Yeah, I couldn't find it anywhere in the search, so I decided to make one. I say Sandpaper. Discuss.

Haha EDIT: I forgot the "With" in the thread title

WORST THING TO MASTURBATE WITH, The Thread.

=P
If a mod is nice, she'd change it for me :D

I can't help it:
Worst thing to masturbate thread

Your mother!


10+ chilli sauce or pepper spray I imagine would be pretty high up.

my sisters photos?.

Sand.

IcyHot.

icy hot with sandpaper, to your sisters photos?

broken glass and paint

Broken glass? Woops you said it above me, uh, a knife?

not as erotic as those magazines led on

a beetle?

Jagged stones.

battery acid as lube

Uh.... Unlubricated hands going at a fast pace?

freddy kruger's glove

fire.
or another mans semen... lol
i just got really hard.
cactus for women. don't forget teh womenz.

ive seen a picture of a girl gettin a cactus shoved up her ass

ive seen a picture of a girl gettin a cactus shoved up her ass

that's fucking awesome. send me the link..? ahaha

that's fucking awesome. send me the link..? ahaha

Google.

Vick's Vapor-Rub! I learned that back in the day... NOT a pleasant experience.

tree mulcher

Edward scissor hand's hand?

*reads title* well usually I masturbate my penis, but I imagine trying to masturbate a chainsaw would be pretty crappy.

your ego!

Just thought I'd spread this here, for those who use hand cream or moisturiser as wanklube, if the lable says something along the lines of "slight tingling sensation" don't even fucking bother with it. I tried some stuff once and it felt nice at first, the tingling sensation was quite nice, I thought I would have came in about a minute. 5 minutes late this 'slight tingle' becomes an intense burning sensation. Although I was suprised, 'cause in intense pain I managed to finish myself up before jumping in the shower.

Shampoo. For reasons similar to what the person above me posted.

Thermite

a porky pine
copper wire
electricity
sodium (hahaha when u cum)
cow horn

Tiger balm, of course.

Anybody remember the story posted on here of the guy that added a couple of drops of nitroglycerin to some lubricant? Because, y'know, definitely nitroglycerin. One more drop and he'd have lost his dick.

Edward scissor hand's hand?

Fuck, I was going to say that! My next choice was a pineapple.

Or a pear... http://www.occasionalhell.com/infdevice/images/pear02.jpg

Pencils-imagine the splinters!

Anything wooden or with lots of detatchable parts that might detatch at a bad time are very high on my 'Stuff to not masturbate with' list.

yoyobek

yoyobek

yoyobek

would that be the worst thing to masterbate..or masturbate with?



anyway: I say KY Warming Jelly -_- slight tingling feeling my ass those fuckers!

would that be the worst thing to masterbate..or masturbate with?



anyway: I say KY Warming Jelly -_- slight tingling feeling in my ass those fuckers!

O RLY?

The other mistake the OP made was not asking for the worst things people actually have masturbated with. That makes for a much better thread.

Anybody remember the story posted on here of the guy that added a couple of drops of nitroglycerin to some lubricant? Because, y'know, definitely nitroglycerin. One more drop and he'd have lost his dick.

I remember that and the guy who fucked an orange. "The smell of citrus and jizz..."

Although actually the problem with the nitro dude was that when it got absorbed into his bloodstream through his skin, he ended up with a gigantic headache, as well as a chemically-motivated hardon, if I recall.

IcyHot.

i tried this. thought it would be pleasurable.

DO NOT WANT>

xD Thanks for editing it for me yoyobek, and changing the he to a she =P

This.

http://www.dansdata.com/images/tools/dremel500.jpg

/thread

If it gets in your urethra it burns and the next couple times you take a piss it burns because the alcohol in shampoo got in there. Not to mention its not worth using it to wash your pubes. Because it dries the fuck out of your skin to the point where it hurts with the slightest movement. Then when skin starts peeling it itches like a son of a bitch. So next time I'm out of lotion, I'll just hold out.

A cannibal... no wait, I changed my mind, a Highlighter

If it gets in your urethra it burns and the next couple times you take a piss it burns because the alcohol in shampoo got in there. Not to mention its not worth using it to wash your pubes. Because it dries the fuck out of your skin to the point where it hurts with the slightest movement. Then when skin starts peeling it itches like a son of a bitch. So next time I'm out of lotion, I'll just hold out.

Ah, I see others have been there. Shampoo should be packaged differently, like a powder or something. Anything that think in the shower is just asking to be put on my dick.

I forgot I even made this thread, people should have some new ones, share them!

Michael J Fox... because of parkinsons...

A man's ass.

2 mens asses,



also, mother in law.

Wtf...thats always how I masturbate.

I always wanted to watch a woman put a live snake in her cunt and orgasm as it tried to find it's way out.

Similarly I think the worst way for a guy to masturbate would be to stick his erection in a bucket of worms and let the wriggling get him off.

I always wanted to watch a woman put a live snake in her cunt and orgasm as it tried to find it's way out.

Yeh I've always wanted to see that too. Worst thing I have masturbated with other than shompoo? WD-40. It works great for some stuff, but not my dick. The only real problem was I had to keep reapplying and my dick and hands smelled like a shop.

Similarly I think the worst way for a guy to masturbate would be to stick his erection in a bucket of worms and let the wriggling get him off.

Replace worms with leeches and then you've got the worst possible method.

think i remember that.. didnt his dick swell up a ton from the blood rush brought on by the nitro?

Liquid Nitrogen, and your sister's photo's

Chocolate

It gets all sticky and i had to trim my pubes to get it out.

Chocolate syrup or melted chocolate or what? I assume you didn't just bite the head off a chocolate easter bunny and proceed to fuck it.

Yeh I've always wanted to see that too. Worst thing I have masturbated with other than shompoo? WD-40. It works great for some stuff, but not my dick. The only real problem was I had to keep reapplying and my dick and hands smelled like a shop.

ROFLMFAO
i about fell out of my chair to this

i think we can conlusively determine in all seriousness. that if youve tried to use toothpaste as lube, you officially know the worst thing to masturbate with.

2 of my friends actually masterbated with Bengay. Ya, they don't like that story.

you win.

a lion

the monster from star wars that lives in the sand and Jaba the Hut throws those guys into it.

Minty Herbalizing Lotion.

My dick felt frozen for days.

http://falunhr.org/newsletter/images/TortureTool.jpg
THIS

Replace worms with leeches and then you've got the worst possible method.

replace leeches with porcupines and then you have the worst possible method.

replace leeches with porcupines and then you have the worst possible method.

Replace porcupines with a pin cusion and you've got the worst method.

Another guy.

Replace porcupines with a pin cusion and you've got the worst method.

replace pin cushion with live bears and then you have the worst ever.

The nitro guy was a member of totse.

And he's a dumbass, because he used too much. My fault for egging him on. I think he did it again though.

It would probably be fine at low low concentration like 0.2%.

Sarlacc?

Lawnmower

first time was tzar and vine...second time was you.
Also, the first time was with NG only...and yeah..pain :(
The 2nd time was with a few drops mixed in with KY...and it was a bit better. Still had the killer head ache with both...though i think thats because the NG goes though the hand making it faster...also makes your dick red for about 5 hours after :(

Replace porcupines with a pin cusion and you've got the worst method.

Pincushions don't hurt, they're just bags of sand.

Pins, on the other hand...

Holy shit, that hurts so bad. It feels good at first but after like 30 seconds it starts to burn insanely, then when you try to wash it off it wont come off, once it does it still burns for another 30 minutes.

I would say Tabasco, but though it was completely not worth the lasting pain afterwards I did enjoy it.

I think that objectively some sort of extremely strong acid that would melt your dick off without deadening the sensation (like molten metal might through burning) would be the worst. Maybe sandpaper used with a sander? I think so long as it slowly wears away your genitals it's identical to any other worst method.

Wtf...thats always how I masturbate.

Man you should try some lube some time...

Steel wool?

certian brands of soap/shampoo

http://www.arbtechmachinery.co.uk/images/Jensen-A530T-350px.jpg
[/thread]

Man you should try some lube some time...

Man you should try some foreskin...

/thread becomes cut vs uncut debate

a rabid squirrel

A jelly fish.

turtle wax
mayonase
wasibi
salsa
motor oil
barf
shit
hedge trimmer
rocks
i could go on forever

A jelly fish.

Nah dude, just don't hit the tentacles. You can fuck the hell out of the bell, though.

AHAHAHAHAHAhhh

That happened to one of my friends by accident. It burned so bad that he ran through his parants house screeming untill he got some ice for his dick.

Once when I was younger I got the bright idea to wank off with hotsuace

http://www.tackletour.com/images/picsquid3.jpg

ehhhhh...I win!!!

a vagina!


oh, wait....


nevermind

That's fucking sick! Why would you even say something like that?!

https://www.ezorderschoolsupplies.com/images/Highlighter%20-%20Yellow.JPG

Historic.

https://www.ezorderschoolsupplies.com/images/Highlighter%20-%20Yellow.JPG

Historic.

ahahahahahaha

or a burrito

Yeah, IcyHot is not the worst, but it's pretty bad.

I had the thought "Hey, if putting small pieces of ice in my hand before finishing feels amazing, something that fluctuates temperature naturally must feel even better!"

I was wrong.

The same goes for any lube with mint/aloe vera in it. it doesn't truly hurt, so much as it is unpleasantly cold.

I think a porcupine might be pretty painful, too.

Bringin' it back! Any new ideas guys?

http://www.woodburysawandmower.com/images/auger.jpg

I enjoyed the interestingly cool feeling of aloe vera gel.

Chocolate syrup or melted chocolate or what? I assume you didn't just bite the head off a chocolate easter bunny and proceed to fuck it.

lmao all i pictured is some random guy fucking a headless chocolate bunny... xD

I would say Tabasco, but though it was completely not worth the lasting pain afterwards I did enjoy it.

I've done that before too, it was great for the first 30 seconds, then i felt the most horrible burning sensation ever. It felt like my dick was burning away from the very center of it. I then put my dick in a cup of water with ice, shivered my ass off, then when the pain STILL wouldn't go away, i just finished jacking off, came and i think my cum washed out the Tabasco sauce out of my penis. I highly DO NOT recommend doing this, it was the WORST feeling of my life, ever.

https://www.ezorderschoolsupplies.com/images/Highlighter%20-%20Yellow.JPG

Historic.

Hehehe.

I've done that before too, it was great for the first 30 seconds, then i felt the most horrible burning sensation ever. It felt like my dick was burning away from the very center of it. I then put my dick in a cup of water with ice, shivered my ass off, then when the pain STILL wouldn't go away, i just finished jacking off, came and i think my cum washed out the Tabasco sauce out of my penis. I highly DO NOT recommend doing this, it was the WORST feeling of my life, ever.

Am I the only one who thought why the FUCK would you put tobasco on your dick? Goddamn you must be a dumb cunt

It's probably old but I would say the goatse picture. If that fails then dip in in a fishtank full of pihranas.

hand filled with small sea shells

Raid..

I assume you didn't just bite the head off a chocolate easter bunny and proceed to fuck it.

Congratulations, you've ruined easter. I'll never be able to look at a easter bunny the same again...

I imagine hand sanitizing gel (the stuff that's ~60% alcohol) would be pretty painful. I haven't been stupid enough to try it though...

rusty pliers

I've NEVER understood what people say about ICY HOT..

I've jacked off with it, it wasn't that bad, i had a raging boner long after i busted a nut but i washed it off in the shower and i was cool. i never got the "hot" sensation so I didn't care.

toothpaste just didn't lube me at all, lol.

the worst shit i've jacked off with is a ball of dough shoved down inside a condom when i was like 14.
i put cooking oil in it, and heated it up then proceeded to shove my dick in it. IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT, it burned the shit out of my dick, i couldn't even continue but i had spilled alot of the oily dough on the floor, so i had to hurriedly clean up with a burned dick before my mom came home.

Poison Ivy leaves.

http://www.trestanfinishers.co.uk/shot.html

I thought soap would be a great lube back when i was a kid and then I learned how it stings your dick and even managed to create a few little cuts which the soap then got in to and hurt even more.

A gay nigger cannibal from outaspace with a mouth full of caltrops and sulfuric acid wielding a woodchipper?

lol pwnt

i've had that happen to me. :(

Tabasco sauce un your penis.

turtle wax

they make wax for turtles now?

kiddy pornz.

they make wax for turtles now?

Yeah dude. It's the new big thing. Can't have an un-shined turtle. I think it's an FAA hazard.