Every relationship I've found myself in I've always ended up hurt. Really hurt. I always start of right, but progressively get more insecure, jealous, clingy, and desperate.

How do I, as a perhaps overly sensitive high school boy keep from becoming as emotionally invested and consequential hurt as I keep on finding myself?

I just broke up with me first love and am at wits ends, as hackneyed as that may be. It's been a month and I'm still listening to depressing music and forcing myself not to think about her with other boys.

...

-F☺rd

I think as you kinda imply you go overboard when you love someone. She should be important but not the alpha and omega. You need to have things outside of your relationship, stuff like friends, sports, hobby's etc. Otherwise she will be 'your life' and you will be a wreck when she dumps you. Who cares if she does something with other boys? wake up call, she will. Who gives a crap? She isn't special, she's just another female. Don't make her out to be anything more because she isn't. don't listen to depressing music and get out and do something. Anything.

Well you have to decide at the start of a relationship if you're going to distance yourself or put your whole self into the relationship.

If you choose to distance yourself, it's probably not a bad idea to have some rebound chick, so when your girl blows you off or upsets you, just think "Well so and so likes me, why the fuck should I care about her?"

But it's hard to do that. And it's so wrong.. as I'm finding out. I don't think it's possible to have a successful relationship when you're purposely distancing yourself.

You might feel jaded and callous after your first love, but there's no reason to do the same to someone else. And you only fall as hard as you let yourself.

Go into a relationship just thinking that you are only gonna fall for her if she's really worth it. Compare her to others, size her up and decide whether she's really worth dying on the inside for. Go from there.

Go into the relationship with no expectations whatsoever. Just spend time with her and value it. Don't try to do anything. Just let yourself go. Go with it, you know?

It sounds like a lack of confidence in yourself isn't allowing you to trust the person you are with. Jealousy is a horrible and destructive thing, you just need to let go and believe in yourself and the person you are with.

Frontal Lobotomy.

The more you open yourself to another person to allow positive things to develop, the more vulnerable you're making yourself to be hurt. Unfortunately, that's just the way it is.

The only thing you can do is try to understand the way things are a little better and keep everything in perspective.

Try to love everyone, but don't expect anything from anyone. When you find a person whose personality you are very compatible with, and you'd like to life alongside them a while, go ahead, but don't try to demand something from the interaction. It's better just to use the experience with a person of higher than average pleasantness to you as a way to stretch your ability to love.

Desire is the root of all suffering. Don't demand returns on your actions, just live the best, the most happiness-efficient (for yourself and others) life you are able.
Do that and all life's base are belong to you.




alternatively,

Murder / Suicide

I think this is part of it. Course I had ever reason to be jealous when the bitch cheats on me three times and then moves to another state.

Maybe I should kick myself for staying with her, not being insecure.

-F☺rd

Hey, I was excited when it said you posted I_Like_Traffic_Lights because of your excellent advice in a past thread of mine. I guess they can't all be winners.

Frontal Lobotomy.

Hilarious.

- ijsmlb :(

I think I'd rather be clingy then so un-attatched sometimes. Because I know cheating is bad..... buuuuut I can't help it, god help the soul I've just started dating :( maybe this time is different.

You learn to deal with it man. I know exactly how you feel. You will suffer for awhile, but then you get older and realise "bitches are bitches". Theres billions(literally) of women in the world. You will find someone else if you try.

Just dont think about. Do drugs, hang out with the guys at the bar, party, listen to music and live life man.

Dont waste time being depressed. Go out and do something. Achieve something. Or do nothing. i dont really care. Im happy and thats all that matters.

Thanks. This definitely helps.

Drugs, music, more women. Sounds good. I think my major issue is the lack of fiendishly attractive indie girls in this shitty town. I've been single for a month now and have yet to find another human being here that listens to okkervil river ;)

-F☺rd

Don't be such a hipster snob man.

Don't be such a whiney bitch man.

Fixed.


You think your in pain? I have over 100 stitches on my knee and it's fractured in 8 places with torn tendons and a dislocated and fractured knee cap. I'll trade places with your emo ass anyday.

Eh, that did sound really snobby. I just want to meet people with similar interests. :(

-F☺rd

Similar interests aren't the be all end all in a relationship. It's nice to have some diversity among your interests, as you can learn new things from the other person.

Also, being down about a girl who dumped you is a learning experience. Don't come onto totse expecting any kind of sympathy though. Get that through friends and family. We've all been there.

Do what I do? I never really get emotionally invested with anyone.

Actually I don't know why that is so I don't know if I can help. Um, I guess for one I don't respond at all when people do or say things that are in some way affectionate. I don't say things that facilitate closeness. I don't do things with people unless I want to do the thing itself. I don't approach people without reason. And I don't think I've been attracted to anyone to the extent that the feeling is stronger than my desire to eat before regular meals.

So yeah, you probably don't want that. Most people don't. But just so you know, it works.