Today, lots of shit went down and I know that after I post this I'll get a lot of "I told you so's" but whatever. I just have to talk right now.

SO: I woke up at like 5am and went out for a quick jog. I come back and my husband is awake and he's really pissed off. I don't know why so I say nothing to provoke him and go to take a shower. I'm in the shower and all of a sudden, he opens the door and starts bitching at me from behind the curtain. I was like WHAT THE FUCK are you doing?? Then he leaves and I come out of the shower, get dressed and all that and I confront him like, Why are you like this? It's like 5:30 in the fucking morning. And my husband starts screaming about my drinking "problems" all of a sudden.

I am really pissed now because I didn't do ANYthing to him and he's yelling at me. He's calling me all these names and being really mean for no reason. So we are in one of our famous screaming matches. He brings up stuff about drinking, stealing and my eating problems, everything. And then the physical violence starts of course.

I admit that I pushed him first. But then I guess that set something off because my husband pushed me against the wall, knocked the wind out of me, and then backhanded me across the face really fucking hard. (Yeah, I was pimp slapped, haha, it's not funny when it actually happens, bitches.) Like I said in my rape thread- I am 5'6" and 106lbs. I'm kind of on the small side. My husband is AT LEAST 6'1". I have never been hit as hard as that in my life. I fell and started crying because I was so shocked and I freaked him out because he has never, EVER seen me cry.

Then, after that he just stood there like he didn't know what to do and walked out of the house. I didn't know what to do, so I went to my friend's house in downtown. I slept until like, 8 pm, woke up with a pretty fucked up face. My friend comes in and tells me my husband BROKE HIS FUCKING PINKIE. That is how hard he hit me.

I don't think we're going to make it. This is the worst ever. My husband has never hit me that hard. Usually, if he ever did hit me, I knew he didn't do to his full capacity because it never really hurt. And I've never left the house either.

Yeah, you guys told me to get counseling or get divorced, but I didn't listen but now this happened. I keep thinking that since I pushed him first, all of this is my fault, but I know that's not true. GOD- I HATE THIS.

too long to read, but if i had to guess. Your life sucks. You want to kill yourself. And you Love to stick semi-erect cocks in your ass..? ye.. I might give you rep just 'cause I pity you,.,

DO you have drinking problems..?
DO you steal..?
DO you have eating disorders..?

if yes to any of these, you brought it on yourself and brought him down with you...

I'll hang out with ya. I'm about his height and in the area. Men should never hit a woman, it's just not fair.

To OP, you screwed around with his temper too much. Only thing on his mind when he's pissed at you, is that he's 100% right all the time. If you threaten or touch him, he WILL get even more pissed. Hence, you pushed him too far. Let me ask you, why didn't you ask him questions before you get pissed? Like he could have heard some shit from his friends or he's just generally in the bad mood..or perhaps, he's having a problem with you that you don't even realized it.

At least I would know, my mom does this kind of shit. When I'm pissed, she would push me or getting in my face and start bitching like she's better than me.

My friend comes in and tells me my husband BROKE HIS FUCKING PINKIE. That is how hard he hit me.


I'd like to hear that conversation with the doctor.

Doctor: "What happened?"
Husband: "Smacked my wife."
Doctor: "Awesome."

Doctor: "What happened?"
Husband: "Smacked my wife."
Doctor: "Awesome."

amazing. you are obviously in the wrong if you did any of those things.

To OP, you screwed around with his temper too much. Only thing on his mind when he's pissed at you, is that he's 100% right all the time. If you threaten or touch him, he WILL get even more pissed. Hence, you pushed him too far.

At least I would know, my mom does this kind of shit. When I'm pissed, she would push me or getting in my face and start bitching like she's better than me.

I drink sometimes, I steal, and I am anorexic. But I have never made it so he was a part of it, or he was irritated by it. All of a sudden today, he brings this shit up. Wouldn't that piss you off? Especially when I was doing NOTHING when he started yelling?

I know I totally provoked him today, I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong. But when he starts calling me a cunt and a bitch and psycho, threatening to knock me out- it's nothing new. I didn't know that today was the day he was actually going to knock me out.

Sounds like you did something wrong in the past. How did all of this yelling started in the first place? You said it's nothing new, right?


Honestly, I don't see anything with drinking or stealing (unless you're stealing from his parents/friend lol). He just want you to stop stealing, drinking and start eating more food.


I would be extremely pissed if you don't listen to me. Eh....I hope your husband's first name doesn't start with A...

I would be extremely pissed if you don't listen to me. Eh....I hope your husband's first name doesn't start with A...

My husband's name does start with an A, why?

Both of you guys sounds like Jerry Springer material.

Personally I think you're a person who has her life all up in her ass, you need to stop being such a fucking gypsie and do something with your fucking life. do you have a job? or do you sit around all day and puke up the food your husband paid for..?

My husband's name does start with an A, why?

OMG! It's Adolph Hitler isn't it... I knew he escaped on a U-Boat...

Seriously though, as a resident psychiatrist, I would recommend marriage counseling. If he doesn't want to partake it in, try and convince him. If he remains unconvinced, then it is a sign that he is not committed to the relationship, and you're only probable way out is through legal means.

It may be a scary thought, but it's better than wasting the rest of your life.

You're an idiot.
Yes, I have a job. I went to a fucking good college and I have a very respectable job. If you are not going to contribute anything valuable and sit there and criticize me- then GTFO. You sound like my husband. Fucking dick.

OMG! It's Adolph Hitler isn't it... I knew he escaped on a U-Boat...

Seriously though, as a resident psychiatrist, I would recommend marriage counseling. If he doesn't want to partake it in, try and convince him. If he remains unconvinced, then it is a sign that he is not committed to the relationship, and you're only probable way out is through legal means.

It may be a scary thought, but it's better than wasting the rest of your life.

Lol, it is not Adolph. I said this in my old threads but I really don't have enough money right now to go to a therapist. I have so much stuff to pay off. I know I need to go but I'm going to have to find some cheap ass city counselor?

^^ Honestly, would you be pissed if someone dumped the food that you paid on the ground?


My husband's name does start with an A, why?
Ermm, becuase my name is Allen. Your husband sounds too much like me even through I've never hit another woman.

Never mind that, but I assume you didn't listen to him and provoked him for the whole time. Just talk to him, really. calm...Ask him why is he so pissed. If it's about you stealing, puking food out(I assumes you do), and getting drunk. Then maybe you should start think about it....

Stealing will land you in the jail if you do it long enough.

Being anorexic isn't healthy, get it straight in your head. He's your husband, he SHOULD not care if you get little clubby. What's wrong with good'ol working out and eating healthy anyway?

Lol, it is not Adolph. I said this in my old threads but I really don't have enough money right now to go to a therapist. I have so much stuff to pay off. I know I need to go but I'm going to have to find some cheap ass city counselor?

Hmmm... that's tough. Try searching online, there are some top-quality psychiatrists (like my cousin) who offer free, group-marriage sessions on certain days. It may be weird talking to a group, but studies prove that admitting your possible faults in front of a group is sometimes more affective than personal sessions.

Ermm, becuase my name is Allen. Your husband sounds too much like me even through I've never hit another woman.

Never mind that, but I assume you didn't listen to him and provoked him for the whole time. Just talk to him, really. calm...Ask him why is he so pissed. If it's about you stealing, puking food out(I assumes you do), and getting drunk. Then maybe you should start think about it....

Stealing will land you in the jail if you do it long enough.

Being anorexic isn't healthy, get it straight in your head. He's your husband, he SHOULD not care if you get little clubby. What's wrong with good'ol working out and eating healthy anyway?

Okay, yall have to get this straight that I am ANOREXIC not BULIMIC. I don't throw up food. I don't eat it to begin with so maybe I am actually saving us some money.

Anyway- Volcanbaru- I don't even want to know why you think you are like my husband. I didn't say anything nice about him.

If anything, my husband is the one with the drinking problem. He's just mad because he doesn't like it period when I drink or get drunk. He probably thinks only a man should drink or something. HE'S the one with the criminal history not me. Maybe he's just pissed that I'm becoming more and more like him.

First- before counseling or anything, I have to go back to my house. I haven't talked to A since this morning.

bitch shouldn't have been talkin back. Know yer role ho now go get yer daddy some chips.

That's mean. Leave his ass. A man ceases to be a man the second he lifts a finger on a woman unprovoked. I've had a girl try to hit me for like 5 minutes on a public street and I couldn't beat her ass even though I wanted to because the minute I did the people who were gawking would jump in because hitting girls is fucking disgusting. So instead she yelled out "HE'S A DRUG DEALER" and I took off running. If guys are allowed to hit girls then girls are allowed o kick guys in the balls and we all know that's not gonna happen.

Okay, yall have to get this straight that I am ANOREXIC not BULIMIC. I don't throw up food. I don't eat it to begin with so maybe I am actually saving us some money.

Anyway- Volcanbaru- I don't even want to know why you think you are like my husband. I didn't say anything nice about him.

If anything, my husband is the one with the drinking problem. He's just mad because he doesn't like it period when I drink or get drunk. He probably thinks only a man should drink or something. HE'S the one with the criminal history not me. Maybe he's just pissed that I'm becoming more and more like him.

First- before counseling or anything, I have to go back to my house. I haven't talked to A since this morning.

Go back to your house, and talk to him. If you can, take your friend with you, and have her wait outside in her car (in case bad things happen). Try and reason with him, and get things back to a semi-bearable state. Then go to counseling.

Well, I kind of look really fucked up right now. My friend and I agreed that I shouldn't be seen in public for a while. I'm thinking of maybe calling him, but I don't want to seem like I'm begging to come home.

The good thing, my friend is friends with both of us, so he's acting as the middleman. I don't want to stay here though. I don't want to spend the night and have my husband use that as an excuse as call me a cheating whore sometime in a later argument.

I'm totally tense right now. I don't want to deal with it.

Maybe he's just pissed that I'm becoming more and more like him.

Yeah probably, I would be if I was him.

Before I say much more, and I'd love to, how old are you both?

Men should never hit a woman, it's just not fair.
Never?

You're pathetic. If you hide and avoid shit it's letting him win. If you're in any way scared of him just get your shit and leave. Say "I'm either coming to get my stuff by myself, with the cops or with a .357 so take your pick." You've already decided you don't deserve any better so you're gonna get exactly what you want. Have fun becoming another statistic!

Equal rights, equal fights!

Yeah probably, I would be if I was him.

Before I say much more, and I'd love to, how old are you both?

I am 25 and my husband is 28.

romaniw, understand some things,please: Your husband didn't hit you hard. He hit you far harder than he intended. If he had intended to hurt you he would have used his fist and you'd now be in ER getting your jaw wired.

He broke his finger because 1. he isn't used to slapping anyone and 2. because he used far more force than he intended.

All of which tells us that you've been a lousy wife.

(Assuming he's not a total 'path anyway).

Unfortunately now he's suffering doubly. He's trying to cope with guilt because he hit you (assuming he's a 'modern' man), shock at himself and anger at you and himself.

If you value your marriage and love him then you can resolve this easily. Just go to him and tell him you are sorry, that you know you deserved the slap and that you love him.

Ok, I believe a man should never hit a woman, as much as he may want to, it never leads anywhere good.

That said, you seem too immature/insecure/dramatic to me, you're rationalizing too much (yes you have issues, very deep ones, get real help), make yourself feel helpless and out of control of everything in your own life (drama, issues) or any moves/decisions you make, and generally like a 15 year old girl freaking out and yelling 'i cant handle my life!!!!!!!' every 5 seconds. You wouldn't be where you are now if you stopped doing that and got some control over yourself. Get a grip, woman.

E: read above 2 posts.

I'd say you both need to accept your own, and each others' shortcomings/problems, and work on resolving them together. There's no point where you can't influence or control any part of your life and change it if you don't like it. Take responsibility (you're both old enough to do so) and take charge, nothing is out of control if you both don't want it to be. I'm willing to bet it's frustrating him as much as it is you, when you're up to it (don't wait too long though) go talk, calmly, get some help in this since it can be very tough trying to do it on your own, and fix your marriage if you want to.

He broke his finger because 1. he isn't used to slapping anyone and 2. because he used far more force than he intended.

All of which tells us that you've been a lousy wife.

(Assuming he's not a total 'path anyway).

Unfortunately now he's suffering doubly. He's trying to cope with guilt because he hit you (assuming he's a 'modern' man), shock at himself and anger at you and himself.

If you value your marriage and love him then you can resolve this easily. Just go to him and tell him you are sorry, that you know you deserved the slap and that you love him.

He broke his finger because he isn't used to slapping me in the face with the BACK of his hand. If you don't remember, this is not the first time he has hit me.

I should be sorry that I pushed him in the first place but I'm trying to say that I did nothing wrong. I woke up, jogged, came back, and he's yelling. I said NOTHING to him. I said, "Good morning" and went out. I come back and he is fucking pissed off at me and starts shit with me. What did I do to make me say sorry? I have nothing to apologize for.

What did I do to make me say sorry? I have nothing to apologize for.

You can inscribe that on the tombstone of your marriage.

What did I do to make me say sorry? I have nothing to apologize for.

Hold on now, this isn't about one morning, it's about your whole marriage. Nothing says he cant only get upset over anything in the last 6 hours only. Maybe he woke up in a bad mood and happened to snap a bit then, I don't know. Talk to him and see what he thinks you did or are doing wrong and what you can do about it, fixing it doesn't mean going with what you think is right or wrong, it's a compromise for both to realize what the other thinks and understand. ^ That attitude won't help you a bit if you want to patch this up, be open to what he says, as he should be to you. Assume you're both equally right and wrong, and go from there, bit by bit.

Ok, I believe a man should never hit a woman, as much as he may want to, it never leads anywhere good.

That said, you seem too immature/insecure/dramatic to me, you're rationalizing too much (yes you have issues, very deep ones, get real help), make yourself feel helpless and out of control of everything in your own life (drama, issues) or any moves/decisions you make, and generally like a 15 year old girl freaking out and yelling 'i cant handle my life!!!!!!!' every 5 seconds. You wouldn't be where you are now if you stopped doing that and got some control over yourself. Get a grip, woman.


That is incredibly judgemental. I have spent my whole life taking care of other people. I am a nurse. And outside of work, I am supposed to be the strong one and people come to ME when they have problems and I am the one who HELPS people. I rarely EVER tell anyone my problems (except on totse). I don't create drama, I help to fix them for others. I am THAT PERSON. I don't ever overreact or get mad. I have lost control of my marriage but that's it. No one even knows that I have a rocky marriage right now, not even my parents.

Hold on now, this isn't about one morning, it's about your whole marriage. Nothing says he cant only get upset over anything in the last 6 hours only. Maybe he woke up in a bad mood and happened to snap a bit then, I don't know. Talk to him and see what he thinks you did or are doing wrong and what you can do about it, fixing it doesn't mean going with what you think is right or wrong, it's a compromise for both to realize what the other thinks and understand. ^ That attitude won't help you a bit if you want to patch this up, be open to what he says, as he should be to you. Assume you're both equally right and wrong, and go from there, bit by bit.

+ rep

Hold on now, this isn't about one morning, it's about your whole marriage. Nothing says he cant only get upset over anything in the last 6 hours only. Maybe he woke up in a bad mood and happened to snap a bit then, I don't know. Talk to him and see what he thinks you did or are doing wrong and what you can do about it, fixing it doesn't mean going with what you think is right or wrong, it's a compromise for both to realize what the other thinks and understand. ^ That attitude won't help you a bit if you want to patch this up, be open to what he says, as he should be to you. Assume you're both equally right and wrong, and go from there, bit by bit.

I hate that you are patronizing me, but believe me, we have tried to talk it out. It ends with us fighting again or sex. Which sounds clicheed but it's true. I just can't talk to him like I'm talking right now. I KNOW I need a therapist for both of us but it's not going to happen anytime soon.

And I said that thing about not apologizing mainly to jackketch, just because I was dumbfounded by his response. But whatever. I think- at least for today- my husband is way more at fault than I am.

That is incredibly judgemental. I have spent my whole life taking care of other people. I am a nurse. And outside of work, I am supposed to be the strong one and people come to ME when they have problems and I am the one who HELPS people. I rarely EVER tell anyone my problems (except on totse). I don't create drama, I help to fix them for others. I am THAT PERSON. I don't ever overreact or get mad. I have lost control of my marriage but that's it. No one even knows that I have a rocky marriage right now, not even my parents.

Yes, it's very judgmental, I know. I'm not judging your whole life since I obviously don't know you, I'm giving you my impression based on what I've read (that you decided to share thus far) and how it was written. Somehow, saying that you don't (didn't) want to deal with it (marriage, whole scenario, your life atm, whatever it is) didn't create a image of a responsible, capable person, sorry.

I'll give you my respect simply for being a nurse and putting yourself to such a standard, that's incredibly tough and admirable in my book.

Though, maybe you should share your problems and thoughts/concerns with someone else in the world besides the internet, all but cooping it up does you no good, and some things you can't handle on your own, or at least having some help makes it immensely easier. if everyone can lean on you when they need to, it's nothing at all to ask if you can lean on them now and then, we all need a hand once in a while, or at least some support. Putting all this on your shoulders is a shoddy move, you'll just be more miserable. Shared joy is double joy, shared misery, half misery. Having to keep the image that all is fine isn't doing you good either, just extra unneeded stress. Don't yell it to the world, but have someone or a few close someones to confide into, whether it be a close friend (perhaps already there, they guy's house you're staying at), relative, either for support or help (psychiatrist, or councilor), whoever you feel is of most benefit to you.

I think- at least for today- my husband is way more at fault than I am.

Do you want to be right or married?

I hate that you are patronizing me, but believe me, we have tried to talk it out. It ends with us fighting again or sex. Which sounds clicheed but it's true. I just can't talk to him like I'm talking right now. I KNOW I need a therapist for both of us but it's not going to happen anytime soon.

And I said that thing about not apologizing mainly to jackketch, just because I was dumbfounded by his response. But whatever. I think- at least for today- my husband is way more at fault than I am.

Sorry, didn't mean to patronize you in the least, seems the more I learn of you the more respect of mine you gain, so I'll keep the learning up. You're both older and have much more life experience than me, I'm just giving an opinion based on what I've been through personally and learned myself, it's always a different viewpoint to the same story, helps to gain perspective on things, and i've lacked that a lot. I've been through plenty of shitty patches in my relationships, I can't say I'm married but I've had a lot of times i had no idea how to fix and couldn't see a direct way out of, a lot of times I screwed up majorly, the odd time I managed to get on a path to peace again.

If you don't mind me asking, do you just have trouble starting a calm conversation with him, or does it always just escalate from calm to a fight, from some underlying tension between you, or from a point or issue brought up in the talk itself?

Though, maybe you should share your problems and thoughts/concerns with someone else in the world besides the internet, all but cooping it up does you no good, and some things you can't handle on your own, or at least having some help makes it immensely easier. if everyone can lean on you when they need to, it's nothing at all to ask if you can lean on them now and then, we all need a hand once in a while, or at least some support. Putting all this on your shoulders is a shoddy move, you'll just be more miserable. Shared joy is double joy, shared misery, half misery. Having to keep the image that all is fine isn't doing you good either, just extra unneeded stress. Don't yell it to the world, but have someone or a few close someones to confide into, whether it be a close friend (perhaps already there, they guy's house you're staying at), relative, either for support or help (psychiatrist, or councilor), whoever you feel is of most benefit to you.

You're kind. But that's how I've always been. It's hard to just change. I don't like to tell other people my problems because I don't ever want to be a burden and I don't want anyone to worry. I don't want them to think I'm weak or at least, weaker than they thought I could be. And my mom is like, the biggest worrier in the world. That day someone told her I wasn't eating-- she had bigger medical problems than I ever did for a week. And I don't like to tell my husband, because I don't want him to be breathing down my back. He lives with me, you know, he knows like, everything.

And the reason I don't want to deal with it right now is because I just don't feel ready to. Is that such a crime?

You're kind. But that's how I've always been. It's hard to just change. I don't like to tell other people my problems because I don't ever want to be a burden and I don't want anyone to worry. I don't want them to think I'm weak or at least, weaker than they thought I could be. And my mom is like, the biggest worrier in the world. That day someone told her I wasn't eating-- she had bigger medical problems than I ever did for a week. And I don't like to tell my husband, because I don't want him to be breathing down my back. He lives with me, you know, he knows like, everything.

And the reason I don't want to deal with it right now is because I just don't feel ready to. Is that such a crime?


Thanks, usually I'm called an ass since I'm unsympathetic and to-the-point in real life, but hey, I can rant here.

*nods* we're not so different like that, I always feel like I'm bothering people by telling them any of my problems or concerns, so I typically stay quiet. Managed to slowly build up a few close people whom I can share all that with, and they do likewise, I maintain my feeling of not being a burden through helping them out as well, everyone can find parallels between themselves and others, no matter the situation. Simple understanding does wonders.

I've got parents (yeah, mom too) that worry over everything, hence why I stopped sharing anything with them (which made her worry more :\ ), and a girlfriend who overreacts to too much. Don't spill everything out at once, share to someone you trust wholly something small that you don't mind them knowing, and work from there, hard to explain and not easy to do, I know, trust me.

And nah, don't touch any of this until you're comfortable with it, it won't make it any better. If you're not alright to think about it, much less discuss it, it can only go down more. Sort yourself out first, as somewhat selfish as that sounds.

Thanks, usually I'm called an ass since I'm unsympathetic and to-the-point in real life, but hey, I can rant here.

And nah, don't touch any of this until you're comfortable with it, it won't make it any better. If you're not alright to think about it, much less discuss it, it can only go down more. Sort yourself out first, as somewhat selfish as that sounds.

I don't want people to think I'm banging you on the side here but you're not being unsympathetic right now. Why nice now? Why not always?

Well, as an update, my husband just called my friend and we put him on speaker, because we're bitches like that, and A is totally, mindfucking drunk right now. He can't even say my name. So I should probably go home and make sure he doesn't start driving or go outside at all actually. Or keep on drinking until he poisons himself. I'm better now, not mad, a little shaken up, but pretty much okay. On a side note, I hate when he FUCKING does that.

I don't want people to think I'm banging you on the side here but you're not being unsympathetic right now. Why nice now? Why not always?

Well, as an update, my husband just called my friend and we put him on speaker, because we're bitches like that, and A is totally, mindfucking drunk right now. He can't even say my name. So I should probably go home and make sure he doesn't start driving or go outside at all actually. Or keep on drinking until he poisons himself. I'm better now, not mad, a little shaken up, but pretty much okay. On a side note, I hate when he FUCKING does that.

Stay away til he's sobered up.

*shrug* It's not the image I have nor the one I'd like to have, too complicated to change, so the average person gets the succinct, snappy version of me with a dash of understanding and sensibility thrown in as a curveball. Some think I'm a good guy but can't see exactly why, some see me as a total jerk. Very much a love or hate deal, and I'm fine with it that way.

You're in a sort of situation that I know and remember being miserable in, sympathy (read: understanding) makes sense, as long as it gets somewhere, IMO. Rolling in it doesn't help advance anything, but it's support for doing so.

No offence to him, but it doesn't seem like he's handling himself terribly well right there, i don't know his motives with it though, he either drinks because he can, or over guilt, or a bit of both, i can't guess that in the least, though. Though at this rate you'll be more than ready when it comes to talking than he will be, and at least one person having their bearings in something as touchy and complicated as this helps a lot.

Stay away til he's sobered up.

+10000000000000

I assume you're a guy. That Dr Cox persona is one that a lot of guys have so no one can try to change that.

I'm so tempted to get off the fucking Internet and just drive over, because I am so afraid he is going to go out and drive. I told you, if anyone drinks too much, it's him, not me. My friend, J, is not being very helpful.
I swear he is going to drink way too much and get poisoned. Or do something really bad. Most likely, he'll just sit and not do anything, but I can never be sure.

What does he expect me to do? I know he totally did this on purpose because he knew I would come home. Nice way to prove your point about my alcoholic tendencies. I haven't had ONE drink and you can't even fucking stand up. It's like 3 in the morning but he's making me come.

I assume you're a guy. That Dr Cox persona is one that a lot of guys have so no one can try to change that.

I'm so tempted to get off the fucking Internet and just drive over, because I am so afraid he is going to go out and drive. I told you, if anyone drinks too much, it's him, not me. My friend, J, is not being very helpful.
I swear he is going to drink way too much and get poisoned. Or do something really bad. Most likely, he'll just sit and not do anything, but I can never be sure.

What does he expect me to do? I know he totally did this on purpose because he knew I would come home. Nice way to prove your point about my alcoholic tendencies. I haven't had ONE drink and you can't even fucking stand up. It's like 3 in the morning but he's making me come.

He may well do something totally fucking stupid (he seems to have my talent for that) but seriously you need to stay away til he's sober/comatosed/in ER.

I assume you're a guy. That Dr Cox persona is one that a lot of guys have so no one can try to change that.

I'm so tempted to get off the fucking Internet and just drive over, because I am so afraid he is going to go out and drive. I told you, if anyone drinks too much, it's him, not me. My friend, J, is not being very helpful.
I swear he is going to drink way too much and get poisoned. Or do something really bad. Most likely, he'll just sit and not do anything, but I can never be sure.

What does he expect me to do? I know he totally did this on purpose because he knew I would come home. Nice way to prove your point about my alcoholic tendencies. I haven't had ONE drink and you can't even fucking stand up. It's like 3 in the morning but he's making me come.

Don't lift one ass cheek out of that chair tonight. Seriously.

Finding him now won't do any good, he won't be better drunk than he was sober, and go with your gut on it. he ever poisoned himself before, repeatedly? He have a solid history of drinking and driving? My vote is that he passes out long before that, probably the best option there.

And yes, I'm a guy, laughed at that Dr. Cox bit, and at least like to think the bit of sensible/non-ass in there sets me apart from the common ass, but hey.

Don't lift one ass cheek out of that chair tonight. Seriously.

Finding him now won't do any good, he won't be better drunk than he was sober, and go with your gut on it. he ever poisoned himself before, repeatedly? He have a solid history of drinking and driving? My vote is that he passes out long before that, probably the best option there.


Once again you've managed to express what I wanted to say.

He may well do something totally fucking stupid (he seems to have my talent for that) but seriously you need to stay away til he's sober/comatosed/in ER.

I can't let him kill himself accidentally because he's a stupid drunk. If he's as drunk as I think he is, he won't be violent, just a little reckless or overly confident. He's driven off drunk before and I don't want that to happen. It's night time here.

Don't lift one ass cheek out of that chair tonight. Seriously.

Finding him now won't do any good, he won't be better drunk than he was sober, and go with your gut on it. he ever poisoned himself before, repeatedly? He have a solid history of drinking and driving? My vote is that he passes out long before that, probably the best option there.

And yes, I'm a guy, laughed at that Dr. Cox bit, and at least like to think the bit of sensible/non-ass in there sets me apart from the common ass, but hey.

Yeah, my husband is like that. Now, if I had a little more of that sardonicism of Cox's wife, I might be alright.

I'm probably not going to go out now. Maybe thanks to you all. Maybe. I don't know. You know that feeling when you are walking out with unpaid merchandise- and you're just waiting for that alarm to go off- but it doesn't? That's how I feel right now, but over and over again.

I can't let him kill himself accidentally because he's a stupid drunk. If he's as drunk as I think he is, he won't be violent, just a little reckless or overly confident. He's driven off drunk before and I don't want that to happen. It's night time here.

If you think he's driving drunk then you MUST call the cops.

Give them his plate and tell them they need to keep an eye out for him.

Sorry, thats something no wife should ever have to do but your responsibility is to my child that might be crossing the road, kinda thing.

I'm probably not going to go out now. Maybe thanks to you all. Maybe. I don't know. You know that feeling when you are walking out with unpaid merchandise- and you're just waiting for that alarm to go off- but it doesn't? That's how I feel right now, but over and over again.

Just save yourself and him the trouble and don't move, sort it out later.

Usually I feel relief in that situation, so I can't directly compare, though I can imagine it's supposed to be kinda nerve-wracking.

And jack, you're welcome, I seem to be on a roll tonight, though you snap the words out of my mouth more often than not, kind of annoying not being able to post what I want since you already did. :\

^ With 'ketch here, if he's driving drunk there's nothing you can do, a night sobering up in a jail cell/drunk tank is the best thing for him in that case, better that than a morgue/ER, don't you think?

It's 3:15 AM here, i might be off to bed soon. :\

Just save yourself and him the trouble and don't move, sort it out later.

Usually I feel relief in that situation, so I can't directly compare, though I can imagine it's supposed to be kinda nerve-wracking.

And jack, you're welcome, I seem to be on a roll tonight, though you snap the words out of my mouth more often than not, kind of annoying not being able to post what I want since you already did. :\

^ With 'ketch here, if he's driving drunk there's nothing you can do, a night sobering up in a jail cell/drunk tank is the best thing for him in that case, better that than a morgue/ER, don't you think?

It's 3:15 AM here, i might be off to bed soon. :\

It's 3:15 here too. 3:20. Thanks for all your help. I would give you rep points but I have no idea what that is or how to give it.

I'm kind of concerned about my husband's finger though. Because I'm not sure how exactly we are going to pay for that bill... I'm glad I didn't like, break my face, haha.

I think my friend is going to go over for me and lead him to bed or something. I just hope he will pass out soon.

I think my friend is going to go over for me and lead him to bed or something. I just hope he will pass out soon.

Good idea although a male friend would be better (her husband perhaps?).


You see the justice scales icon on Orange's post? Click on it and it'll bring up the leave rep box.

Good idea although a male friend would be better (her husband perhaps?).


You see the justice scales icon on Orange's post? Click on it and it'll bring up the leave rep box.

I'm at a guy's house. He is male.
While we are on the subject- what is a rep point? What happens if you get a bad point? What happens if you get a good one?

It's 3:15 here too. 3:20. Thanks for all your help. I would give you rep points but I have no idea what that is or how to give it.

I'm kind of concerned about my husband's finger though. Because I'm not sure how exactly we are going to pay for that bill... I'm glad I didn't like, break my face, haha.

I think my friend is going to go over for me and lead him to bed or something. I just hope he will pass out soon.

That's quite alright, neither do I :D But thanks all the same, I'll take that as a top-notch compliment.

I'd say your friend going there is a better option than you going, maybe not the best (leaving him to sober up on his own) but it'll do fine right now.

Got any friends who are doctors, live near a med school, etc.? Small bones can set badly way too easily, if it's cracked in half, it needs to be set, a small crack is fine, and a chip can be either no big deal (very small), or need setting, depending on its severity. Best of luck, and I'll be off to bed now, checking this thread in the morning, I'll toss in any thoughts I decide worthy, if I've got time (moving day, to uni). 'Night.

E: *reads above* oh cool, never knew that, thanks. Any way to see whether ones you got are good or bad? Is it just good is +1, bad is -1, or?

Yeah, you guys told me to get counseling or get divorced, but I didn't listen but now this happened. I keep thinking that since I pushed him first, all of this is my fault, but I know that's not true. GOD- I HATE THIS.

You know, having just finished this thread, I have a hard time taking seriously the fact that you *still* seem deadset on keeping this thing "working".

Everything you've said indicates that he's a drunk and you're a punching back, and your marriage is little more than a fuckbuddy relationship where he gets liberties in the form of using his hands on your face, to the point of fucking you up so badly that you don't want to be seen in public and breaking a finger.

You've said "You were right, I was wrong, Totse" etc, and you still seem to want to try and patch things up.

It doesn't MATTER whose fault it is - the fact is that you do not have a marriage, in anything but name. Not to be condescending, but it seems to me that you need to get that through your head, and divorce this guy.

Or would you rather wait until he "accidentally" kills you?

Kill him.

Or leave him.


I'm sure you are very fucking aware of the fact you have some problems with eating disorders and alcohol, you dont exactly need him to fucking remind you of that shit at 5am!

What an asshole.
I can understand a guy not being able to be the lovely supportive understanding guy, but being a dick about serious problems is disgusting.

Ugh.

I'm sickened.



I feel that all the shit I have gone through pales in comparison to what some people on totse are dealing with.



You probably shouldnt have hit him. He probably shouldnt have hit a smaller woman that hard. He deffinately deserved the broken finger though. :)

If you go back to him -rep. Seriously. I've seen my dad lay hands on my mom and even as a kid it was like the personification of evil. I don't know why anyone here's advising you to go back to him when he's hit you before and will probably do it again. I guess everyone here would just be happy to have a wife/husband regardless of the circumstances. You don't even have kids yet which adds about 900000 times more stress. Your mans a dickless loser and you're weak for sticking around after he's knocked you around before. Brush yourself the fuck off and realize there are probably plenty of men out there for you who have something called "balls" and don't hit woman. Your guy sounds like a fucking retard and I'd very much like to kick his ass for the good of humanity. Dump that piece of shit on the side of the road and move the fuck on. He screwed up and should face the consequences instead of having you run back to him. I dunno how you can even think of seeing him again without a baseball bat to cave his skull in.

Ok, Im actually really surprised at most of the responses you've had to this. I don't know much about your history or anything, but the way I see if, no man ever EVER has an excuse to hit you like that. That's not just some little bitch slap. Hitting you in the face hard enough with the back of his hand to break his finger is domestic abuse. Thats no better than punching you in the face. To be fair, if you know he has violent tendancies, you shouldnt be provoking him by pushing him around (but I'm sure you know that.) Equally, you shouldnt have to live in fear of him mashing up your face.

If you DO have drinking problems (and I don't know) then you need to sort that out, or it will destroy your life. Anorexia, of course, is a medical condition, and he should be trying to support you through it, not bitching about it. Don't go back to him while he's drunk, it'll just get messy (and in my opinion he'd be more likely to storm out and get in the car than if you just stayed away). If you're a nurse, maybe you can get some free counselling through your hospital or surgery? I don't know, but my Uni does that for all students and staff. Otherwise, I know it's expensive, but I really think you should try and find a way. I personally could never be in a relationship with anybody that could or would hit me, but if you love him, I guess thats your decision to make.

Everything you've said indicates that he's a drunk and you're a punching back, and your marriage is little more than a fuckbuddy relationship where he gets liberties in the form of using his hands on your face, to the point of fucking you up so badly that you don't want to be seen in public and breaking a finger.


I know I wrote all this like I am a battered wife with no spine, who flinches whenever someone raises a hand. That's NOT how it is. I'm not afraid of him. We've been physically violent with each other EQUALLY. God, I don't want people to think like that.

And as for being seen in public- I don't want people looking at me like, oh my god, she must get beat up by her husband every day. I don't and he has never beat me up. Why would anyone be proud of looking the way I do now? It's a reasonable feeling to not want to be seen and pitied. Who wants to go parading this shit around?

And I don't have drinking problems!! I rarely drink. The reason my husband brought that up is because he thinks that when I DO drink, I drink too much, and he's just trying to instigate things. And HE'S not a drunk either.

It's not as chaotic as you people may think. This is just a really bad incident.

Anyway, he called me this morning, not even hungover or anything, and we talked for a little bit. We're okay, I think, but I've made some calls to some coworkers for counseling sessions. Stuff like that. I don't know what's going to happen. It's not that easy to divorce someone because of a few bad fights.

At least I don't have kids right?

Your mans a dickless loser and you're weak for sticking around after he's knocked you around before. Brush yourself the fuck off and realize there are probably plenty of men out there for you who have something called "balls" and don't hit woman. Your guy sounds like a fucking retard and I'd very much like to kick his ass for the good of humanity. Dump that piece of shit on the side of the road and move the fuck on. He screwed up and should face the consequences instead of having you run back to him. I dunno how you can even think of seeing him again without a baseball bat to cave his skull in.

I do so love this assumption that because he hit her that he is somehow weak and you could "kick his ass".

I know/have known men who regularly beat the crap out of their wives but who could also who could tear me apart without raising a sweat.

Infact most of them tended to start on their wives when they had run out of policemen/thugs and other villains to hospitalise.

I do so love this assumption that because he hit her that he is somehow weak and you could "kick his ass".

I know/have known men who regularly beat the crap out of their wives but who could also who could tear me apart without raising a sweat.

Infact most of them tended to start on their wives when they had run out of policemen/thugs and other villains to hospitalise.

Men who hit woman are at least emotionally weak or weak willed. People like that you can see the fear in their eyes. Regardless I never said I could just that I'd like to. Im a 20 year old white male with plates in my back and right foot so a well placed kick to either area would paralyze me. I have probably been in more fights than this guy because of lifestyles I've lead. Anyways, this fucker deserves to die.

If it did come down to some vigilante type action the laws of fair fighting wouldn't apply because he violated said rules when he hit a defenseless woman (with anorexia no less!). So that brings fun stuff like baseball bats, other people, mace and handcuffs into play. I'm sure that's every abused womans fantasy at one point or another to make the fucker feel as helpless as he made her feel.

Is your point that men who hit woman aren't muffins? No shit. But they're less than human in my eyes and should be beaten within an inch of their life.

Men who hit woman are at least emotionally weak or weak willed Whysies? Because they don't conform to your moral code? They don't live by some rule you assume to be universally valid?

People like that you can see the fear in their eyes

Well I've been told by several people that just before The Violence comes upon me that I look absolutely fucking terrified. I shake, tears well in my eyes, I stutter.

Quite a few people have made the mistake of then attacking.

Not saying its always the case mind, but it can be real easy to mistake adrenalin rush for fear...pretty much the same thing ...fight or flight response.


I was brought up to never hit a girl. That 'rule' ingrained since childhood nearly cost me my life.

I may not be the brightest light on the Xmas tree but I learnt real fast after that.

I never got the impression that this is constant, just that he's snapped from some reason (whether it be her problems or what he sees them as, drinking as an example), but I never got the whipped-wife, beating-husband vibe here.

Good job on the counseling bit, and the non-angry chat with him, just don't think it'll change on its own or over time that easily, letting it start to boil up again isn't good, so do more than you think it takes to resolve it. He's gotta learn to deal with whatever annoys him a bit better, you've both gotta understand each other, why he/you react or act how you do and how to work with it.

Typically guys start hitting women because they feel tey have no other way of getting their point across, perhaps grew up with it, and this is very effective to do just that. If he doesn't feel that you listen or take him seriously (not following his every word, but a partnership (read: marriage)) then he can resort to violence, it's within every male, and everyone has a limit, some less than others.

Counseling is pretty much the best thing right now IMO, he needs to relax, learn to deal with things, and learn to not resort to hitting you, 'lightly' or not. As ridiculous as some of the things that bother him seem, it's real and serious enough to him and he doesn't see it your way.

I understand that divorce isn't something that you do lightly...But the man hit you hard enough in the FACE that he broke a finger! AND he's apparantly not taking good care of you otherwise since you're worried about how you're going to pay to fix said finger.

My husband has hit me a few times, but NEVER hard enough to break something, and never hard enough to leave a bruise or make my face swell up. And those times were isolated incidents...Usually my husband is very sweet to me and very considerate and he never drinks or takes drugs and then loses control. He also is dependable and a good provider. What I'm trying to say here is that your husband isn't bad just because he hits you...He's bad because he treats you with no respect and he doesn't even take care of you and he drinks and loses control of himself.

I know I wrote all this like I am a battered wife with no spine, who flinches whenever someone raises a hand. That's NOT how it is. I'm not afraid of him. We've been physically violent with each other EQUALLY. God, I don't want people to think like that.

I think you're missing the point. Even if it weren't escalation to turn a shove a face-bruising, finger-breaking bitchslap, a marriage where the two of you are constantly attacking (verbally or physically) each other isn't much of one at all.

And as for being seen in public- I don't want people looking at me like, oh my god, she must get beat up by her husband every day. I don't and he has never beat me up. Why would anyone be proud of looking the way I do now? It's a reasonable feeling to not want to be seen and pitied. Who wants to go parading this shit around?

Do you think they'd be feel much sympathy if they knew it wasn't just you being beaten but "fighting back"... with your own husband? Would you go out anyway? I'm guessing you wouldn't.... because it would be humiliating to parade around the fact that your marriage is a joke.

And I don't have drinking problems!! I rarely drink. The reason my husband brought that up is because he thinks that when I DO drink, I drink too much, and he's just trying to instigate things. And HE'S not a drunk either.

I think the fact that I didn't call you a drunk and you're defending yourself on it anyway is kind of telling. Maybe he's the drunk and he's just projecting his feelings on your, and maybe you never get drunk and act like an ass. I don't know, and don't care because it's not really relevant to the issue. If you have alcohol problems, that's your issue, not one from the marriage.

It's not as chaotic as you people may think. This is just a really bad incident.

You've rationalizing something that has no business being rationalized. Chaotic or not, there is a fundamental problem with your marriage. As I can't see either of you being willing to sit through counselling without constantly pointing the finger at each other (if you go at all), I'd say divorce is the key.

Anyway, he called me this morning, not even hungover or anything, and we talked for a little bit. We're okay, I think, but I've made some calls to some coworkers for counseling sessions. Stuff like that. I don't know what's going to happen. It's not that easy to divorce someone because of a few bad fights.

"We're okay, I think."

Yeah, until the next time you get in a fight, and come running on Totse to tell us all about how we were right and you were wrong and how you should have divorced him. Why are you glossing that over now? From what I hear, that's a case of nasty co-dependence.

At least I don't have kids right?

At least. What happens if you get pregnant by accident? It's been known to happen even with protection. Wonderful marriage you'll be bringing your child into.

I'm not trying to be overly critical, but you need to get yourself back to the point where you opened your eyes and SAW that there was something seriously WRONG with your marriage and act on it.

I never got the impression that this is constant, just that he's snapped from some reason (whether it be her problems or what he sees them as, drinking as an example), but I never got the whipped-wife, beating-husband vibe here.

Thanks for getting what I'm trying to say.

I think the fact that I didn't call you a drunk and you're defending yourself on it anyway is kind of telling.

I was addressing other people who thought I was an alcoholic, not you.
I know you're trying to be all tough-love on me, but it's just coming off as assholish.

I'm not trying to be overly critical, but you need to get yourself back to the point where you opened your eyes and SAW that there was something seriously WRONG with your marriage and act on it.

I do see that there is something wrong with my marriage. That's why I'm acting on it. I'm looking up counseling opportunities. What are you trying to prove? You're just throwing in a bunch of words, belitting me and my situation, trying to come out like the harsh, but well-meaning psychologist. Sorry if I sound hostile, but that's what it all sounds like.

Also- I don't think there is going to be chance of me getting pregnant if I DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Don't criticize my potential parenting skills. That is just a low blow.

Good job on the counseling bit, and the non-angry chat with him, just don't think it'll change on its own or over time that easily, letting it start to boil up again isn't good, so do more than you think it takes to resolve it. He's gotta learn to deal with whatever annoys him a bit better, you've both gotta understand each other, why he/you react or act how you do and how to work with it.

Typically guys start hitting women because they feel tey have no other way of getting their point across, perhaps grew up with it, and this is very effective to do just that. If he doesn't feel that you listen or take him seriously (not following his every word, but a partnership (read: marriage)) then he can resort to violence, it's within every male, and everyone has a limit, some less than others.


The reason I'm so resentful about this particular fight is that it started from literally nothing. Before, when we had really bad blow outs, at least we were actually arguing about SOMEthing. My husband just comes up to me and starts yelling? I don't get it. As for my non-angry chat, that is just how it always is. We fight like this and the next day we are just normal. We rarely apologize. I know that's a problem, so don't attack me for it.

I know my husband never hit his ex girlfriends or ever even fought with them that much. Only with me. At first we defended it as being more "passionate" than other couples, but I know that's just bullshit. We are so fucked up, aren't we? And I never fought this badly with other boyfriends. He is the only one I ever hurt physically in my life. Maybe it's because we're so comfortable with each other now?

Thanks for getting what I'm trying to say.



I was addressing other people who thought I was an alcoholic, not you.
I know you're trying to be all tough-love on me, but it's just coming off as assholish.



I do see that there is something wrong with my marriage. That's why I'm acting on it. I'm looking up counseling opportunities. What are you trying to prove? You're just throwing in a bunch of words, belitting me and my situation, trying to come out like the harsh, but well-meaning psychologist. Sorry if I sound hostile, but that's what it all sounds like.

Also- I don't think there is going to be chance of me getting pregnant if I DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Don't criticize my potential parenting skills. That is just a low blow.
Well...Why are you guys not having sex?

Well...Why are you guys not having sex?

We do. But I mean, not right now. Because we're fighting.
I'm on birth control anyway. I know that's not necessarily 100% but I'm not worried about it.

The pill always worked for me.

I mean...No marraige is perfect all of the time. My husband and I have definitely had our share of problems. Counseling really helped us in the past and I hope it helps you.

The reason I'm so resentful about this particular fight is that it started from literally nothing. Before, when we had really bad blow outs, at least we were actually arguing about SOMEthing. My husband just comes up to me and starts yelling? I don't get it. As for my non-angry chat, that is just how it always is. We fight like this and the next day we are just normal. We rarely apologize. I know that's a problem, so don't attack me for it.

I know my husband never hit his ex girlfriends or ever even fought with them that much. Only with me. At first we defended it as being more "passionate" than other couples, but I know that's just bullshit. We are so fucked up, aren't we? And I never fought this badly with other boyfriends. He is the only one I ever hurt physically in my life. Maybe it's because we're so comfortable with each other now?

Not talking about it afterwards just lets the reasons/problems behind it grow in each others' minds without being solved, I won't tear you up over it, but recognize it's not what helps you out. Do you two get along well otherwise?

Whysies? Because they don't conform to your moral code? They don't live by some rule you assume to be universally valid?

If you have to ask....

You probably do not have a soul.

[/QUOTE]

Well I've been told by several people that just before The Violence comes upon me that I look absolutely fucking terrified. I shake, tears well in my eyes, I stutter.

Quite a few people have made the mistake of then attacking.

Not saying its always the case mind, but it can be real easy to mistake adrenalin rush for fear...pretty much the same thing ...fight or flight response.
[/QUOTE]

hahhaa. "The Violence" capitolized like "The fury" from that million little peices book by that lying crackhead. Anyhoo, you're probably right it can be easily mistaken. Take the retarded for example, they can be sent on rampages if they get frightened and stuff and have "retard streangth."

[/QUOTE]
I was brought up to never hit a girl. That 'rule' ingrained since childhood nearly cost me my life.

I may not be the brightest light on the Xmas tree but I learnt real fast after that.[/QUOTE]

I was brought up for the first decade of my life in a house of alcoholism and violence and had seen my mom abused many times so I suppose that would make me more qualified for this kind of scenario. You could say I'm a test case of a broken home. It was never a "rule" not to hit woman its something that I decided for myself. I've had girls try to beat on me, stab me and get me locked up and have had to deal with them through ways other than throwing fists. For instance, girls are easy to trip and though they'll grab hold of your clothes, grabbing their hair is like a release button.

So yeah, hitting girls is disgusting and lower than low. So FFS girls if a guy lays a finger on you unprovoked mace him, kick him in the balls and leave his ass. Its more of a charactor thing than anythin and any girl who stays is in need of self esteem. No relationship is ever healthy if there's violence between you.

EDIT: Yes, I fucked the quotes and don't wanna fix them

I was addressing other people who thought I was an alcoholic, not you.

Fair enough. I thought it was addressed to me, so I replied to it.


I know you're trying to be all tough-love on me, but it's just coming off as assholish.

I'm not trying to be anything. You came looking for input or sympathy or something from Totse, and I tossed in my thoughts with the rest. This is the what I think about your situation, and if you feel that my take on it is assholish, feel free to ignore me.

I do see that there is something wrong with my marriage. That's why I'm acting on it. I'm looking up counseling opportunities. What are you trying to prove? You're just throwing in a bunch of words, belitting me and my situation

If you weren't seeking counselling, I'd call this denial. This isn't an attack on you, and pointing out exactly what is wrong with your personal situation is NOT a personal attack. I mean seriously! you felt the same way, once upon a time. You know, when you first posted this? You've repeatedly acknowledged that there is something seriously wrong with your marriage, and you've just finally mentioned that you're looking for counselling, but when I reinforce what you've already said after posts indicating that you're starting to rationalize the situation, you get all defensive.

This isn't "just a bunch of words", I'm not some totse-kid looking to impress everyone with a bunch of Psyche101 vocab that I picked up from daddy's book. Obviously you grasped that my intent was well-meaning, so leave it at that, and stop taking it as some sort of judgemental criticism.

, trying to come out like the harsh, but well-meaning psychologist. Sorry if I sound hostile, but that's what it all sounds like.

I'm not Dr. Phil. My opinion is no more qualified than most of the other adults and even some of the kids on here. You're free to take it for whatever you feel it's worth. Yeah, I do come off as harsh because I intended it that way. The reason for that is that I see too many people putting themselves through garbage like this to no purpose. Particularly in Juneau, what appears to be the Domestic Abuse capital of the world. I'm not yakking about wife-beating, I'm talking about people who, for whatever reason, refuse to call it quits.

Also- I don't think there is going to be chance of me getting pregnant if I DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM. Don't criticize my potential parenting skills. That is just a low blow.

By all accounts, you want to reconcile with him rather than split up with him. Unless you're not planning to have sex with him even then, in which case... The point is, this kind of thing is cyclical, and from what you've said, this isn't the first time. It's broke, and unless you fix it, it's gonna keep on the way it is.

As for that last bit, I did NOT criticize your potential parenting skills. Your relationship with your husband is not a parental skill. However, it DOES have an effect on any children you might have. Having had to put up with my mother and father's shit between each other, I feel entirely qualified to say that.

The guy is an asshole with no consideration.

Why would he start bitching at you at 5am?

If he wasn't a whiny bitch he would think about it and talk to you about it seriously.

He's a dick.

Yeah. Most people have the intelligence to pick their battleground. IE, not at 5am when they could be having atleast another hours nap before having to get up and feed the animals!


As for the hitting thing, you kind of provoked him. But after seeing how tiny and frail you are in the pic thread...
jesus. A man would have to be a coward and a loser to hit someone as small and fragile as you if all you did was push him.
I mean, if you'd gone at him with a knife it would be different, but you didnt.



This thread makes me feel very sad.




And you know your husband atleast isnt going to become a serial wife beater because he was dumb enough to hit you in the face rather than the kidneys.



What do you think will happen now?
What do you want to happen now?
Do you want him back?

I guess part of you still loves him. I wonder when that part will get crushed under the desperate need for survival.

Not talking about it afterwards just lets the reasons/problems behind it grow in each others' minds without being solved, I won't tear you up over it, but recognize it's not what helps you out. Do you two get along well otherwise?

We're really weird, man. I know that we have to talk and stuff but we always end up okay, even if we don't. When we aren't fighting, we're pretty much like any other couple, I guess. But I guess one of the biggest problems is that we are both really, really sarcastic people so there is a lot more friction than there should be.


If you weren't seeking counselling, I'd call this denial. This isn't an attack on you, and pointing out exactly what is wrong with your personal situation is NOT a personal attack. I mean seriously! you felt the same way, once upon a time. You know, when you first posted this? You've repeatedly acknowledged that there is something seriously wrong with your marriage, and you've just finally mentioned that you're looking for counselling, but when I reinforce what you've already said after posts indicating that you're starting to rationalize the situation, you get all defensive.


I'm just saying, I already know there's a problem, but then you came in and told me I needed to oppen up and my eyes and address the problem. But I already did! That's all.


This isn't "just a bunch of words", I'm not some totse-kid looking to impress everyone with a bunch of Psyche101 vocab that I picked up from daddy's book. Obviously you grasped that my intent was well-meaning, so leave it at that, and stop taking it as some sort of judgemental criticism.

I've gotten used to orange_crusader's tone, so it's stuck with me.
And also, I know parent's shit affects kids. I was there too, so it's not like I'm some inbred trailer trash slut who doesn't know anything about childhood trauma and indirect abuses. I know what you're trying to say.

I don't think I'm THAT small. I don't think I'm frail or weak anyway. It's just that he's much taller and bigger than I am. And I just wasn't expecting that hit. Usually, I can tell when I have pushed him too far, but this time I was just really, really, shocked. I didn't see it coming for a second.

Updates: I went home last night, really late, and we slept in the same bed and stuff. We didn't do anything but we talked a little bit, not necessarily about the fight, but other things. Things are cool. I told him about counseling, and he said, okay, whatever. Which means, yes. He is whipped, believe it or not.

Of course, I still want to be with him. Otherwise, I wouldn't be trying to find out cheap counseling, all that. Or even care. We don't cheat on each other (which I find to be the ultimate deal breaker) or anything else. It's just been getting bad these few weeks, because... I don't know.

Don't minimize what happened now that he's acting human again. What he did is a VERY big deal...Much worse than if he had cheated. A guy who cheats on you is admittedly an asshole and you might not want to be with him, but a guy who loses control and PUNCHES you might go postal one day and not stop with just one punch. I know one woman who's husband used to just hit her a few times here and there and then one day out of the blue he beat her so bad that she had to be in the hospital for FOUR months and she has permenant scarring on her face and a permenant limp when she walks. He beat her with a BAT after his fists got tired. That asshole spent 4 years in prison, but his wife was still maimed. My mother knew a woman who's husband beat her so bad when she was pregnant that the baby was born mentally retarded and with no ARMS. That baby died when it was 3 years old. My mom said that after the baby was born, the mother (who was 26) was so traumatized that her hair all turned white in the space of like a week. The mother hung herself after the baby died. I understand that these are extreme examples, but I'm sure those women didn't see it coming either.

A guy that gets away with it WILL do it again. Your husband needs to discuss his anger with a shrink...Maybe even on his own and not just as a couple with you there.

My husband is not an angry or violent person in everyday life. And I'm not either. We just end up acting like this when we fight. The problem is we don't know how to fight, I guess. I have to remind everybody that I've been married for almost two years but I've known him for 4. Maybe more. I know him too well.
I'm not sure if he will go for regular therapy for himself.

I'm truly sorry that you are facing this situation.

Feel free to drop me a line through e-mail if you'd ever like to discuss anything.

I've always enjoyed your additions to Printed Matter.

My husband is not an angry or violent person in everyday life. And I'm not either. We just end up acting like this when we fight. The problem is we don't know how to fight, I guess. I have to remind everybody that I've been married for almost two years but I've known him for 4. Maybe more. I know him too well.
I'm not sure if he will go for regular therapy for himself.

Even after 15 or 20 years with him you will still discover things about him you didn't know. Trust me on that.

And Xiao tends to go off the deep end at the merest hint of domestic violence. It really isn't such a big deal in your case.

It's a huge deal, but it's up to you as to how you handle it. Good Luck.

Why is it a huge deal? He slapped her, and as yoyo said, he didn't beat her in any of the ways that real wife beaters favour.

And I know you're too well informed to believe that its a natural progression to go from simple slaps to kidney punches.

It was a reaction on his part, not with malice aforethought. A bad reaction for sure but just a reaction.

Why is it a huge deal? He slapped her, and as yoyo said, he didn't beat her in any of the ways that real wife beaters favour.

And I know you're too well informed to believe that its a natural progression to go from simple slaps to kidney punches.

It was a reaction on his part, not with malice aforethought. A bad reaction for sure but just a reaction.

Yes, the lack of intent is obvious and he clearly didn't take pleasure in it.

However, malice and forethought can be talked out in counseling and better understood. The gut-jerk response of violence is not so clear of a thing and always remains a possible response.

Thanks much. It's always wierd when people call me out on my posts. For some reason, I just assume that I'm talking to myself and no one else hears me.

Why is it a huge deal? He slapped her, and as yoyo said, he didn't beat her in any of the ways that real wife beaters favour.

And I know you're too well informed to believe that its a natural progression to go from simple slaps to kidney punches.

It was a reaction on his part, not with malice aforethought. A bad reaction for sure but just a reaction.

That is exactly how I wish people would see it. I feel like he just did it like it was a reflex or something. The fact that he did it the way he did it was a little bit out of the ordinary. Anyway, right now he's acting like I'm a doll or something. Like if he even speaks too loud or touches me he'll hurt me. It's annoying.
Ha, ketch, you still think a domestic discipline relationship would be a good idea?

That is exactly how I wish people would see it. I feel like he just did it like it was a reflex or something. The fact that he did it the way he did it was a little bit out of the ordinary. Anyway, right now he's acting like I'm a doll or something. Like if he even speaks too loud or touches me he'll hurt me. It's annoying.
Ha, ketch, you still think a domestic discipline relationship would be a good idea?

Very much so.

And this might upset people, but the fact he slapped you that hard means he loves you a LOT.

It'd be very different if he had punched you with intent.

You see, loving someone means giving them the power to truly hurt us...with words or deeds. Hurt us to the point where we (men and women) lose 'it' big time.

Fuck knows what you did to hurt/anger him so but unless he has an undiagnosed brain tumour, something did.

I still think you should apologise and not let him get an apology in. Maybe you aren't in the wrong this time but just mean it for all the times you were.

Feel free to drop me a line through e-mail if you'd ever like to discuss anything.


romaniw, you should think about doing that. Euda is a good person to talk to and has a gift for pouring oil.

He's also into this whole sympathy thang which I never got the hang of.

Very much so.

And this might upset people, but the fact he slapped you that hard means he loves you a LOT.

It'd be very different if he had punched you with intent.


I have a feeling many people will disagree.
But how is punching and slapping different? He slapped me with intent. Same thing. I'm pretty sure the reason why he hit me in the first place- besides that I pushed him- is because he jsut lost it for a second. Backhanding someone isn't something a person normally does in a violent situation. My husband meant to hurt me, not just shake me up or get revenge.

romaniw, you should think about doing that. Euda is a good person to talk to and has a gift for pouring oil.

He's also into this whole sympathy thang which I never got the hang of.

All this time, I thought Euda was a girl.

There's nothing wrong with drinking or stealing. I eat more than I should cause food's good when I'm drunk, so I guess I can write eating disorders (even though you said you were anorexic) as alright too. Hell, have a few beers, steal some shit, eat a cheeseburger. Sounds like a damn good night.

I mean like shoplifting and shit, not stealing from individuals unless there are certain circumstances.

I have a feeling many people will disagree.
But how is punching and slapping different? He slapped me with intent. Same thing. I'm pretty sure the reason why he hit me in the first place- besides that I pushed him- is because he jsut lost it for a second. Backhanding someone isn't something a person normally does in a violent situation. My husband meant to hurt me, not just shake me up or get revenge.



All this time, I thought Euda was a girl.

Yes he meant to hurt you (ie 'pay back') but he didn't intend to damage you(which would have indicated hate).
If a man punches he intends to do damage. Your husband's fist would have torn your head off.

Yes he meant to hurt you (ie 'pay back') but he didn't intend to damage you(which would have indicated hate).
If a man punches he intends to do damage. Your husband's fist would have torn your head off.

My husband would never punch me. I don't care if anybody disagrees or thinks I'm naive but we've had bad fights and we've never punched each other.

I just don't think that he hit me because he loves me, for that reason.

I just don't think that he hit me because he loves me, for that reason.

Ahhh no that wasn't what I was sorry. Perhaps I was unclear... its 01:25 here. I meant simply because he loves you you were able to hurt him enough that he reacted badly.

Although I don't see how your pushing him could cause it.

But I'm not him.

Ahhh no that wasn't what I was sorry. Perhaps I was unclear... its 01:25 here. I meant simply because he loves you you were able to hurt him enough that he reacted badly.

Although I don't see how your pushing him could cause it.

But I'm not him.

Okay, that makes much more sense.

He was in the middle of huge long speech about me not eating, and he called me something really bad so I yelled at him and pushed him. And then he hit me. I'm pretty sure that did it.

Okay, that makes much more sense.

He was in the middle of huge long speech about me not eating, and he called me something really bad so I yelled at him and pushed him. And then he hit me. I'm pretty sure that did it.

Now that begins to make more sense. Sounds like he's really worried for you.

I'm assuming you do eat enough? If so then remember us men are a bit simple so make a point of eating infront of him. And DO NOT go to the bathroom straight after eating cos he'll assume you've gone to stick two fingers down your throat.

Now that begins to make more sense. Sounds like he's really worried for you.

I'm assuming you do eat enough? If so then remember us men are a bit simple so make a point of eating infront of him. And DO NOT go to the bathroom straight after eating cos he'll assume you've gone to stick two fingers down your throat.

I've had eating problems since I was 11. And since we've known each other, I've lapsed, relapsed, messed up, gone through a lot. Nothing enough to cause hospitalization but still. He hasn't really noticed my eating these days until just recently and that's probably because I've lost a lot of weight. Maybe about 25lbs. or so.

I know it's frustrating to deal with an anorexic- I hate all other anorexics that I ever meet- but there's no reason for him to be mad about it, especially when he hasn't ever been involved. It's not like he has been sitting there trying to make me eat or waiting outside the bathroom so I don't throw up. It's not like that at all. He blew up because of something else but the only way he knew how to verbalize it was to use my anorexia as a scapegoat.

One slap/non-damaging hit is a reflex or a snap reaction, beating someone to a pulp is heavily premeditated, or by a psychopath, at least IMO. People do stupid things when frustrated or pushed to it, its how far they take it that determines whether it's a snap reaction or he's nuts.

That he's that afraid now makes it seem like he did snap for a second, and that he does care about you, even if he's not too hot with the physical part of it all the time. Again maybe something he grew up with, his nature (to become violent like that when he snaps) or something else.

If my gf was anorexic an ex of mine was/is) and lost that much weight at once, I'd definetly be worried as hell, edgy and a lot easier to get over the edge. I'm easily escalated if I'm overly worried over something, and my mind doesn't help any, small things seem bigger and i go through times when I make myself an arguing, snappy mess for a while, and regret it nicely afterwards. Anything sets me off on those cycles, related or not, but it's not fun and I can't stop it. It's controllable, but it's not easy, a councilor is your best bet by far. That said, I'm not him nor know how he thinks, maybe he's a bit like me like that, maybe he's not, you're probably the best judge for that, short of a professional. Seems like you're scaring him, a lot.

Haven't been around much lately, moving all my stuff to my apartment for the school year (currently typing this on a desk made from empty cardboard boxes. There's a cricket that went into one of them and won't shut up. I've yet to name him.)

I'd offer my off-totse assistance as well, though I don't know how much good I am with a lot of it, though all the same I'll meekly put my offer on the edge of the table.

You've been very helpful to me, whether you think you have been or not. It would be very nice if I could contact you off totse. I mean, you can email me if you want through the link. And I'm glad you were able to help despite your business.

Anyway, I don't want to keep ranting and raving and going on and on on totse anymore.

You're welcome, and the move just meant I couldn't check in as often as I'd liked.

As much as I'm honoured, I'd say that the combined and balanced thoughts of many trump the opinion of one. If you think I can help, then sure, email sent, I'd love to help any I can. I'd also like to recommend Euda, from all I've read he's a good guy with his head on right, and if he's got jack's approval he's sure as hell got mine.

Though yeah, at a point anything said here becomes redundant, go for the counseling and anything else you feel you need to do to help. If I/we've helped/can help thus far, then awesome, happy to do so, but it does reach a point of dragging over the same stuff again.