It seems the more I delve into philosophy, meditate on causality, take acid, speak to the trees- the more my love life suffers.

Breaking up with a girl because she's fallen in love with me. Despite her fundamentalist Christian life family and friends. She wanted to have sex with me, just to keep me. I couldn't let that happen.

Or realizing that to try and romance a girl I crush on from her boyfriend I'm a)hurting the boyfriend b)hurting her through putting her through turmoil that if I cared for her I wouldn't put on her.

I haven't had sex for almost a year and a half now, not including oral sex or light evening romance. Paralyzed by doing the 'right' thing. I'm not sure if it's what's 'right' for me.

So I've cut down on masturbation, I think that'll stir things up. But Totse, I ask you! What are your thoughts. What is the moral code that you live your lovelife by?
Are you just in it for yourself, or others?
Is it about sex, or the relationship, a mixture of both or neither!?

I just broke out of a 2 year relationship because she was understandably very serious and I just didn't feel the same way. It took me a long time (3 fucking months) to build up the courage, knowing I had to do what I did. Sure, I don't have sex anymore or get that intimacy that was really nice but I feel better about myself because I didn't lead her on anymore than I did. I felt that every day I was still with her I was hurting her more because I knew it would never last.
I used to be all about "the pussy" or whatever but now I just realized that attitude only made me miserable. I'm just going to be myself and suffer being single until I really truly like somebody. Call me corny or whatever but I feel a lot better about myself now.

Hmm... I think I'm going to take the "devil's advocate of the radical idea" tack here.

It seems the more I delve into philosophy, meditate on causality, take acid, speak to the trees- the more my love life suffers.

Perhaps this is a sign that the people you were dating were absolute 'tards.

Breaking up with a girl because she's fallen in love with me. Despite her fundamentalist Christian life family and friends. She wanted to have sex with me, just to keep me. I couldn't let that happen.

Perhaps this is another sign that... etc.

Or realizing that to try and romance a girl I crush on from her boyfriend I'm a)hurting the boyfriend b)hurting her through putting her through turmoil that if I cared for her I wouldn't put on her.

Congratulations. Your capacity for meaningful human connection has... occurred. I'm sure that when, in the future, you have a love life, this will aid it signifigantly.

I haven't had sex for almost a year and a half now, not including oral sex or light evening romance. Paralyzed by doing the 'right' thing. I'm not sure if it's what's 'right' for me.

Well... you might need to get laid more, but since you've cut down on poontang that's bad for you anyways - I'd say it's a benefit.

So I've cut down on masturbation, I think that'll stir things up. But Totse, I ask you! What are your thoughts. What is the moral code that you live your lovelife by?

"Sex by eight or it's too late."

Are you just in it for yourself, or others?

Both, of course!

I mean... really. You can't have a meaningful interrelation with someone - whether for one night or a lifetime - without both parties coming off eternally better than before. Anything other than that, and... it's a loss. No connection, no use, no redeeming value. One is missing out.

Doesn't mean that the benefits have to be mindblowing. A happy memory, fun times... they're as valid, in their own way, as being eternally greatened by the firsthand knowledge of true love to carry around to strengthen you for the rest of your life.

It does mean that if you're fucking people over in the course of using them, you're screwing over yourself a bit, too.

Is it about sex, or the relationship, a mixture of both or neither!?

Hmm... I want to say "mostly the relationship," but some people take that to mean the status, the silly little roles, the stupid games that humans play...

...and that, quite frankly, is fucking worthless. So, I'll use a term that means the same thing, but hasn't been poisoned - it's mostly about the interaction, the joy in their company, and the like... but, hey, all that and "both" never hurt, either.

Returning to your problem... might I suggest, perhaps, that everything you have lost is simply that which is of no value to you anyways, and suggest that your new quest in life should be to find people who are...

1. Not 'tards,

2. Polyamorous.

...this would seem to solve all the problems you complain about, and actually give you the side-benefits of frequent sex, rather than being dragged down by the excuses for people you cheapen yourself by spending time with just to get a little.

Seriously. If you can't converse about the meaning of life with it, why cheapen yourself by spending enough time with it to get your dick wet?

Right. Find better people. Shag them. Have great conversations in between shagging. Much better company = much better life.

Think about it.

There's not a huge amount of guys around that would have such high morals about relationships as you seem to do, so that's really nice to see.

Maybe it's time to find someone that's more similar to you? Or how about trying to stay single for a while and enjoy yourself, take a break from relationships and have some time to 'heal'.

Personally, I try to hold high morals with relationships - I would feel terrible hurting a person, and after having it done to me I'm always respectful to other peoples feelings. I although, can't talk - it's been well over 2 years since I've been in a relationship, and in the mean time I've just had casual things. Those relationships are open and honest, because people can still get hurt there - so yeah, I guess I do live by some moral code, I'm not in it for myself, but I'm not a push over either.



You need secks ;)

Think about it.

I will! Thank you for your advice. It was along the lines of what I've been thinking. Not to make excuses for myself but we're just coming into spring here and so my party life will (hopefully) blossom. With university next year, perhaps I'll meet some interesting people there too. One can hope!


You need secks ;)

Thank you for your kind words. It's so hard to bounce back up after being hurt, and even harder to ignore that you might be hurting someone you once cared for! But I suppose we get over it, either way.
And yes, I do need sex! I can't physically smoke enough pot to convince me I don't (I've tried)!

Sex is at the bottom of my list of things that are important to me, and that is an issue in itself.
Why were you dating this girl who was falling in love with you, if you weren't also? I'm a bit confused about what you're saying there. (I assume that's what you meant?)

Sorry if I was a little hazy on the subject.
I'm in a place in my life where I really want sex. And it's my opinion that adults should be able to talk about sex openly. When I started dating this girl she was incredible, intelligent, independent. It was only in the bedroom where she felt uncomfortable. To the point where she'd seize up, then apologize like she'd been shocked with electricity.
Her chastity was her religion, her life, her scapegoat for the pain of the world.
I couldn't take it away from her, it wouldn't be right. And it wasn't the right time for me to get married, or go without sex for another -however many- years.
So I broke up with her. It was sad, but it was the cleanest breakup ever. We just sat at her house for a few hours, I made some coffee. It was ok.

Thanks for the replies! It really helps.

You're so much like me it's ridiculous. Pretty close to the same situation.

Moral code?



You probably did the right thing. Allthough the girl will be broken up whatever you do in the situation if she loves you.


Would having sex with her have been that bad? After all you said she offered it to you freely, implying that she was aware of any consequences.

Im saving sex till marriage, i think its better that way.

im currently with a girl who i think i will marry, and im loving everybit of being with her. its great

morality's for pussies, it only gets in the way of a good time

Thank you.