Someone I talk to online is hurting tonight (a death in the family thing). I've been trying to think of what I could say to her cos she means a lot/her friendship means a lot to me.

Of course I can't take away or even lessen her pain but I'd like to be normal enough just to find the right words to show her I care she's sad.

But I can't.

So I say nothing.

*ps this thread is just me bemoaning my failings as a friend and human being, and i'll probably close it in a while.

Her knowing you care is probably enough.

Allthough you could get naked and dance to Knights of Cydonia and post it on YouTube?

ahh of couse..there's nothing like the feeling of clawing you own eyes out in a vain attempt to preserve your sanity to make someone feel better.

It's enough to know how much you care, jack. I don't think a person can do much more than that.

Maybe. Knowing you care has helped me through the last few weeks.

A while back, a friend's dad died unexpectedly. Everyone either avoided her or went on about how sorry they were and how terrible she must be feeling. I just went to her house and sat there with her for a couple of hours. I didn't really say much. After an hour or so we put on the first 2 seasons of futurama and watched them through without pause, save for ordering pizza and bathroom breaks. She told me later that it helped the most out of everything people did. It let her know I was there for her without being pushy and made her feel like the world would keep on turning. Sometimes it's not the words that count I guess.

Sweetest thing ever. And to Jack, letting her know that you care ought to be enough. It may not seem like a big thing to do, but it really makes a difference.

I'd say you've got it pretty much figured out. Unless you're the messiah, come to liberate the Jews from Roman oppression, nothing you say is going to bring her kin back from the dead. Period. Ergo, don't fake like you can or feel like you should, and just be there for your loved one the best you can.

It's all there is. 'n no, you're not going to make her feel better. It'd probably suck if you did, seeing as caring about family, living or recently dead, is sort of an important thing in people's lives where possible... but hey... just 'cause you can't make it better doesn't mean you can't be a friend, and be there if she asks.

Don't stress what you, or anyone, will never be able to do. Not only does it destroy you to do so, it probably fucks with the bereaved as well. Just focus on what is possible.

pour out some liquor for the dead relative I guess. Let them know that death's a part of life that's natural and if that person had them in their life they didn't miss anything.

She knows you're there for her, mate. It's usually enough to know that you have people behind you.

Good luck. I know when Im miserable like that, nothing helps. No music, no friend, no drug, anything. Time is it, but Knowing you are there is the best you will get. Good luck.

press your body against her in a non sensual way. and wrap your arms around her.