I'm leaving for college, and I decided to break it off with my girlfriend. We've been together 18 months, and she's truly a great girl. She's beautiful, funny, clever, and fun to be around, and a generally good person.

I'm going to be a good four hours away from her, which isn't an impossible distance, but too far to stay together in my opinion for someone you don't plan to marry someday. And I'm too young to think about that stuff.

But it's something else. As great as she is, I'm a perfectionist. And I don't want to try and spend time warping her into what I imagine my perfect girl to be. I wouldn't want to marry her someday, which is what I see happening if we stayed together through college. I'd say "Well, I've already invested this much time in her, I might as well keep on going." And then I'd probably miss out on what could be more fulfilling relationships.

So I've broken it off. I still really, really want to be friends with her, though. I hope she does too, but she's pretty bitter about it. But my real hope is that she doesn't hurt herself in anyway, like going back to drinking or smoking pot. I care for her still.

I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading, if you actually got this far down. I guess my question would also be if anyone can think of a way for me to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or become incredibly depressed.

4 hours???!

Oh for fucks sake.

Sorry, I'm not impressed. Seems to me you're just being a selfish little fuck who is just looking forward to some hawt co-ed action. And it doesn't behove to now be oh so worried about her.

Oh well she's probably better off without you.

Maybe I didn't get my attitude across there. Four hours is a bunch when you don't have a car and you have very little money. I also don't plan to do anything sexual or romantic for a while. I need some time to think. I'm worried about her because I care for her. I'm not sure if I would stay with her if I wasn't going away...

I'm not asking how I can get away from this train wreck with as little blood on my hands so I don't feel guilty, I'm asking how I can prevent blood from being spilt. Not out of guilt, out of compassion.

Fucking hell Jack, don't be so goddamn bitter. He sounds like a nice guy.
Other than that I have no advice. That's tough one. A lot of my friends are going through the exact same thing right now. Just check up on her every now and then. It's really the only thing you can do.

Maybe I didn't get my attitude across there. Four hours is a bunch when you don't have a car and you have very little money Sorry but you're talking to man who has hitchhiked across countries to see girls.

I also don't plan to do anything sexual or romantic for a while. I need some time to think. I'm worried about her because I care for her. I'm not sure if I would stay with her if I wasn't going away... Its early and the ketch caffeine stream is still depleted. If I misread your intent then I do apologise ( I mean that).

I'm not asking how I can get away from this train wreck with as little blood on my hands so I don't feel guilty, I'm asking how I can prevent blood from being spilt. Not out of guilt, out of compassion. Talk to her parents and friends. Ain't much else you can do.

Fucking hell Jack, don't be so goddamn bitter.

Yeah I know, I was a bit over harsh.

Put it down to early morning, constipation and a cup of coffee that somehow tastes of sweat.

Yeah I know, I was a bit over harsh.

Put it down to early morning, constipation and a cup of coffee that somehow tastes of sweat.

You need one of these.
http://i17.tinypic.com/6ccu5p1.jpg
Or six.

Yeah I know, I was a bit over harsh.

Put it down to early morning, constipation and a cup of coffee that somehow tastes of sweat.

Whenever I hear stuff about your life it makes me sad. :(

Have you ever had an easy living?

Uhhhh...drinking and smoking pot aren't bad. I suppose drinking in excess can be bad for you but I've yet to meet the person that smoked so much pot it was unhealthy.

Whenever I hear stuff about your life it makes me sad. :(

Have you ever had an easy living?

Well as my Old Man once said to me:

"You know when they said it was going to be easy? They LIED!"

But yeah, there have been really good times...last one ended 4 years ago today (I'll do my annual thread about it later I guess).

4 hours difference will do a relationship in. 4 hours will ruin everything. It did for me.

Sorry but you're talking to man who has hitchhiked across countries to see girls.

Men like us are a rare breed.

*stands on cliff edge, arms folded, staring staunchly into the distance...*

*stands on cliff edge, arms folded, staring staunchly into the distance...*



*prod*

When my ex broke up with me, she said she wanted to be friends and all that shite...And that she hoped I'd not go back to drinking and stuff.

I wasn't going to...But just over two months have gone by and there have only been a few days that I haven't gone to the pub with my dad and had a few.

I am not going to say that it's wrong of me to turn to drink...It helped a lot during the first month or so. Not shit faced drunk every day but a time to sit back with a pint of Guiness or Newcy Brown Ale and think a few things through.

The reason I bring these things up is that part of me wanted to get back at her...She hated the idea of me drinking so it was like "Fuck her...She ain't telling me what to do anymore."

To be honest there's nothing you can do to stop her getting back on the smoke 'n' sauce. Just hope.

You've decided that the distance is too far for you to continue to date, and at the same time you desire for her not to return to her old habits.

You can't really have your cake and eat it too. If you want to remove yourself from that part of your life, it's not fair for you to not want her to drink or smoke again.

I do find myself and others turning to drugs in times of stress, but also don't assume that just because she starts again she is going to hurt herself, or even that she started again because you left her. She may have just stopped doing those things out of respect for you and will return to them since you are no longer a part of her life.

If she has alcoholism issues, then that's another matter. She can't be addicted to pot so I wouldn't worry too much about that. But I'm not here to start a fight about the effects of drugs.

You must realize that she is going to be bitter, obviously. You have left her and she is unhappy, and from the sounds of it you guys had a really good, long relationship. She may also feel that you are leaving her just to have a good time in college.

My advice would be to continue to talk to her and express interest in her friendship even if she does not return the favor. You may want to put some distance though, or else the old feelings may come back in one of the parties, as it has for me in the past. Keep it friendly, and keep it constant, and more likely than not she will move on past loving you and see you as a friend.

If not? Well, that's life. Like another poster mentioned, it's not going to be easy. Whether or not she will hurt herself is really her choice at this point, because you have no more say in her life. But again, don't start thinking she's abusing herself because she takes up drinking or smoking again, she may have just stopped out of respect for you.

But my real hope is that she doesn't hurt herself in anyway, like going back to drinking or smoking pot.

Sorry, but on the grand scale of things drinking and smoking are hardly harmful.

Yeah. Going off to college + keeping relationship = cheating. It's pure math, man. Nothing can be done.

. I guess my question would also be if anyone can think of a way for me to make sure she doesn't hurt herself or become incredibly depressed.

du tror meget stor av din selv


KNULL DU DRYTSEKK!!!!!

Men like us are a rare breed.

*stands on cliff edge, arms folded, staring staunchly into the distance...*

Traveled 1668 miles in the company of a 51 year-old ex-con/matre d' for a week with a gal.

One of the best weeks of my life. :)

As far as I'm concerned, being in a relationship when the time isn't right "just because" is a waste of time for everyone involved. Good on you for ending it and preventing a much more painful break later on.

Men like us are a rare breed.

*stands on cliff edge, arms folded, staring staunchly into the distance...*

Men like you are self-absorbed fucks who have delusions of thinking you're some love-god out of a fairy tale.

So to complete the illusion....

*rides up on horse, swings sword at neck. Sword cuts neck. guy bleeds out....*

OP: just keep talking to her, unless she's too fucked for that. And yeah, as has been said, there are way worse things than pot and alcohol.

Men like you are self-absorbed fucks who have delusions of thinking you're some love-god out of a fairy tale.

Ivory sex-god, to be exact.

Why so bitter?

Men like you are self-absorbed fucks who have delusions of thinking you're some love-god out of a fairy tale.
.

Yes maybe but we get laid.

-jack "Cheri,Take A Trip Behind My Zip" ketch