Hey guys.
Been missing me? Probably not.

I've had truely dreadful year. Really truely dreadful. I can quite comfortably say this has been the worst year of my life. And I'm not just saying that.

But for every horrible, hurtful, painful thing that has happened to me this year I've had one person who I could tell everything to. Someone who was always my support. Someone who was always there for me.
My partner of nearly two years.
Outside of the rest of my life falling apart, I had a world of hugs, kisses and I love yous. And it was all hugs, kisses and I love yous. Right up until Tuesday when he says, I think we should try something different. I don't want to be with you anymore.
And then, pain beyond any pain I've ever felt.
So I left, holding it together until I got back to my home.
Then the tears.
Floods and floods of tears.
I've never know such emotional distress like this before. How do you cope?
I know you'll probably say that I'm very young. That I have my whole life ahead of me. And I do. I don't want to be one of those girls who sits around pining and moaning about the one that got away. I just don't understand how you can tell someone you love them right up to the day you dump them.
I'm not an undesirable person. I consider myself quite attractive. I'm clever, witty and artistic. But it just crushes you, you know. You start to think 'maybe there is something wrong with me', 'maybe no one really wants me' and worst of all 'I must just not be good enough'.

I can sit here and tell myself the pain will go away.
And I'm almost sure it will.
But everytime I think about it, I get this ugly feeling inside me. Like ice is freezing my insides.

I alternate between crying and crying. And then lashing out at every person who tries to speak to me.

So how do you cope when you've been so emotionally invested in someone for such a long time? Does it ever really go away? Tips? Advice? Just a 'gee Tegan, that's terrible'? Help me out guys.

I missed you.

Poor bloodenangel :( Gah.. I'm sorry. I'm really not good at consoling people.
I dont understand why he'd say something like that to such a good hot talented girl like you. Chances are he's retarded and brain damaged, but it doesent matter because he's going to suffer horribly for hurting you.

The only things I can say are that time will heal it. And he didnt take your life, you still have that. And your freedom.

I missed you too Yoyo.
In fact, I've been thinking about you guys even though I haven't been posting.

I'm trying to think of the positives in this, and think about what I still have.
But still, my mother's friend said to me, 'Tegan, everything happens for a reason', I felt like screaming at her, 'yeah, the reason is I'm obviously NOT GOOD ENOUGH!'.
Sighs.
E-hugs yoyo, how're things on your end?

about three weeks ago i broke up with a boyfriend of two years. right after exam results, in the middle of school interviews and applications, and a week before i was due to start school/college.
and it was the start of the week when i had the house to myself and he knows how much i hate being in my house alone.
he knew full well it was all driving me nutss, so, thanks.
i sound horribly bitter and witchy, but eh.
anyway, i've thrown myself into every new opportunity i've had, college has been fabulous for keeping me occupied and positive. i'm just trying to remember good things and things i've learnt, and then look for every positive there is to the split. i may give off the impression of being on drugs and completely doolaly to half the people i meet, but i feel a lot better for it.

i'm always on irc if you need anyone in the same boat.

Awwww...poor snookums...

I can only offer my hopes that you can at least appreciate that your daylight is increasing. You've got Spring/Summer to look forward to, though you might find Winter suits your mood better.

Here's some silly Ytube stuff from Hughnews...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7tQ4b5Fbto

Have to keep on going. Not sure why.


In the same vein as moonie, here (http://youtube.com/watch?v=PU0UYelxJQ8) is a video that may cheer you up. It's full of pretty guys who've ten thousand times the beauty and talent your stupid horrible ex could ever hope to achieve.

Worst year of your life so far.

Oh gods. Why, oh why, could this not have been a troll post? It looks so juicy and tender to countertroll, yet there is a real life person behind it, not lulz on an internet. Damn you, cruel fate, damn you...

Tips? Advice? Just a 'gee Tegan, that's terrible'? Help me out guys.

~sigh~

...sure...

So how do you cope when you've been so emotionally invested in someone for such a long time?

Generally, by not becoming that codependent in the first place. Love is good. Need is bad. One brings happiness. One hurts.

Unfortunately, ya flunk that "by not... in the first place," you're sort of fucked. 'n oh, yeah - your several decades of rebounds are also whiny, codependent affairs which only bring you pain, too. Good luck on, umm... not doing that.

Does it ever really go away?

Yes. About the time you stop running from whatever led you to believe you needed something outside yourself to be happy, eat a fuckload of LSD, and go hunting around in your head for the lies you told yourself which caused you to get into this situation in the first place.

Otherwise, it's that "decades of serial rebound" as you replay this breakup over, and over, and over, and... so on.

Modern psychotherapy tries to claim the LSD is optional. The digging around in your head to find whatever neuroses and non sequiteurs led you to place your happiness outside yourself, however, isn't.

But for every horrible, hurtful, painful thing that has happened to me this year I've had one person who I could tell everything to. Someone who was always my support. Someone who was always there for me.

Are you sure?

'cause, well... for starters, it's a little doubtful that you really could tell him everything, that he was always there for you, etc, if you didn't even have enough of a relationship that he could, say, tell you of his changing feelings, little worries, whatever for, I dunno, the several months beforehand. Maybe... he wasn't that.

...which brings to mind the question that, if you were doing just fine with no communication or connection with him while he held a title, why is having no communication or connection with him without a title any different? Your life is basically the same as it was a few months ago, and you seemed to think you were happy then, so the only conclusion - since the absence of communication 'n connection are the same - is that you have just as much resource to promote your happiness now as you did then. Be happy.

...the other question I ask - both because the evidence supports it, and because digging around in people's heads for years leads me to ask it... did you really have support, open communication, and the like... or is this just a dream you were told you should want, and ended up projecting on the first poor schmuck that came along?

It is an irony of our times that imaginary relationships tend to hurt a whole lot more than real ones. They're also a lot more common.

Nonetheless... gee, Tegan, that's terrible. Hope your happiness looks up...

So how do you cope when you've been so emotionally invested in someone for such a long time? Does it ever really go away? Tips? Advice? Just a 'gee Tegan, that's terrible'? Help me out guys.


2 years is not that long. But I guess its a short enough time to not build a callousness to get ready for a break up. I'd say within a month you'll be over it depending on what you do. If you just sit at home and sulk, then you'll just dwell on it for longer. But if you go out and get on with your life, 5 weeks... tops. Slashing said person's tires would also help. Give me the word and I can help you with that.

*Runs off to find camera, knife, and spray paint*

2 years is a hell of a long time if you're not old.
2 years if you're 18 or so is alot of the most important years of your growing up experience.

Well, you're not that young. He probably just wanted to be with someone younger, maybe you just aged allot in the two years he was with you?

Stop trolling.

All I said is she isn't looking so fine and that's probably why she got dumped. Not trolling, just speaking the truth.

2 years if you're 18 or so is alot of the most important years of your growing up experience.

definitely. i feel like i've missed out on something, 14-17, like something crucial and typically teenage should have happened but i was too busy.

Well, I'm just going to be honest here, mkay.

This is most likely why he dumped you:

http://image.bayimg.com/oahpgaabc.jpg

Is that not a guy?

That's just not needed man.

Well, you could do what I did, and become a silly, pathetic emotional wreck and eventually get back together with him just to realize that's probably the worst thing you could do for yourself, or you could go on a heavy bender. Or just be stoned all day.

life sucks.

at least you dont have aids..

WAH WAH WAH WAH.

shutup, for christs sake, shut the fuck up.

Ouch. Just had to rub some salt in that wound. LOL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

You should try killing yourself.

I've seen people be dumped by their partners and walk straight into relationships with better/hotter people. My current gf was dumped by her ex who looks like a monkey and has the intelligence of a monkey, just because he managed to convince some naiive 17 year old girl who was more conforming to go out with him. My point is, people have different needs, different values. Just because one person deems you not suitable to go out with anymore, doesn't mean anything about what others think of you. It's probably not so much that you aren't good enough, than it is you aren't right enough and it's taken him a fair while to figure it out.

WAH WAH WAH WAH.

shutup, for christs sake, shut the fuck up.

Sorry but LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

That's just what I needed right now.

To the OP, as hard as it might seem right now, the easiest way to forget about someone is to find someone else. Whether it be a best friend or a potential boyfriend. Yeah you're never gonna be able to completely forget about someone that you've invested 2 years in, but it helps to have someone dry your tears. And as appealing as it seems, sitting at home and eating ice cream just makes it worse. (But you've already mentioned that you don't want to do that.)

I'm not going to condone drugs, but weed has always worked for me. If you're not up for that, just go out and be with people, have fun, try to see the good in your life without him.

OP I'm in your exact situation right now, except we're on the edge of going either way, I'm less than 18, been with her for 2 years. I find out if we're gonna be together or not in a few hours. We have pretty much every class together and kind of grew away from our friends. I'm sorry for your situation, but if you have any help or method of feeling better, please let me know. Thanks and again I'm sorry about your loss.

Tegan, you have my email address, and my real life address. Maybe we've been out of touch too long.

-Matt

I wouldn't say that I've missed you, I forget most people's names here if they don't post in a while, but I did notice your name and knew it had been absent for a while, so maybe that counts for something.

I don't know that anything anyone could suggest for you to do to better yourself would even be possible for you in you current mindset. Just take some time with it, you might have to let yourself get back to baseline before you try to reach higher.

Having said that, know that your own personal worth is not based on anyone's thoughts or actions but your own. You are in control of what sort of person you become.

It sounds like you loved the guy, and that's always great, but a problem with love is that it doesn't require that the other person reciprocates that, and it opens you up to suffering. You shouldn't let this slow you from giving love to anyone you come across, which will probably be hard, but when you find a person who's truly complimentary to you, a person who's involvement in your life would be beneficial, that's not going to be the sort of person to come back at you with a "i don't think we should be together" kind of thing.


When you meet a person who fits a bit better with you than this guy, it will go much better.

It could be worse, he could've stayed with you, not saying anything, with him feeling like that. Just imagine how many miserably married couples there are because of that sort of thing. This is a terribly painful thing, but it's always better to take care of these sorts of things so you can move on with life.

Nobody likes to...

I'd really like to... :(

Cry...

Well...nobody likes me, baby

When I cry

Nobody, nobody

Nobody, nobody.

:)

How about you shut the fuck up?

Seriously, you pricks posting such nasty shit, why dont you just fuck off to HB if you want to spam and troll?

Yeah like you're not an ugly fuck yourself.

BTW that pic isnt too widely available on Totse. That's almost posting private information.

What's with everyone bashing the way she looks?

She looks fine to me.

If he didn't like the way she looked then why the hell would he stick around for two years?

I'm sorry bloodenangel. A lot of us around here miss you! I often wonder where you are at these days.

Dear JoePedo sorry I'm not a troll, and am actually a real life person with real life feelings. I'm not the kind ofperson who can be in love with someone and not be hurt when they leave. I wouldn't call that codependence, I'd just call it human. But hey, that's you and your opinion. You go for it.
:)
To the people critisizing my appearance. Are you serious? I mean really. I feel bad about alot things about myself like any normal person. But the way I look is not one of them. In fact, I think I lookpretty good.
http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k158/wineglasslove/pnk2.jpg
To everyone else.
Thankyou so much.
Beleive or not most of you have actually made me feel alot better (especially you Yoyo). I do realise that I don't need anyone else to be happy. But hey, two years is a large chunk of your life when your young, it leads to intense want in anycase.
As for diving into a relationship with someone else, I've never been one for bandaid relatioships. I think now is the time to spend some time on me, and figure out what I want for myself.
Kisses and hugs!

Yeah like you're not an ugly fuck yourself.

BTW that pic isnt too widely available on Totse. That's almost posting private information.

What the fuck is your problem?
She was confused as to what reason her bf had for dumping her, I told her what I think.

Oh, yeah, and that picture IS widely available - Click her profile, view posts, it's somewhere down the first page.

And meh, I'm not exactly a beauty either, but atleast I face it.

Yeah like you're not an ugly fuck yourself.
That's almost posting private information.

Almost only counts in horse shoes & hand grenades.


http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k158/wineglasslove/pnk2.jpg


Speaking of Trolls...

Don't listen to anyone saying that the best way to get over this is to throw yourself into another relationship immediately... that's bullshit.

An ex-girlfriend of mine, someone who I haven't been with in years, is still hung-up on me. Take the time to get over him, don't be that girl... and don't drink too much!

I imagine it would. Alcohol can dull the pain but I recommend against it. Smoke plenty of marijuana and reflect on your life. Get things sorted out in your head and move on. I've never heard someone try this and it not work for them.

Two years out of a possible 100 or more.. wow.. your life is OVER!!!!

*tear*

I am not going to write some big story about how I got over my girlfriend of three years, cause its pointless and "wont work" for you anyway.

Relationships at a young age are for SEX.. not for spending money/time with someone you think you love because you have sex..

[hasn't had time to read whole thread and needs to get back to bed so if oc6 or yoyo has said this already then apologies etc]

Tegan, first off I missed you and I'm sure I speak for all regulars here.

Secondly, you're an artist and a fucking talented one at that so channel all your hurt, all your pain into your art. Thats where it belongs.

If thats too much then simply grab a fistful of Ilford xp pro and take reel after reel til you find something that speaks to you.

Also you could get a friend to take the most erotic pics of you you can think up. You know....'hauntingly' erotic. Then send him one...

Just so he knows what he lost, y'know?

If memory serves, I approve very much of said erotic pics.

I have a camera.

Dear JoePedo sorry I'm not a troll, and am actually a real life person with real life feelings.

Eh... it's okay. I mean, it's bound to happen, even on a site like this. Sure, your original post would've been a bloody gold mine if it was just copypasta, but, it isn't, so instead of having fun, I leave out such helpful advice as "down, not across," because... well, it's not the situation that such is for. ~shrug~

I'm not the kind ofperson who can be in love with someone and not be hurt when they leave. I wouldn't call that codependence, I'd just call it human. But hey, that's you and your opinion. You go for it.

I will!

'n it was a fuckload of introspection that became my opinion, actually... the buddhists are right; we create our own pain, and change is the only certainty in the universe. This, too, shall pass.

To the people critisizing my appearance. Are you serious? I mean really. I feel bad about alot things about myself like any normal person. But the way I look is not one of them. In fact, I think I lookpretty good.

:) Glad to hear it. Now, develop a matching level of confidence on that "not good enough" tangent you were worrying about, because frankly, you need and deserve that level of personal security.

Joe where's your one story you posted in Pananoid Delusions a while back? I have it printed out but I can't find it, anyways if memory can recall it would help in this situation.

As I started reading this post, before I even finished the second word my brain was already stuck on:

Nobody likes me....

Everybody hates me, I guess I'll go eat worm.....

Big fat juicy worms, itty bitty crawly worms

look how they wiggle and squirm.



Or something to that effect, I can't recall the lyrics verbatim.

It's probably just because I'm exhausted, still have a lot to do, and my head hurts, but my first thought was to think: "What the fuck has made your year so horrible?" Especially considering that your worst-of-all being the basic capricious nature of human beings. Saying you love somebody one day and saying "try something different" is just what most people do; the good ones.

The shitty ones won't suggest "trying something different" directly to you, but let their actions imply by just disappearing, or fucking other people, or performing unlicensed (and unnecessary) surgery on you while you sleep (or not, whichever).

Hell, for the drunks and dramatics alike the change might not even take a day.

I don't know, I'm sure I'll be nicer tomorrow, or if meds kick in by the end of this post, but it seems to me that the very fact that you have internet access and the time available to bitch about something so innocuous as some asshole dumping you, then you really aren't in that desecrated state of being, at least not enough to bitch about. Hell, you have people that you can bitch to and lash out at And with calling this a loss of a world of love, hugs, kisses, support, etc. would make me assume that you at least have had a fucking home or at least something like it for this worst year ever.

I'm normally better at consoling, but I just have no tolerance for nonsense at the moment. So just stop crying; stop crying right meow.

Just assume that this jerkoff is off experiencing how the rest of the world works when it isn't a given that somebody loves you; when you just encounter asshole after asshole, and worse people than me make you feel bad about feeling bad. His lot is not necessarily a happy one, dropping you, and yours not necessarily an unhappy one without him.

Maybe he got tired of your bitching

Maybe he just wasn't strong enough to handle the life that came with you

Maybe he's a flaming homosexual

Maybe, and I'm guessing this has a lot to do with it, you're allowing yourself to become overwhelmed by a bunch of bullshit that doesn't even really matter in the longer run that you can't control!

LET!

GO!

The 'I'm not good enough' tore me up for the longest time. What did I do about it? I wrote and then I sent what I wrote to the person that caused this pain to me. They told me I meant the world to them, I'm so confused now.

This one (http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=1999507&page=4)?

I dunno... it might be helpful; it's how I got free of the pain of my history and came to embrace the joys of the universe at the present moment... but on the other hand, her last reply to me was that she'd rather feel pain.

...'n the sacred involability of personal choice is one of those laws of the universe which is physically inviolable. So, she'll feel as she prefers. 'n then, this too shall pass, and the world will move on...

...but yeah, I think that's the post...

Also you could get a friend to take the most erotic pics of you you can think up. You know....'hauntingly' erotic. Then send him one...

Just so he knows what he lost, y'know?

No no no, worst advice ever... just cut loose ffs, totally cut him out in every way, shape and form. Move on. Totally. No talking, no memories or thinking about him, just totally cut out all reminders and don't do anything needy, bitchy, immature and FUTILE such as sending "OMG LOOK AT WOT UR MISSIN OUT ON U GAY" pics. They're just as bad as needy texts, he'll just think you're trying to change his mind and trying to win some sort of approval, which he'll just see as justifying his decision to ditch you as it makes you seem needy and inferior because you'll look as if you're seeking his approval.

Honestly, do NOT do that. I don't care much for people on here but don't make a fool of yourself by following bad advice.

How about you shut the fuck up?

Seriously, you pricks posting such nasty shit, why dont you just fuck off to HB if you want to spam and troll?

why dont u piss off to a farm where u can fit in? fucking hog