K I'm in a tough situation and I'm not sure what to do... I'll explain to the best of my ability

Im 19 years old and struggle from a lot of stress and anxiety.. I grew up as the kid everyone knew to make fun of, transferred schools multiple times and didn't have luck getting along with people.. ended up dropping out of school when I was 13... When I was 11 I was raped for the first time by my uncle, he was playing mind games with me(Intentionally or not I'm not sure) and it continued until I was 14 when I was finally able to stand up for myself and say I didn't want it anymore.

I'd also like to add that when i was 16 he extended the offer to pay me to start doing the deed again... I immediately turned it down... tho when things got rough (My parents refusing to give me food, clothes, etc.) I felt forced and I reluctantly had to take the offer, he had managed to convince me it was "Honest work" and the money he was spending was just going to be spent on porn anyway...

I've always had trouble dealing with people and tolerance issues for stress as I said and in effect it has prevented me from getting work. I don't have the confidence and to be honest ability to hold a job due to frequent panic attacks and anxiety in a social or work environment. I'm afraid of everything and I believe this is due to the lack of trust I've been able to have in people..

In turn to all of this my hormones are all out of wack from being active so young and I'm a complete mess. I want to get my life on track but any time i try to see a doctor and actually be honest with how i feel (depressed, suicidal, stressed out) they send me to the crisis center at the hospital... They either say I'm fine and send me home with sedatives or put me in an institution and have me write down over and over how bad it is to feel depressed.. (Happened once when i was 14 for having slice marks on my arm)

At this point, I'm a month behind on my car insurance, I'm unable to get or handle a job (I've already had one of the jobs I've always wanted and ended up having to leave due to the panic attacks), I was finally able to step up and tell my uncle I didn't want to "work" anymore (tho he is guilt tripping me about it saying how disappointed he is in me for avoiding him), so I owe him about 800$, I owe my girlfriend about 1000$ for the care shes been giving me, as well as 3000$ to my mom for the cost of the car she bought me because she sold my car for 40$ so she could gamble....

I'm depressed as hell and I feel like I'm out of luck, I've been trying to work but I let everyone down but its hard for me and nobody understands. Now I can't even get an interview because my job history is so bad and I don't think its even worth it...

I'd like to try to get some sort of disability so my girlfriend doesn't have to pay for all of my stuff anymore, and my moms putting a lot of stress on me threatening to kick me out soon. So I guess my question is - Is it safe to tell a Psych or Crisis center worker about the rape situation to help them get a better idea of why I need to get disability? They don't care about the panic attacks thats not enough for them and I can't get regular treatment because I can't afford the office visits and don't care to see a psych twice a month for 200$ a visit for an hour so they can try to put a term on my "Illness" so I didn't know if confessing the rape and abuse would speed the process along...

Note: I've tried getting disability before, they said I haven't been on enough medications or been diagnosed enough.. I have very little insurance and I'm against taking meds that impare my judgement or ability to think for myself. (been on busbar+litheum as well as Zoloft both made me unable to function)

I'm afraid of them forcing me to tell them who did and report it, which I really don't feel I could do. I was already adopted and my family already looks down on me I don't want to give them another reason to look down and I don't want to tear whats left of my family apart by sending my uncle to jail... It would just be a horrible drama that I don't care to ever see

I'm also afraid that if I don't tell them who did it they'd institutionalize me anyway because they'd see me as being "Mentally Damaged" which even tho may be true I don't feel I need that sort of attention... That would just make me feel even worse.

Please don't flame me for this, or make stupid jokes, or remind me of how stupid my past decisions were I can't help what I did, I just want to get my life back on track without ending it.

lol y u raep me

Did you enjoy his silver rain? See what I did?

tell em about your uncle

Can i get some full responses please

Let's be clear: Nobody can fix anyone else's problems for them. And god knows that Totse very rarely helps anybody with anything.

But some suggestions:

Accept that for you to be happy, you can't try to please everybody.

Tell some people to fuck right off (the entire replacement car thing...).

Wherever possible, focus on one problem at a time.

Research ways of decreasing panic attacks on the internet - I know there's stuff out there, and I think much of it is focused on ways of coping/avoiding without drugs.

Never absorb other people's problems or fake demands from people as if they were your own problems.

If at all possible, I'd get the hell out of there and go somewhere away from the people who are fucking with you. Maybe even if it means leaving people who have helped you, for a while.


Shit, it's worth a try, right?

Don't give up.

You'd probably get some better replies in Headshrinkers..

Hey man...


I dont have much to say, but I have excpierienced 24/7 therapy for 9 months, and I have to tell you.... telling someone about what happened to you at so young of an age will make you feel 100% better, IMMEDIATLY! Tell them how it affects you, and dont try to get anything out of it disability wise, the first time. In my oppinion, I feel you will start getting back on your feet and feeling happier if you tell someone that will CARE (eg. therapist).


Hope I could help.

telling someone about what happened to you at so young of an age will make you feel 100% better, IMMEDIATLY! Tell them how it affects you, and dont try to get anything out of it disability wise, the first time. In my oppinion, I feel you will start getting .

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