Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now (lived together for 8 months) and we both love each other a shitload. Every single day at work I look forward to coming home to him. But that's not to say that everything is perfect, we have a tendency to bicker but when we do fight, we're able to get over it quickly and get back to loving each other.

So everything is good, and I really want to stay with him...But I don't know if I want to be with him forever. And as much as I love him, there's a little part of me that says "what's the point of staying together if you're not going to get married?" And I know it's stupid to think about that right now because we're both so young, but I can't seem to get that thought out of the back of my mind. Why am I building my life around this person if it might come crashing down a year or two from now?

I guess what I'm asking is if it's okay to stay in a relationship, even if you have doubts about the future. I mean, I guess it is...but obviously I wouldn't have posted this if I agreed with that.

I haven't really talked about this with him but I guess I should. But it's this crazy talk about marriage that scares boys off...

Argh, I'm not sure if I'm getting my point across, but if you do understand where I'm coming from can you please post your advice/experiences?

I usually take a similiar approach to relationships and almost sometimes end up thinking it's pointless to stay in one if you're not sure you want to be with that person forever.

The thing is, you love him. Right now [as far as I can tell] you feel he's the only one for you. He makes your day and shit. In the end I always say what happens happens. So maybe you won't be together forever; you're together now and right now that's all that matters. When things start to come to the point where you want out, you'll leave. Until things get that bad it's best not to make a thing of it.

Don't worry about wasting time in a relationship that's going nowhere because you're young and if you think of it, half the things you do in your life could be considered a waste of time. If something [or someone] truly 100% better for you comes along you'll know it and you'll find a way to go with it.

Sorry for the rambling. I was actually meaning to go to bed, hopefully that made sense.

Basically, if you're happy right now then just stop worrying about the future [it'll get here when it gets here] and be happy. For goodness sakes.

:)

What an eloquent response. Thank you, that really has made me feel better. Funny how validation from a complete stranger on the internet can feel so good, lol.

Just talk to him about it. Chances are he's feeling the same thing.

Well, I try :p

And yeah I agree, sometimes having a complete stranger tell you what you already know can really clear things up.

Glad it helped though.

"Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase

Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

It means no worries for the rest of your days

It's our problem-free philosophy

Hakuna Matata!"

QFT.

Also:

"So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine

My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
Mmmmmm
Mmmmmm
So this is love!"

QFT.

Also:

"So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine

My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
Mmmmmm
Mmmmmm
So this is love!"

I thought you were singing bob marley for a second.

I thought you were singing bob marley for a second.

Nah. That, my friend, is "So This Is Love" from Walt Disney's "Cinderella."

shit bro,very well said...that was exactly what i was gonna get at with her.i was facing a situation like that and you really put it straight for me as well.i love my girl so much.but i was worried about that whole "forever" thing.just do whats good now to sum up what the words of wisdom this man has already givin you.

I often told couples at school when they first started going out that they had 3 options for their relationship.

1.Breakup
2.Death
3.Marriage

It was a lot of fun, but it frightened me too. After just a year I don't know how many couples would feel like marriage. If he makes your day it seems like at present you are very happy to be together. My only advice is to keep your thinking in the present in this regard.

1.Breakup
2.Death
3.Marriage
4.???
5.Proft


thats all i was thinking when reading that post

thats all i was thinking when reading that post

Shouldnt it be:

1. a) Breakup
b) Death
c) Marriage
2. ???
3. Profit

OP, I dont know much about relationships, but you say your young, and you enjoy being with him. You enjoy whats happening now, and its not going to screw up your future, right? Then I dont see any reason to break up.

GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAT...guess what iv got stuck in my head for the rest of the night!!! :(

o btw, i agree with the 'live for now'... whats the point in life if you dont enjoy it?

i feel exactly the same way... i mean, i could see myself being with the guy i'm with now for a really long time, but i can't see myself marrying him. sometimes i wonder what the point is, but i care about him a lot and i don't want to lose him.

DON'T BASE YOUR LIFE AROUND ANYBODY BUT YOURSELF!

It's not selfish it's the way it has to be. Otherwise you'll please everyone but yourself and will be unfullfilled.

Shouldnt it be:

1. a) Breakup
b) Death
c) Marriage
2. ???
3. Profit


No, no, no. There's absolutely no need for "???"s. Here's the plan:

1) Marriage
2) Life insurance plan
3) "Accidental" death of spouse
4) Profit

:D

I just broke up with a girl of two years from something like this.

I always had a feeling shit would come tumbling down but thought that if I could just keep working at it, everything would be okay.

She dumped me and that was that.

Nearly two months later I don't give a shit anymore.

In your case, I'd say go for it. If you love the guy then stay with him and see how far it goes. You don't have to get married.
I know plenty of couples who have been together for years who wouldn't get married.

If you want it to go the distance then try for it.

This is what happens when the unknown becomes the known. I suggest you both adopt different personalities and start the relationship all over again.

Forever doesn't exist, enjoy the present.

Yeah I get very het up about the marriage thing, too.

I guess it's that feared 'biological clock' ticking away, but I'm scared of wasting my life with someone who might not be worth it.
If I'm not worth marrying, I start to get paranoid and wonder why exactly the person is with me.
Am I not good enough? pretty enough? am I not loyal enough?
Is the huge proportion of love and respect and care I put into this relationship not enough?
Would you perhaps love me more if I stopped caring for you and went out and fucked other men?


Well?

Well...it's a mystery to me?

Yet, how many times have I seen, say, 25 year old women laughing at their 20 year old selves? Wrong or right? 'Cause, one has to make a lot of comprimises with life. Everything they were wasn't all wrong & all they gave up wasn't neccessarily bad or wrong. Yet? Can you imagine that you won't diss you younger self the way you deride your Gr. 10 self?

You too, will probably laugh at your 'foolish' girl ways from the perspective of an 'oh-so-mature' degreed grad. So what? Should you be a 'virginal' college girl, just waiting for your life to begin? Do you expect that once you've been a pharmasister for five years that you won't diss 'that silly college girl'?

Can you imagine that that 'old fart' will always be correct in her criticism? Or always wrong?

Ith a putthle, innit?

Hey?! Would your beau mind if you had my child? To help with your maturity, like? :p

Worried about marriage after a year.



It'll either make him think about proposing or think about running for the hills, and quite probably force him to consider both.

I think that either would be a fearsome concept for a burnout living in their girlfriend's parent's house and unsure about their what the future may bring. :p

There's nothing wrong with talking about the future, but it may fill his head with new ideas.

I think that either would be a fearsome concept for a burnout living in their girlfriend's parent's house and unsure about their what the future may bring. :p

Well yeah, that bit would be scary.

It feels like a bad idea to marry someone you've never properly lived with, alone.
==============================

Edit: These black girls seem to be able to say it better.Well, atleast say it in some language almost like english.


To the b
To the b
To the b
Cuz I need
Everybody to da flo (why)
Cuz this beat is sick (yeah)
It's time to rock (uhhh)
That's what it is
Tiffany is the name
Love is the game
The only way to play is with this promise ring

Sometimes a girl needs to know that she's appreciated for all the things she does
With some sorta of token of love
Cuz without it her young heart won't know (heart won't know)
And right then to my surprise
(He) Pulled out a small velour box pink ribbon tied
I'm wondering what's inside
He opened it and then he replied

He said I promise not to hurt you, promise not to lie
Promise to befriend you and defend you with my life
I promise you forever, I promise you today
(He said) Would you where my promise ring
(I said yes)

If you break your promise we breakin up
Gotta couple things that I want
Walks in the park and sweet things
If I rock your promise ring
I could be pretty young thing (young thing)
You could become my king (my king)
I gotta have you by me
Yes, I'll rock your promise ring

Yes, I'll rock your promise, promise, promise ring
Yes, I'll rock your promise
Yes, I'll rock your promise ring


How in the world could a girl say no (no)
I knew it the moment he made my finger glow (glow)
It's good to know I'm who he chose (chose)
It was your heart he felt now it shows (now it shows)
You know when ya see me floss
No way it's gon get loss (loss), I'll neva take this off (off)
When I'm older and they call me by your name
I'll wear it on a chain
Because I can hear you say

Everybody get up rock
Rock to this beat

My name is tiffany

And ya'll know me

All the girls know me , all the boys like me
Come correctly, with a promise ring
And you (and you), jus might be my boo,my boo

Pro-mise that you'll ne-ver let me go and boy I'll
Boy I'll wear your promise ring
All you have to do is say the word and boy I'll
Boy I'll wear your promise ring

Jus let me know (jus let me know, jus let me know)
All you gotta do is jus let me know (jus let me know, jus let me know)
You ain't goin nowhere
I ain't goin nowhere
I'll be on fo sho but u gotta know that

I hate that fucking song. but it has a point.