My gf's cat died recently, i knew it was coming coz it was old and getting fits etc.
So once it died my gf and her mother (who i havent met yet) got really upset and apparently liek everyone they know have been sending their condolances, even my gf's ex. Now im not exactly a cat lover but from my point of view their all acting like half their family was killed by a crazed gunman. i'm like "ok it was just a a cat". And because i havent really said anything because 1. - im nto good at condolence and 2. coz i dont think its as big a deal as thier all making it out to be - my gf thinks i dont care and im unsympathetic. Shes getting more sympathy from her ex than me.

How do i go about showing I care and do you think im being a a dick or not?

People without pets don't understand how it is to lose a pet. It seems comparatively trivial unless you've actually lived with and lost an animal; it feels like losing a family member. It is losing a family member.

Try to understand why it 's upsetting her so much. If they got the cat when she was a child she'll have lived almost her whole life with it there. It's a huge thing for her and the rest of the family, even if it's 'just a cat' to you.

Why don't you just get her some flowers, maybe take her out and just make her feel better...

... Get some chocolate, candles, a comfortable quilt and do the whole "cuddle up and watch a film" thing.

I'd LOVE to do that. But my boyfriend seems to enjoy the computer more than me and just finds reasons not to.

So do that.

That sucks, it hurts when a cat dies. They're cool creatures. Be nice to her, she must be feelin pretty shit right now.

The other problem is that right now i cant see her becuase we live long distance - i'll see her again in just over a week and then at uni in september. Also I do have a dog and also experienced a previous dog dieing when i was about 11. It didnt really bother me and i dont think our current dog dieing would cause any more than a few hours reflection. Im just not an emotional or compassionate person. Im a bit of a robot really.

Yeah you're being a dick.
Even if you dont like the cat you're meant to fucking support her. Christ, even her ex is supporting her.If you're not carefull she'll be like "well hey my current boyfriend is being an emotionless prick and yet my ex is being lovely. Perhaps I'm with the wrong one...."

And how exactly do I support her, I cant be there so its all down to what i say - what do I say? I've never been able to say anything to comfort anyone? I said to her on the phone that i dont know what to say to her. I cant see how saying "it'll be alright" can mean anything or be at all comforting. If someone said that to me to comfort me i would be like like "no it wont be alright - fuck off" so i cant bring myself to say that to anyone else.

You fake it for all you're worth.

"aww babe.. I'm really sorry.. I wish I was there with you and I'd hold you all night..."
ect ect all that crap.


what she needs now is generic comfort, no matter how superficial. Probably she doesent want the cold hard truth.

well i kinda feel like its a bit too late now since we've already talked about me being unable to show emotion or be compasionate. Perhaps next time I'll try to fake it for all im worth. It would be too wierd for me to suddenly turn round now and say " awwww..babe...im sorry etc."

Is she aware of the fact that just because you dont show emotion doesent mean you dont feel it?
I was just worried incase she didnt understand why you were acting so heartless and got pissy with you.

I think she thinks i dont care because she knows i dont really like cats. I dont care about the cat but I care about her and dont want her to be upset. I've told her I cant show emotion and i tihnk she knows this too. She has told me that even if its superficial i should be more caring and understanding. Im of the view that if its superficial and she knows it - then whats the point. Apparently women dont see it that way. I think it would be easier If i was there coz i would just give her a hug - im better as a body to hug than a person to talk to.

Don't fake it. Lying about your feelings in a relationship is never a good idea.

Explain that, although you don't personally feel the emotions she's feeling over the cat, you care that she's upset, regardless of what it's about, and that you want to be there for her and to try to make her feel better in any way you can. When you do get to see her, do what Duck In Fog said; you don't even need to say anything, it's the comforting presence of another that makes the difference. In the meantime, make yourself available and just let her take things on her own terms.

Perhaps I'm biased as a female and animal lover, but it really makes me mad when my boyfriend acts like he doesent give a shit about my animals.


Tweak is at the Vets right now. For what I thought was such a little illness they've been keeping him there for an awfull long time (going on 2 nights now).
I'm sobbing my piggy slanty little eyes out, feeling really bad about poor tweak all alone in some strange place, feeling sick and hurt and thinking I've abandoned him.

And my boyfriend is like "k.." *shrugs* *continues to play Dark Crusade*

which is frustrating.

Even if he doesent care about the guinea pig, he should care about my feelings.


I dont mean this in a bitchy way, but if you dont, cant feel any empathy or sympathy for your girlfriend and how bad she's feeling right now, perhaps you're not meant to be together?

Perhaps she needs someone who can care, and you need to find someone who wakes up feelings of concern in you.

The thing is i dont think anyone will ever wake up feelings of empathy. Im really not a compassionate person. I've never lost anyone in my immediate family but i have lost a cousin, 2 grandparents and couple of aunties. I knwo it sounds bad but i didnt shed a single tear nor feel any strong emotion. I truely am a robot. All thats left for me is to fake it i think.

Why the fuck should you care about a cat that wasn't yours? It's unreasonable for her to think you should care about something like that. When I was 6 my cat was ran over by a steamroller when they were doing construction on my road and I barely cared. Actually that's not true I was kinda sad, but I didn't expect anybody to be sad for me or try to console me. I didn't even cry even though it seemed like the thing to do.

Anyways, what you've gotta do now is surprise her with a kitten (if she would want one and not think you're tryin to replace her old cat, if so get her flowers or somethin else) to show that although you do not give 2 shits about her old cat you care about her and her happiness. Soon the dead cat will be forgotten and everytime she looks at that cat she'll think of you and by association, your pen0r.

Gettoffmylawn, it's not that she wants him to care about the cat, she wants him to care about her.


The thing is i dont think anyone will ever wake up feelings of empathy. Im really not a compassionate person. I've never lost anyone in my immediate family but i have lost a cousin, 2 grandparents and couple of aunties. I knwo it sounds bad but i didnt shed a single tear nor feel any strong emotion. I truely am a robot. All thats left for me is to fake it i think.

How old are you?
I used to be an emotionless little cunt. My fucking diaryland blog (sorry :( ) was full of "Omg I feel nothing!" trite and almost every day I was saying "I feel so empty..."

I cant imagine feeling like that anymore. If anything, i feel too much.


I dont know if the feelings of emptyness and emotionless are a teenage thing, or a depression thing, or just an experience that every human starting to deal with adult life has to experience, but it will pass.... eventually.


I dont know what to suggest. :(
It seems you've a bit of a catch 22 if she wants you to show emotion but she'd get annoyed and know you were faking it if you did.

Gettoffmylawn, it's not that she wants him to care about the cat, she wants him to care about her.


dats basliky zackly wut i sed

Well im 21. Maybe when i lose someone close to me i'll feel something but as of right now - nothing.

show you care by trying to make "her" realise it was 'just a cat'. That way your trying to make her feel better instead of sharing her misery.

bringing her up to your level, instead sinking down to hers... makes sense...

In my opinion, they're taking it way too hard, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't care.

Think about it, you care for your girlfriend's feeling, not her dead cat.(Don't tell her haha)

I'm so glad that "cat" wasn't another word for something else dying.

Oh man I feel bad for you. My ex had a rabbit that died while I was with her, and she cried for the longest time over it. I hated to see her cry, but I also wanted to tell her that she's a moron and all the dumb animal did was shit in a cage its whole life.

Oh well. All you can really do is hug her and pretend to give a shit. Girls are almost as stupid as animals.

OK i stopped reading at middle of page two because this is to fucking much. Seriously some of you are over reacting. Yea he was dumb for not showing ANY kind of emotion he should have faked it but its not his fault. I mean when my ex cat that had been with them for like since she was a wee kid had to be put to sleep I could have gave a rats fucking ass. I mean I did console her and try to make her feel better but doesn't mean I gave a shit about the cat. Ive lost plenty of pets back in the day didn't cry for to much. But id say that thats pretty fucking weird, from how you described it people calling to give condolences on a cat. I mean if its brought up in a conversation bob "So yea fluffy died today jon" jonh"Oh thats so sad im sorry bob" BUt going out of their way to call and such.

Also id watch out for that ex because someone said that your girl might be like "Well my ex is here for me why cant my boyfriend?" and end up going back with the ex. My advice next time fake the emotions. Its not that hard, I mean you shouldn't have to fake caring for your girlfriend and wanting her to be happy but make shit up about the lost pet "im so sorry your cat died I know how much tiger meant to you". Buying a kittens a great idea, shows that even though you hate cats your willing to deal with one to make her happy.

How do i go about showing I care and do you think im being a a dick or not?

I don't nessecarily think you're being a dick, but you're just not right for eachother.

She can't expect you to change the things you care about, nor can you expect her to change what she cares about. Since your interests are different, you two just don't belong together. :p

I don't nessecarily think you're being a dick, but you're just not right for eachother.

She can't expect you to change the things you care about, nor can you expect her to change what she cares about. Since your interests are different, you two just don't belong together. :p

... its a fuckin' cat!