How are you supposed to deal with it? I feel like a robot. My grandpa died this morning, and 5 minutes after I found out I drove to school and sat through my classes, just like always. I haven't cried. It's like I'm dreaming or something. My parents are both messes, packing to go to the funeral tomorrow morning. I get to be alone for a week, and I'm scared that it's going to hit me unexpectedly and I'll have some sort of emotional breakdown. I don't want comfort, I don't want hugs, I don't want reassuring words.

I don't know what I want.

How do normal people deal with these things? I'm certain it's not by pushing away anyone who's close to them and trying to help. But what am I supposed to do? Am I broken? Shouldn't I be crying, or something? Not just a zombie?

Same thing has happened to me. I never really did anything about it. Acted like a robot for a short period of time, then gradually pulled out of it and went back to normal. It sucks, but time heals all wounds.

It's lovely to see that S&A has turned into SG-gone-X-rated, and serious topics are now overlooked in favour of sex with a midget and getting girls drunk.

I miss the good old days...

...serious topics are now overlooked in favour of sex with a midget and getting girls drunk.

I miss the good old days...

:| good...old days?

Anyhow when my grandma died I was the same except I knew it was real. Call me an asshole for asking but what was your relationship like with him? I'm not good at grieving, I have friends, family, pets die and I'm the one dry eyed person around.

Was the death unexpected or was it something you knew was coming soon?

My relationship with him was... well, non-existent kinda. It's hard to have a relationship with someone who lives on the other side of the world and you don't even see once a year. He was my favorite grandparent though. The greatest person ever, really.

He's had Alzheimers for a while, so it was expected. I've been prepared for this for a while, but it still feels like I should be crying or something. I'm just... numb.

Edit: And there were good old days. When S&A wasn't filled with kidlets. There was always stupid threads, but I don't recall ever seeing this many. Maybe I'm idealizing, though.

This is actually my biggest worry. Sadly, as my contact with humans is minimized due to the massive amounts of time spent on shocking internet sites (like Totse), I've almost become emotionless. This really doesn't make me question how I should act, because I always act the way I should act. Moreso, it makes me question what I would be like without Totse.

My grandma had alzheimers for hmmm like lets say 4-5 years (clear signs of). I talked to her on the phone on my birthday and on hers, and we used to go to her house for christmas and sometimes easter.

I dunno how close you'd call that, but as I said I didn't cry, it's been 2 years and I haven't. When she died I was 19 1/2 .

I never know what to say when someone dies or something bad happens. Sorry.

When my grandfather who I didn't see much died when I was 6, I was sad, but not that sad.

When my second grandfather died, who I saw more and knew much better he was hospitalized for 9-10 days but they fully expected him to walk out of there, then around day 9-10 he suddenly started to get worse and it was pretty clear he was going to die.

If I manage to do half the things my grandfather did in life I'll die happy. Hopefully I'll do more than that though, because my dad's done some stuff I want to do too, and I have my own set of practical and personal things I want to do in life.

I never doubted what I heard from my parents, but basically I had 4 days warning before he died... he was two days drive away; I never saw him again.

The last I saw him, he was healthy for someone his age, didn't smoke, hardly drank, exercised a bit and a month later he was dead.


Although losing a cat is definitely not the same as losing a family member, grief is grief.

When the cat I literally grew up with (He was older than me) died, I had all the warning possible, short of a "Murphy will be put down today" mark on the calender (Actually, for the last 3 days I did know exactly when he would die).

Said my goodbyes to him alone the night before, and briefly the next morning, then we buried him in the backyard after a short (but as you all know, long) drive to the vet. Then I just sort of went about my day. I was kind of sad, but after the amount of time I had to prepare, it wasn't bad at all. The rest of my family felt the same way. By dinnertime that day the mood in my house was pretty much normal.

After a year and a bit since Murphy (cat) died, typing this, I feel pretty sad but it's easy for me to think about the positive.

Sorry for the ramble, but here's my point:

I think the death of a loved one or even a pet, is best prepared for. Unlike physical pain which you can anticipate and can do nothing but wait for, the knowledge that someone is going to die is something you can prepare for... I think in your mind they sort of die on a trial basis which helps you test the waters and prepare for what's coming.

However, I can't say anything about actually dying, whether it's best to be prepared or better just to get hit by a bus or something.

As for the lacking emotion deal mentioned here, I've been this way for years. Never really heard of anyone else in this position before. Started pulling out of it slowly with my new girlfriend.

Neat.

Just a odd twist here...my great uncle died today.

It's not wrong to carry on with your life because someone has died. As much as it sucks, life continues for others.
A few weeks back I had to have one of my baby guinea pigs euthanised, and then had another one sent off into surgery to remove an abscess.
I cried hysterically for about an hour,then went to work a 6 hour shift in a kitchen yelling at stupid men who think they're chefs and dyslexic bar staff as normal.

It felt wrong to me too, my poor baby gone,what fucking right do I have to carry on as though his death didnt matter to me?

but,life goes on. Apart from throwing yourself to the floor, wailing screaming and then gutting yourself with a sword, it's all you can do.

I think you could be somewhat "numb" to all of your emotions right now....in a sense you are in shock because of all the emotions. Add to the fact he did live far away, and had the Alzheimers for a while.....and you have been "losing" him for quite some time. The reason you are able to keep on keepin on as "easily" (for the lack of a better word) is because he presence wasn't felt in your day to day life. It's not like he lived with you, or you drove by his house every day, or have to walk his dog every night........you don't have those constant reminders, you aren't truly "missing" anything yet.

Give it time though. You will probably feel those flood of emotions eventually. Maybe it will be going through old pictures. Maybe the next time you get an ice cream cone, and think back how he used to take you as a little girl. Maybe just walking by someone wearing a Dallas Cowboy football jersey, if that was his favorite team. Could be anything major, or something innocently minor. But if you do/did have these strong feelings for him....you will more than likely have that breakdown. And perhaps when you least expect it and at the most inconvenient time.

As for the quality of S & A, I can't really judge because I've only been here about a year. As a 37 year old male I enjoy the multitude of topics discussed here....from the naughty to the serious, the disgusting to the hilarious. Truthfully, I haven't found such an OPEN and REAL discussion about sex and relationships anywhere else on the net. But keep in mind you are posting on a MESSAGE BOARD. You can't expect to get instant results. You need immediate feedback, go Google "grief chatrooms". But you can't post a topic and 4 hours in be pissed at the responses. Who knows how this thread will evolve. Days/weeks later this thread may be 5 pages long, and you may have gotten some great and even life altering advice. But geez....chill the fuck out thinking you are going to get ALL of those pieces of advice/answers in just a couple of hours. Message boards very rarely work that way, and for you to expect otherwise is just unreasonable.

I'm still waiting for the grief to hit about when my grandfather died. 5 years ago.
Generally I've found with older people it's just harder to feel truly sad for them (Unless it's your parent) because.. well I guess they've had a long good life.


Also, your brain tends to carry on with every day mundane things in a frantic attempt at 'survival mode'.
When I worked in a nursing home,after my first 4 nightshifts in a row and 3 deaths, I cried like a bitch for most of the next three days. And then after that felt nothing, even when bathing the hardly cold bodies of sweet little old ladies who'd allways offered me sweets and refered to me as their 'granddaugher'.

Embrace the numbness, else the grief you'd feel every time someone died would eat you alive.

Like Trousersnake, I too am the dry-eyer in the audience.

It's not that I don't feel sadness, it's that I just get angry. There is probably some sort of "disorder" related to that, but I would rather just sit and stare than make a big deal out of it.

We should try to never feel sorry or sad when someone dies. Dying is a part of life, and the only reason you would feel sad is if you feel you haven't had a good life with the person before they died. Accept that you had the best life you could with them, and if you didn't, then make a promise to yourself that you will always live your life as best you can. We feel sad about death, because we feel sorry for ourselves. Crying is a good thing to do because it helps us release negative emotions, but right after crying we should always try to restate the positive and begin to live more positively for our future. Everytime we cry over death, or bad relationship situations, its because we are beating ourself up over the situation. Grief is a negative, selfish way of looking at life and we cannot become better people if we are constantly feeling sorry for ourselves.
Also try not to let yourself become numb. Being numb to your life is a horrible way to live. We should always try to be balanced in our emotions, don't deny them, accept them. Let your emotions be, but also tell the truth to yourself about why you are feeling a certain way. We should continually strive for happiness by acknowleding negative thinking and choosing to think positive instead. If you live life numb, then why are you even still trying to live?
Isn't life about experiencing all the human emotions and embracing them?
Embrace feeling numb, and accept it for what it is. But the fact is, living life numb is very monotone, boring, and unfullfilling. Feeling emotions is normal, don't deny your emotions.

Far too many people fear death. They worry that they didn't have a full enough life or a satisfying one. When really, we must just accept our life, be satisfied by it and continue to live it in the best way we can. We cannot live a meaningful life if we are always cowering in fear of what is, what might be, or what might not be. Life is too good to waste worrying or regretting your life. Live the best you can and never fear death, because only by doing our best and believing we did our best can we live life happy and without fear.

with my great gran(relatively close to her, looked after me loads when i was teeny and spent a lots of time at her house when we visited dublin more), the year prior we'd visited loads less, like maybe four or five times? and even my dad cried when she died, but it diidn't sink in until the next time i went to dublin after the funeral. driving past the house, going to the shop next door to it, but not seeing her and having someone else living there and changing the house, i felt really sick from confusion and missed her.
i'd like to at least visit her grave, and a few other family members', but my mum doesn't believe in graves(?!) and won't let me :/

i think, maybe it'll hit you when you realise the empty gaps where he once would have been, no phone calls or visits, no christmas cards to him.

I'm still waiting for the grief to hit about when my grandfather died. 5 years ago.
Generally I've found with older people it's just harder to feel truly sad for them (Unless it's your parent) because.. well I guess they've had a long good life.

We cannot feel sad for someone else. How can we feel an emotion FOR someone else. Only they could be sad themselves, and theyre dead so why should they be sad?
You are feeling sad for yourself. Plain and simple, you feel sorry for yourself that you didn't have a good enough life with them. Accept that and you will not have to wait for that grief anymore. You will see no point in grief anymore.

Also, your brain tends to carry on with every day mundane things in a frantic attempt at 'survival mode'.
When I worked in a nursing home,after my first 4 nightshifts in a row and 3 deaths, I cried like a bitch for most of the next three days. And then after that felt nothing, even when bathing the hardly cold bodies of sweet little old ladies who'd allways offered me sweets and refered to me as their 'granddaugher'.

Why do you cry when someone dies? Death is a part of life, it happens all the time and being sad about it is very selfish of us. Being numb is also very selfish. You are scared of feeling grief or sadness, so you deny ALL your emotions to avoid feeling bad again. Instead of being numb, be happy and positive about life and all that you can contibute to it. Stop being scared. Stop denying and start accepting life for what it is no matter what.
The truth is, we cry because we feel that WE haven't done enough. Start doing more, start being as good as you can. Only once we do that can we be happy and live our life in peace.

Embrace the numbness, else the grief you'd feel every time someone died would eat you alive


You don't have to be numb in order to get over grief. THe only true way to get past grief is by accepting life and living your own life as best you can everyday. I feel the best way to live your life is FOR others. Live life to give, to share, to help. The more we help others in life, the more we can help ourselves.

Here is a very good quote about accepting yourself.
"Each person does the best they can with what they have to use at the moment"
This means that no matter what, you always make the best choice you can at THAT moment. It is a way of accepting yourself, accepting your decisions, and not regretting them. We should never worry or regret because they don't help us. They keep us in the past, never moving forward. Yoyobek please don't take my post negatively, I just say these words because I hope they can help you and others who live their life in regret. We all need to accept ourselves ALOT more. Our own approval is more great than a million people approving of us.
A million people could say to me, your a good guy, done lots of good deeds etc. but if I didn't accept myself and approve of myself, then I would still feel bad about myself. It doesn't matter who approves of you, the only thing that matters is our own approval. And if you don't approve of yourself, start right now because each person deserves to feel good about themselves. We are all such great, powerful and beautiful creatures and even the insignificant creatures make a huge difference in our world.

You don't have to be numb in order to get over grief. THe only true way to get past grief is by accepting life and living your own life as best you can everyday. I feel the best way to live your life is FOR others. Live life to give, to share, to help. The more we help others in life, the more we can help ourselves.

Here is a very good quote about accepting yourself.
"Each person does the best they can with what they have to use at the moment"
This means that no matter what, you always make the best choice you can at THAT moment. It is a way of accepting yourself, accepting your decisions, and not regretting them. We should never worry or regret because they don't help us. They keep us in the past, never moving forward. Yoyobek please don't take my post negatively, I just say these words because I hope they can help you and others who live their life in regret. We all need to accept ourselves ALOT more. Our own approval is more great than a million people approving of us.
A million people could say to me, your a good guy, done lots of good deeds etc. but if I didn't accept myself and approve of myself, then I would still feel bad about myself. It doesn't matter who approves of you, the only thing that matters is our own approval. And if you don't approve of yourself, start right now because each person deserves to feel good about themselves. We are all such great, powerful and beautiful creatures and even the insignificant creatures make a huge difference in our world.


Weedman, with all due respect......most of what you have posted on this thread is just a bunch of feel good psycho babble that sounds wonderful in theory, but hardly ever works in a practical use. Before I go any further, I just wanna ask.....what exactly is your experience with death? Who has died in your life, and how close were you to them when they died? Please understand I'm not trying to dog you, but what I've read here sounds like something out of a textbook or a self-help book. And from my vantage point much of what you are discussing here could work only in best case scenarios. And going through the grieving process is anything BUT a best case scenario. Please give us a few real life experiences you've had.

Everyone grieves differently, and it doesn't seem to me like you are ready to grieve. Give it time, and don't repress your emotions. Since that would be an utter tragedy.

It's not wrong to carry on with your life because someone has died. As much as it sucks, life continues for others.
A few weeks back I had to have one of my baby guinea pigs euthanised, and then had another one sent off into surgery to remove an abscess.
I cried hysterically for about an hour,then went to work a 6 hour shift in a kitchen yelling at stupid men who think they're chefs and dyslexic bar staff as normal.

It felt wrong to me too, my poor baby gone,what fucking right do I have to carry on as though his death didnt matter to me?

but,life goes on. Apart from throwing yourself to the floor, wailing screaming and then gutting yourself with a sword, it's all you can do.

Shut the fuck up. You have to be the biggest moron for trying to compare a rodents death to a human life.

Thanks everyone. Today I've moved on to the "crying at random intervals" phase. So I guess I'm kind of dealing with it now.

I am sad that he's gone. But at least now he's no longer suffering, and he'd been suffering terribly the last few years. The last time I saw him he didn't remember who I was. The only memories he had were flashbacks from the war and he'd randomly become convinced people were Russian spies. :( He's somewhere better now. Alzheimers has to be the worst disease. :(

In other news, I'm home alone for a week to figure out how to deal with this. And my dog threw up in the cupholder of my car. Bastard. So now it stinks and I can't go anywhere to distract myself.

Emphasizing trivial matters? Hmm.

[QUOTE=DaGuru;8997752]Weedman, with all due respect......most of what you have posted on this thread is just a bunch of feel good psycho babble that sounds wonderful in theory, but hardly ever works in a practical use.

It works in practical use, atleast in my opinion, because i've used it in many practical events. What I said is not "feel good psycho babble" it is merely my words and my opinion on grieving. With all due respect, it is your opinion that it is just psycho babble, but really, my words are just words. You are trying to label my words as something. I like to label them as accumulative logical reasoning. Throughout my life anytime I felt grief, I came to realize that it was merely me feeling sorry for myself. An example in my life would be when my grandfather also died. I would be feeling grief, but at the same time I was feeling SELF PITY because I didn't have a good enough life with him. I was only worrying about how I felt. How I didn't visit my grandfather enough. How I didn't feel fulfilled with our relationship. Grieving is selfish and you can't really argue with that. We feel bad because we feel bad about how WE did. We regret that we didn't visit more or love enough. But regretting does nothing to help us become better in the future.

Before I go any further, I just wanna ask.....what exactly is your experience with death? Who has died in your life, and how close were you to them when they died? Please understand I'm not trying to dog you, but what I've read here sounds like something out of a textbook or a self-help book. And from my vantage point much of what you are discussing here could work only in best case scenarios. And going through the grieving process is anything BUT a best case scenario. Please give us a few real life experiences you've had.

[QUOTE]


What im saying about accepting death will work in all scenarios if you let it. There is always someone with a harder situation, but the situation doesn't matter because human emotions don't change. I am saying that we must accept our human emotions, but also recognize the selfish emotions so we can become a more complete person. I just use this way of thinking, so that I don't get caught up in the past, regretting life. It doesn't matter how bad your life is, this positive way of thinking will help you get over death and learn to accept it. Grieving is due to our fear of death. And fearing death, is actually a selfish way of looking at life.
Grieving is only caring about how you feel, how you are hurt because someone is gone. Grieving is egotistical. We need our egos, but too often we let them have all the control.
Someone could torture, rape, and kill my entire family and I could chose to think negatively or positively about it. There is always a way to look at things positive. But it comes down to making a CHOICE. I have two basic choices. (there are more choices but i'm simplifying it for a clearer understanding)
One choice is to accept it for what it is. By accepting the event, I can continue to live my life as happy as I possibly can by focusing on positive things and moving forward in life.
The second choice is to not accept it for what it is. This choice would lead me to only think of myself. Feel bad for myself because "i'm a victim to these events" "my life is not good because of these events" etc etc etc.

We must accept life for what it is. LIFE. Life can't be good or bad, it can only be Life. We CHOOSE to say its good or bad. Grieving is choosing to say my life is bad because of this or that. I hope that helps you see it from my perspective. I really have dealt with this grieving thing alot, and after dealing with it many times I just realized how selfish it was.

[QUOTE=DaGuru;8997752]Weedman, with all due respect......most of what you have posted on this thread is just a bunch of feel good psycho babble that sounds wonderful in theory, but hardly ever works in a practical use.


Can you say that you have used it in practical uses?
Have you really given this way of thinking a chance?
Once I gave this way of thinking a chance, I immediately seen the truth within it. It was a life shattering realization and I laughed at myself for not realizing it sooner. I stopped holding back my emotions, I stopped denying my emotions. I started accepting my emotions, and then began to live my life in a more positive, fullfilling way.

You judge whether it works or not but are you facing it with an open mind?
Face everything in life with the most open mind you can. Truth could be staring us right in the face, but if we close our minds, it will never get in.

You don't have to actually answer my questions either. They are questions for you to answer for yourself. I really don't need to know your answer.

Weedman.....please understand I'm not trying to mock your opinion or instigate a fight here. Just the opposite. I would LOVE to read the words you've posted, and make practical application of it in my life. I'm somewhat hesitant to post specifics, for fear of hijacking this thread and taking the focus away from the OP. But suffice it to say I HAVE encountered death on a tragic scale, and have spent the better part of 2 years trying to accomplish what you are suggesting.

I have spent hundreds perhaps thousands of hours mulling much of this over. I've been in therapy over a year. I've prayed to god about it more times than I care to count. The truth is, some deaths are much more profound then others. Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree that many deaths are just "selfish grieving" but not all of them. Some losses are completely life altering events, and to just say to someone....."well its all your perception of your life" is neither accurate nor astute advice.

Let me offer a simple scenario (completely unrelated to my circumstances) to further my point. Imagine a husband dies in a completely stable home with kids. Certainly I don't have to list all of the negative affects on that family's life, but suffice it to say much of it IS life altering and will have profound affects to each member of that family for the rest of their future. I just don't see how your advice of ....."life is what you make it...focus on your positives" is a legitimate analysis of the situation, nor is it effective advice. Because the wife has lost her life partner, the children have lost a father, they have significant financial difficulties, perhaps they had to move to a different/worse neighborhood, the "quality time" with her kids is affected by working more.......all of those are REAL LIFE hardships and not just "perception".

That is a completely different scenario than someone losing a grandfather 1/2 way across the country who they have only seen sporadically over the last several years. I'm not saying that to undermine or belittle the OP's grief, because my heart goes out to her and anyone else suffering a similar situation. I'm saying it merely to point out that your advice about perception/positive IS valid in SOME scenarios such as the OP's.....but it certainly is not applicable or practical in EVERY grieving situation as you are trying to suggest.

Weedman.....please understand I'm not trying to mock your opinion or instigate a fight here. Just the opposite. I would LOVE to read the words you've posted, and make practical application of it in my life. I'm somewhat hesitant to post specifics, for fear of hijacking this thread and taking the focus away from the OP. But suffice it to say I HAVE encountered death on a tragic scale, and have spent the better part of 2 years trying to accomplish what you are suggesting.

Don't worry I don't think you are trying to instigate a fight either. And you won't be hijacking the thread, as long as you are still talking about grieving. The OP can read your story and see if it maybe connects with their situation also. If your words don't apply to their situation, then they can ignore it. No one can expect to have a thread on totse without it changing slightly. It's a website focused on free speech so anyone can contribute anything to a topic as long as it follows the rules of the bbs.
Many people have encountered death on a tragic scale. You are no different. And many people in worse situations than you have decided to accept that death is a part of life, and move on. It is harder for some people than others to move on, but it's still the same principle. They aren't accepting life for what it is.

I have spent hundreds perhaps thousands of hours mulling much of this over. I've been in therapy over a year. I've prayed to god about it more times than I care to count.

It is a very hard thing to get over severe depression and grief when someone close dies. But the only way to ever get past it is to accept it. YOU must tell yourself that you won't let this bring you down anymore. You must look FORWARD. Tell yourself you won't waste your Life you have now by being depressed all the time. You have to make the CHOICE that YOU WILL NOT let this hold you back from being happy in life. Don't you think the person you are grieving for would be dissapointed that you aren't happy now? Don't you think they would want you to be happy?
They may be gone, but grieving won't bring them back, it will only make your life SHIT.
Be happy because that's what they would have wanted.


The truth is, some deaths are much more profound then others. Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree that many deaths are just "selfish grieving" but not all of them. Some losses are completely life altering events, and to just say to someone....."well its all your perception of your life" is neither accurate nor astute advice.

It doesn't matter how profound the death. We can always OVERCOME. There are many people in this world who've had it worse than you. And that's the way to look at it. You should just be thankful that you are ALIVE today. I agree I may not be the best at giving advice, but what I'm saying is true. Everytime you become depressed, sad, frustrated, angry over your life, you make yourself a VICTIM. When you become a victim, you take away your power to do what you want in life and you take away your power to be happy. Stop being a victim.

Let me offer a simple scenario (completely unrelated to my circumstances) to further my point. Imagine a husband dies in a completely stable home with kids. Certainly I don't have to list all of the negative affects on that family's life, but suffice it to say much of it IS life altering and will have profound affects to each member of that family for the rest of their future. I just don't see how your advice of ....."life is what you make it...focus on your positives" is a legitimate analysis of the situation, nor is it effective advice. Because the wife has lost her life partner, the children have lost a father, they have significant financial difficulties, perhaps they had to move to a different/worse neighborhood, the "quality time" with her kids is affected by working more.......all of those are REAL LIFE hardships and not just "perception".

Life IS what you make it and we SHOULD focus on positives because what does focusing on negative do?
Focusing on negative only wastes our energy. Negative thoughts drain energy, while positive thoughts generate energy. Plain and simple.
Our entire world IS just our perception. Everything we feel, see, believe, do, want, is just our perception. We percieve things in our life as Real, but really they ARE Just a perception. Also, we can ALL control our perceptions. So YOU have the control, to change your perception of LIFE. That's all this comes down to. Stop being a victim to things you can't control. We can't control death, so why let it control us?

That is a completely different scenario than someone losing a grandfather 1/2 way across the country who they have only seen sporadically over the last several years. I'm not saying that to undermine or belittle the OP's grief, because my heart goes out to her and anyone else suffering a similar situation. I'm saying it merely to point out that your advice about perception/positive IS valid in SOME scenarios such as the OP's.....but it certainly is not applicable or practical in EVERY grieving situation as you are trying to suggest.


ALL grieving is Grieving. It doesn't matter what the situation is. Someone could be grieving very hard because they lost their entire family and friends, but they STILL have the CHOICE to be HAPPY. I repeat, it doesn't matter what the scenario, situation, circumstance is. THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE. And the choice can be to accept or not accept.
What do you want to choose for the rest of your life?
That life sucks and I wish this bad shit never happened to me!
Or
That life sucks sometimes, but hey atleast im happy to be alive today!

When someone dies, we should celebrate their life. Celebrate all the goodness in their life, all our memories, and be Happy that WE had them. Its all a matter of thinking positive.

I know you are a strong person, you can overcome this whole ordeal. You will move on an even stronger and more mature person than before. Surround yourself with support, and start accepting life for what it is. Life can't be anything other than what you percieve it. Try to be more thankful for your own Life. I mean you're alive, so why would you waste it being unhappy?

I like this quote

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn alot today, atleast we learned a little. And if we didn't learn a little than atleast we didn't get sick. And if we didn't get sick then atleast we didn't die. So let us all be Thankful."

We should always be thankful for what we have, what we have HAD, and what we may still recieve in Life. You can be thankful, or you can be ungrateful. You decide.

Deep condolences are there for you;
there's no analytical review.
If there's any stray thought,
emotionally fraught,
simply body-sneeze out of the blue.

You know that my deepest condolences go with you, for the little they're worth. There's no telling what can launch a person into the grip of grief; and in the same light, it can pass just as quickly as it hits.

If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask.