Last night I was talking to an old friend turned enemy turning friend again...perhaps.

We got talking and I don't know what brought it up but he brought up this girl I used to like lets call her, I dunno, Linda. Anyhow he says to me "so did you end up with Linda?" - 'No I didn't' I replied. He was in total shock, he couldn't believe it never happened. He went on to tell me how I could of had her. That's when I went into total shock...me and her could have happened??!

A bit of background history is that she's (what I consider to be anyhow) the hottest thing getting about, she's cool, she's funny, smart, a smartass (oh yes please!) and importantly she's herself and I like/d her.

Me being me knew (or now it seems thought) she'd never want anything to do with me...hey it's me we're talking about.

So now I'm just even worse, I feel so shitty right now. She was all I ever wanted so such a long time, for such a strange and scary time in my life...and she could have seen me through it, the person I needed to care that I was upset and as a bonus she would have been the exact person I'd have wanted there by my side.

I don't really know what to say except never hesitate in being honest with yourself, and to the people you care about. Never talk yourself down so much that you're being totally unrealistic and making a not so bad set of circumstances into what you think they are.

Apprantly I had my opportunity in life and I was too blind to see it. I loved her, I couldn't tell her that perhaps I should have worked out how to show her that.

To bring this to an end in a traditional Trousersnake negative way, even though contradictary (sp) to what I've been trying to promote here, an 'us' between me and her can't happen now even if she did still have those supposed feelings she once had, even if she was to have waited I think too much stuff in between has happened.