So for a long time a friend and I have had some real sexual tension, half a year or more. Lately, we've been talking late at night online more, and just for fun and because (I thought) there was absolutely no chance that anything would come of it (I was mistakenly under the assumption that she was just a big flirt and wanted nothing to do with me) I would keep steering the conversation towards blatant sexual innuendo, which was fun.

Then we start talking about sexual stuff, do you ever think about having sex with your friends etc., and I find out that she thinks I'm attractive and that she thinks about having sex with me a lot. Well, this is just great for me because I've always thought that she was pretty sexy, so the next time I see her we go at each other like there's no tomorrow. Next day, we go late into the night fooling around.

However, towards the end, she starts wanting to cuddle and asks me those "I want to learn more about you because we're initiating a relationship" questions like "what are you thinking about right now?" During one of these conversations, she tells me that she always thought that I would have lots of other girlfriends, but that it would never be her. Which means that she assumes we are now in a serious relationship. I really don't want to be in a relationship.

Questions: Did I lead her on? Am I to blame here, because I've had a recent relationship that I really screwed up on that looks similar to this, but I know that one was my fault. Also, what is the best course of action for telling her that what we are doing is not a good idea? Many of her friends are leaving soon, and we are pretty close, so I'd like to do this in the least-embarrassing-for-her way, so that I can try to salvage the friendship.

Just tell her you need space. That you need time to think, that your last relationship made you question things.

Just make sure she still feels wanted. It's essentially, "It's not you, it's me," but in a more believable way.

Dunno, good luck though.

I've been in the same situation, and it's a tricky one to get out of :p

After realizing what I'd done, I started slowing things down a bit, making the guy think I didn't like him in 'that way'. Which was basically the truth; I didn't want a sexual relationship with him, or anything serious at all. So that's exactly what I told him and now we barely see each other.....

So I don't think that's quite the right way to go about it if you're looking to remain close.

I think there's probably no way of doing this where no one's going to get upset. Maybe just tell her you were curious where things stood between you two and when you found out you realized you weren't ready/it wasn't what you wanted/etc... Let her know you still like her but that a relationship isn't something you were expecting or looking for at the moment. Apologize for not making that clear in the first place.

Good luck, either way.

Make something up. You want to spare her feelings, but still get out of it. As long as it's a 'you' issue it's fine, if you're coming up with an excuse that doesn't put her at fault, she'll likely eat it up because it's better than the alternative. You could invent a self-esteem issue, and tell her that you don't think you can be in a relationship until you deal with your sense of self-hatred. Or you could invent an ex-girlfriend you're not over, or even a close female friend with emotional issues who is clingy and obsessive and relies on your for emotional support so she doesn't kill yourself... get creative.

Or tell her that she reminds you of your mother and therefore you cannot be around her without getting creeped out.

You dumbass, just rape her, then she'll break down in tears anytime she hears your name!