Has anyone ever tried this?

A girl wants to have sex with me this saturday. We will both be losing our virginity (for those who read my last thread, I told her I was a virgin.)

She knows that I write poems every once in a while, and asked that I write one for her. I plan on using it and changing the title so I can make many girls think I'm cultured and artistic!

Here's the poem, tell me what you think.

Jessica

i usually drink vodka
if i must ill drink a beer
but my only real desire
is to be with you my dear

why i mention drinking
i feel as if I'm drunk
when i touch your lips, my darling,
i am already sunk

If you declined to see me,
for a week, a month, a year,
i would miss you so much baby,
it is my greatest fear

so before you pass judgment,
before you snicker, sneer, or laugh,
just know i mean this truly,
and i am yours to have

I am putting this here rather than 'Eat Your Words' because I want to know about the sexual aspects of poetry.

GIRLS: If a guy wrote you a poem, would you be wooed?

Thanks,
ijsmlb :(

mention penetration ejaculation and amputation

ehh... sorry dude, but that kind of sucked.

i would have a hard time not laughing at a guy if he read that to me.

why not just use a classic?

roses are red,
violets are blue,
sugar is sweet,
i wanna fuck you.

Hold on, woah, slow the fuck down.

That poem sounds like something you would hear a crack addicted nigger spew out on his way to KFC.

No, seriously, that fucking sucks.

roses are red,
violets are blue,
vaginal sex is boring,
let me stick it where you poo.

Fixed.

There was a young lad named Ijustsmokedmylastbowl
Who was hoping to get a taste of his first virgin hole
But his poems were gay
And it ruined his lay
Now Jessica is riding someone else's pole.

Has anyone ever tried this?

A girl wants to have sex with me this saturday. We will both be losing our virginity (for those who read my last thread, I told her I was a virgin.)

She knows that I write poems every once in a while, and asked that I write one for her. I plan on using it and changing the title so I can make many girls think I'm cultured and artistic!

Here's the poem, tell me what you think.

Jessica

i usually drink vodka
if i must ill drink a beer
but my only real desire
is to fuck you in the ass

why i mention drinking
i feel as if I'm drunk
when i touch your lips, my darling,
prepare to swallow cum

If you declined to see me,
for a week, a month, a year,
i wouldn't miss too much you baby,
i'd simply dump your ass.

so before you pass judgment,
before you snicker, sneer, or laugh,
just know i mean this truly:
i will fuck you in the ass.


I am putting this here rather than 'Eat Your Words' because I want to know about the sexual aspects of poetry.

GIRLS: If a guy wrote you a poem, would you be wooed?

Thanks,
ijsmlb :(

Fixed.

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h317/kamikazepimp/gaythread.jpg

--KP

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/beethoventheory.html

http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h317/kamikazepimp/gaythread.jpg

--KP

Stop it with the forced memes!

...will it blend?

Is the poetry forum this lulz-filled? I'm gonna head on over there.

I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

Alright! We've got a song building up here:

Jessica (I wanna fuck you)

i usually drink vodka
if i must ill drink a beer
but my only real desire
is to fuck you in the ass

why i mention drinking
i feel as if I'm drunk
when i touch your lips, my darling,
prepare to swallow cum

(chorus)
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

If you declined to see me,
for a week, a month, a year,
i wouldn't miss you much baby,
i'd simply dump your ass

(chorus)
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

so before you pass judgment,
before you snicker, sneer, or laugh,
just know i mean this truly,
i will fuck you in the ass

(chorus)
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

I wanna fuck you (fuck you) (3x)
You already know

I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
(fuck you) (fuck you)
(fuck you) (fuck you)
*fading out*

Alright! We've got a song building up here:

Jessica (I wanna fuck you)

i usually drink vodka
if i must ill drink a beer
but my only real desire
is to fuck you in the ass

why i mention drinking
i feel as if I'm drunk
when i touch your lips, my darling,
prepare to swallow cum

(chorus)
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

If you declined to see me,
for a week, a month, a year,
i wouldn't miss you much baby,
i'd simply dump your ass

(chorus)
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

so before you pass judgment,
before you snicker, sneer, or laugh,
just know i mean this truly,
i will fuck you in the ass

*guitar solo*

(chorus)
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know
I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
You already know

*guitar solo*

I wanna fuck you (fuck you) (3x)
You already know

I wanna fuck you (fuck you)
(fuck you) (fuck you)
(fuck you) (fuck you)
*fading out*


Fixed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqRkuEdJSlo

Somebody needs to edit that accordingly, then the OP can send her a video instead of a poem, I mean, we have the technology.

I think I'm gonna try that. Just the line "I wanna fuck you" on repeat for like 10 mins.

I really like the poem, no sarcasm.

Rhymes good... a bit cutesy.. but I'm a guy.

Thanks. I don't like the girl as much as the poem makes it seem.. Whatever it takes to get me laid.

- ijsmlb :(

Fixed.

I approve. Knew it was missing something!

Sounds like something a teacher would read to an elementary students. Not necessarily the content, just the way the poem goes.

Write something passionate and complex. Write it so that it's not too hard for her to understand, but definitely not simple.

I write a fair few poems, but I've never written one with "woo' in mind. What do you even mean by woo?

The whole concept of recycling poems is beyond me. They're a creative medium. If you can write one, you can write another.

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/beethoventheory.html

Outstanding!

The original content of this thread, with the poem, however, was just terrible. Simple and predictable where sweet, and just crude and awkward when actually novel.

Besides, wouldn't showing the poem to innumerable anonymous people sort of devalue the intent of the poem being "for" her, anyway?

Outstanding!
Simple and predictable where sweet, and just crude and awkward when actually novel.

Can you clarify what you mean here? By clarify I mean use grammar.


Besides, wouldn't showing the poem to innumerable anonymous people sort of devalue the intent of the poem being "for" her, anyway?

Yes, yes it would. I don't care. Nor do I like her.

- ijsmlb :(

Yes, yes it would. I don't care. Nor do I like her.

- ijsmlb :(

Then all the better for you, and I might go back and elaborate upon the meaning my criqute should it still seems someththing worth doing when my head-cold clears up, thus rendering my faculties of coherence more apt at lucid articulation.

Or I could tell you to fuck off; I'm not sure, but you seem at least genuine in your efforts, so I'm sure, should I remember, that I'll offer something resembling assistance.

The original poem was awful.

Then all the better for you, and I might go back and elaborate upon the meaning my criqute should it still seems someththing worth doing when my head-cold clears up, thus rendering my faculties of coherence more apt at lucid articulation.

Or I could tell you to fuck off; I'm not sure, but you seem at least genuine in your efforts, so I'm sure, should I remember, that I'll offer something resembling assistance.



You accomplished nothing with that statement.

Aside from making an ass of yourself, of course.

- ijsmlb :(

Look dude, you're not gonna get laid with your shitty poetry. If you're like, rolling and you read something vague and yet meaningful seeming, yeah it could work, or if you seperate her off from the herd at a nice drunk as fuck party and she's kinda stupid, I suppose. This isn't that fucking movie which title now eludes me where at the end the guy finally gets with that girl you know what i'm talking about it was like in the nineties after he hands her that fucking note and shit...

I agree. Something like this:

SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

I agree. Something like this:

SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!


There was a young lad named Agent 008
Another poster who thought his prose was great.
But all it did entail
Was a profound PHAIL
Maybe the fag poets should go out on a date?

There was a young lad named Agent 008
Another poster who thought his prose was great.
But all it did entail
Was a profound PHAIL
Maybe the fag poets should go out on a date?

Pff, it's not like I wrote it. Blame Lord Byron.

Pff, it's not like I wrote it. Blame Lord Byron.

Haha. The fact that even Lord Byron gets shamed makes me disregard every criticism here.

My style of poetry is simple and easy to understand.

Think of me as the Kurt Vonnegut of poetry. Or the Darth Vader of poetry.

Either one works.

thanks,
ijsmlb :(

Ok fuck poems.

All you need is to say:
I wish I had 10 kids that looked just like you
(You don't have to use 10)

Think of me as the Kurt Vonnegut of poetry.

Vonnegut wrote poetry.

I'll think of you as the kid trying to attract girls by saying that he likes them more than getting drunk.

I mean, such sentiment. It's heartwarming.

Vonnegut wrote poetry.

I'll think of you as the kid trying to attract girls by saying that he likes them more than getting drunk.

I mean, such sentiment. It's heartwarming.

Sarcasm?

- ijsmlb :(

this. and:

roses are red,
violets are blue,
vaginal sex is boring,
let me stick it where you poo.

either one should suffice.

Or the Darth Vader of poetry.


Now here is where the OP claims to be a Sith Lord.
Don't like his poetry, he'll whip out his light saber sword.
The Force is his power
And the babes flock by the hour
But in the end its only a Wookie he scored.

^^^ Nice.

You accomplished nothing with that statement.

Aside from making an ass of yourself, of course.

- ijsmlb :(

Oh, so it's that you're an idiot, then?

Well, that makes your contribution to this entire boody thread a bit more coherent then.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Oh, so it's that you're an idiot, then?

Well, that makes your contribution to this entire boody thread a bit more coherent then.

Thanks for clearing that up.

Don't get mad because he called out your pretentious, almost illegible 'criqute.'


To the OP: You might add some metaphors.

Don't get mad because he called out your pretentious, almost illegible 'criqute.'


To the OP: You might add some metaphors.

Eh, I like to keep my poetry simple. Think Kurt Vonnegut.

Heres another one of my poems, inspired by a true story:

Song of the Homeless

I live in a box,
With wind everywhere,
On my legs I've no pants,
On my head I've no hair,

I once owned a dog,
With three paws and one eye,
Got hit by a car,
I ate him like pie,

On my face I've a beard,
That spreads cheek to cheek,
Inside lives a bird,
With warts on his beak,

I beg on the street,
For money towards shoes,
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner,
Consists of all booze,

One day I will die,
Alone on the street,
A day with no trash,
Means no food to eat.

Eh, I like to keep my poetry simple. Think Kurt Vonnegut.

Heres another one of my poems, inspired by a true story:

Song of the Homeless

I live in a box,
With wind everywhere,
On my legs I've no pants,
On my head I've no hair,

I once owned a dog,
With three paws and one eye,
Got hit by a car,
I ate him like pie,

On my face I've a beard,
That spreads cheek to cheek,
Inside lives a bird,
With warts on his beak,

I beg on the street,
For money towards shoes,
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner,
Consists of all booze,

One day I will die,
Alone on the street,
A day with no trash,
Means no food to eat.

your poems read like shitty hallmark cards


there once was a man from nantucket
whos semen could fill a whole bucket
the chicks who gave him dome
would come to his home
and wear a raincoat while they sucked it


I made that up on the spot bitches.

I was suggesting a metaphor because I thought one might make your love poem sound less trite.

On a different note, I really liked the 3rd and 4th lines of that other poem.

Hope it works out, whatever you chose to do.

edit: goml, that limerick is tortured.

Turn you on without a hitch
Plug you in and press the switch
Suck it clean
Don’t be mean
Clean up better than that bitch
(in reference to a vacuum, duh)
Mines better :p

Don't get mad because he called out your pretentious, almost illegible 'criqute.'


To the OP: You might add some metaphors.

Curious: I wasn't aware that stating something succinctly along the lines of "unoriginal when sweet, and ugly when original", then offering, since I found his efforts to at least come from something genuine, to elaborate later, even admitting to a somewhat medicated mental state, would be classified as pretentious.

Then again, alledgedly, this man is the "vonnegut of poetry" so perhaps I used a semi colon somewhere, and thusly offended him which would motivate him to respond to my amiable promise to make sense of what I've said when my headcold clears up with "that makes no sense, you're an ass."

Through it all, actually, it would seem that the original poster, who has just smoked his last bowl, has the personality of the pretentious would-be poet of ranking himself amongst one of the greatest American writers in terms of literary prowess.

Though what makes vonnegut so damn unique, besides his lack of hang ups involved in conventional literary methods, making him "simple", so some put it, is the man's damn impressive grasp of what it is that he's talking about, as well as an imcomporable wit, timing, balance between seemingly unreconcilable characters and motifs in a nigh skitzophrenic explosion of poingnant, and more important relevant, irreverance and satire. As far as I can tell, you have none of these things, and are equipped with little more than self-importance, a desire to portray yourself as poetic in the name of manipulating some naive girl into fucking you, and an utter inability to grasp the fact that somebody intends on helping you, let alone the ability to grasp all of the nuances within and without the political life, and personal psychology that Vonnegut could with ease.

Therefore, without looking back to even read what I've written, and still under medicated mind that might not be coherent enough for the few braincells you have left not involved in the functions falsifying your sense of self-identity to register, I'm going to leave it for what it is, typos and all, to say:

Go Fuck Yourself!

side note, without the nuances of entonations that one loses with written word rather than face-to-face conversation, I've never really had my feathers ruffled by any of this. Almost amused, but mostly killing time.

Have fun kids

Curious: I wasn't aware that stating something succinctly along the lines of "unoriginal when sweet, and ugly when original", then offering, since I found his efforts to at least come from something genuine, to elaborate later, even admitting to a somewhat medicated mental state, would be classified as pretentious.

Then again, alledgedly, this man is the "vonnegut of poetry" so perhaps I used a semi colon somewhere, and thusly offended him which would motivate him to respond to my amiable promise to make sense of what I've said when my headcold clears up with "that makes no sense, you're an ass."

Through it all, actually, it would seem that the original poster, who has just smoked his last bowl, has the personality of the pretentious would-be poet of ranking himself amongst one of the greatest American writers in terms of literary prowess.

Though what makes vonnegut so damn unique, besides his lack of hang ups involved in conventional literary methods, making him "simple", so some put it, is the man's damn impressive grasp of what it is that he's talking about, as well as an imcomporable wit, timing, balance between seemingly unreconcilable characters and motifs in a nigh skitzophrenic explosion of poingnant, and more important relevant, irreverance and satire. As far as I can tell, you have none of these things, and are equipped with little more than self-importance, a desire to portray yourself as poetic in the name of manipulating some naive girl into fucking you, and an utter inability to grasp the fact that somebody intends on helping you, let alone the ability to grasp all of the nuances within and without the political life, and personal psychology that Vonnegut could with ease.

Therefore, without looking back to even read what I've written, and still under medicated mind that might not be coherent enough for the few braincells you have left not involved in the functions falsifying your sense of self-identity to register, I'm going to leave it for what it is, typos and all, to say:

Go Fuck Yourself!

side note, without the nuances of entonations that one loses with written word rather than face-to-face conversation, I've never really had my feathers ruffled by any of this. Almost amused, but mostly killing time.

Have fun kids


You accomplished nothing with that statement.

Aside from making an ass of yourself, of course.

- ijsmlb :(

You accomplished nothing with that statement.

Aside from making an ass of yourself, of course.

- ijsmlb :(

You're cute

The Beethoven theory is pwnage!

I write lots of poetry. It's almost becoming my job. But what I really enjoy is writing bawdy poetry, that is, sexual, raunchy, immodest verse. Think John Wilmot.

What I do is this: do something crazy with a girl. Or you can make it up since you're a virgin. Then write a raunchy poem about the experience. Show it to people. They will love it.

For instance, I got drunk and had sex in a cornfield. Bam! Six stanzas. Showed it to some friends who showed it to some friends. Pretty soon people were wanting to know who wrote such a thing. Girls were aroused by its bluntness, its flowing words seething with lewd imagery, its astounding ability to wet the panties. You get the idea.

Of course, that doesn't seem like something you'd do. Shame, really.

Listen to "Nutshell" a few times. Then think upon whether or not the shit you spew has any meaning to you. Seriously. If it still does, then you're actually written something. if not, go back to your fucking university that loves pure science. go.

your poems read like shitty hallmark cards


there once was a man from nantucket
whos semen could fill a whole bucket
the chicks who gave him dome
would come to his home
and wear a raincoat while they sucked it


I made that up on the spot bitches.

I think the syllables in each line of a limerick are supposed to go 9,9,5,5,9.

I'm not so sure about the nines, I thought they were 7 but since the "There once was a man from Nantucket" thing is 9 syllables and is pretty much the most well known start to a limerick ever, I'm going to say it's 9,9,5,5,9. I know the 5's are right.

Anyway it was pretty good for on the spot and I couldn't do any better.

that poem sucked

The limericks are pretty awesome.

Sex is nice
And so are you
To have real fun
Lets combine the two

Yeah i did my best. It's early in the morning and i'm inebriated ok.

All I wanna do is do it
with you with you