I've never been a very social person. Throughout school I kept to myself and was a loner. I might have had 1 or 2 close friends, but I also went through many years without a single friend.

I just feel awkward in pretty much all social situations. It doesn't come naturally to me. It took me years to learn things very simple things, like the fact that if someone says "how are you?" an appropriate response would be "I'm good thanks, how are you?" versus mumbling "fine" and then looking away.

I think I've become pretty good at faking social adeptness, but that's come through years of observation. I'm very shy, but I just pretend that I'm not in order to make social interactions easier for all parties involved. I'm a tech at a medical clinic, and I notice that all the other techs make small talk with the patients, and it seems so easy for them. I hardly ever make small talk with patients, and I never initiate it. And alot of the time I don't know what to say to people, unless they ask a specific question. I mostly just giggle and say "Oh yeah?" or "that's nice!"

I've also just started to notice that I can hardly ever tell if someone is being sarcastic. Unless a person says something in a obviously sarcastic tone, it goes right over my head and then I get confused because I assume that they're being sincere.

And every once in a while people make little comments that kind of sting. I don't like to think that it's noticeable that I'm weird, lol. A doctor at my work was like "Chelsea, you're so quiet! You've been here a couple of months [it had actually been almost 6 months] and I hardly ever see you talk!" And the other day I was talking with a couple of my friends about making friends at university. As some of you may remember, I went to U of A and lived in res, but I didn't make a single friend. I mentioned that, and my friend was like "yeah, but you're weird like that..."

I can't pin myself down to any social disorder that I've heard of like Asperger's, etc. I guess if I have to diagnose myself with something, it would just be social anxiety.

But my question is, is this something I will grow out of? Or will I just have to accept that fact that I'm not a social person? It would just be so nice to not have a flutter of nervousness rise up in my chest pretty much any time I talk to anyone outside my family and a couple of close friends.

So yeah, can I get over this? Any tips?

Oh gawd, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Up until about 14, I was the most awkward, quiet, reserved, he's probably insane because he never talks so let's just stay the fuck away from him kid on this side of the Atlantic.

I dunno, guess I just got over. It was mainly a confidence issue for me, because there was maybe one or two guys that everybody though was ridiculously hilarious, though he had the mental capacity of a 6 year old, and usually resorted to talking in a really stupid tone to make people laugh. Fucker.

But yeah, just try to hang around larger groups of people more often, even if you aren't taking part in the conversation, (Though having a friend with you would probably be a safe bet), and just getting a feel for it more.

Or maybe you'll just grow out of it, I'm no doctor. Still, good luck.

It's a lot easier to be outspoken if you're kind of witty. Try to make jokes out of things, but don't make a fool of yourself. Join a sport or something. If you have something to talk about with your teammates its at least a start. You've gotta start somewhere

It's really just all in your head.

It's like a vicious cycle. You avoid interacting with people because you don't know what to say, and you don't know what to say because you don't have much experience interacting with people.

I'm exactly similar to you. I'm pretty good at faking confidence around people, but sometimes I just get tired of it.

The only time I've ever been truly confident around people is when I stop caring about what they think of me and stop taking myself so seriously. I think most people will agree with me, but this is easier said than done.

I suggest you invent some affirmations to reflect the mindset I described above. I know it sounds lame but affirmations are an old psychological strategy that helps. Recite them every morning for a few minutes, and before you go into a social situation.
Brainstorm a bunch of ideas of things you should do when talking to people, and write them down. Analyze things you do wrong and find corrections, but DO NOT start to criticize yourself. Practice these things in front of a mirror. You will feel extremely awkward at first but don't give up, and be sure to smile to give yourself positive feedback. After this training you should start to feel more confident.
It's actually very good that you work with lots of random patients. You can act professional around them, and I'm sure with most of them you don't have to worry about seeing them again in the near future. Use them to practice things on your list.

Just take it slowly and practice a new thing on your list each week. Strive to be a bit more social each week and over a few months it will become natural to you.

Some girls just get by on looking super cute. Though that is thin soup.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr8iX0htKgE&NR=1

I'd hazard a guess that lots of girls are the same but they have developed a wonderful shallow patter consisting of hair/clothes/makeup/boys. A lot of what people call social interaction is based on popular culture.

Eg: TV shows & movies. Sports & cars.

Shallow is safe. I'd be more wonderfully shallow...if I only knew howzors. :p

I think this is common for a great deal of people.
I used to be very similar to you but I finally put my foot down and started doing something about it. This started with just forcing myself to act confident and interact with other people, faking social ease etc. I attempted not to care what other people thought of me, or if I came off as awkward to them. After 5 years it slowly stopped being a conscious effort. I really didn't care what anyone else though of me and this made it far easier to interact with other people on a normal social level. I don't even think about the way I used to feel anymore. There hasn't been a stomach flutter when I talk to a new person for over.... 7 years now.

So what I'm trying to say is: I didn't grow out of it. I changed myself.

Exactly, you don't grow out of it, you get over it.

I used to be the same way, I still am quite a bit like that. But one thing's different, I don't see it as a bad thing. I'm an introvert, I'm more comfortable staying inside, a lot of the time alone. But once I stopped caring that people might think that's odd, I started talking to them. Same with being wierd. I'm real wierd, I try to be. Why be normal? Nobody is normal. To be totally normal would just be wierd. I enjoy sticking out, even if I do walk through the hallways alone at school all the time.

My advice: Embrace and forget about it.

N about not having to say to any of your patients. You say you learned some of your social adeptness through observation. Why did you stop observing? Don't just observe what the people who are social do, just observe. You'll notice things about people, things you can ask questions about. Things you can start a conversation over.

Live outside your comfort zone. A person can get used to anything.

Good Luck.

Also, just picture them in their underwear. :p

Ecstasy.

try selling drugs/timeshares/ stolen cars/ pet rocks somethin that'll make you talk to people and think on your feet.

Or you can only talk to people while you're all drunk so nobody'll know the differance haha.

I can't make small talk with people. Or make friends at random. I've concluded I'm just mostly disinterested in what other people have to say so I don't bother. When I'm interested, I'll talk, and approach, and be more coherent than "oh yeah?" and "oh that's cool."

You sound like you have mild social anxiety though. The only way to get over it is to challenge your fear and talk to people. That's basically the only thing you can do. It won't get better if you stay in your shell.

I've also just started to notice that I can hardly ever tell if someone is being sarcastic. Unless a person says something in a obviously sarcastic tone, it goes right over my head and then I get confused because I assume that they're being sincere.

I would have so much fun with you! Inside I would be pissing myself!




Some girls just get by on looking super cute.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr8iX0htKgE&NR=1


Her eyes are huge! But cute

Not to belittle your problems, but you're overreacting about this a bit. It's just that you're in college and it's a big transitional phase in your life. No need to diagnose yourself with something unless your fears are seriously affecting your life. If it bothers you that much, bring it up to your friends again. If your friends don't completely suck, they will make you feel better.

But don't do the self diagnosis. All that does is make you think that if your problems can be neatly categorized with a disorder, then there will be an easy solution like a pill or something.

Judging by other stuff you've posted in S&A, you seem like you lead a pretty normal life. You're just shy and have low confidence, which can get better.

Yeah, i think most of totse can empathize with you there. Social awkwardness is pretty widespread, so much importance is placed on it and if you're not naturally good at it then it can be hard. The only way is to change yourself and learn how to be confident, or accept you for the way you are now and be happy with it. Whichever you choose, i hope it works for you :).

A lot of that sounds just like me.

You must be lousy in bed...

Now that I think on it a bit... It's a not uncommon complaint of we city dwellers. Peopleszszs are often heard to say that the city is big & impersonal. Everybody already wrapped up with their lives & their friends & relatives or busy complaining of how they feel lonely & distanced from others.

Thus: they move to smaller places. Though smaller places? People often feel too well known by the smaller populace. With all the possible activities (such as this) modern people feel even more distanced from each other...even in smaller places.

Ith a puththle innit?

Some people go for getting with a group that has an activity in common. Watching or playing sports? Curling :p Join a softball league :p

Become a Scenester of some sort? Know the 'proper' way to dress for your Scene & the 'Things' that are 'Allowed' to 'Be Said'?

Find a girlfriend & dress like her? :p

People do a lot of weird things to feel they belong.

Me? I can't do annnnyyyyy of those things... :D

That's exactly me. I guess I might be a little bit misanthropic.. but I just hate small talk. Because the moment I ask some random question, I realise that I don't really care what they have to say about themselves. And if they ask me a question, the moment I open my mouth I realise that they're just asking it to make a conversation, and don't give a fuck either.

I think there are just too few interesting people around. Most people are what you'd call "normal" or try to act "normal", and thus are all exactly the same.

When I do "connect" with someone though and see that someone's worth talking to, it's a different story. Although unfortunately you can't meet interesting people by just staying in your room all the time. So you have to go out and cope with all the bullshit.

I wish real life was more like totse than myspace.

Now that I think on it a bit... It's a not uncommon complaint of we city dwellers. Peopleszszs are often heard to say that the city is big & impersonal. Everybody already wrapped up with their lives & their friends & relatives or busy complaining of how they feel lonely & distanced from others.



That reminded me of this part of Waking Life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDWEkzaBULQ

are you asian? you seem like you would be

No, I'm not Asian. I'm cockasian...hahaa

Anyway, thanks guys :). I can always count on totse to remind me that I need to stop over analyzing things. And now that I think about it, I have been getting better over the years, so it stands to reason that my social skills will continue to improve. I'm also getting better about not caring what others think of me. When I look at the people I love, it's through a soft focus lens. I just need to figure out how I can turn that lens on myself, and not constantly picking myself apart mentally (and physically) through a microscope. Thanks again!

dude

i will post here to remind me to post here later

Just think of everyone as a silly, naked monkeeee!

If worst comes to worst? Just go to a hookah bar & pick up a hookah & run it through changes all night long.

Im myself around people i know well but not around people i dont know as well. It's like I have 2 personalitys.

you'll never 100% lose it, but it get's better during the years

Come to think of it my life is quite like that

Sadly including the sex the drugs and the complications

My friend's really awkward around people but he gets around it by being funny, cracking jokes at the right time, and introducing himself to someone new with the phrase

"Did you know a cats menstrual cycle is 16 days?"

It works for him.

Fifteen years ago we referred to "social anxiety disorder" as "being shy"! Anyone remember that?

Some girls just get by on looking super cute. Though that is thin soup.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lr8iX0htKgE&NR=1


What the...Why the...
I'm confused.
That video consists of quite a pretty girl blinking at the camera from various flattering angles. With some tacky music in the background.
I just do not see the point. She didnt even get naked or anything.



On topic, Sickboy, Social anxiety is a bitch. And the longer you leave it, the worse it gets.
Started off when I gained a bit of weight and decided to not go out for a while till I'd lost it.
Turns out that I got so used to being alone whilst I lost the weight I just couldnt bring myself to go out anymore.


If it gets to the point where you're spending most of your time indoors,get stressed and scared when you have to go out and spend the whole time you're out paniking and thinking people are laughing at you and watching everything you do, it's time to get some help.

tangents! learnt to talk about totally pointless junkkkk and just everything (:
i used to not really know what to say and was pretty shy, i thought way too much about what i would say and what people thought of me. it's something i think you can grow out of by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and learning to care less about what others think of you, to just be yourself and natural and talk about junkkkk! i can now tlak to pretty much anyone about just about anything and i would definitely be called sociable (:

Yeah, THINKING and then speaking? FUck that!!!!!!!! Wooo!

you are not socially awkward.

you are confident & interesting & desired.

now just act like it.

I acquired social awkwardness the first month of high school. Still got it to this day. What HARDMAN said about it being a vicious cycle is the truth. I haven't lived an interesting life and have nothing to talk about with people so I usually just use up everything I can say then hardly talk to them again.

The only real way is to just..go out and do it. I know, it sounds cliché, easier said than done, etc. But there is ways you can work around it.

Of course the first suggestion would be drugs and alcohol, but most people would end up ONLY being able to converse while "drunk as fawk"

Start off small. Make small talk with your patients. Anything that'll catalyze a conversation.

"So, what are your plans for the Holidays?"

And just go from there. The hard part is initiating the conversation, but once you're in, it gets easier and easier to go with it.

After that, start to work your way up. If you do drink occasionally, parties are an excellent place to hone your social skills. It'll be pretty awkward at first, but eventually you'll get the jist of it. You can't just become a total social butterfly overnight, it's something you gotta work towards. But it isn't impossible.

It's confidence that's the problem, social awkwardness goes away with the fear that goes away when you know yourself well.

Know yourself well, meaning, completely understanding you are here to die and accepting full responsibility for your actions and their consequences, good or bad.

Basically what I'm saying is, do you want to be social or do you want to be happy? Because there are cheap ways of becoming happy and then long, hard roads to it. A cheap way is to smoke a joint to relax. A long hard road is to bike for a few miles everyday then relax afterwards.

Look, if you want to find real confidence, and I don't mean I need to get drunk to talk to a girl confidence, then you need to get active. Even if you dance alone in your room to gay music, move your body, sweat, and then eat foods that will make you strong and drink water. Run, or ride a bike... go swimming, play hacky sack, do anything active where you will sweat and feel fresh and alive. If you do this a lot of people will hate you. That's how things are these days, a spiral of hatred causing everyone to live so restricted... It's not that our jobs are hard or we don't have enough money, it's the fact that we're not living like human beings should that makes it so hard for people to communicate and really live up to the same goals as their fellow man. Even people who are "social" with well-prepared faces and top notch egos will despise you for being a real person if you take your own lifestyle into your own hands, and I mean completely decide who you want to be.

Consider the fact that talking is easier when oxygen comes out of the mouth naturally and your system isn't overfilled with fats, sugars, salts... and your stance isn't awkward, and your mind is clear because you're not waiting for something or longing for something past...

change your lifestyle, and people around you will change. You know what to do.

You are a girl on Totse.

Does much more need to be said?

Anyways, nothing really wrong with being introverted.

I can hold a conversation if we're talking about something I know about...but small talk? I suck at it and I hate to initiate it. I guess part of being good at math/science and shitty at arts means I have no creativity.