&T
I decided I'd do a list of 71 reasons why I hate myself, to make myself feel better. Here goes so don’t bury this until I’ve finished posting it;

1.) I suck at wow. I used to love wow, and I thought I was good, but now, I realize I'm bad, and it angers me.
2.) I suck at most other video games. The games I'm good at are single player and utterly easy.
3.) I have no real friends. Philip pretty much just talks about wow. Elliot is just an asshole. Laurah is well meaning and hopeless. Those are the only people I'm really close to, excluding sara.
4.) (almost an extension of #1) Laurah is level 70. I am stuck dying in zangermarsh.
5.) Sara will never like me.
6.) Ellie will never like me.
7.) I doubt I will have a girlfriend (excluding me getting back together with laurah out of bad judgement) for the rest of high school. I can't have no friends and no girlfriend.
8.) I've run out of things to talk about with sara, and she's stopping talking to me. She'll utterly stop soon. I'll just go off and be depressed without her.
9.) My laptop has dead pixels in the right middle of the screen.
10.) My laptop has shit all over it that makes it sticky/dull and I can't wipe it off.
11.) I wanted a laptop to I could break wifi. I have not broken one wep key in the four months I have had my laptop.
12.) Everyone except philip is constantly trying to break holes in everything I stand for. Elliot and Jesse mock my laptop and me having linux on it. People at school do that for everything. I'm breaking down.
13.) My family fights all the time.
14.) My mom is a total bitch and still expects me to coddle her.
15.) After attempting suicide because I broke after everythign was piled on me, my parents continue to purposely stress me out.
16.) I suck at guitar.
17.) I am too lazy to get better at guitar.
18.) I have no musical talent whatsoever.
19.) I don't have any actual knowledge of music.
20.) I care about my grades.
21.) I get shit grades.
22.) I'll sell out.
23.) My mom is a cold-hearted bitch.
24.) My dad is an overwarm dope who thinks the world is a giant playground.
25.) I'm depressed and my parents don't care.
26.) Lexi is a backstabbing bitch, and I trusted her.
27.) I am not a good programmer.
28.) I can't do network programming.
29.) I'll NEVER be able to do shellcodes.
30.) I don't know enough C, nor will I ever know enough C, to make my own linux distro.
31.) I dont' know anything about the actual underworkings of the linux kernel. Or ANYTHING at all about unix for that matter.
32.) I can't do SQL injection.
33.) I am such a raving noob that I can't even crack an MD5 hash.
34.) I will never be able to write my own exploits.
35.) I have filled my hard drive with books I will never read.
36.) I have nothing to do at any given moment. I am bored, but saddend. I have nothing that I want to do, except ridiculous, adolescant dreams.
37.) I'm not political. I will sell out, as will maddy and elliot and everyone else I think is political.
38.) I lost the wisk comandments.
39.) I have no actual reason to be alive.
40.) I'd like to get back together with laurah. I just would never have closure with anything else. And I need that.
41.) This list is 40+ items right now.
42.) I cannot crack a website.
43.) I cannot crack a shittily secured windows XP box.
44.) I couldn't hack anything.
45.) I can't go on skype and have rhythmbox open at the same time.
46.) I am too much of a raving noob to fix anything on my computer. My skill extends to repeating verbatim what I read on wiki's and forums.
47.) My contribution to anarchy is shitty graffiti in a yuppie suburb.
48.) I will never do anything of major reknown.
49.) My problems are minor compared to others, but are still major to me. That fact doesn't help me at all.
50.) Nothing I write will ever even be accepted on totse.
51.) Nothing I write will ever be accepted on anything. Or read by anyone.
52.) I will never contribute more to the piracy movement than that Babel torrent.
53.) Laurah isn't talking to me. She's probably on WoW.
54.) My parents traumatize my sister, constantly. I am powerless to help her or stop them.
55.) Anyone who I attempt to befriend or get close to invitably hates me or is worse off because of me.
56.) I act hardcore all the time, and I act all the time, in general. I wish I did not have to wear a mask everywhere except alone with sara and laurah.
57.) I will get a computer with windows on it at some point in the future. I will likely do most of my hacking on that computer, because I am too much of a noob to get things to work on linux.
58.) I can't do javascript injections.
59.) I can't get gtk to compile.
60.) My parents fight all the time.
61.) I am dragged into the middle of my parents conflict. My mom makes an active attempt to do so.
62.) My mom won't let me have my own room, because she would rather fight than help me.
63.) I broke up with laurah because I felt trapped. Now I feel alone and trapped. One person could make me happy, but she never will.
64.) My dad is totally paranoid and has all the wrong ideas about everything.
65.) I got a C in NSL, pretended like I didn't care, but I did.
66.) I have no good teachers, mentors, or actually, anyone in my life which I would like to learn from.
67.) I am alone.
68.) I am depressed.
69.) I am suicidal.
70.) I would rather kill myself than fix my problems.
71.) I have 70 reasons to hate my life.

So if you were kind enough to read through this you may or may not be laughing or feel a bit sorry for me; either way I know totse is the right place for someone to be cheered up so please help me out &T, I will be able to be contacted on 301 385 7208 for you to either cry with me or lulz with me and cheer me up. Maybe sexy talk on telephone ;)

Oh My God.

Turn that :( upside down :)

http://tinyurl.com/3chewx

This will cheer you up.

Seriously it's not that bad, stuff will look better, sun will shine again, the usual.

My advice:
Ditch the computers, and take up gardening.

Ahahaha, you suck so bad... :(

You should have a computer burning party and then go live in the woods for 3 months. In January. In a bear den. That'll fix ya right up.

Become n_hero for great justice.

Wait a sec! Aren't you that guy that went to some geek convention months ago and were giving us hour by hour updates on well you were doing socializing? I seem to remember you bragging like a 10 year old in how you "scored" after busting your ass for a couple hours setting up a booth and your "reward" was feeling her tits over her shirt.

If that WAS you, then all I can say is......HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! I told ya so!

If not, then you have 2 solutions....

1) Huff Raid

2) Start doing drugs.

Bitching and whining will NOT change things, so quit wasting your energy.

&T
I decided I'd do a list of 71 reasons why I hate myself, to make myself feel better.




There's a good idea right there.

All I can say is keep your head up and face each problem one at a time.

Sitting and doing nothing will make you feel worse.

All the shit you say you're not good at, well, get better at them...And if it gets to a point where you believe you can't do them...Stop. Don't waste your time. Do something else.

you are, it's not okay, you need to change your situation.
I'm going to say some radical shit right now and give you 10 steps..........
step 1: huff raid
step 2: stop playing wow and stop associating with hardcore wowers [translation: get new friends]
step 3: move out, you hate your family (from what I understand) get a job stay off your ass and stay in school.
step 4: HUFF RAID...........again (because once isn't enough).
step 5: work out alot
step 6: you don't like a motherfucker, he give you problem, you smash..............understand.
step 7: get a girlfriend, she'll improve your life
step 8: become a better student......go to college
step 9: beat your parents and move out (if you want to defend your sister take her with you).
step 10: stop acting and be yourself.

simple stop being lazy and stop being a wow craft nerd and get a gf and move out and like the one most best one huff raid the awsome high will help you forget your problems and if you have to take up drugs pr drinking or smoking and well i just have to say stop complaining i have it a LOT worst than you do and im not complaining at all my lifes much worst than yours is.....

You suffer from severe-faggotry.

Solution: Suicide.

You forgot about:

step 11: ???
step 12: PROFIT!!

You forgot about:

step 11: ???
step 12: PROFIT!!

Yeah...I tend to agree for some reason!

But yeah...Definitely get away from the WoWers...They are dumb. Find a nice hottie...That'll make you happier. Especially when Sara and Laurah see you with her!

You people think he's going to be able to get a girlfriend in the mindset he's in?

Kill yourself. Get a gun, or just use a knife. Shoot your self in the head, or just stab the knife though you neck, and rip it out forward, no pussy slitting your wrists call for help shit, just kill yourself, you'll never amount to anything. Your friends suck, your hobbies suck, and your hopes suck. Not to mention you suck at your hobbies, and you'll never be good enough. And before you die, be sure to upload some pics and a video, we want em both. Emo kid=Fail.

http://tinyurl.com/3chewx

This will cheer you up.


Ahhh! AHHH!! AHHHHH!!!
Shit, now I'm depressed.

no you've got like 5 reasons to hate your life the others are just rehashing your minor annoyances

1. You suck at computers
2. You suck at making friends/getting girls
3. You suck at music
4. Your family sucks
5. You suck

basically it no? Well you've probly got no friends because you're so admittingly fake/down on yourself. You suck at computers because you probably aren't a total nerd, your family sucks but you didnt get the pick em, and who cares about music? If you think you could get a career in music even if you had mind staggering talent you're delusional. Meanwhile you bitch and whine like a sheltered little runt about all the trivial shit that rolls off everyone elses back. Here's why I should be depressed but I'm not

1. Social services broke up my family
2. Most of the rest of my family/friends when I was a kid are dead from one thing or another
3. Pretty much every girl in nova scotia thinks I'm an asshole because I kind of have been before and girls have big mouths. On top of that I spit in a girls face the other day for saying I was talking shit about someone whos in jail right now and she's gonna try to get everyguy she knows to bang me out
4. I've got trafficking charges against me and will hopefully avoid them for the time being by jumping province
5. Now that I can't sell drugs openly anymore I have to work construction all day in the hot sun while you sit at home playing WOW (which I've never played, have seen played and safely dubbed "gay")
6. I'll probly never get a high school diploma
7. My friends pretty much all sell drugs and make good money but hangin around them too much is heat on me
8. I can't stop flippin out at people whenever they say something I in my fucked up head interpret as disrespectful and I know it'll get me killed someday
9. I have pins and discs in my back and heel from falling down an elevator shaft
10. I forgot the number of this girl I was with the other day who I thought could make me 180 my life in a second.

So yeah, quit whinin. Other people have worse problems and aren't depressed just got a chip on their shoulder. Why don't do you what everyone else who hates themselves does and stuff coke up your nose til you can't feel feelings anymore?

That' some emo shit right thar.

Jeez I thought I had the gloomies bad.
you dumbass, you spend your entire time on a video game, and are depressed because your not a 1337 haxor, (I don't even know what 99% of that computer speak was).
your depressed because your friends don't talk to you. Don't be such a pooner, you say you wear a "mask" all the time, take that thing off you retard.

Gawd, I really hope you're a troll

you say you wear a "mask" all the time, take that thing off you retard.

Easier said than done. I do the same thing, I find myself pathetic because of it, but I just cant stop it.

trust me it's sooo easy it's not even funny.
you might be confusing your internal sel for your external self.
the way you talk/act to yourself is always gonna be different than what you do around people.

but to pretend being someone you are not, is not only stupid, but it's pointless.

kill yourself.

here have a sammich

lol, WOW came number 1....

go plug some jenkem!

71 problems but a bitch aint one!

So if you were kind enough to read through this you may or may not be laughing or feel a bit sorry for me; either way I know totse is the right place for someone to be cheered up so please help me out &T, I will be able to be contacted on 301 385 7208 for you to either cry with me or lulz with me and cheer me up. Maybe sexy talk on telephone ;)




Just out of interest.. Is it +1 301 385 7208?

oh yeah i read ur life story... thats some pretty heavy shit bro, soldier on man!

You forgot about:

step 11: ???
step 12: PROFIT!!

yeah I did forget those but they should go without saying [they're the next obvious steps].
but whatever you do .........DON'T KILL YOURSELF, that automatically makes you a failure, at least you have a chance at success if you keep going, remember the steps
and one more thing......................don't talk to psychologists, councilors, social workers or any part of the government............they're evil and will counteract any progress you make while following the steps I gave you..........and one last thing to remember.........huff raid.

but whatever you do .........DON'T KILL YOURSELF

Yeah. Don't kill yourself, that's what RAID is for.

And remember, things can only get better from this point on.

allright so you hate your life ja?

so hars whatcu do

you hate your friends ja? they all backstabbing bitches that slept with all of your family members and half of stockholm?
well you just cut them out thar, stop talkin to them stop seeing them stop letting them bring you down.

TILL HELVETE MED WOW, ja cause thats a piece of shit game for nothing but the freaks of the universe and chinese people

so now you're witout wow and without loserfriends
so find your self some new friends ja?
with that will come new girlfriends

then you can find a better hobby to pass time with then wow, mabye learn a sport?
pool is a nice activity that requires no actuall physical abilitys

but dont go around talking to people saying "i hate life blah blah i tried to jump out a five story building and landed on a mattress truck and stubbed my toe"
people dont like a whiney bitch,

so MAN UP! and have some fun
oh and take that piece of shit laptop and drive an umbrella through the screen cause you're not gonna do anything if you're stuck on totse whining




cause eventually you'll realize that life is actually fun you just need to live it

so Skål to your new wow free life,

Listen to none of these idiots.

Your life boils down to 5 points.

Laurah
WoW
Computers
Music
Acceptance

So, from these 5 points, you need to work on them.

Start like so:

Give up WoW. In the long run, that game does nothing but harm you. It's like an addiction to crack.

Get closure with Laurah. Ask her about what happened with the relationship. Get closure. You badly need it.

Hang around on linux IRC channels, some wizard will take you under his wing.

Lock yourself in a blank room, with only your guitar and some music. Play. Fight the distractions. Add this to routine.

The last one, acceptance, will come as a combination of the above.

I'm going to make one of those.

When's a good time to call?

Honestly.

Is it a mobile or landline?

I didn't read your post but when it comes to depression, this method works.

Get out! I mean get away from the place/situation you are in - do totally something different (for 6-7 months). You (if you are an ordinary human being) won't be able to fix the problem when you are IN the 'system'. Exposing yourself to a new environment opens your mind.

This method, I am telling you, is from my personal experience.

This method, I am telling you, is from my personal experience.

Elaborate?

9. I have pins and discs in my back and heel from falling down an elevator shaft

I just gotta ask.....how in the FUCK does anyone fall down an elevator shaft? I gotta hear this tale! Christ, anything is better than hearing all of these reasons how Prometheum puts the "HA" in.....PHAIL!

Elaborate?

I was in a college. Things were going shit. I was actually going crazy. Moved to a new City, joined another college. Now I am a much better person than I was in the first college - good and very confident enough to handle the shit back there.

Yeah? You're depressed are you? It's all in your outlook. I have been depressed as fuck before, and had a little drug binge and guess where I ended up? Wrecked car and rehab. Lotta fun man. It's easier to pretend all is well, since you probably don't have any more than 2 years of high School left just bull shit this, and go start a new life in Memphis or something. I Don't Care.

That's my plan considering the following:

1. I have nothing but fairweather friends, and not many of them either. I can't depend on one of my friends for anything, not a place to go, borrow a dollar, or hang out with me consistently. It seems that I am a rather stupid person when inebriated, and very stupid and unconfident sober, so depending on which friend they have to take a break from me and my undesirable ways. I used to have a best friend but then I did nothing to his girlfriend (talked to her or something?) and that changed everything somehow, we went from him wanting me over every weekend (all weekend) to drink to me having to call up and maybe him being in the mood to stomach me for a couple of hours before a lame excuse and a severely fucked up drive home in the dark. All my friends leave me high and dry. I'm sorry but you have these 2 ugly drab sluts to hang out with, that's better than me and my 5 inconsistent friends and 30 "school-friends" who never fuckin' call.

2. Girls? forget about it. I've had a decent number of random hookups but as far as girlfriends, no girl in her right mind would have my bi-polar ass.

Not to mention I'm ugly so I've not only had very irregular hookups, but they were all sluts who I fear may have given me some sort of disease.

These are my fuckin' cards, I'm playing with them right now, just me and my weed. I only persist because of my mom and some other family, but other than that I'm just looking forward to a Studio apartment, a bad job and a drug addiction until my death at 35 or so, mourned only by family. I haven't picked between meth, crack, or heroin. Any suggestions? Fuck yall.

Well, I can identify, and I was gonna call him, but wtf is with this...? (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=off&q=%22301+385+7208%22&btnG=Search)

I was asked to post this. I assume its from the real Prometheum:

Hello, its prometheum. I'm sorry I haven't been active in this thread
and I'm sorry I haven't been able to respond, but there's a rather
complex situation at hand. A few people compromised my email account and
later my totse account and started posting this list along with my phone
number, I suppose to try to bitch &T into being their personal army
(this is why the number was posted on that other random forum about rap
battles, by the way). But in any event, what this is deserves some
explanation.

Thanks to everyone who replied positively. I'm saddened that it took me
this long to get a response on here. If it is, that's because jack is a
very, very, very, very good mod and an excellent person for posting this
for me. To everyone who's situation was far worse than my own and still
remained hopeful and persistent: I'm fully aware you're worse off than
me. Which is why I didn't post this to totse when I wrote it, about 9 or
so months ago.

Here is how things turned out:

It does basically boil down to this


1. You suck at computers
2. You suck at making friends/getting girls
3. You suck at music
4. Your family sucks
5. You suck

Or less inflammatorily, this:

Laurah
WoW
Computers
Music
Acceptance

I dont' really remember most of the items on that list, it was a while
ago and most of them are repeated, so I'll go (roughly) by those categories:

(
Before all this, like MG said, I did take a few weeks and just withdraw
from a lot and get things balanced and sorted out. In a really nerdy
way, it was kind of jedi-ish. I just tried to let everything balance and
let everything passionate and emotional go. It worked fairly well.
)

1.) Programming. Basically, I got my ass up, got a shitload of ebooks,
sifted through them, got the good ones, set some goals and got shit
DONE. I got better at C, I learned the sockets API for windows and *nix,
and started writing programs. Also, I made some todo lists for my more
ambitious projects and I try to stick to my goal schedules and get at
least two done a week, which means that I end up getting about one and a
half or one done a week, which keeps me going. I also got a lot of
books. Books are key.

2.) Hacking. I forgot about all the web-based shit. I dont' really want
to do js/sql injections. I got a list of goals that I want to reach and
I got started. First, I read Smashing the Stack for Fun and Profit over
and over again until I got it. Next, I started writing my DoS toolkit,
and that's been going nicely. After that, I'll find something that has a
fairly straightforward buffer overflow vuln in it, and I'll try to write
an exploit for it. After that, I'll do the same thing with a remote
exploit. After that, I figure I can choose where to go. Again, books are
key. I go on MASSIVE downloading sprees for tools and books, to look
over source code and read. I can also use my school to print anything I
want, since all the printers are set up with HP jetdirect and from any
ethernet port in the building I can print anywhere else, so ebooks are
essentially real books.

3.) Music. This isn't that major, but I just didn't really care for a
while, but then my friend wanted to do a project with me, so I started
playing guitar again. I've found if I just have it in my room now (my
own room, by the way) I'll usually play it before I go to bed. I'm
really pleased with myself on how I'm picking it up, and I totally blow,
but I'm learning and its fun.

4.) My parents are getting better. Or maybe I'm getting better at
dealing with them. Most of the time at least. They still piss me off,
and they still kinda mistreat my sister, but my sister, upon closer
inspection, is a total brat. So thats kinda gray. They have gotten
better about guilting me though (even though now they have lot more
material that they are trying not to use).

5.) I "contributed" more to the piracy movement than babel. Can't really
say more.

6.) Girls. That was a REALLY complicated situation, and the list didn't
really reflect it. A sum-up: I used to be dating laurah, I got depressed
and bored with laurah, started liking sara, ellie is a random girl that
in a week I found to be a total bitch, sara is completely not interested
in anything but a platonic relationship, and the list is about 1 week
after I met ellie (I think). SO:

I realized nothing would happen with sara, so, a bit at her cost (for
which I'm sorry about) I told her everything, and she took it fairly
well. We didn't talk for a while, but now we're friends again, and
things are looking alright. In hindsight, we wouldn't have worked out at
all, and I really didn't get her. I realized that, however, laurah and I
DID work out, and I DID get her, and she got me. So I got back together
with her, and its been great. I haven't talked to ellie in months. But I
dont' care because she's a prep bitch.

7.) WoW. I didn't really play that much. I did about a level, got bored
and stopped. I was focusing more on programming/hacking. I realized I
didn't care about WoW that much. Now, the attackers have my account, and
I'm debating whether to get it back or just tell my credit card company
to stop paying blizz. And, getoffmylawn: I almost DEFINITELY was not
inside playing WoW while you were outside working.

Warhammer is looking good though. We'll see. ;)

8.) Friends. Better and worse. One of my best friends I'm not talking to
now (not by either one of our choices :( ) and at school, I'm rather
isolated. But I can talk to laurah, and I have other friends outside of
school, and it doesn't bother me that much.

Thanks again for all feedback. I'm not trying to bitch, I wasn't trying
to bitch when I wrote this, and again, I didn't post this. Everyone who
said that "I" was being whiney was totally right, because nothing in
this list is at all that major. But it helped in the end. To the person
who said you'd make your own, I hope you do, it helped me a good deal.

Thanks to jack for posting this. He's awesome and S&A is lucky to have him.

Until next time,

~Prometheum."

Sounds good; would you like to PM me your real ph#?

Glad everything's settled.