 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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 Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
The other evening Eldest Useless Object (aka my firstborn) who is now almost 19, was standing outside the house with his latest jailbait GF. Him acting all cool and her looking up to him with doe eyes, full of wonderment at this adult BF who had blessed her with his attention.
Although he's been going out with her now for a loooong time (ie 14 days!) I hadn't yet met her. Lets call her "Mary" cos I hate the whole algebra thang.
Me (to her):"How old are you? 15?"
Mary: "Yes"
Me (to son): "You be real careful, boy"
Me (to Mary):"You seem nice enough and now you've seen how we live. You are welcome anytime day or night and there are only two House Rules.."
*Mary interrupts me*
Mary: "Don't worry, there'll be none of that, I'm a virgin"
Me: "Actually, I wasn't really refering to that but rather our House Rules are that you can do whatever you want but you do NOT get pissed or stoned in my house. Not that I have any great moral objection but last year the lads had a party here and since then the Police think I'm running an underage brothel and opium den!"
MAry: *lol* "Must have been some party!"
Eldest son: *nods* It was.
Me (to her) "Yeah, He *nods towards Eldest Son* ending up shagging J*** on the floor of the toilet in a pile of puke".
Mary: "EEwwwWWWWWW"
Son: "Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!!11"
*Me walks off knowing my work here had been done*
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#2
2007-10-21, 08:57 |
SyncMaster763 
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
hahahaha you're the greatest
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#3
2007-10-21, 09:05 |
E-digger
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
That is TOO good.  |
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#4
2007-10-21, 09:10 |
Bean_Doodle
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Haha
You asshole
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#5
2007-10-21, 09:15 |
Crack Man
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
I wish you were my dad.
My dad doesn't even speak to me anymore =(
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#6
2007-10-21, 09:26 |
TheManticore91
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Best. Parental. Cruelty. EVAR!
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#7
2007-10-21, 09:30 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Best. Parental. Cruelty. EVAR!
Nah the time he was alone in his bedroom with his girlfriend and I hacked into his computer (he's on our house LAN) and started a video playing from his *secret* porn file was better.
I like to see girls these days still know how to FLOUNCE out of a house.
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#8
2007-10-21, 09:32 |
TheManticore91
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Nah the time he was alone in his bedroom with his girlfriend and I hacked into his computer (he's on our house LAN) and started a video playing from his *secret* porn file was better.
I like to see girls these days still know how to FLOUNCE out of a house.
Now, that would've been interesting.
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#9
2007-10-21, 10:43 |
panjojo
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
bahahahaha
Cool.
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#10
2007-10-21, 11:19 |
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Regular
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OPS 2A building 688-6911(b)
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
I love your stories!
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#11
2007-10-21, 11:52 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
flawless victory!!
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#12
2007-10-21, 12:02 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
You need to write a book on how to be a dad.
Seriously, think about it.
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#13
2007-10-21, 12:31 |
DesertRebel
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Agent 008
You need to write a book on how to be a dad.
Seriously, think about it.
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Yeah, every other crappy parent has done it to justify themselves. Maybe you can be the one that isnt a crappy parent.
Look at the guy who wrote "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" -- dude ended up getting divorced. |
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#14
2007-10-21, 13:08 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
She interrupted you?
Ouch.
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#15
2007-10-21, 14:00 |
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Regular
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Britain, Britain, Britain
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Skelator is eviller...
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#16
2007-10-21, 15:50 |
soro_one
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Hahahaha that porn trick was funny. My uncle used to do that because he's a computer geek with nothing better to do. That's why I make a file called a generic name like "Drawings" or something, then I would put a few pictures of drawings along with another file, in that file I would make another file and make another file in that one and so on. Then in one of the files you make 3 files and make 3 more files in each of those and then make a fourth one in only on of them. That's where you keep all your secret shit.
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#17
2007-10-21, 16:11 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
ending up shagging J***
I don't get it. What does this refer to?
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#18
2007-10-21, 16:12 |
TeenMachine
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
I don't get it. What does this refer to?
writing a novel are we?
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#19
2007-10-21, 16:17 |
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Canberra Australia
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
I don't get it. What does this refer to?
Jane? Jess? Joan? Jack(ketch)?
*runs away*
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#20
2007-10-21, 16:38 |
CarbonB
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Wow, that was some major cock blocking.
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#21
2007-10-21, 16:39 |
256
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
writing a novel are we?
He's not, he just chose a shitty name.
Not even kidding, he said that in SG or something.
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#22
2007-10-21, 17:27 |
faze2
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Quote:
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Originally Posted by soro_one
Hahahaha that porn trick was funny. My uncle used to do that because he's a computer geek with nothing better to do. That's why I make a file called a generic name like "Drawings" or something, then I would put a few pictures of drawings along with another file, in that file I would make another file and make another file in that one and so on. Then in one of the files you make 3 files and make 3 more files in each of those and then make a fourth one in only on of them. That's where you keep all your secret shit.
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Or you could get that Folder Hide program that makes your folders password accessible and they can only be seen by you. |
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#23
2007-10-21, 19:41 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Quote:
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Originally Posted by jackketch
The other evening Eldest Useless Object (aka my firstborn) who is now almost 19, was standing outside the house with his latest jailbait GF. Him acting all cool and her looking up to him with doe eyes, full of wonderment at this adult BF who had blessed her with his attention.
Although he's been going out with her now for a loooong time (ie 14 days!) I hadn't yet met her. Lets call her "Mary" cos I hate the whole algebra thang.
Me (to her):"How old are you? 15?"
Mary: "Yes"
Me (to son): "You be real careful, boy"
Me (to Mary):"You seem nice enough and now you've seen how we live. You are welcome anytime day or night and there are only two House Rules.."
*Mary interrupts me*
Mary: "Don't worry, there'll be none of that, I'm a virgin"
Me: "Actually, I wasn't really refering to that but rather our House Rules are that you can do whatever you want but you do NOT get pissed or stoned in my house. Not that I have any great moral objection but last year the lads had a party here and since then the Police think I'm running an underage brothel and opium den!"
MAry: *lol* "Must have been some party!"
Eldest son: *nods* It was.
Me (to her) "Yeah, He *nods towards Eldest Son* ending up shagging J*** on the floor of the toilet in a pile of puke".
Mary: "EEwwwWWWWWW"
Son: "Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!!11"
*Me walks off knowing my work here had been done*
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Fakely. |
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#24
2007-10-21, 20:01 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Fuck you motherfucker, you dame son of a Mosquito whore, damn i have been trying to rape your ass with my hands and you fucking buzz off each time. I wanna fucking rape your family with my fucking long hands you nigger,
GOD DAMN YOU FUCKING BITCH MOSQUITO! ARGGGGGGG.
Ahem sorry for that i am trying to fucking kill three bastard mosquito's and each time they slip away.
About the post, awesome story gave me the lulz for sure. and yeah your evil dad for no doubt.
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#25
2007-10-21, 20:17 |
Isobutane
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
you're a different breed of evil to my dad. a funnier breed, i could deal with a funny dad (:
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#26
2007-10-21, 20:58 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Fuck you motherfucker, you dame son of a Mosquito whore, damn i have been trying to rape your ass with my hands and you fucking buzz off each time. I wanna fucking rape your family with my fucking long hands you nigger,
GOD DAMN YOU FUCKING BITCH MOSQUITO! ARGGGGGGG.
I am,so glad to not be in your room right now. |
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#27
2007-10-21, 21:50 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
lol u asshole
If i ever become a dad i'll try and be more like you :)
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#28
2007-10-21, 21:51 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Fakely.
Nope, pretty much verbatim.
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#29
2007-10-21, 22:01 |
ColdWinterNights
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Best.thread.ever.
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#30
2007-10-21, 22:06 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
She interrupted you?
Ouch.
Well I guess her Daddy didn't done raise her aright, y'know? Probably spared the rod.
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#31
2007-10-21, 22:24 |
RoFallandbreakyourHypnol
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
my father left me with permanent scarring on my back my hands and my face
i also walk with a slight limp because of him
my earliest memory is of him beating my older sister with a cooking pan
if the worst he had done was embarrass me in front of some one i would be eternally thankful
however i have not seen him for 8 years so i can not nominate him for this contest as it is for 2008
i guess you win
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#32
2007-10-21, 22:33 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
my father left me with permanent scarring on my back my hands and my face
i also walk with a slight limp because of him
my earliest memory is of him beating my older sister with a cooking pan
Is that all? Trust me, if you want to use 'evil' in the real sense of the word then there are posters here who would have killed to have as nice a dad as yours.
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#33
2007-10-21, 22:38 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Quote:
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Originally Posted by RoFallandbreakyourHypnol
my father left me with permanent scarring on my back my hands and my face
i also walk with a slight limp because of him
my earliest memory is of him beating my older sister with a cooking pan
if the worst he had done was embarrass me in front of some one i would be eternally thankful
however i have not seen him for 8 years so i can not nominate him for this contest as it is for 2008
i guess you win
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Any vague idea of where he might live?
yoyobek@yahoo.co.uk |
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#34
2007-10-21, 22:39 |
RoFallandbreakyourHypnol
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
most stories of my father i would never tell to any body
let alone strangers on an internet forum
i do not think i would physically be able to recount them any way
there are people here i know of with a worse family history than mine
but it is not a contest and i was not competing
if i was i could put up a lot more than i have
but why the hell would i want to do that
do not presume to know me
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#35
2007-10-21, 22:41 |
RoFallandbreakyourHypnol
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
yoyobek if i had any idea of where he lived i would use it only to get as far away from it as possible and make sure i never went there
i would not want revenge
there is enough pain and suffering brought about in the world as it is
i would not want to add to it
even for him
any way this thread is not about me
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#36
2007-10-21, 22:41 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Any vague idea of where he might live?
yoyobek@yahoo.co.uk
DOWN Girl!
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#37
2007-10-21, 22:47 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
most stories of my father i would never tell to any body
let alone strangers on an internet forum
Might actually be a good place to start (I'm being serious now). I wasn't presuming anything btw, I was just narked you choose to wreck the giggle. Some threads are really just for Lolz, y'know?
Anyway think about posting more about your dad. Lot of Children Of The Secret here.
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#38
2007-10-21, 22:50 |
RoFallandbreakyourHypnol
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
sorry the wording of the thread just kind of got to me
feel free to delete the off topic posts if you feel they disrupt the flow of the thread
i will not take it personally
i will consider it but i doubt i will
thank you though
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#39
2007-10-21, 23:34 |
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Regular
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Auckland, New Zealand
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Well, my dad makes the lamest jokes and most redundant statements. He also tells me things I should do, like comb my hair after I get a haircut (thanks for the advice, dad!) in case the hairs go on my motherboard and bridge a gap and ruin it (really, he said this). But the funny thing is he doesn't learn that his jokes and redundant statements and suggestions are lame, he keeps up with them. I've got the patience of a saint, but this man just_wears_you_down. He's never beaten me physically, but his lameness is astounding. When I was getting a haircut he kept saying stupid shit to me, and I just wanted to grab the candlestick and throw it into his face. I nominate my dad!
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#40
2007-10-22, 01:19 |
Strakynyar Krongoth
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Jackketch, you sir are an asshat AND a good father.
well done.
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#41
2007-10-22, 03:07 |
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A cave, because I'm a hermit.
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
When I saw this in Hot Topics, I automatically though "Well, this is fucking stupid. Jack is going to take home 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and a certificate of participation."
Oh, and page 2'd.
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#42
2007-10-22, 06:43 |
KevinK
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
nice stories indeed!
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#43
2007-10-22, 06:47 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
nice stories indeed!
Nope no story, just what happened. Believe it or not I rarely lie on totse (tends to defeat the point of S&A if you do).
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#44
2007-10-22, 20:12 |
gam3r_with_revenge
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Jack=pure pwnage!
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#45
2007-10-22, 20:17 |
CarbonB
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Is that all? Trust me, if you want to use 'evil' in the real sense of the word then there are posters here who would have killed to have as nice a dad as yours.
You have to be joking...
Okay, turns out you were.
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#46
2007-10-22, 20:34 |
surprise buttsecks
Regular
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
I second the book idea, that would be awesome.
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#47
2007-10-22, 21:00 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Quote:
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Originally Posted by jackketch
The other evening Eldest Useless Object (aka my firstborn) who is now almost 19, was standing outside the house with his latest jailbait GF. Him acting all cool and her looking up to him with doe eyes, full of wonderment at this adult BF who had blessed her with his attention.
Although he's been going out with her now for a loooong time (ie 14 days!) I hadn't yet met her. Lets call her "Mary" cos I hate the whole algebra thang.
Me (to her):"How old are you? 15?"
Mary: "Yes"
Me (to son): "You be real careful, boy"
Me (to Mary):"You seem nice enough and now you've seen how we live. You are welcome anytime day or night and there are only two House Rules.."
*Mary interrupts me*
Mary: "Don't worry, there'll be none of that, I'm a virgin"
Me: "Actually, I wasn't really refering to that but rather our House Rules are that you can do whatever you want but you do NOT get pissed or stoned in my house. Not that I have any great moral objection but last year the lads had a party here and since then the Police think I'm running an underage brothel and opium den!"
MAry: *lol* "Must have been some party!"
Eldest son: *nods* It was.
Me (to her) "Yeah, He *nods towards Eldest Son* ending up shagging J*** on the floor of the toilet in a pile of puke".
Mary: "EEwwwWWWWWW"
Son: "Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!!11"
*Me walks off knowing my work here had been done*
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Definition of white trash. And even more funny cause you're proud of this shit.
Me (to son): "You be real careful, boy"
You actually talk like that? I don't believe it. |
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#48
2007-10-22, 21:25 |
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Moderator
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dodging the rain and tractors
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Definition of white trash. And even more funny cause you're proud of this shit.
Me (to son): "You be real careful, boy"
You actually talk like that? I don't believe it.
White trash?!
What was your nick again? Oh yes 'slapinfofun'....
Wigger!
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#49
2007-10-22, 21:29 |
BluryVision
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Excellent topic!
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#50
2007-10-23, 02:02 |
gam3r_with_revenge
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
Errrrm ok so some days me and my Dad go at it he starts punhcing me and I hit him back turns into him beating me
"What can't kil me , can only make me stronger"
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#51
2007-10-23, 15:41 |
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Re: Nominations For "Most Evilist Dad 2008".
"What can't kil me , can only make me stronger"
I totally agree.
Getting a lobotomy, and all your limps sawn off only makes you stronger.
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