I drove this girl to school my junior year. She was a senior. I would just goof around with my friend and she was, if anything, just a fucking hassle to drive to and from school because she lived in this awkward cul-de-sac type thing.

This is going to be long.


Every once in a while she and I would drive home alone together when the other people I drove were doing things and there was always something really strangely intimate about being alone with her. The summer before she left, we didn't see each other much, but I introduced her to her first cigarette.


The day before she left for college a couple friends, myself, and the girl all went to the park and hung out and there were a couple times when she and i were just sitting around and a kiss seemed appropriate, but it never happened.

I started dating this other girl that I was really really deeply in love with and had been good friends with for about 6 years. The relationship immediately became pretty serious, we dated for about 4 1/2 months, passionate love was replaced by intense depression. Now, the girl, Emily, was in college dating my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. They broke up about 3 days after we broke up. Both of us were devastated and we hadn't been in touch for months, but we talked via internets and we were both extremely upset and i started driving up to her college every once in a while and we would just hang out, cuddle, provide emotional support. I tried to kiss her each time I left. The first two times she didn't really respond. The third time she kissed me. And I don't remember from there.

As we both started to feel better about things we weren't in touch quite as much, but if she ever came to visit home we'd always end up having romantic and emotionally stimulating evenings together and we'd run around dams late at night and eat ice cream in hotels and that good stuff.

This past summer I started smoking a lot of weed. Five or six times daily. It became habitual and it slightly altered my personality, naturally. I was generally in a better mood, cared less about stupid shit, and wasn't quite as good at being there for Emily when she needed me.

There came a point where she became really anti-social, especially toward me, I think. She was home for 10 days and called me once to see if I wanted to go to a concert with her. We went together and I tried to call her on other days but she'd just ignore my calls and said she felt antisocial because she was having family problems.

Well...

I live five minutes away from her now. I feel like I've fucked up beyond repair. I don't know if the girl has ever felt about me the way I've always felt about her. She's one of the most genuine people I know and I know that she loves me an absurd amount, but I feel like she's just fed up with me. I quit smoking today. Had my last joint this morning next to the lake and I stared off and wondered what was going on in my life. I'm so fucking happy and successful at everything going on in my life, but my relationship with her is just awful and it's making me incredibly depressed.

I don't even think I can act naturally around her anymore. She loves the natural me, and all I can be self-observant to see what I'm doing right or wrong. I daydream about nights that we spent together and I long to relive them, but it doesn't seem to be in her agenda. When we do see each other, she's obviously really happy to see me, but conversations always go downhill into our problems and it's followed by silence. The goodbye hug is always intimate and long and involves staring at each other. I really just don't know how to get her back. I miss her. I want to sleep in her bed with her and hold her like I used to. Weed isn't even fun anymore because it just makes my memories more intense.

I don't know. I can't even properly socialize with other girls because I just think about how much they suck compared to her.

I'm also working on temptations right now. What should I do? Resist the temptation of calling her? Rid myself of her? Don't hang out with her until I've figured my own life out and recovered mentally from smoking too much pot? I see her as a temptation. The longer I go without seeing her the less I want her. Does there come a point where it's just simply healthier to avoid a person because they make you long for them and make you feel miserable?

Or should I try to wiggle my way back into her life? I miss her and I'd do anything to have that relationship back, but I feel like I'm just setting myself up for more hurt.

What's stopping you from contacting her if you really feel you need her to be part of your life?
Maybe she'll shoot you down, but then, atleast you'll know then for real whats going on in her head.

Have you tried telling her all that you've just told totse? About how special she is to you and all?

my advice, romanticize her.

take her places, like the fair, give her the single roses with the slick one liners, the whole nine yards, plus.

take her to dinners.

don't talk about your problems, and if the conversations head that way, direct them another way by flirting.

I don't know what it is, but I've always been one to try to make things just work out through actions. She's expressed how much she hates that I smoke every day. She got really upset over summer when she found out how much I was doing it. She doesn't care if it's in moderation. We take speed together sometimes, she took acid randomly on the same day that i took acid randomly. I got in a fight with her about it this morning. I don't know.

I just feel like I need to get back to where we were before I start telling her anything. She doesn't even really want to be around me too often right now. On top of that, telling her that I'm desperately in love with her and miss her? Is that even appropriate?

I only read the title and your name, the rest was tl/dr

I assure you that you're a pussyass bitch.

Prozac. It's been found to do wonders for obsessive-compulsive disorders. 'n it's also been known to do wonders for low self-esteem issues that border on psychotic delusion. Which, together, basically describes your entire post and problem, bluntly.

...then again, perhaps MDMA is the quicker path there. Perhaps it is not. Who knows?

Pssh, the "K Hole Gangster" cries himself to sleep.

You really should tell her. And stop thinking about it as much. I over analyse, it's not fun. It sounds like you're in a similar place.

Tell her.

K Hole Gangster, i wasnt going to read your post but im kinda glad i did.

Bro, i feel the position you're in. You're almost just like me. I try to be a perfectionist and try to watch for the little wrong things i do so for next time i know. Anyhow, what i've learned to do in life is to chase after what you want! You said you were successful in everything you did so who's to say she wont take you back? or start with you again if thats what you wanna call it. And, if she doesn't, then it was a risk worth taking. Remember, in life, you win some, and you lose some. I had a similar situation just not as deep. Long story short: i was friends with a chick, we were really friendly, from the beginning she told me she didnt want a relationship but we did start to like each other, i chased after her and got no where. But i learned from there to chase after what you want b/c if you dont then you will never know what could've happened. Maybe she wants you too? But you'll never know if you sit there by the lake smoking a joint thinking about it all day. Go get'er bro.

PS: dont be a pushover. Romanticize her like one of the posters said.

Much luck dude.

lulz.

Your post was not only simple and to the point, but also inspirational. Thank you.

Tell her how you feel.

I would say that you don't really have to try to put on any sort of romantic act to win her... You two sound like you already know one another well enough that you're pretty close. It doesn't matter if there are painful things between you now, that's only the case because the two of you are close enough to create an openness that's also a sort of vulnerability.

Basically if you are ever open enough to another person that a great amount of positive feelings between you are able to manifest, then there is the possibility to push the feelings that far in the negative direction.

So I don't think you have to try to win her, I think you're close, whether or not the two of you even like one another, you're connected anyway. Just communicate what you want to try for the two of you. You've spelled it out for us, now giver her a shot.

Indeed.....you called that right.

Summarized Version? Guy likes a girl that doesn't like him as much. The friendship has ebbed and flowed over time, and the excuse she is using now is that he smokes weed too much. She doesn't mind casual use, but doesn't appreciate several times daily. So buying into mainstream media thinking he is somewhat brain damaged, and trying to impress a girl he isn't going to win over no matter what......now he has decided to quit smoking weed. Now he ain't got the girl, or his weed, and is pissy pants depressed because of it.

Murder/Rape/BongHits/Suicide......is the ONLY solution to this problem.

why don't ypu tell her you like her, and you want to be with her...

Murder/Rape/BongHits/Suicide......is the ONLY solution to this problem.

Dont forget to snort some lines, slam 40s and molotov everything.

Dont forget to snort some lines, slam 40s and molotov everything for the lulz... DESUDESUDESU

fixed.