Well.. this is an awkward reintroduction... Its kinda like..

warkrismagic: Hi, totse, I havn't talked to you in a while. I've seen you around, but I think its been like 3 years since I've said anything. I'm back.

totse: umm... why?


warkrismagic: Well.. I'm depressed, lonely, and wanna say something to someone and don't give a fuck who it is.

totse: **groan** **sigh** fine.

warkrismagic: Well there is this girl. We'll call her Sarah. Sarah and I started dating in May. We quickly fell hard for eachother. It was absolutely wonderful. She was amazing. It was the best relationship I ever had in my life. For the first time I had someone that I really felt a connection with who would never fail to make me feel like the loved me every bit as much as I them. Come august, she breaks up with me because she is leaving for school in MA and we live in Jersey and she says she can't handle the distance.

She leaves for school, and despite having broken up we still treat each other as though we are dating. By the time it'd be our four month anniversary we talk and she tells me she doesn't know what she was thinking and she wants us to be together. We've even talked about getting a place together up there instead of her living in a dorm next year. So its pretty good there. I mean we miss each other, but we talk frequently and she left at the end of august and I'm seeing her mid September. Not too bad. But the weekend is weird. She seems really excited when I get there, but she goes in and out of being really affectionate and hardly caring to be at all. But her roommate tells me shes heard all about me, Sarah has been talking about me coming up nonstop and was so excited. She said it was so nice to see Sarah that happy, 'cause she'd always just been kinda down most of the time since she got there. But Sarah acts like that all weekend, even worse. Sunday night is the last night we have together, till at least Halloween. And she isn't even being affectionate. At first she says she has homework to do. Fair enough. Then she finishes the homework and does random crap on the computer for a while. I don't mean anything important. I mean I sat in the bed next to her for two hours watching her use stumbleupon with her pretty much ignoring me. Then she plays her DS for a while.
Eventually she stops playing turns out the light and at that point decides to cuddle as we fall asleep. Near 4 in the morning on the last night I'm gonna see her for 6 weeks. Monday morning she doesn't walk me to the train station. Heck, she doesn't even walk me out of her house. We hug and kiss goodbye in her bedroom, and I walk to the train station alone.

I get back home around 9:30 that night. Sarah had told me that we needed to talk while I was on the bus from boston to NYC. So we talk. She's been talking a lot to her ex- that she dated years ago. Hes in the army now, leaving for iraq in about 4 months probably. She tells me that even though he hurt her more than anyone shes always kind of hoped that she'd end up with him. And here, I feel like I'd give the world to be with her, and till maybe shortly before last weekend I honestly thought she felt the same.

Recently I asked her if somewhere down the line she thought she could maybe ever see us getting married. She told me it freaked her out to talk about it. Apparently her ex- has been telling her that she is the only girl he could ever see himself being with. She says she feels really confused, and is in a weird place and breaks up with me. She still says she wants to get a place with me next summer. Says she still loves me. I ask her if I can take her out on a date when I come visit her next month and she seems really happy with the idea. That was monday. We continued to act like we're going out. A few days ago we're talking and she says she loves me just not as much as I want her too. we continue to act like we're going out.

Last night she was kind of upset and then disappeared for a while she was in a bit better mood. She apologized for disappearing, she'd been talking to her ex-. Wonderful. Says we have to stop acting like we're going out. She doesn't want to keep pretending in a relationship thats going no where emotionally. Today she sends me an e-mail. It talks about how our relationship isn't going anywhere.

Then it talks about her ex-. How they know each other better than anyone else. How he genuinely loves her. How it depresses the hell out of her that hes going to Iraq in 4 months. How its not ok that he is in the military, and its gonna be hard. but if it was easy it wouldn't be love. How they talked on the phone for hours last night. He told her he'd like to marry her in a few years when shes done with school and ready. She says shes ok with that idea. She says she loves me, and that I'm fantastic, but not romantically.

A month ago she was telling me she'd be with me forever.. a few weeks ago she was telling me that she didn't want to talk about marriage 'cause it freaks her out. And now, its completely over. I'm entirely devastated. I know, with 100% certainty, that the only person who has always been able to make me feel like they loved me as much as I love them, loves me less. I've lost her to someone else. And I don't know what to do with myself. My only motivation to get out of bed the past week has been the thought of us maybe getting back together, even if not soon, one day. And yet even now no matter how depressed I get I'm fucking stupid. I still let some little part of me try and believe that we have a chance. It tells me, well, she still wants to get a place together.. what you had was special.. she can't really have lost all her feelings for you.. maybe one day.. And its stupid because all I'm doing is setting myself up for a kick in the ribs. And yet I just can't let it go. I love her more than anything, and I want to be with her. She seems to not be bothered by the break up at all. And despite that there is still a part of me that tries to convince me I might get her back. Funny enough, as I wrote this she tried to cheer me up by telling me she loves me.

totse: too long, didn't read

For the love of fuck......PARA-FUCKING-GRAPHS. Jesus christ man. How the fuck do expect anyone to read that giant wall of fucking text?!!!

Anyway, i did read it. I enjoyed reading it. Oh, and it sucks to be you man. You got owned. Fag.

Orly?!?!?!?!

I'm sorry man. That's really fucking hard to deal with. Um, don't be stupid. Abandon ship.

Other fish in the sea. I can't stress this enough, MOVE ON KID!

Wow i wasnt expecting that. Well all i can say is shit happens. Its not always meant to work out for everyone. Shit man i thought i had a child for three years until i had a blood test, but i moved on. I'm single and prefer to be single as relationships are too complicated for me right now. I can do what the fuck i want right now. I dont have someone nagging at me for the amount of Cannabis i smoke, or never wanting to watch a film you want to watch and always giving up to there choice.

All im saying is life goes on.

You seem like a cool person.
Hope things work out for you.

With any luck the other guy will be dismembered in Iraq!

Use the other kind of paragraph please.

This kind

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Its way easier

Im not trying to be an ass, I just wanna read your story, I usually like TL/DRs

WTF?! I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to react to this totse. So I'm planning on visiting her at the end of October, so I mentioned we have to talk about sleeping arrangements. She offered me her bed. I said that I assumed that would not be permitted since she had told me a few days ago that she didn't plan on having her ex- stay in her bed. She said I'm special. So why the fuck aren't we dating, again?

too long, didn't read

Tell her to stop fucking toying with you. If she doesn't quit it move on immediately. If you think you can be friends with her, do that, if not, break off all contact. She might come crying back, but don't count on it.

I know that's all easier said than done though. Sounds like me and my ex. Except she doesn't love me anymore.

At least there's not another man in the picture. Well, seriously in the picture.

:(

-F☺rd

What would make you feel better--living for the possibility and getting put down, or getting put down right now without knowing what could have been?

Well that fucking sucks. Hope things work out better for you, man.

Just a thought... if it so easily fell apart, maybe she wasn't the one for you after all. You'll find your true love one day soon.

Shit deal man, but you're better off without her.

Dude, fuck that. Forget that woman, ASAP. It will be MUCH better in the long run.

cut her out of your life

So.. to those who said cut her out of my life, that may be what I should do, but I won't. I love this girl, whether as lovers or friends, more than perhaps anyone I've ever known. She is not just my ex-. She is also my best friend. Whether we're ever together again or not, that much will always be true. She is always going to be a part of my life.

Nothing could make me happier right now than to be with her. But, to all the girls at least(you should know), does it sound like I still might have a chance with her? Or is she just stringing me along and I'm filling myself up with false hopes? Should I really just be trying to let go?

Nothing could make me happier right now than to be with her. But, to all the girls at least(you should know), does it sound like I still might have a chance with her? Or is she just stringing me along and I'm filling myself up with false hopes? Should I really just be trying to let go?

Does it matter? If you're not going to do shit about it and your response is the same no matter the answer then the question isn't even worth answering.

So.. to those who said cut her out of my life, that may be what I should do, but I won't. I love this girl, whether as lovers or friends, more than perhaps anyone I've ever known. She is not just my ex-. She is also my best friend. Whether we're ever together again or not, that much will always be true. She is always going to be a part of my life.

I tried that. Until I found myself still in love with her and miserable a month and a half after the break up.

Hope it works better for you that it did for me. Either way take some time first. Give yourself a break from her at least.

-F☺rd