I feel completely and utterly worthless... I don't think I've ever had this outburst directed towards totse, but I feel like there's no one else to listen to, so I pray you bear with me.
I've been drinking a bit too much, perhaps, and it scares me a little. But the greater part of it is, when I drink alone frequently, it merely makes me unable to truly feel the depression i'm trying to free myself of and that seems to fester. And yet, every night, it always is, "One last shot," eight times before I finally crash. I can't seem to get drunk anymore, and i'm in boulder coming off sea level. I miss being six shots and fucked up.
And yet, I'm crying on the inside because of some over melodramatized issue with a girl that I'm not even with. It's in moments like these that I become truly pathetic, so wrapped in someone I know I MUST have (and I've never yet failed to take them, but there's always these stretches of misery) that I drive myself to the depths of what society would deam self-indulgent crooning. I feel so embarassed... at this moment, I'm the steretypical emo kid- entreched in my own misery in such a way that I make a martyr of myself, that my make myself that pompous asshole who has everything better than anyone but their happiness. A disgusting form of American Elite.
I'm even too gone to cry. I know that breaks me down and lets what I've got out, and in the end I'm better.
I can't burn myself anymore, because that's wayyy to noticeable.
I can't cut, 'cuz I don't have my razors... even though it wouldn't stain my sheets like it has.
So, I come to you, S&A... have you been here, in whatever way you've experienced it? I just need to know I'm not alone...

Seriously, you really need to calm down. Smoke weed and lots of it, you'll be able to put your life in perspective and things wont look so bad.

It seems like you got the blues! Isolation feeds depression so my advice to you man is go out to large crowed areas like malls parties karaoke, the club... anywhere but you and your lonesomeness

You'd probably receive better answers in BLTC. Without knowing the specifics of the situation with you and this girl we can't do much.

BLTC is a bunch of people who have diluted their ability to feel by engorgin themsleves in whatever will drown thier imprefections.... I want the advice of people who ya, get fucked beyond their menas, but still feel the pain that reverberates within every being in the world.

As a non-drug user, I just ignore shit; at times (specifically when I meditate) I find it very difficult to tolerate myself and the rest of society, but when you realize the truth that ignorance really is bliss, you realize that you can continue to live.

I would advice against alcohol.
While alcohol makes you feel 'nicey' inside, it also makes the situation feel very, unepic. If you know what I mean.
(agree with me on this)
Also bleak and shit.
Id recommend weed.
Not having tried it but Ive heard great things about it.

Alcohol makes only the epicness of my misery is more epic.

Do you have room-mates?

I'm assuming no, since you've been drinking alone so consistently. And if I've taken anything with me in the past couple of years it's that time spent living alone is in direct proportion to the weird fucking behavior and habits you get yourself into. It's not that you're a sick, demented, pathetic, incurable fuckoff; it's just that there's nobody to say "YO! what the fuck are you doing?" We all have those guilty pleasures that weren't pleasurable enough to make up for the guilt (ie clown sex or the burning yourself thing) that we do anyway when we slide far down enough into our own self loathing where we ask "who gives a fuck" and our liquor soaked brain says "nobody! go for it" It's usually around this time that, if we have a good friend with us, they'll look over our shoulder with a shocked expression saying "JESUS GOD!" and take the shot that's in our hands while we're looking, throw a arm over our shoulder when we turn back, and walk us away from the bearded lady midget human pin cushion we were about to take for a wild ride in the porto-potty.

Ok, maybe that's not everybody, but the point is that there's a reason why misery loves company, and drinking is a social event, and other things like that as well.

Not chastising you for the simple act of drinking alone, hell, I might be up to similar shenanigans if I had the cash and I wasn't banned from the liquor store down the street, plus I kind of have a special someone in mind I'm sort of trying to better myself for. What I'm saying is that you've caught yourself on the tailspin of who-gives-a-fucks, and that's the first step, now you just have to pull yourself out of it before you do something stupid like filling the one you seek's phone with messages half of which are psychotically threatening, the other half horrifyingly masochistic, all threaded together with the kind of incoherence you'd expect from the drunken lovechild of Kurt Cobain and bjork with tourrettes, and you waking up in between two condom smeared sneeze guards at your local all-you-can-eat chinese buffet.

I usually go for some artistic way of purging all of this emotional nausea: writing, making music....I can't paint, but it would go into this category. You could do anything: carpentry, mechanics, architecture, physical training. Just anything that requires focus, and lots of energy, and preferably passion and creativity.

i was there for a year. dont drink, smoke weed. weed makes you think in a really different way. alcohol just makes you whiny.

have a goal and aim for it. when i was depressed it was basically because i had fuck all to aim for, and therefore no reason to live.

dont concentrate on the shit you cant have, bust up some video games and hang around with some mates. go no mates? go make some. if you are already in hell you have nothing to fear so go do things you normally wouldnt do, like try to chat up the hottest girl at the bar, or drive like a fucking psychopath.

the best advice i ever recieved was 'take each day at a time'. concentrate on making today work out as best you can. tomorrow can fuck off until it becomes today.

Stop drinking. Now.

Alcohol makes you even more depressed. Weed is what you want, trust me.

EDIT: Or, just stop being pathetic, stop feeling sorry for yourself and find some reachable target and go for it, that's what I did...

It's somewhat striking to take note of how anit-alcohol/pro-pot this thread has become, and even more astonishing is the rationale behind this.

Don't drink away your depression because that's just hiding from the pain....smoke pot.

As though there's some really brilliant chain of logical connections in which the conclusion of "smoke pot" is the solution of all of your problems, but the person behind the post was just too stoned to remember what made sense about it, or to shake off the lazies and write it all down. Now I'm not putting down pot, in fact I used to smoke a ridiculous amount of the stuff regularly; among other things. I'm not exalting alcohol either, I was once quoted saying "I've tried every drug there is but I'd have to say alcohol is the most destructive."

Of course I was drunk when I said this so it's an exaggeration, there are a few I haven't done, mostly esoteric Amt7, 5MEO..etc.etc....and heroin, and heroin is more destructive but in a similar way.

But I digress.

The point isn't about a preference of substance, it's the rationale behind it. You say it's bad that he's drowning his troubles, and suggest, as a reprieve or even a solution, that he smokes until he thinks his mouse is edible.

Hell Heroin will sure chase away the blues, a friend of mine described it as the ultimate security blanket that you can throw over yourself and say "who gives a fuck" to anything the world has to offer. Until you're addicted. Heroin is one of the few illicit substances that they don't have to lie about with their propoganda, it really is as shitty as they say it is. Who'd-a-thunk it

LSD will offer total perspective, but if he's freaking out now, the problem will be the only thing on his mind for at least 8 hours.

Meth would definitely give him some focus and drive for the whole carpe diem life, until days stretching into weeks of no sleep with all the hallucination and paranoia contained therein.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

And don't even get me started on ignorance is bliss! IGNORANCE IS BLISS!?!? Eventually the illusion of you confronting and defeating the illusion of all this maya will fall apart when the reality of your day-to-day situation makes you wake up and realize that you've been getting raped in the ass the whole time and willingly assisting the process.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of the whole sydhartha scene, but ignorance is not bliss. You have to develop some sort of balance between your "spiritual" life and your lived-in world.

That's the kind of shit I needed to hear. Thanks.

And don't even get me started on ignorance is bliss! IGNORANCE IS BLISS!?!? Eventually the illusion of you confronting and defeating the illusion of all this maya will fall apart when the reality of your day-to-day situation makes you wake up and realize that you've been getting raped in the ass the whole time and willingly assisting the process.
I believe this philosophy but I don't follow it; sorry, I should have specified.

The truth is that most people would feel far better living out their ignorant lives; this has been seen ad nauseum through literature and film (i.e. Brave New World and The Matrix). We only achieve bliss by knowledge when we free ourselves from chains unseen. I recommend this philosophy to the majority of people because it simply works; something has to keep the masses in control, and who am I to deny hapiness to another?

Does it make you feel better when you realize America's investment firms indirectly support the Sudanese genocide? Are you filled with joy when you realize that you have been lied to about damn near everything your whole life? Of course not, which is why most people would be better off not knowing, and do much to keep themselves that way. You can't blame them, they simply have different values.

Sex and Affection Anything and everything about sex and relations. Please try to keep this forum on-topic, since things tend to wander a bit. Search through old topics before posting a new one, as questions get repeated a lot here.

I'm done with this one, you can take it to Humanities if you'd like.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of the whole sydhartha scene, but ignorance is not bliss. You have to develop some sort of balance between your "spiritual" life and your lived-in world.

I like to think that the average totsean is sufficiently educated to realize that the maxim doesn't apply to them, but personally, I know enough of the population around me to realize that it certainly works for them; how many people willingly search for knowledge? Shit, 25% of America didn't even read a book last year.

But again, this is S&A so you can further discuss this topic outside of this forum if you wish.

Dude he can discuss whatever he wants unless the mods tell him otherwise. Get off your high horse.

I sympathize. I never did drugs or drank (save for one time) to help me cope, although I did do the cutting thing the odd time.
Believe it or not, it helped a lot. I'm not saying do it, although with your razor reference in your first post, I assume you know what I mean when I say it is almost like it relieves the pressure inside you. It takes away the emotional pain by giving you physical pain to think about.
They say "pain is temporary," but that's only half true. Physical pain may be temporary, but emotional pain may well last forever.
You've seen the "Childhood Sexual Experiences" thread. Why do you think so many of us Totseans are so fucked up?
As to the "Feel free to discuss this outside of S&A" person, as quoted, get off your high horse.
Some people, and I know I am one of them, just feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts in the forum they are in most often, with the people they feel they know best.
I know this probably didn't help at all, but I can honestly say I know how you feel.
OP, you aren't alone.

He can discuss whatever; I just won't respond unless it's in the right forum. I don't like hijacking threads.

my best advice to you is to be sober and confront your feelings. they won't simply disappear, let yourself be sad. feel it in the core of your heart.

I feel for you genericwittyusername.
Me and you seem to share similar opinions a lot, I like you, at least who you come off as on totse.
My whole life is one fucked up story so I know how you feel.
I'd like to IM with you if you had MSN, though I'm to paranoid to post my email.

Perhaps one day we'll IM but untill then good luck and know that your not alone.

He can discuss whatever; I just won't respond unless it's in the right forum. I don't like hijacking threads.

That's alright, no one is begging you for your opinion anyways.

Hell yeah man. I don't have MSN, unfortunately... but perhaps in the future!

That's alright, no one is begging you for your opinion anyways.

I guess when I_L_T_L responded to me directly he didn't want my thoughts on this; yeah, you're probably right.

He can discuss whatever; I just won't respond unless it's in the right forum. I don't like hijacking threads.

Hijacking threads....I assume this is a debasing way of insinuating the intent to remove focus of the original intention of the thread in a self serving manner, and that seems a perfectly reasonable thing to dislike, but I fail to see what it has to do with any material I've provided in my previous posts in this thread.

My first one was clearly relevant, and my second is a critique on the "help" that was being offered since I can't see the merit in exchanging one method of suppressing thought and another. The reason that this is brought up within the context of this thread is because it directly applies, and if I were to go into any other board and post, verbatim, what I posted it would just be directionless critique.

Besides, I've looked into some of the other boards here and I usually find what I find throughout all of the academic circles: a bunch of moral entrepreneurs, pushing their wares under the name of whatever theorist they uphold, attacking anybody who thinks otherwise, and spouting propaganda; all abstraction and petty pride.

Here at least it applies and has the potential of becoming something concrete.

I hope everything's working out for you, genericwittyusername, and I especially hope you're thinking for yourself.