When talking to people, be they men or women, from now on try and own all your statements. That is, personalize everything.

Instead of saying "You can tell she’s trying to be sexy.”
“I think she's trying to be sexy, and failing.”

It's not just about speaking your mind, but also about putting yourself on the line to be scrutinized for everything you say; not hiding behind shields of "people thinkg" and "no one likes" etc. Make it clear that you think he's a dumb shit for saying what he said, and not other people.

I've been trying to do this for a while now. I can't say the effects are all too positive, but I know that when I compliment people, they are much more flattered ("I like your hair" sounds much better than "your hair is nice"). So while it does piss off people when I tell them I don't like something, it also makes people friendlier since I sound much more genuine with my comments.

I've always been a straight-up, honest kind of guy, so I find this really helps get my point across, and people do notice when you own your statements.

Let me know how it affects friendships/people/relationships.

Sorry for the rant, I like taking what I learn in HR and applying it to real life. Plus my HR class has a couple of hot chicks and we go back and forth flirting all class.

Hmm +'s and -'s right?

Saying "I think" also makes the statement sound unsure of itself/less confident.

That's also true, "I can see she's trying...etc" or something would make you own the statement even more.

I don't even know why I posted this, I just wanted to see if there were people who paid attention to it already and how they say themselves differing in communicating with others.

Ya know, others have feelings too. If someone is busting their ass trying to look attractive, they probably aren't the most secure kid on the block

Reminds me of this:

http://img512.imageshack.us/img512/8136/chickenselfesteemee7.jpg

Taking pride in how you look does not mean you are insecure.

^ Truth. The Peacock effect.

I guess that... no. No I cant do it.
Being assertive and oppinionated is very alien to my real-life nature.

Perhaps try personalising every compliment / thought likely to generate a positive reaction, and not doing it for every critical statement? Might be able to retain the benefits of a more personal compliment while distancing yourself when criticising (unless of course your criticism is likely to generate more positives than negatives, i.e. impressing the other bullies at school/work by picking on a little kid/new employee).

Taking pride in how you look does not mean you are insecure.


If i walk around not caring how i look, and i look like a bum i think people will think more about me then if im looking stylish dressed up....???? no?

If i walk around not caring how i look, and i look like a bum i think people will think more about me then if im looking stylish dressed up....???? no?

Are you smoking something?

Are you smoking something?

And if so, pass it on you fucker.

I might give this a go for a while, I dunno though.

Perhaps try personalising every compliment / thought likely to generate a positive reaction, and not doing it for every critical statement? Might be able to retain the benefits of a more personal compliment while distancing yourself when criticising (unless of course your criticism is likely to generate more positives than negatives, i.e. impressing the other bullies at school/work by picking on a little kid/new employee).

That's adverse to the idea of the experiment, or theory though. It's not about how to weasel your way into peoples affections, it's about being more direct, honest and open.

That's adverse to the idea of the experiment, or theory though. It's not about how to weasel your way into peoples affections, it's about being more direct, honest and open.

Not really about weaseling when you consider that you essentially say the same things without adding a directly personal perspective, and thus the fact that you think a certain thing is indirect and thus implicit as opposed to explicit. Nothing weasely about that.

Not really about weaseling when you consider that you essentially say the same things without adding a directly personal perspective, and thus the fact that you think a certain thing is indirect and thus implicit as opposed to explicit. Nothing weasely about that.

Yes, but I agree with Zonko. It's about being honest to everyone, even if it means telling your friend he's acting like a jerk or his haircut is bad. I'm not saying you should be mean, there's no reason to say his haircut is stupid, just tell him that you liked it better when it was longer, or whatever.

It's literally about taking responsibility for the statements you make, most importantly when they are "mean" in nature.