I really like this girl, and I'm almost positive that she has some feelings for me. But she's kind of reserved...or almost well...odd/oblivous about these things.... An example :

Today was the last day of our class together, and I really wanted to catch her either before class or before my little party ( I threw/hosted a small party for our class). I was going over what I wanted her to know, and how to tell her all morning. I had planned to tell her that I wanted to get to know her better, and spend some time with her outside of the classroom. But, of course, I couldn't catch her before class, and before the party started, I was busy setting things up. In between being a good host, and having fun, I missed my opportunity. So she's getting ready to hop into her ride, and I managed to stop her. I then tell her that we should hang out sometime outside the class. She agreed, and gave me her number. We made small talk for like 7 seconds or so. Then she stops and goes, " you sound nervous". I was like "oh?". We then hug, and part ways...

So maybe I just totally screwed up, and she didn't get the message as a result. She said the she would like to hang out, and that she didn't mind me calling later on today ( after I asked) to schedule something as early as this week.

I really want to make sure that my message comes across when I call her this evening. I think it didn't get through earlier because I was rushing so as not to make her ride wait any longer.I don't know if she has some knowledge of my feelings, or if she's totally oblivious.

Please help me out...I finally find a girl that I can really go for, and I end up screwing it up almost to the point of a positive outcome!
What can I say to :

1. clear the slate
2. make her understand
3. pursue a relationship( if she's interested)

Thanks in advance, and more to come...


---Edit

Ok, having read DipSet61's thread, I see we are kinda in the same boat. The both of us are a bit shy/reluctant, and we both want to be noticed ( really noticed) by a particular girl. I'm thinking I should call her up and get her to go down to the river walk with me ( it's a texas thing), and then to a movie. But I'm still trying to figure out how to clear things up...:(

1) talk to her, be honest and be yourself. make sure you tell her what you want / expect
2) put something in her drink
3) ????
4) PROFIT

haha nice

I was just thinking of coming out and being natural, but remain somewhat in control/assured. The thing is I don't want to be too in control, lest I come across as dominating. I plan on calling her in about an hour, and telling her that I want her to downtown with me for a movie. My problem is that I tend to "feed' off of the emotions/feeling of the people I interact with. I guess I'm easily influenced ( I know it's bad and I'm working on it). I don't think I've ever heard her get excited about something, or even laugh aloud. On top of that, I'm one bashful fucker, but hell I think I love this girl, so I'm feeling pretty brave about now.



1) tell her what you want / expect


how? Should I simply tell her how I really feel, or should I persuasively elude? She and my sister aren't friends, but they're cool with one another. Will this complicate things? I have everything else under control, but I just need to tell her how I feel....just so we don't go out as 'friends'....or she asks if my sis is coming too....

all i can say is just stay calm and follow your heart.
even if what you say makes a girl wierded out a lil, they usualy think your really bomb fo being honest.

Well if she told you that she wanted to hang out and that you could call her I would imagine she most definitely likes you, otherwise she probably would have made some excuses as to why you shouldn't call or why she wouldn't be able to hang out. I don't think you've screwed it up, she's likely aware that you like her and said that you seemed nervous just as a playful, weirdly flirtatious type thing. Try calling her and making plans, and if she doesn't come to the phone EVER or starts coming up with a thousand excuses as to why she can't hang out then....well, she actually isn't that interested. I dunno man, girls like to fuck with your head like that. But give it a shot.

How old are you, just wondering(no flaming to be done) As for the tips and comments:

Well first problem was going over your routine of what you were going to say. Every time i tried to remember word for word of what i wanted to say then go to say it, i either dont say it at all or get it out real nervously like you must have. Now i touch base in my head sometimes briefly of what im going to say, then i usually improvise when it comes around to it, thus putting less strain on my mind between thinking ahead/following what shes saying/acting and keeping along with your plan, too much shit to follow. I usually just pay attention to her when she talks and her other reactions, then from there unless you are total brain dead you can follow off what she talks about to start chatting away. Then if your slick you can beat around the bush, talking about random stuff until you get near the topic/stuff you want to talk about then you can safely get out what you want to say, whilst sounding confident...done it many times, may not understand my explanation but thats how ive done it, many times over.

Well if she gave you her number, i would just negate the fact she said you acted nervous even though it may stick in your memory as a bad act. Theres you cue that she may be interested in you. If she didnt have some type of positive feel for you she wouldnt have given you her number at all, and could of said no or given an exucse. You gotta put 2 and 2 together alot of times when it comes to girls then act out on it with the right outlook. Unless they are a total slut/user they usually arent going to come out 100% on their own saying anything more than they think your nice or cute. And what are you worried about clearing things up? Do you feel that you fucked up real badly? I have moments that like stick out and make me think from dates ive been on, that like sting me making me think damn that was a bad move or i shouldnt have said that...but theyve never been enough to straight up ruin me because of that 1 possible bad action.

As for doing work on her, i wouldnt go balls out and kill everything off in one date, she may get freaked out unless you think you far enough down the road to do so. If you make the right moves she should get the hint from what you say to her and your actions. Setup some traps(questions) for her to walk into to see if shes seriously interested in you. If you cant do that just proceed to make her feel comfortable being around you.How do you do that you ask? Make jokes, do impressions, talk of past funny experiences, laughter is the key...once you get on a roll with it you can stomp off some good stuff. See if you can manage to get your arm around her in the movie( AT THE RIGHT TIME) pull her close, say she smells good(classic line), dont force it though, not necessary but would kick off for a good ending of the date.


If you cant manage with that stuff go with the basics. Sit with a non-nervous posture next to her, act calm, keep up a conversation when necessary, be funny/cocky (if that keeps her laughing and along with what you say). If your bad at talking to her from the start being nervous or shy that is, just ask a brief question that will keep her talking so you can muster up something to say or to make your next move. Alot of times girls will just run their mouth off, put 25% of ur attention on what she says so u can respond then 75% on what your going to say next.

Other stuff, i can relate to you on feeling peoples emotions, this one girl i vibed at first but when i joked with her amongst other things she just didnt return. so i lost that vibe i had on her then never proceeded any further on her. Then she ended up being confused cause i had her but didnt know because she acted like a fucking zombie, no output of emotions. Being "friends" with a girl doesnt exist with me right away, and you should put yourself on the opposite side of the table to it. I present myself in a way that keeps me out of being ranked as a friend from the 1st few encounters(meaning you have to act out later or else u will get the friend stamp)..I keep it unknown until i make a move or say something that can lead them to figure it out. Dont ask me how i taught myself to do this but its just something i do. Mainly i think its because of the cocky/funny technique that keeps you away from being listed as a friend right away just cause it keeps you out of the mainstream of being looked at as a friend but with the"potential" backing you up to be something else.

talk about writing a report ^^^hopefully i helped you a bit.

thanks guys for the help :) I'm 19 btw

I talked to her a little while ago, and we a nice little chat. I finally heard/made her laugh out loud(+1), and we ended up talking for quite a while. I was trying to get around to telling her that I had feelings for her, but once again, ended up 'feeling her out', and deciding that it wasn't the right time. On a good note, she said that she liked people who are honest with her....then she got quiet. That's when I started talking about emotions, and I began to elude to my interest in her...but wouldn't you know it, just as I was about to deliver the final blow, I panzied out.
I don't know what my problem is....I suppose I want to make sure that by telling her how I feel, that I don't end up screwing up our current relationship...which, by the way, is growing more and more in the general direction of friendship. I mean, we talked about going to the movies, and hanging out, and my picking her up and paying for everything....but she didn't seem to get the hint. Either that or she did, but wanted me to be 'honest'.

I feel like I only have one more shot at getting the message across, but like NitrousMafia said, I need to kinda build up to it.

I really like this girl, and if I can't be with her, then I would like to be friends. But I believe that it's the possibility of scaring her off, and getting neither, which gets to me. I suppose that I dread her thinking of us as friends, and seeing me as being too aggressive, or not what she expected. Anywas...

Seeing as we're scheduled for the movies on wednesday, should I go for it tomorrow while on the phone with her, or should I wait until we're on our 'date'?

As for doing work on her, i wouldnt go balls out and kill everything off in one date, she may get freaked out unless you think you far enough down the road to do so. If you make the right moves she should get the hint from what you say to her and your actions. Setup some traps(questions) for her to walk into to see if shes seriously interested in you.

I think that if I make my intentions know asap, then I'll come out better. I feel that if we start out as friends, and I start hinting to her that I'm interested...it might turn her off and she may think of me as being trixie.

What's better? To start of as friends, build up general, and eventually genuine interest, and then go out on a limb to pursue a relationship relatively one step further from a previous, and solid, one?
Or to start off well aware of great interest, and take it from there?

OR

perhaps I need to quit fucking worrying about what may or may not happen, and tell her. Or is it safe/right/smart/better to plan out ones steps so as to ensure success?

Well, seeing as I've been worrying and calculating, and it's gotten me nowhere fast, I think I'll just pick a route and go with it....*sigh

It's orright to chicken out man. Its not easy laying shit out like that on the table and leaving yourself vulnerable.

Also, IMO, definitely tell her how you feel in person. You will be able to judge her responses so much easier in person, rather than through a phone line where you can't see her facial expressions and body language, and can't make eye contact.

Don't feel you need to express everything verbally. While good communication is necessary, some things are better left unsaid, and remember actions speak louder than words. I think thats where I fucked up majorly with my last girlfriend. Too much talking.

You seem like a nice, friendly guy. One thing I have learnt is don't try to be too nice and friendly. As much as girls say they love the sweet, good guy, this doesn't have to mean thats all you are. You don't want to come across as being too nice. Nobody likes that guy. Try to mix shit up, be a little mysterious, and dangerous.

Sorry for the erratic nature of this post BTW, half of it probably doesn't even apply to you. This just reminds me so much of a lot of situations I've been in and fucked up from being a pussy.

Go out with her and stay cool and calm.
That will clean the slate for you. A little confidence will polish it!

Tell her you've wanted to go out with her for a while because you really like her writing skills/analytical mind/tits...Whatever.
Just chat to her and let it come up naturally and comfortably unless you can steer the conversation towards these sorta things in a very subtle way.

Do NOT speak of a relationship!
Dude, you've just got her to go out with you...Don't frighten her off with tht sorta crap.
If you guys continue dating after that first, then let it happen on it's own. Don't rush it.

Well i just said that incase the time wasnt right, you dont always have to build up to take it to the next level. But then if your not comfortable to tell her sometimes you may have to build up. Personally itd go smooth as fuck if you could show her somehow in actions, cause like whoever said actions speak louder than words but then thats easier said then done sometimes. Cause say you tell her on the phone, hey (name) i have to tell you something, i have some feelings for you..i just mustered up the courage to tell you now. More than likely she'll be like awww this kid just pooched on me. It just doesnt sound right. But then say you get going good with her in person, then through random actions and such at the right moment you lay a kiss on her then begin to makeout with her. Theres a full fledge action that could/should get her saying she wants you more than you want her. You got your saying that needs explaning or you have the action that needs no explaning.

Other than that just stay cool, sometimes i couldnt always press out what i wanted to do, and as long as i keep things good i knew thatd id have another chance later. You dont have to bust out 100% everything on the first date, nor should you unless the time is right. But then you cant go in and act straight normal and not saying anything otherwise the girl will get tired of your lameness. Obviously your thinking hardcore about the situation, just take it easy wait till tomorrow to do work at the movie then go from there. Id be concerned about reading her actions and picking up on how she feels around you and such when your with her. Ill add more later i just woke up....haha

ok. So I should take things slowly and not worry about conveying my feelings just yet....and if/when I do decide to, it would be best to tell her face to face, so as to better judge her reactions, and thus respon appropiately? I think I got it.

We're scheduled for the movies tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it. aha She sounded kinda surprised when she found out that I was treating her to it ( i guess she expected to have to pay her way). She says " Sure that'd be great....bu I don't have any money" to which I respond with " ____....of course you don't think that I'd take you to the movies and make, let alone, expect you to pay?" I don't think she was trying to get out of going with me becuase of her timing...

I think I've somewhat figured this one out....she has a bit of an emotionless exterrior, but that isn't to say that she lacks emotion. It's that you can't tell what she's feeling based on her vocal patterns. I noticed that she tends to pause when either caught off gaurd about something of deep meaning ( feelings, generosity). Call it balsy, but I think I'm beginning to understand her/her ways a bit more now.

I'll be calling her tonight to finalize everything, and I think I'll just talk to her more, and get to know her. When we get to the movies is when I'll throw a few subtle hints....I have a few ideas (arm around her at theatre, leaning slightly in her direction while sitting), but if yall wanna throw in some ideas, then by all means!

Thanks again for all the help! I know I should be responding to this alot better than I am, but this is, in a sense, my first attempt at seducing..err...going out with a girl. ;)

Yea you can take things slowly but then when you see the opprotunity to pounce do so...Sounds like your using your head for reasoning now which is good, you gotta get your sense of how things work out going, which it seems you are realizing that.

Im not sure of the idea for when and when not to pay for a girl(starting fresh) but usually if i take a girl out the 1st date at a movie ill pay for them even though ive had numerous girls ask to pay for themselves and others have not said a word when i go to pay for the tickets, dont matter to me shit $5-7 to pay for them is pocket change considering its a opening to do work. But dont be buying drinks,popcorn, candy and all that other shit for her. Bring your own stuff ;-) save cash.

how? Should I simply tell her how I really feel, or should I persuasively elude? She and my sister aren't friends, but they're cool with one another. Will this complicate things? I have everything else under control, but I just need to tell her how I feel....just so we don't go out as 'friends'....or she asks if my sis is coming too....

You people always read way too far into... well EVERYTHING.

All that matters is how you feel. USE YOUR WORDS. Talk talk talk. Talk to the girl. Don't stop talking unless she needs to say something. Dont allow silence. Keep talking. Explain yourself. Don't lie. Don't try and be who you think she wants you to be. (this is VERY important, and always the #1 reason why relationships fail) Be cool, be yourself. If she likes, she will let you know. If not, better luck next time.

Thats it, thats all. Sisters are irrelevant, Tell the fucking girl how you feel and see what happens.

It's mind numbing how people overthink things and make a huge deal out of nothing.

If you don't accept my advice, then forget about it. Do whatever you want. Just remember that you came here and asked totse. I'm giving you the best advice in the world, and thats personal experience. Take it.

By the way, I'm engaged, so it's not like I dont know what I'm talking about.