i just found out my girlfriend is late for her period by a couple weeks. we have yet to get a pregnancy test but im convinced she is pregnant. im only 17 but i turn 18 in 2 months, i dont even have a job. i am in love with the girl but im not sure that i could marry her. i am worried about what i should do. i know i need to go get a job as soon as a can. but ive got to worry about breaking it to my father, who will most likely disown me, i have another year left of school to finish and i dont know what to do about that either. and on top of all of this, i once cheated on her months ago and never had to courage to tell her. how can i tell her now if we are going to have a kid together? im not sure what kind of commitments i should even make. would it be better to get married to her and try to raise the kid, or would it be easier to live on my own and pay child support? because at the moment we are in love, but im afraid to commit because i know that most relationships such as this dont work out in the end. so totse, i ask with humble respect to please give me some worthwhile answers, i know it can be easy to make fun of this sort of thread because someone such as myself can be called a "dumbass" or whatever else. but put yourself in my shoes for a moment..and tell me what you think i can/should do about this.

move in with her, wait til she pops, collect child support from gov't then say "I'm goin out for a pack of smokes" and start a new life 3 states over.

Ouch!

Face your own creation and be their for your kid. The worst thing you could do is bail out and have your son grow up with out a real father.

how does one collect child support from the gov? and dont i face the risk of getting charged with statutory rape? fuck man...

Face your own creation and be their for your kid. The worst thing you could do is bail out and have your son grow up with out a real father.

i intend on being the father of my child no matter what happens. but what im worried about is what is to become of my relationship with my girlfriend. i dont want to marry her if i think we will eventually divorce, you know? maybe i can get joint custody? because i think that if i were responsible enough to father the child she might not hate me enough to still be friendly with me. and i could see that working out. but maybe im just stupid, which is most likely the case. i just dont want to get divorced and end up hating each other, with our kid stuck in the middle.

Go to the police and say she raped you!

No seriously move to Canada or convince her to get an abortion/sign the baby up for adoption.

bump

serious help/replies? maybe i could move this into a different forum for better/more responses but im not sure which. i just think someone could care, maybe

Adoption/abortion? Hello?

Adoption/abortion? Hello?

+1

5char

Adoption/abortion? Hello?

I second that motion.

I'm gonna second the adoption bit. most of the girls that I know who've had abortions didn't like it, theres some creepy element to it that freaks women out (and most men, too). just the possibility that it's true that you're really killing a baby is enough to keep some people away.

1.Get Job
2.Tell both sets of parents together
3.Wait, there is no need for further action. Just stay in school, stay with your girl and you will eventually be able to move in with her raise the baby. (Marrige optional)

If your lucky both parents will be very supportive.

It all depends on how you think about it.
If you call it killing a baby, yeah, it's inhumane and creepy.
If you call it removing an undesired pregnancy, it's just like any other medical operation. Medicine is defined as a practice used only to treat illness and restore health. Removing an unwanted pregnancy, which is the result of an unfortunate accident, is a restoration of well-being. In my opinion, of course.

well for all those who suggest abortion, i would not kill my child and even if i wanted to, i know that she would not allow it and raise the child herself if she had to. adoption, i could see..but only because i would want my child to have a good life. but i wouldnt be able to stand living knowing i had a child somewhere out there, not being involved in their life, not knowing anything about them at all. i just hope that we both can graduate, i think that the above reply is a good idea, move in and not neccessarily get married maybe until later.

That's how low income below poverty line families start. All of them.
Either abandon your morals and live a healthy life, or follow them, putting yourself, your female companion and future child in misery for the next eighteen years or more.

Save everybody a headache and make a decision based on logic, not on morals.
I'm not trying to be mean. I honestly just want you to choose the best course of action for all involved. I can't convince you to abort the child, nor am I going to try, but consider the reasoning behind my advice, at the very least.

No, I cant believe this
She hasn't even taken a home pregnany test and you've already convinced yourself you're going to be a father ? Do you have any clue how ridiculous you sound. I can't believe I'm the only one who thinks that you actually need to confirm a pregnancy before you go freaking out about your future. God damnit.
I'm always late for my periods, I don't go freaking my boyfriend out by telling him he's going to be a father because thats bullshit. It always comes. Take a test, when it turns out to be negative come back so I can laugh at you.

You need to step back and calm down.

Despite what your peers, the media and society in general tell you , having an 'unwanted' child ISN'T the end of your life nor should it ruin either of your lives.

I've only just got up and am caffeine deficient so I've only scanned your original post and forgive me if I get anything wrong about your situation.

The school thing is fairly easy to solve. You and she sit down and work out a plan. Typically she drops out of school for the first two years so she can be a mother to the child while you finish school and get a job. Then you become 'mommy' for a couple of years so she can finish school.

It may not be necessary for either of you to postpone finishing school though, depends on where you are and how your families respond when the child is there (parents tend to have calmed down by then and still love and welcome their grandchild).

Most places there is a lot of state/charity support for young moms so they can finish schooling...google.

So now, her parents.....

If you can be sure they won't pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do (abortion/adoption) then just grow some balls, head out there and simply tell them.

You may well get punched.

Accept it, you fucked up and its a fairly natural response. I dare say I'd react the same way at this proof of my daughter's fertility.

Tip: Even after almost 20 years, her parents still talk about the shock. NOT the shock of being told by a barefoot unemployed alcoholic 'hippy' with hair down to his arse, bangles and obscenely ripped jeans that their little girl was pregnant but rather the shock of my next visit to them when I got out of the car sober, wearing shoes (polished good enough to give an RSM an orgasm), proper trousers, a short hair cut and a exquisitely ironed shirt.

I then went and got a $2000 a month job which back then was real money.

So what I'm saying is you can help them 'get over it' by appearing at least as though you want to take responsibilty for their daughter.

Don't go being apologetic towards them. TELL them how its going to be. Act like a husband and not a scared boyfriend.

Good post! Its early and I missed that point.

COOOOOOFFEEEEEEE! NOW!!

alright. maybe i will just chill out for a minute. ill wait a week or two and if by that time she has not had her period then i will buy a pregnancy test. i think everyone has had a very good argument but as for the abortion, i couldnt "abandon my morals". i believe it is wrong and selfish of me to do that. not in all cases but for myself I have already assumed responsibility and i cannot allow my unborn child to be aborted. as for adoption..that has alot more consideration that i need to put into. but how can she drop out of highschool and finish two years or more later? see if she is pregnant, then she wont have the baby until the school year is nearly over. i just want things to work out for the best, and by that i mean i do NOT want my child aborted. i want things to work out between my girlfriend and i, and i want the kid to have a good life. is it really so impossible for this to happen in this day and age just because she got pregnant early? i mean, we will both be 18 before the child is born. but for now..i guess i will just wait and hope for the best.

Sounds to me like the child is going to get a damn good dad...somewhere down the line.

Stay calm, man up and act like a husband and father.

As to her school YOU will have to find a solution, thats now your job as her 'husband' (yes I know you ain't but start acting like it, yeah?) depends on the laws etc where you are-I'm in the UK so things are different.

But there is always a way. You aren't the first to go through this.

*is now on fourth mug of coffee and 10th ciggy and still isn't really awake*

You need to be clear that giving a baby a good childhood has very very little to do with income. We've got people here who were raised rich and unhappy and we've got people who have been raised real poor and unhappy. Rich people abuse their kids as much as poor people do. The latest Play-X-BOx Game-station thingy don't make a bleeding arsehole feel any better, y'know?

Just cos you are flipping burgers to make ends meet and get through college won't make you a bad dad.

Just because her school friends call her dumb for not aborting don't make her a bad mom.

qft. try being 3 MONTHS late. that's something to fucking stress about. also, what, if any, form of birth control do you use?

Adoption/abortion? Hello?

Preferably in that order.

There have been some good responses here already. What I would say, is DON'T wait a couple of weeks to get a pregnancy test. Go down the drugstore / pharmacy / whatever and get one TODAY. You need to know for sure what the situation is. Imagine if you spend the next two weeks worrying and angsting, only to then find out she's not preggers at all?

Otherwise, I respect the fact that you're willing to man up and be a father to this potential child, regardless of how your relationship with the girlfriend works out. If only more guys your age were mature enough to WANT to be responsible! If she's not pregnant, you need to talk to her about more effective forms of birth control (is she on the pill?) If she is pregnant, then I think you should both try to finish school, even if for her it has to be deferred. You might just have to then work some shitty job for a while to make ends meet, but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck to you.

get a pregnancy test?
then worry! i'm assuming you'd definitely keep the baby?
get a job and finish school. how old is your girlfriend?
work out hwat you're going to do about it before you tell your parents, at least let them know thnat you're being responsible about tje mess you're getting yourself in

Regardless of if you're going to have a baby or not, I say good on you, you have a very admirable attitude towards this, others maybe need to follow your example a bit.

Heh, if you had any idea how many pregnancy scares Ive been though...

Stop worrying until you have seen a pregnancy test.


I'm probably a bad person giving this advise, since my unplanned child is due in 15 weeks. :D

I fiftethest adoption/abortion. It's not that hard of a concept.

Face your own creation and be their for your kid. The worst thing you could do is bail out and have your son grow up with out a real father.

That's about all I can say too. Your situation may seem unbearable, but all you can do is move forward. It may be tough, and it will be, but if you try hard enough, things will get better some day.

I cannot say anything for sure, because I have not been in your situation, but that is all I can think of. Prepare yourself for the worst, and maybe it will be a little better.

You have my deepest sympathy, and I mean that.

1. Run away and join circus

or

2. Run away and join army

Don't drop out, and don't let your girlfriend drop out. Some schools have day-cares inside the building, so there's no reason for her to drop out.

Most girls drop out and say they will get their GED, when in reality they sit at home on their asses all day and dump their baby on the grandparents at night while they party.

EDUCATION EDUCATION EDUCATION

Does she have health insurance/medical assistance? This birth could cost between $1,000-$5,000, or more. Can you afford a $12 can of formula every other day, $20 on diapers and wipes every couple weeks, doctors visits, medicine, clothes, and babysitting (around here it's a few hundred dollars a week)?

If your girlfriend meets the requirements, the state will help with childcare expenses, formula, medical, etc. (assuming you live in the U.S.).

Don't get married, you can't afford it anytime soon, and the divorce will also be costly.

My best friend got preggers when she was seventeen. She used to be pretty. After the pregnancy she just let herself go. She dropped out, wore clothes that showed her stretch marks and wrinkly gut, didn't take care of the infant right, and was always partying. She would wake up the next morning too tired to take care of the kid, so she almost trained it to stay asleep until 1pm or until she was ready to get off her ass. Her boyfriend broke up with her after a year, he pays child support but she spends it for herself. She still doesn't have her GED and doesn't work.

Just let a wealthy and caring family take care of your child. That would be your gift to the baby, the best gift it could have. You can always have more children when you are ready.

Besides, think of it this way:

You and your girlfriend break up. It's a nasty breakup, and she is a real bitch to you. She limits visitation to only once a month or less, or tries to make it so you seem like you are too dangerous to the child. She collects hundreds of dollars from you, while you work your ass off for a kid you only see a little bit. How will she treat the kid while you're gone? How many boyfriends will she have after you, and how many of them will the kid call "daddy" behind your back?

IT'S NOT WORTH IT!

you know, i never really thought about it like that. wow. interesting.

anyway, go with what suits both of your views best (leaning more towards her's, of course). if she's ok with having an abortion, have one done.

If she wants it to live, yet doesn't want it (sounds bad, but you get it) go for an adoption. there are many couples who dream of having a child, but can't. bring joy to their lives.

Of course, if she wants the kid support her.

No matter what, stick by her side throughout everything that happens. You wont have any idea how important that is until you fail to do so. Just trust me on that.

Pro-choice, Suicide is always an option.

Face your own creation and be their for your kid. The worst thing you could do is bail out and have your son grow up with out a real father.

This guy is right. You should never leave a child with no father.

Remember people, this is not a thread about the rights and wrongs of abortion.

so is the op ever going to let us know if she is indeed pregnant?

Abortion, ABORTION. Nether of you are ready, don't bring a child into the world unless you are.

Also, DNA test. Make sure it's yours.

How many parents do you think were ever 'ready'? And fatherhood isn't a question of genetics.

How many parents do you think were ever 'ready'? And fatherhood isn't a question of genetics.

We live in the days of quick fixes ketch. Go to the doctor and say you're depressed, you get drugs thrown at you. Go and say you're pregnant, you get things jabbed into you to kill your baby, is it takes much less time than raising a child and then you can back to YoUr CaReEr!11!!!

De Zakenman, De Zakenman, Ik kijk ernaar en ik braak ervan. Jouw dure Auto Huis en Snol, die kunnen mij niet raaken man.

If she's pregnant and not wanting to abort/whatever, you'll do just fine. So long's you mean what you type.

Phew, good news. For those that said they would like to make fun of me, you may do so now. We bought a pregnancy test and it came out negative. Just for all those that may have any concern at all. Thank god...

haha.

Be wary of having sex to celebrate the news.

The ultimate irony?

hehe, too late. rubbers are your friend!

hehe, too late. rubbers are your friend!

So is the Depo Provera injection!

yeah dude...enough of this foolishness. this thread needs to die. but i still appreciate all the concern/help/advice from everyone

I might just be old fashioned this way, but I think if I got a girl pregnant I'd do the honourable thing and marry her.
That is if she agreed to it I mean.
And also if she wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy and not terminate it.