Okay. For those of you unfamiliar with the oddities of my past, suffice it to say that I deal with significantly more shit than a good percentage of teenagers on a regular basis. I really have never trusted anyone, and I used to get very paranoid episodes about relatively benign and harmless things. I also try my best to avoid social situations and interpersonal contact.

That being said, I have a girlfriend. Against all odds, and despite my warnings to her that I'd be the worst thing that could happen to her, we've been together for about a month now.

I tried to scare her off by telling her the worst stories about myself. I went into graphic detail about the years I've spent in therapy and counseling, my criminal history, my inability to feel very much at all, my generally anti-social behaviors and the reliance I place on reading peoples' body language to interpret their personalities.

She absolutely refused to accept that I'm a bad person, even with the evidence I'd stacked in that direction's favor.

So I figured she was damaged. Abuse/rape/molestation/neglect/deep-seated trauma. Something. She proved that wrong. She's an only child, and has some minor self-esteem issues, but she has both parents, both are employed, and she has no sexual dysfunctions. She's a virgin, and has only had 2 relationships before me. One was a very awkward lesbian relationship that ended amicably, the other was an "Oh, what the hell" thing with a guy who made her laugh, but was terrified of her body. (nothing physical, and she got bored)

Enter: Me. Overweight, sarcastic, mentally/emotionally unstable, on psych meds, with odd taste in music/clothing/art. For some reason, I really really like this girl. I don't want to hurt her, ever. The part of me that governs paranoia keeps telling me that it'd be in her best interest to break it off, so I can't hurt her.

But I feel a connection with her that I've never felt before. With anyone. It's so alien to me at this point, that it scares the hell out of me. She walked by all the scary shit I threw at her, and now she's basically pounding on the last bit of security I have to keep everyone out.

I love her to death, but I'm afraid that I'll hurt her.

I'm totally on the same level as you.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years because
I was afraid I was hurting her to much (Which I probably was).
It's a tough call but I'd say go for it! I mean, come on man!
what's the point in living life if you don't take some risks,
you might as well be dead. I'm sure the girl will be fine.
if shit starts to get out of hand in the future (like me)
then end it at that point.

The girl seems to like you. Go for it buddy :)

She could be the best thing that ever happened to you!
Just think about it! Go! Fast as you can! Be With Her!
Think about how accepting of you she is!
Fuck, trust me, it's not easy to find girls who are willing
to accept the problems guys like us have.

There's no rule saying you can't keep a bit of yourself tucked away from her just in case.

I did and I bounced back pretty quickly.

I've seen guys who let the girl have and know everything about them and when it falls through, they are left feeling empty and feeling like they aren't who they were without that girl.

Don't be that guy.

Okay. I'm a bit of a romantical type with girls I really care about. Case in point: I give a gift that 1) means a lot to me and her, 2) is unique, and 3) Is something that I put a lot of thought and care into.

I gave her one of my dad's knives. One that I took great pride in the care I gave it. I kept it sharp, oiled, and clean. I named it. I gave it to her because she means that much to me.

Last night, she came over and had dinner with me and my family. (Tilapia fillets with rice and a wicked-awesome sauce that I came up with) Afterward, we watched Pink Floyd's The Wall (it was either that, or American History X), and we fooled around a bit. Seeing as this is the first hetero sex-active relationship she's had, she's a bit skittish about the physical aspect of all this. (giving, not receiving)

She's frustrated with herself and she's dealing with a lot of self-esteem things and there's a lot of uncertainty with all this. I'm not pressuring her into anything, and I'm in no hurry. I last got laid in April, so I can wait. She's battling herself about the concepts she's dealing with, especially about the duality of her sexual comfort zones.

We made out in my room, in the dark, without shirts on. I ran my hands over every inch of her body, and I rubbed her pussy and clit.

She hasn't even seen my dick, but she's working on getting to a point where we can share and share alike.

Just an update.

Also, I missed a dose of Prozac 2 days ago. Normally, the next day is wrought with paranoia, trailing off into depression sometime into the night.

Nothing of that sort happened around her. I feel pretty damn good, even.

I think this girl is good for me after all!

Wow, congrats man. It really seems to be doing some good for you. What was her reaction to the knife? Interesting gift, and tilapia is fantastic.

I felt like you did. I was depressed, paranoid, and unstable. Enter a certain girl. Now I'm happy, laid back, and... mostly stable, anyway. :D My point is this: it doesn't have to be that you'll hurt her. It could be that she'll cure you. That's what happened to me, and it's been over a year now.

Go for it, if you'll try your damnedest. :)

I think she wants to fix you. maybe you're her "sad puppy dog" or something like that, who she wants to take in and make better? sounds like fun to me.

maybe she actually really likes you and wants to try and change you into a better person. Just go with it and try not to fuck up. it might help you.























watrugai?

I know she's great for you but I wouldn't put it all down to her (and indeed it's dangerous to do so).

You have what many of us refer to as a 'Totsean personality' part of coming here is that we're all a little like that.
If you're asking for the smartest thing to do, you already know it- Break up with her before she gets hurt, you know that you'll do it eventually much like you have in the past. It's the only logical thing to do.

Sadly, logic doesn't really enter into love. If you really like her, and you guys make each other happy, I say go for it.
Shit's going to happen eventually anyway, but no one finds the one they'll marry when they're a teenager, it's not the way it works and now is the time in your life when you should be out there exploring things like this.

One question though- Were you happier being single, or being with her?

What'd you name the knife? Out of interest.

Go for it man. Loosen up and forget about being paranoid. I get paranoid, probably to a lesser extent than you, but then you just have to realise that it's not the end of the world if it does end. If you hurt her, make it better.

Sounds like she's good for you. I'm happy for you. Just in case you're not.

Sounds like you should stop thinking about your negative past and concentrate on a positive future.
Imagine your idea of a perfect state of masculinity. Aim towards that.
Be the awesome guy you know you can be. It's tough but rewarding.

I think you should read the book ''The Game'' by Neil Strauss.

Your already supplicating her too much by giving her all this free shit.

You only do this after you have had sex with her , and you do it sparingly

If you give her all these gifts , compliments , etc. Your giving
her the impression that you must give her things so that you she in return rewards you with affection , kindness , and most importantly sex.

I know Im just throwing in the word sex in this thread , but its easier for you to carry on a relationship later on if she see's you as a sexual being. If she see's you as someone trying to court her , you proably arent going to get any.

Guys who women are attracted to sexually could usually extend the relationship further. Guys that are sending courting signals such as Buying her gifts , flowers , paying for dates , are usually at the dispoable of the women ; resulting in a decreased chance of her giving you felaciao.

This might sound kind of like a jerk mentality but its not. Nice guys dont finish last. Nice guys who women use them as floormats and emotional tampons finish last.

Just think about what i said , before this chick ends up SCREWING YOU up even more.

It doesn't matter how fucked-up you are in the head, you will never hurt her anymore then she will let you, obviously their is plenty of chemistry their, if she hadn't walked out yet, and that chemistry, will hold you, all you have to do is not worry about it anymore.

Sounds like a good situation.

My only advice, dump the prozac. I don't know what the fuck is in that shit but I have seen and lived with people who have taken that for years and they are not right. That is something that should not be put into the human body.

People feel like shit normally sometimes. Just look around you, realize what you've got, and even if hell is over the horizon you cannot live in fear.

If you feel weird or down, work out or something. Go for a walk.

But please for the love of god and for the sake of your life and health please dump the prozac.

Congrats on the girl.

I know she's great for you but I wouldn't put it all down to her (and indeed it's dangerous to do so).
Well, of course I'm pretty proud of myself for managing it. She couldn't actually MAKE me change; the actual effort had to come from me. But the reason for it all? The motivation? Her. :) And she DOES cure my depression! :D

Well, of course I'm pretty proud of myself for managing it. She couldn't actually MAKE me change; the actual effort had to come from me. But the reason for it all? The motivation? Her. :) And she DOES cure my depression! :D

Prety damn happy for you! :)

I donno, I had a girl like that, pretty fucking scared right now though. I don't want to go back to being the person I was before I had her, you know? :/

mm..

-F☺rd

Didn't read the other posts, but I say just take it as it comes and enjoy it. Thinkin about it to much isn't gonna do much good for the relationship.

For Malkog:

Knife's name is "Kurayami" It means "Darkness" in japanese, and out of all the knives I have, it was the most bloodthirsty and unforgiving of error. She (the knife) was the first one to actually make me respect my father's blades. Getting 18 stitches in your leg and a new pair of pants is enough to make anybody respect it. I meditated on strength over it for an hour a day for two weeks.

It's now magnetic (and I can't find a single scientific explanation why; all my rare-earth magnets are kept on a bookshelf across the room), and she (the girlfriend) loves it.

========
For Parkinator:

Prozac has helped me immensely. It brought me back to a 'level' area, emotionally and mentally. I'd been in a very critical depression for about 2 months before I talked to my doc about it. He gave me a psych eval and a med eval, both of which recommended exploratory treatment with drugs, since I was already seeing a counselor. The initial dose did nothing. I didn't feel anything different, so I had it kicked up another notch. And another. I used to stay awake for 3+ days at a time, now I sleep like a rock.

It has helped me.

=========
For Lobo:

I haven't been giving her free stuff for no reason. I have never felt this way about another human being. I don't even care about my own family like I care for this girl. I honestly love her, and I can't explain why. She's inspired visible changes in my demeanor (my counselor asked me what happened, as I used to be 'content' at best.), and she makes me write. I'm writing more now, and I'm completing stories (another thing that's never happened).

I don't want to pressure her into sex. Seeing as I've had a lot of "Suck, Fuck, and Leave" relationships, I don't want to get rid of her like that.

I'm also her first sex-active hetero relationship. She's a bit skittish about my equipment as of yet, but we're working through that.

===========
For Siatek:

Before her, I was diagnosed with Anhedonia. A biological/neurological/neurochemical inability to feel strong 'good' or strong 'happy' emotions. Before her, I had no concept of what "happy" was, or what "Normal" felt like. I'd never had anything but casual sex or codependence from a relationship. I want to take this slow, but actually make visible progress. I don't want to burn out in a week, but I also don't want to linger for a year with nothing to show for it.

I have never had the ability to talk to another person every day without running out of things to talk about. We can't shut up when we're on the phone. 6+ hours at a go, in the odd hours of the morning.

I fucking love it!