Where to begin? My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now, and there's this other girl that I am extremely jealous of.

Are these feelings justified, or am I just being psycho and too possessive?

He knew this girl before we met, and they were friends. They hung out a couple of times, went to a bar with a bunch of mutual friends, etc... She rode there with him in his truck and told her friends to ride in the other car, which led him to believe that she liked him.

He liked her, so he told her how he felt. She totally blew him off and stopped answering her phone when he called, wouldn't respond to his text messages, and would just generally ignore him. It started when he sent her a text message telling her he wanted to talk to her to tell her that he was sorry that he fucked up their friendship and that he thought they should reduce their relationship to just acquantances (not hangning out, not talking unless they happened to bump into each other, etc...). She didn't respond to it, so he figured she didn't get it (she ended up getting a new number because she couldn't get text messages, so it was a valid reason) so he called her, and she didn't answer and didn't call him back. He waited a few days and emailed her, same thing, no response.

About a week or two after they stopped talking, we 'met' (we had a class together, so we knew each other, but had never really talked). He told his friend that had introduced us that he wanted my number, so I gave it to him, and the next week we went to the same bar he had gone to with the other girl. A few days after that, we started dating.

He told me everything that had happened with the other girl, and I thought he was over her. But once she found out that we were going out, she started calling him for stupid stuff, like to find out what time the class they had together was (even though it's on her schedule and she could have easily looked it up online as well), asking him what classes he was taking next semester and then signing up for 2 of them, 1 of which she didn't even need (it was german and she already fulfilled her language requirement, so she had no reason to take it), asking him to go to lunch with her, stuff like that...

And she started acting really bitchy to me. Like if I saw her I would say 'Hi' and she would just ignore me and give me a nasty look. The first time it happened I figured she just didn't see me, but then it happened 2 more times.

I told him about it, and said she was acting really bitchy to me, and he got mad at me for calling her a bitch even though he calls me one all the time.

And he refused to get me anything for valentines day, but he got her a card for her birthday a few weeks later. I'm pretty sure he didn't give it to her because I bitched at him about it so much though.

Then my birthday came along a few weeks ago, and he didn't even tell me happy birthday. He got me some Warhammer miniatures back in July so we could play together, but I told him before he even got them that I didn't want them and wouldn't use them. He got them for me anyways, 2 months before my birthday, then tried to say that they were my birthday present.

Then our history teacher tried to get him to join the history club, but he didn't want to so he used some other club as an excuse not to join. The other girl just became president of it on Tuesday, and now he's going to join it. I asked him to join the Foreign Language Club with me, but he wouldn't even though it only meets for 1/2 hour once a month, and he wants to learn to speak spanish more fluently and wants to learn German as well.

What the fuck? Am I overreacting, or do I have a right to be jealous of this girl?

The other girl is jealous of you. she only wants what she cant have.

from what i learned about women, she was only playing hard to get after he told her he liked her, and then when she found out he was with you, he learned that he was disinterested, which means her plan backfired.

if you break up with him you are only giving the bitch what she's jealous of.

if he's been with you for almost a year, thats a pretty fuckin good sign that he wants to be with you more than he wants to be with the other girl.

http://tinyurl.com/3xsf3d

What the fuck? Am I overreacting

No.

You're boyfriend is one pathetic fuck. You should start making moves to get closer to some of your old guy buddies, I'll bet he'll like that alot.

yea, i figured out that she was jealous a long time ago. that's part of the reason i haven't broken up with him, honestly. i know they would probably end up hooking up and i couldn't bear to see them together, especially since i have 4 classes with him this semester. i mean, i'm happy with him for the most part, it's just stuff like this that makes me think we shouldn't be together.

i just don't get why she has to be so fucking stupid. i did the same thing to a guy i was interested in and who was interested in me a few months before i got with my boyfriend, but once i found out he had a girlfriend, i let it drop and reduced our contact to a myspace comment every 2 months or so. not to toot my own horn, but i guess i'm mature enough to realize when i fucked up and suck it up, and she's just not.

but i've never heard of totally ignoring someone as playing hard to get... who the fuck does that? it's one thing to say you're too busy to hang out, but to just totally ignore someone that you live in the same dorm with and have classes with doesn't seem like playing hard to get to me, but that's all i can figure that she was trying to do.

the only thing i don't get is why he does all of this stuff for/because of her, but he won't do it for me. like he got her a birthday card but not me, and he got hers for her right after valentine's day when he wouldn't get me anything for valentine's day, he told her happy birthday but not me, he'll join a club that for a year he claimed to have no interest in once he found out that she's the president of it, but he won't join a club that i'm in that only meets once a month for 30 minutes...

oh, and i just thought of something else she did. this one's pretty minor though, but it still pisses me off a lot. it didn't at the time, but once i realized that she wanted him it did. about 2 weeks into our relationship, we were sitting on a couch near the cafeteria talking to some friends. he had his arm around me, and she fucking walked up to him and ran her fingers through his hair and started talking to him. i dunno, maybe it's no big deal, but it reminded me of that part in mean girls when the one girl did it to her boyfriend to piss lindsay lohan off, except with the other girl doing it instead.

No.

You're boyfriend is one pathetic fuck. You should start making moves to get closer to some of your old guy buddies, I'll bet he'll like that alot.

i thought about that, but i'm highly unattracted to all of my guy friends, and he knows that. so even if i did do it, he'd know it was just to try to make him jealous.

I'd be hard pressed not to take an exit.

Why does he do things for her that he won't do for you? Maybe because he already has you?

i don't know. i asked him why he joined the history club 5 minutes after he found out she was the president, and all he would say was that he just decided to and that i shouldn't get mad at him for changing his mind.

i mean, he did spend $200 on my for my birthday, but 1) it was 2 months early, and i didn't even get a 'happy birthday' on my actual birthday, and 2) it was stuff that he wanted that i told him not to buy before he even got it.

it's ok though, i'm gonna get him a puppy for his birthday.

it's ok though, i'm gonna get him a puppy for his birthday.You know what you should get him for his birthday? Something that would really teach him a lesson?

You, pregnant with someone else's baby.

You know what you should get him for his birthday? Something that would really teach him a lesson?

You, pregnant with someone else's baby.

fuck that. i don't ever want to have kids.

fuck that. i don't ever want to have kids.

You can scrape it out later.

You only need to keep it long enough for him to know that you were pumped full of someone else's baby batter.

I could be wrong here, but over all, your boyfriend could just be misunderstood. I had a really good friend (girl A) who I had quite a large thing with. Literally a day or 2 before we really would have hit it off, girl B comes along. I am now with girl B instead. Sure I have left over feelings for girl A, but if I wanted to be with girl A, I would be. Girl B is always horribly jealous because I try to keep in as much contact with girl A as possible. But only because before the whole fiasco she was one of my best friends, and I would really love to have her as a friend, but girl B doesn't trust girl A enough to let us anywhere near each other. I would make absolutely sure nothing happened. All my best friends are female... we played mortal combat >: |

Over all, I say just talk to him about it, straight up. If you trust the guy, take what he says as it is, and you won't have to worry about it. If you don't trust him, you probably shouldn't be with him anyways.

Are you kidding me? Have all you people gone nuts? This guy obviously still likes this chick. It's ridiculously obvious. It's like he's not even trying to hide it from you and save you from feeling bad. I don't know if this is the kind of relationship totse knows as normal, but what the fuck? He didn't even say happy birthday to you, on your birthday? Fuck him. Let him go back to her, but when that bitch ignores him again when she has no use for him, you won't be there for him to come crawling back to.

that's pretty much my situation, except he actually wanted to be with her, and they probably would have gotten together eventually if i hadn't come along. since we got together, she's been trying to spend more and more time with him and do stuff with him, but before she wouldn't even respond to his text messages or call him back.

i've tried talking to him about it, but it always turns into a huge fight with me getting mad at him for doing all this stuff for her, and him getting mad at me for not trusting him.

You'll love that puppy too. I presume it's for you. :D

yea, it would be for me. just because he doesn't like animals and he knows i don't like those miniatures that he got me, and he knew i didn't like them before he even bought them.

i'm thinking about a poodle. there's a really cute poodle mix that's been at the local shelter for a few months, i just have to hope she or he's still there by then.

seriously, how could you say no to this face?

http://www.imagehosting.com/out.php/i1164947_dogy.JPG

Sounds like you picked a real winner!

It sounds like he's unsure about her feelings toward him and you're resting in between.

Why be more petty and get him a dog that you know he doesn't want?

Your boyfriend obviously still wants that girl and mabye now that he has you, he feels he is in a good position to play hard to get. Even if they can't be together right now, it's the excitement of liking someone and seeing how they react when they see you or whatever. He knows she wants him and he wants her so they're just playing. And she just loves playing with your head.
I seriously don't understand what you're still doing with him. Even though you've been together for quite a while, you deserve someone who will put you in first place.
And if a person can't give you a proper answer, it's usually because they don't want to deal with you knowing the truth.

Why are you with this guy?
He's selfish, unloving, and seems to be a lying nasty turd just lingering around for something else.

I suggest the next time this girl approaches him you pull her away from him by the hair and smack her in the face, like you would a dog. Demeaning and dominant.

That is if you think this guy is worth fighting for.

You kinda need to tell him all that you've told us, and how it makes you feel. Perhaps he's so dumb he's just never understood what he's doing.. perhaps he's not. good luck.

thanks for all the replies, guys.

i came here hoping to get a good idea of what to do, but all of your responses just made me even more confused. that's kind of a good thing though, because some of you brought up stuff that i never would have thought of that i'm now taking into consideration.

You and your boyfriend have problems together..
Do you think it's really fair to bring an animal into all this just to try and spite him?

If you want it for yourself, get it now, to hell with him. But please dont get it as a tool in the issues you have with your boyfriend.


As for the Warhammer stuff,was it a subtle way to try and get you to like the stuff he does more?
I agree if it's clearly something you're not into it's a bad gift, but his intentions may have been in the right place. And those things are expensive!
I remember you saying you had Necrons, what units did he get you? Even a small starter army can cost around £50+.




I dont know what you want to do. IF you really love him, and really want him to become closer to you, you'd attempt to play Warhammer with him.
If you want him to be less into that bitch and more into you you act so so sweet and loving all the time, and give him whatever he wants.
For his birthday you'd get him.. something expensively awesome, like a 360 or Wii depending on what sort of fanboy he is.


But I dont know if he's really worth all that effort on your part. I cant tell if he'll love you and appreciate you for doing all that or ignore it and continue his bullshit with the other girl.


Really. It's time to think. What sort of boy is he? Do you think if she got him alone and offered herself to him he'd take her?
If it finally came to the point where the girl was saying "If you chose your girlfriend over me I'll never speak to you again" who would he chose?


Do you trust him?

Good point.

What if he ended up spending more time with that dog than he does with her while she's there?

What if they had an argument and he started lavishing the dog with more affection than he does on her?

What if that dog liked him better than her too?

Getting a dog could get a little sticky.

Well if the dog got love it wouldnt be too bad. But if they started arguing over it, and it eventuallly became neglected because he didnt love it and she didnt like it because it was technically his..


Allthough I doubt that XIlikeeggsO would be one to neglect an animal. :)

But it's still a worry.


Pets and relationships sometimes are difficult.
If my boyfriend and I broke up now, some of the guinea pigs and more exotic animals are technically his, so I would actively take him to court to keep the animals as mine. I could argue he's negligent, which he is, but it would be a tough case, probably.

Good point.

What if he ended up spending more time with that dog than he does with her while she's there?

What if they had an argument and he started lavishing the dog with more affection than he does on her?

What if that dog liked him better than her too?

Getting a dog could get a little sticky.

he wouldn't end up keeping the dog because 1) he hates animals, and 2) he lives in a dorm, so he can't have animals anyways

it would end up staying at my house, just like 'my' necrons are in his room

i already mentioned the animal issue... the warhammer stuff wasn't subtle at all... he had heard about the miniatures, and he really wanted to get into it, but it was summer and he was broke (he only gets paid during the school year), so i bought him the battle for maccrage (i think i spelled that wrong) board game or whatever it's called for $80, including some paintbrushes and 1 or 2 cans of paint at $3 each. i played it with him twice, i think, and i hated it. and he knew i hated it. he would beg me to play with him, and he still does, and every once in a while i will, but he knows that i absolutely cannot stand that game or how much he spends on little pieces of plastic.

for the necrons, he got me a monolith, the starter kit or whatever that came with like 28 warriors, 3 destroyers, some scarabs, and maybe something else that i can't remember, a necron lord, and a few days ago he got me a pariah and 2 flayed ones.

i already asked him, and he doesn't want a 360 or a wii, but i might end up getting him some more ps3 games. most likely he'll just say he wants more miniatures, though.

as for you first question, it's kind of hard to answer because they would never be anywhere alone together, so it's not really an issue. she lives in an apartment with her best friend and has no car, so her best friend has to drive her everywhere, so they couldn't end up at her place. his roommate is always in the room, so that's out of the question too. i'm not really worried about him physically cheating on me, i'm just scared that he's going to let his feelings for her keep growing and eventually dump me for her.

i guess another reason i'm so jealous is that he's always making comments that implicate himself... but he does it on purpose just because he knows it pisses me off. like a few weeks ago, he said 'it's not fair, in the girls rooms (in his dorm) they have ceiling fans and air conditioners' (his room doesn't have a fan). so of course, i asked him how he knew that, and he goes 'don't worry about it' and wouldn't tell me. eventually he told me it was because he had to go borrow the vacuum from the RA, but still, why couldn't he have just told me that from the beginning? and he's always saying stuff like that. like if we're supposed to be meeting somewhere and he takes too long and i say something about it, he'll say something like 'sorry babe, i just couldn't keep all the girls off me. you know they all want some of the big dick'. and stupid stuff like that. then he can't understand why i get jealous, even when i tell him that i don't like it when he says stuff like that and that it makes me angry and jealous.

i know if she told him that she would never talk to him again if he didn't get with her that he would say 'fuck you' to her, just because he doesn't do ultimatums and he would actually do something that's bad for him if it meant not satisfying the person that was trying to make him do something. i hope that made sense.

I'm just curious.

Since he bought you something you didn't like, and he knew you didn't like it...why didn't you return it to the store or exchange it for something you did like?

Or, better yet...dump it in the trash?

because he ordered it off the website, so i couldn't return it.

and i'm too cheap to throw away something that expensive. i'll always hold onto the idea that i might be able to sell it one day. plus, throwing it away is just too bitchy. he got it for me because he knows i like playing as the necrons on the computer game, and he was hoping that getting me actual necron miniatures would get me into the tabletop game as well. it's like what yoyobek said, which i forgot, but i remember the idea was the same.

A monolith in Games Workshop..well shit, I dont know precisely because I dont play as Necrons, but yeah, a monolith alone costs around £30.
Any individual units can cost from around £6 upwards.

Anyway, how much he spent really isnt important, because even if he spent thousands of dollarpounds on you, if you dont like it and you've made that clear before he bought it, then he's not being very nice.

I wouldnt be able to be happy in a relationship like that. With his constant mind games and tricks and the perpetual risk of him casting you aside for some skank who had her chance.. I'd end up doing something very bad to him with a machette.
:(

I hope you do what you need to do.

Where to begin?...

..I told him about it, and said she was acting really bitchy to me, and he got mad at me for calling her a bitch even though he calls me one all the time.

And he refused to get me anything for valentines day, but he got her a card for her birthday a few weeks later. I'm pretty sure he didn't give it to her because I bitched at him about it so much though.

Then my birthday came along a few weeks ago, and he didn't even tell me happy birthday. He got me some Warhammer miniatures back in July so we could play together, but I told him before he even got them that I didn't want them and wouldn't use them. He got them for me anyways, 2 months before my birthday, then tried to say that they were my birthday present.

This in particular made me think your boyfriend was an asshole.

And you're not being possessive, you've tried taling to her and being nice despite the fact you think he may still like her and he's got the fucking CHEEK to call you a bitch and get pissy whe you say she's acting bitchy.

No.

You're boyfriend is one pathetic fuck. You should start making moves to get closer to some of your old guy buddies, I'll bet he'll like that alot.


I agree. Flirt with guys in front of him. Go out to clubs with them and stay out all night. See how he likes it.

oh, and i just thought of something else she did. this one's pretty minor though, but it still pisses me off a lot. it didn't at the time, but once i realized that she wanted him it did. about 2 weeks into our relationship, we were sitting on a couch near the cafeteria talking to some friends. he had his arm around me, and she fucking walked up to him and ran her fingers through his hair and started talking to him. i dunno, maybe it's no big deal, but it reminded me of that part in mean girls when the one girl did it to her boyfriend to piss lindsay lohan off, except with the other girl doing it instead.

You've got every right to be pissed off.
She's being childish and just wanting what she can't have.
I'd have probably told her to fuck off if it was me.

Jealous? She sounds like a bitch, you don't. He sounds like an asshole. Dump him, and tell her to fuck off.

tl/dr