SHORT VERSION
My gay best friend is going on a trip to Mexico with my little sister, and he just uninvited me from it. Now I feel stupid and hurt and left out. How do you think I should approach this situation? Should I wait for him to apologise? Or should I just get over it? Any other advice?

Long/rambling/disjointed/emo version:

So a couple months ago, I found out that my younger sister (Ash) and my best friend (Mitch) are planning a trip to Mexico for Halloween (Ash's birthday, mine is Nov 10). I asked Ash if me and K (my bf) were invited (if I could even get the time off work) and she was like "yeah, why wouldn't you be?" I did have a brief thought about it was a bit weird that Mitch hadn't mentioned it to me, but I chalked it up to the fact that we're all stoners and forget to tell each other shit all the time.

So I got all excited, and booked the time off work and told everyone that I was going to Mexico for Halloween. And then the other day, I get an email from Mitch saying that he thinks that it's not a good idea for me and K to come for two reasons:

1. There wont be room for us in the car.
2. He wanted this to be a special vacation between just him and Ash. Oh, and I guess I should mention that Mitch is gay, so there's nothing romantic going on here.

The first one is a pretty valid concern. But I don't think it would be a big deal. We'd be in a big city, and if we couldn't arrange the transportation for all of us, me and K could have just done our own thing.

But two really stings. Because it makes me feel like Mitch never wanted me to come, and that's why he never told me. I feel stupid because I was so excited to be going to Mexico. I think Mexico is awesome. Oh, and also they're going to be staying with a real Mexican (lol)! I think it would be really interesting to be shown around by a native because I've only done touristy stuff.

Okay, there's another layer to this story: Me and Mitch went to Shambhala with his sister and her boyfriend (the Mexican) this summer, and I invited my sister and had absolutely no objection to his sister and bf coming. My sister didn't end up coming, but only because she didn't have the money. Not because anyone uninvited her. I wouldn't even imagine trying to do something like this to him. All of us and our siblings are friends, and we all have fun when we hang out together.

And the birthday thing makes me feel left out. They're planning a surprise party for my sister and I thought it would be cool to have kind of a birthday trip together. I don't need a party, going to Mexico is a sweet enough present.

I wrote Mitch back (you hurt my feelings, but I'm not going to come if you don't want me to), but he hasn't replied and he hasn't made any attempt to contact me.

So I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night, categorizing the reasons my feelings are hurt on the internet and I don't quite know what to do. Should I call him? Should I just wait and see what he does? Or should I just try to get over it?

Haha, I'm not sure if this post even makes sense, but thanks to anyone who atleasts reads the short version...lol

Further proof why hetero people shouldn't hang out with faggots. Not only is he a butt banger, but he is a spineless coward as well. Drop the faggot friend and you won't have to worry about men that are fucked up emotional bitches that can't have a simple fuckin conversation.

Seriously, how can you categorize someone as a "friend" if they can't discuss simple life issues/events with you?

SHORT VERSION
Mitch ain't gay, and he's trying to tap that.


Long/rambling/disjointed/emo version:
Mitch is not a homosexual, and didn't want you to come because he's attempting to hook up with your sister. Since you're apparently not into incest, you'd just be getting in the way.

oooh sickboy, im sitting sorta drunk on my couch doing nothing on this wonderful friday, and i just really felt for you during your story. youre a very coherent writer if i may say so.
anyways, im a gay guy...one of the better ones if i may say so myself. but still, it just needs to be known that gay guys are the most fickle, insincere douchebags on earth(blanket statement, but holds some truth). i, for example, can totally imagine doing what this guy said. ie i never really pick up my phone or call people back and it seems like an arrogant prick...but im actually just too stoned and never get around to it. even to my sister i dont really email or call her...and i love her! and my friends to. right now, your friend may feel closer to your sister and doesnt even think about how this relationship is making you feel.
unless he's a malicious bastard

i just realized, as i always do when writing on totse, that i dont really have anythign important to say...ah well. hope shit works out

DaGuru, that's another reason why I'm hurt. Because normally we do discuss simple life issues/events/alot of other bullshit too. He's my best friend and has been since the day we met, which was 5 years ago.

Robinhoody, if Mitch wanted Ashley, he would have had her along time ago. But he's quite simply a homosexual. The only time he's ever kissed a girl is a couple times when we've all been drunk. But everyone makes out with everyone when they're drunk. I'm completely straight, and I've kissed my girlfriends before. Oh, actually, I think he has kissed another girl. It was in junior high and his "girlfriend" raped him with her tongue. He said it made him want to barf...lol

If you guys are such good friends, why is this even an issue?

He wants to have a memorable trip with your sister. Why are you objecting this?

Considering your friendship status, he probably thought this was justified since he even told you, and never a big deal. Since he never even told you, he probably planned out thinking without you in the picture, but realized after your little sister blahblah'd.

Or, he may just be trying to assfuck your sister while playing banjo and with a sombrero on his head.

EGOdknevil, you raise a valid point, but I don't think Mitch can claim ignorance/stonedness on this one. I'm not jealous of their relationship, because we've all been good friends for years now. Mitch was my friend in the beginning, and then I went away to Scotland for six months. Ash just kind of replaced me while I was gone. I was a little bit jealous at first, but I got over it quickly. There's enough love to go around in this world, and me and my sister are good friends so who cares if she hangs out with my friends? My friends just became our friends. So there's no issues there.

The issue here is that Mitch let me think that I was going to go on this awesome holiday with my best friend and close sister for a month and then he yanked it out from under my feet. *sigh*

The only consolation I have right now is that K and I are going to stay in a resort for a week instead. That will definitly be wicked, but I was really looking forward to experiencing a more authentic Mexican culture.

But he's quite simply a homosexual. The only time he's ever kissed a girl is a couple times when we've all been drunk. But everyone makes out with everyone when they're drunk.

Erm...Fuck no!
I get drunk on a pretty regular basis and I don't kiss guys! I never have and never will. Not from being a homophobe but purely because I know I am as straight as a die and I don't do guys.

I'm with Robinhoody on this...Mitch is playing it up. At most he's bi-curious but he's definitely trying to give your sister a knockin'.

The dude's a lying little attention seeker. I bet if you looked under his bed there'd be some Hustlers as opposed to Play Girl!

I said everyone makes out with everyone. I didn't say everyone turns gay when they're drunk. And I'm pretty sure you've made out with a female or two while you've been drinking. You may not choose to makeout/whatever with the gender that you're not attracted to, but that doesn't mean that other people may chose to do so.

I'm not attracted to girls. Mitch isn't attracted to girls. And yet we've still had incidents where we've kissed girls. It doesn't mean anything. Mitch does not want Ash, because if he did, they would be fuck buddies right now. They're both hot and sex starved, but it's just not going to happen because Mitch is homosexual.

I'm as sure Mitch is gay as I am that my boyfriend is straight.

So no more of these theories, okay?

first off, COOL you have the same bday (nov 10)

also, i dont know how a gay guy thinks but maybe he thinks it wont be as special with you and your bf coming.

Sick Boy, you whine a lot. There always seems to be something wrong with your life, and out of infatuation, the thread always grows enormous.

I'm as sure Mitch is gay as I am that my boyfriend is straight.

Therefore your boyfriend is gay.

maybe he thinks it wont be as special with you and your bf coming.

After taking a couple bong hits myself I came back to this thread, and think I have it figured out. Let me elaborate on what Scary said here. Throw out the gayness, sex, and all that shit......its irrelevant.

Nope, this could all boil down to Mitch just not wanting to be around your boyfriend in such close quarters for that length of time. No jealousy issues or anything like that....just two conflicting personalities. Think about it....how often are you all hanging out together? Does Mitch genuinely like your boyfriend? My bet is, if you weren't bringing your guy along Mitch would completely embrace you going on the journey.

We've all been through this before, and on both sides of the fence. You got a great friend, they hook up with someone who isn't necessarily a "bad" person......but the comfort level isn't there. Oftentimes the friendship is altered, whether its the lifestyle changes, lack of time, subtle personality changes because of being hooked up....whatever. Truthfully, if it is just about Mitch not wanting to be around him on this trip I really can't fault him. It does sound like a lot of fun, and will probably cost a couple of bucks. Why should he spend that kind of cash and possibly have a wonderful vacation somewhat tainted because of a personality he knows he might butt heads with at times?

My bet is, this trip is going to be the catalyst of a major change in your friendship with Mitch. Some of this may come out into the open, and he may only want to associate with you when you aren't with your boyfriend....or at the very least as limited as possible. The truth is, you can't make everyone happy and just because YOU like everyone involved in the scenario......doesn't mean they'll always like each other. This happens all through life, and is never easy. Very rarely do you run into situations where its a Get-Along-Gang type relationship.

I think this may just be one of those cases where no one is really "wrong", and its just messed up chemistry between all the parties.

It could really be a logistical thing. Maybe he just needs some time to himself... sometimes that's helpful

SHORT VERSION
Mitch ain't gay, and he's trying to tap that.



Gah! get out of my head!





SickBoy, do you really want friends like that?


I've allways felt I'd rather live my life alone than risk being betrayed and hurt by people I'd stupidly put my trust in.

gay guys dont think; thats how they end up gay.

yeeeooooo--but seriously only jokin

I've allways felt I'd rather live my life alone than risk being betrayed and hurt by people I'd stupidly put my trust in.

And that's how you end up empty and miserable.

You didn't ask him at first, you asked your sister. You probably should have talked to him about it before getting excited about it.

Mitch is straight, obviously.

Fuck queers, who gives a shit. There's always so much drama between them and teenage/young girls like yourself.

You can come to ohio though, and we could talk about it in my bed if you want.

It sounds like maybe you guys aren't as close as you thought (or once were) or else this wouldn't be an issue. The situation and conversation just seems so awkward the way you explained it, I can't imagine "best friends" being that way.

Just talk to him and get at whatever you're trying to find out.

Oh and I think "uninvited" is a bit of a stretch, if anything you overinvited yourself and he just returned the situation back to normal.

Speaking of that... what exactly do you expect him to apologize for? Maybe I could understand you thinking you needed to apologize to him for trying to invite yourself (and boyfriend) on his trip, but not the other way around...

If you guys are fine, then it's almost certainly your boyfriend.

Your sister has probably been telling your gay friend how bored she is. Your gay friend, as gay guys usually do, feels it is his business to remedy whatever ales your sister. This case in point, he wants to bring your sister down to Mexico to hook up with random dudes in a foreign land, while intoxicated and possibly risking an STD infestation. Supposedly, living a life like that will excite anyone out of boredom.

Having you there might hamper his plans in what he may believe is what will get your sister out of the doldrums. You could possibly be an obstacle with being a voice of reason over what your sister may be doing down there. As pointed out before, gay guys seem to usually hate boyfriends. Boyfriends always seem to be a voice of reason and that equals "party killer" to them.

Basically, what I am saying, is that your gay friend may be trying to live out his slut fantasies through your sister. Gay friends are cool for fashion advise and getting together a quick party out of thin air. As long term friendships... it doesn't work unless you are also gay. From what I've seen, gay people have a huge disconnect with straight people. Like some unspoken misunderstanding. They can have life long relationships amongst themselves, but not so with us.

I want him to apologise for the fact that he let me think I was allowed to come for months. I even asked him, and he was like "yeah, for sure!" We went on a trip together this summer, and Ash was invited to that one, so I thought that this new trip wasn't going to be any different.

He was sneaky about the whole situation, he should have just been upfront with me from the beginning. It still would have hurt like hell, but atleast we could have dealt with it by now, and I wouldn't have gotten all excited and then humiliated.

We're all good friends (we hang out as a group all the time, my boyfriend included), and I've never been excluded from anything, nor have I ever tried to exclude him from anything, and that's why I assumed I was invited. Also, it's not just his trip, it's my sister's too and she has no problem with me coming.

It just really hurts that my best friend never wanted me there. And I feel like a fucking retard for thinking that he did.

DaGuru, I think there might be some truth in what you've said. When we went to Shambhala, Mitch did make a comment about how me and K fight all the time. But if we had gone to Mexico, me and K were going to stay in a hotel so I don't see how it could be a huge issue. And even though we might have bickered a bit on our summer trip, it was still amazing overall and I thought we all had a wicked time. And like I said before, we all hang out as a group all the time. Mitch and K might not be close, but they definitely get along.

Sigh. I'm just so embarassed. I asked both of them if we could come and they both said that we could, so can you really blame me for believing them?

I think daguru is right. Your friend Mitch probably hates being around you AND your boyfriend together. If it was just you, he'd likely want you to go.

Indeed.

Goddammit sick boy. Next year im coming to calgary and im going to fuck you hard and your going to love it.

I dont care if you have boyfriend at the time or not. Im going to fuck you. FACT.

^Classy.

I love you man.

News flash, not everyone makes out when they're drunk. How is your best friend going to be a gay man? How the fuck can you relate to him?

EGOdknevil, you raise a valid point, but I don't think Mitch can claim ignorance/stonedness on this one. I'm not jealous of their relationship, because we've all been good friends for years now. Mitch was my friend in the beginning, and then I went away to Scotland for six months. Ash just kind of replaced me while I was gone. I was a little bit jealous at first, but I got over it quickly. There's enough love to go around in this world, and me and my sister are good friends so who cares if she hangs out with my friends? My friends just became our friends. So there's no issues there.

The issue here is that Mitch let me think that I was going to go on this awesome holiday with my best friend and close sister for a month and then he yanked it out from under my feet. *sigh*

The only consolation I have right now is that K and I are going to stay in a resort for a week instead. That will definitly be wicked, but I was really looking forward to experiencing a more authentic Mexican culture.

Sister choosing him over you? Wow.

I said everyone makes out with everyone. I didn't say everyone turns gay when they're drunk. And I'm pretty sure you've made out with a female or two while you've been drinking. You may not choose to makeout/whatever with the gender that you're not attracted to, but that doesn't mean that other people may chose to do so.

I'm not attracted to girls. Mitch isn't attracted to girls. And yet we've still had incidents where we've kissed girls. It doesn't mean anything. Mitch does not want Ash, because if he did, they would be fuck buddies right now. They're both hot and sex starved, but it's just not going to happen because Mitch is homosexual.

I'm as sure Mitch is gay as I am that my boyfriend is straight.

So no more of these theories, okay?

Not attracted to girls? Yet you kiss them...why is that? Both hot and sex starved? Jealousy seems to be the culprit.

Gah! get out of my head!





SickBoy, do you really want friends like that?


I've allways felt I'd rather live my life alone than risk being betrayed and hurt by people I'd stupidly put my trust in.

Your life sounds shitty.

I want him to apologise for the fact that he let me think I was allowed to come for months. I even asked him, and he was like "yeah, for sure!" We went on a trip together this summer, and Ash was invited to that one, so I thought that this new trip wasn't going to be any different.

He was sneaky about the whole situation, he should have just been upfront with me from the beginning. It still would have hurt like hell, but atleast we could have dealt with it by now, and I wouldn't have gotten all excited and then humiliated.

We're all good friends (we hang out as a group all the time, my boyfriend included), and I've never been excluded from anything, nor have I ever tried to exclude him from anything, and that's why I assumed I was invited. Also, it's not just his trip, it's my sister's too and she has no problem with me coming.

It just really hurts that my best friend never wanted me there. And I feel like a fucking retard for thinking that he did.

DaGuru, I think there might be some truth in what you've said. When we went to Shambhala, Mitch did make a comment about how me and K fight all the time. But if we had gone to Mexico, me and K were going to stay in a hotel so I don't see how it could be a huge issue. And even though we might have bickered a bit on our summer trip, it was still amazing overall and I thought we all had a wicked time. And like I said before, we all hang out as a group all the time. Mitch and K might not be close, but they definitely get along.

Sigh. I'm just so embarassed. I asked both of them if we could come and they both said that we could, so can you really blame me for believing them?

So you and your boyfriend fight all the time? Why is that?

For the new totseans: Sick Boy is one of those can't-get-their-shit-together type of people. Destined to fail if you will. Several of her threads have included some very good advice, but to date she has never accepted it.

This wouldn't bother me except that being a certified female she is a totse celebrity and her shitty threads always end up huge. And I just hate seeing attention whores get attention.

The two most likely theories have already been said: Mitch is mining vagina, or Mitch hates your boyfriend. THe second is probably the most likely. Your position of girlfriend and best friend, not to mention junkie, means you would be blind to any animosity between them. I can't claim to know gay guys very well, but I can't imagine many boyfriends who would be comfortable with you hanging with a gay guy all the time, and from the other side I would imagine the gay best friend would HATE the boyfriend.

/thread.

I've kissed my girlfriends before.Yeah, I'm not reading past this point.

I got what I came for.

Well, we've made up :). He emailed me again explaining more things, like how he did think we could come for a while and that he was sorry that it doesn't work out for us to come. Even if it's not true (although I think it is), I'm willing to accept it and move on. It's not like this would be worth losing my best friend over.

Garrett, I quite often take the advice of totseans. I wouldn't bother posting threads if I wasn't willing to take people's advice into consideration. Good job on the theories. Even though that's not what this thread was about. I was asking how I should handle the situation, not why it happened.

CarbonB, I know not everyone makes out when they're drunk, but it's hardly uncommon. That's all I was saying. And I don't normally make out with girls when I'm drunk, it's only happened a few times. I don't think there's any deep meaning to it, it's just been like "WE'RE DRUNK LETS MAKE OUT! WEEEHHEEE!" Meh.

Mitch is my best friend because we get along really well. We have similar senses of humor, we both like art, drugs, hippy dippy shit and we both like men. Someone's gender/sexuality really have nothing to do with whether or not I'm friends with someone. Basically, if I have fun with someone, and them with me, then we're friends.

And as for my boyfriend and I fighting, I don't know. It's rarely anything serious, just dumb bickering usually cause one or the other is grumpy. Most of the time we get along really well (or else we wouldn't be together, lol) and if we do argue, we get over it quickly. Now that I think back, we were fighting at Shambhala mostly because I wanted to smoke, and it pisses him off if I do. Which is fair enough, smoking is fucking lame, but if I get alcohol or drugs into my system (other than weed) it makes me want a cigarette.

Anyway, I guess this case is closed. Thanks for the replies, guys. :)

"There isn't any deep meaning to it";"We fight all the time, but we wouldn't be together if we didn't get along!"

Whatever the fuck helps you sleep at night.

1. Not everything has some deeper meaning to it. People do dumb shit when they're drunk.

2. I never said we fight all the time, because we don't.

3. I sleep very well, thanks.