If someone treats you sub-human. If they have all the power. If they don't realize what they in the way of how you are a special human being. If they just don't care if you're sad. If they are impatient... if they just can't realize how depressed you are. And how you want your best friend to love you back and treat you with the respect you deserve. And you don't want them to continually tell you they have more important things to do than hang out with you....

What do you do?

How could you ever be okay with that? How could it ever change.

I'm impatient. It has been too long. And I don't believe it'll ever change.

hmm...

:(

Ya know, theres a thing about real friends, no matter what sort of changes you two go through, no matter the separation or differences, you still love them for what they are. Theres a reason you cared about them in the first place. And quite simply, if someone aint caring anymore Ojise, you shouldnt either. Dont compromise yourself.

I've done bad things too. They could probably write the same style question as me and have it look really bad.

But the things I do are because I'm so stressed about it. I feel so trapped. You know like when a scared animal attacks the humans when it's cornered because it's about survival....

I don't like how she makes me feel. Becuase she makes me feel so bad and so awful, and a lot of the time it isn't her fault, it's just cause of how I feel so rejected. So awful.

When we're happy it's good. And we've been happy the last little while. I just need to be human.

I don't feel human. I feel alone and like I don't exist to anyone but myself. But we see ourselves through a looking glass. We form an opinion about ourselves based on how people see us...

What if I just don't think anyone sees me.

I'm feel so fucking alone.

I wrote that follow up before I read your post.

To respond to you.

She says she "will care soon"

We're just going through some stuff and she needs time. But it's been so long that I don't have much time left in me.

I know you're right. But maybe she'll care for me soon and it'll be all good.

I'm just really insecure now because I cannot see how she'll treat me any differently... it's been too long of my soul just being destroyed.

I don't care if I completely ignore her... but then she just pops up.. and I am made utterly useless... and completely unhuman.

She should love me for who I am though. I agree with you... and instead she says I need counselling (which may be true but that's besides the point) before we can be friends... or that I have to not ask her to hang out.... or I have to be okay with her boyfriend who I hate... or I have to do this or this or this.

There's all these stipulations. I guess I give her some stipulations too.. but mine are... answer the phone, ask me to hang out... don't treat me like shit. When i'm utterly depressed give me a hug.. well instead... she drove away in her car and wouldn't help.

That's okay though. That was cool.

Although she was sad two days ago and I skipped class to make her feel better. It's funny because she never would've done that for me. She tried to tell me not to skip but later admitted she was happy I did.... but I'm pretty sure she never would've skipped a class for me. Maybe because it's harder science courses that she doesn't understand... or maybe she just doesn't care. Who's to say which one it is.

We're so different, her and I.

She's hurt. I'm hurt.

I feel your pain honey. :(

If you want to talk, my msn is up there.

Tell that bitch to get in the kitchen and make you a sammich.