It really sucks and I think I am bipolar. I'm like a mix of suicidal and hopeful.

On one hand I got arrested and am looking at between probation and a year in jail. I'm fatter than I have ever been, poorer than I have ever been, and have lost touch with most my friends. My gf is young, I can't concentrate, and feel basically overworked and overwhelmed.

On the other hand, I have a girlfriend! In my whole life this is the first time I have had a girlfriend, who I liked, and could fuck. I got a place to live, health, youth, a car, credit, some money, a degree and a good lawyer. If I don't go to jail, business picks up and probation conditions aren't bad, I could end up with great life ahead of me. On the other hand, I could have to spend a year in jail, loose my gf, and my life would suck. Hell, my gf could tell her parents and I could end up doing 7-10, and get stabbed in jail after 7 years.

What I hate is that I can't control the outcome. I can contribute to it, but in the end it all seems random =/