So my sister is pregnant and due to have her baby in early November. I visited her in LA about 3 weeks ago without my husband or daughter and it was awesome. I really felt that my sister and I reconnected and got along great. THEN I found out that my parents are visiting her right now and that yesterday my mom threw her a HUGE baby shower. I know this is going to sound awful and petty of me but I can't help thinking...What the fuck! First of all I wasn't told about or invited to this baby shower. Second of all...My parents wouldn't even TALK about my pregnancy, much less throw me a party about it, yet my mother called me yesterday(and she never calls me) to go on and on about how wonderful my sister's shower was and how wonderful it is that she's pregnant and so on and so forth. It's not that I resent my sister's happiness...I'm very happy for her...I guess I just don't get why they STLL continue to exclude me and deliberately hurt me!

Yes I did run away from home anjd get married at 17 to a man my parents disapproved of, but that was almost TEN years ago now! I can't believe they're still punishing me and that they still resent me even after all of these years. I have tried to reconcile with my parents...Despite their ill treatment of me, because I wanted my daughter to know my family as well as my husband's family. My husband always says I should just forget about them and I'm starting to think he's right. It's not even about the actual baby shower...It's that I was deliberately excluded and then it was all rubbed in my face...AGAIN!!

As a parent I really just don't get my own parents at all. I could NEVER hurt my daughter on purpose...No matter what she did. I can't imagine ever wanting to be away from her, even if she did something I was angry about at the time. Even if she flunked out of school or became a teen mom...I would still love her and always be there for her. Why are my family such assholes??

Sorry for the rant.:(

Maybe it was just the fact that you and your parents visited at different times?

But I WOULD have visited later if I had known about the shower.

It seem like your parents like your sister 10x more better than you.


I know, it happens to many sibling, including myself.

Well they've always favored her and it used to bother me as a child, but I've long gotten used to it at this point.

Is this the sister that has AIDS?

No was worried she MIGHT get AIDS because she had unsafe buttsex with two guys in Amsterdam who she'd met like 10 minutes beforehand.

Ooooh, thats good.

For some reason I remember reading that she was confirmed to have AIDS. My mistake.

Baby shower.
Hopefully this means your sister will get pelted with babies and placentas.


I cant give any good advice. I'd be pretty pissed off too.


But then, as someone said, there's allways one sibling who's liked more.
When my mum gets a new car, she's not going to give her old one, which I've looked after, worked on and lovingly kept running, to me. Oh no. She's going to give it to my brother. The fucking asshole with his own house, his own car allready, and on around £26k a year.

Typical.


Well I'm going to make sure the thing runs like a piece of shit from now on. It's also going to get sprayed fluorescent pink and bogey green.

Well, you're an adult. They are adults. They obviously should be acting in a responsible matter, which they are not.

If this was happening to me, I would have just calmly expressed my sadness that they neglected to invite me. I wouldn't have said anything else. What can they say? They will obviously try and make up some bullshit excuse about why they didn't contact you. Make them the villain, show them they are being disrespectful and childish. I believe that just saying something along those lines would open up a whole conversation that would definitely be worth having.

I remember when I was a child hearing the word baby shower and thinking it was when it rained babies, but then I realised that was wrong...ooops

Parents have a long memory and I'm sorry that yours are excluding you from family events. Maybe if you keep in closer contact they will be less rude and exclude you less over time?

Someone always needs to make the effort.

You can't know how you'd react to having your daughter insult you in the worst possible ways unless it happens.

Yes I did run away from home anjd get married at 17 to a man my parents disapproved of, but that was almost TEN years ago now! I can't believe they're still punishing me and that they still resent me even after all of these years.

So? That doesn't seem to make it any less significant in their minds. You disowned them, so they disowned you, at least partially. Time only does so much, how close are you with them otherwise?

aren't baby showers surprises? Your mom probably didnt know you were gonna be in the same city as your sister so sooon. That said, your moms a bitch. That's really immature. I've got every reason in the world to hate my parents for just about everything 9-20 years ago but I'm not that petty. Tell your mom straight up if she's got any problems with you or how your living your life that she can voice them but her words don't carry any weight.

So? That doesn't seem to make it any less significant in their minds. You disowned them, so they disowned you, at least partially. Time only does so much, how close are you with them otherwise?

I'm not close at all with my parents, but I AM close with my sister, which is why they should've invited me.

You ran away and got married when you were 17? Wow, my respect for you dropped even further.

Because I got married or because I was 17? Are you really so inexperienced in life that you think all 17 year olds are the same, or that all situations in life are in shades of black and white?

Because you got married AT 17. It strikes me as extremely foolish to believe you are ready to spend your entire life with one person when you're a teenager. Out of curiosity, how old was he at the time?

Xiao, I just gotta ask ......why? Why are you trying to make a Norman Rockwell scene where there is none? Your parents are toxic, negative people that don't understand the meaning of UNCONDITIONAL love. So why are you trying to push this whole mindset of "want my kid to know them"? So your children can become attached to their grandparents, and then experience the same disappointment, angst and misery that you have your entire adult life? You can't change them, you can't change your childhood, and any children you have now or in the future is not going to act as some catalyst to fix things. If anything they'll just get dragged in the drama themselves. Be cordial but keep a safe distance, the true REALITY is......your kids have NOTHING to gain good by developing a relationship with your parents.

He was 22...And 9 years later we're still together. I can't explain how we just knew we were right for each other...But we did. And all these years later we're still happy together and I still get butterflies whenever he walks into the room.

He was 22...And 9 years later we're still together

But he hasnt exactly been the nicest, most loyal of husbands..

i hate your parents

No relationship is perfect...I mean I have my faults too. Where it matters, though, we have an unshakable foundation in our marraige that I don't think anything could break. I don't think either of us could ever really survive without the other. I mean...Yes he has his dumb internet bullshit and I fantasise about my shrink, but in the end, none of that means anything.

i hate your parents

I hate them too.:(

He was 22

HAHAHAHA. Saw that one coming a mile away.

Why do your parents hate you again?

Try your hardest and give us the full honest reason, not the womanese "look at me I am hard done by and am completely innocent in all of this" version. (I'm not saying you try and do it, but women just do that automatically).

Things should be left in the past, however, most people cannot do so.

Well...Okay it all goes back to when I skipped from 2nd grade to 5th grade back in 1987. My parents were all impressed with how smart I was and they started to drive, drive DRIVE me all of time. They wanted me to finish med school by the time I was 20 and then go on to become the youngest neurosurgeon EVER. They were also religious fanatics and I didn't...Conform. The thing is...I didn't know if I even WANTED to be a doctor...I was only 13 when I started taking college classes and who the hell knows what they want to do at that age!

Anyway, I had a nervous breakdown when I was 16 and in my 3rd year of college.(I graduated HS at 14, but I'd been taking college classes while still going to HS.) I ended up dropping out of college and spending 6 months in a "Nut hut" as my shrink likes to call it. About 4 months after getting out of the hospital, I met my husband and we fell in love. He was already in the military at the time and he was going to be transferred to California.(I lived in Florida at the time) He asked me to marry him and I said "Yes" and one week later we were in Monterey.(California)

What you have to understand is...My home life was very unhappy and my parents never really did approve of me. Even though I was only 17 at the time, I KNEW that being with my husband was my...Destiny.(Sorry so Star Wars.:P) They've never forgiven me for failing at college and marrying a non catholic and most especially for not getting married in the church. However, all of that happened almost 10 years ago and I really think it's time they got over it and accepted me for who I am. I don't think they ever will, though.:(

I'm not sure if there's anything I could possibly say to make this situation better. Your parents sound like assholes.

Sometimes things just get misunderstood. I'm kind of in the same situation with my dad. He doesn't approve of the person I am, I like to think it's because he's very close minded, although I'm young and naive, we're completely oposite and he's threatened to close all contact to me if I don't do certain things. Point being; rejection from parents hurts. They're supposed to be the people in life that'll always comfort you and love unconditionally.

Not everybody is capable of being a good parent. It sounds to me that they hold against you your movement in the past of running away from them. Perhaps they're just sad because they know they have no say in your life anymore and putting you down gets to you, so they continue doing so to supply some sort of false surperiority and/or connection to you.

If you want your parents in your life you may have to sacrifice some of your opinions, I've had to to get closer to my dad. Although it's frustrating I found that it was definitely worth it.

If you try and fail then maybe it really is time to move on. You're incapable of making them do anything if they're not willing.

HAHAHAHA. Saw that one coming a mile away.

What?

What?

You hate your parents and to get back at them you married some guy 5 years older than you. Fuckin figures.

How old are you?

I'm asking because you have a very narrow and simplistic way of looking at things which points to you either being very young or very old.(In general, anyway)

I'm thinking you're very young, because you think 5 years is a big age difference.

18. And five years is a big fuckin age difference when you're 17.

Yeah but the 12 year olds are asking for it....

It wasn't that big an age difference for us. You have to remember I had been at a university for two years before he and I met. I wasn't the average 17 year old who is still in high school.

You have so much potential, xiao.
I will personally hunt down and castrate your husband if he smothers and crushes that potential.

Xiao, maybe you've told us before but did you have your sprog baptised? If not you do realise that she will/has done an 'emergency baptism' behind your back if she was ever alone with her or might be alone with her in future. As you were raised strict catholic you know I'm not joking.

Sorry if I've raised this before...my mind is a bit off at the moment due to whats going on here.

Nah, she did that when she married him.

From the title I thought this thread was going to be about a fetish, involving pregnant women standing over prostrate men whilst their waters break. Failing that saving the aminiotic fluid in a freezer, allowing for it to be popped in a microwave for a gentle pre-heating, when later needed.

Got that wrong, didn't I?

Yes she's been baptized.:P My husband's mom is a minister and she did it one time when we were visiting. Personally, I think it's all a joke, but it was important to my mother in law so I was okay with it.

Nah, she did that when she married him.
Why are you so negative? I mean your taunts don't especially phase me and you really have no reason to be so unpleasant in the first place. Are you just trying to "stir up trouble" or is there a deeper meaning behind your pessimism? I'm really just curious, because it seems odd for an 18 year old to be such a drag already./shrug

Yes she's been baptized.:P My husband's mom is a minister and she did it one time when we were visiting. Personally, I think it's all a joke, but it was important to my mother in law so I was okay with it.

Surely baptism by a protestant female minister doesn't count as baptism in your mother's eyes?

Hell it doesn't even count in my eyes.

The good thing is that xiao doesent care about the baptism.

Allthough Xiao, be very, very carefull about leaving your child alone with your mother. If she's an extreme religious person, there's no knowing what she might do that she might deem as being godly and just.


Go watch the film adaption of 'Silent Hill'. You'll see how scary religious people can be in regards to children.

Why are you so negative? I mean your taunts don't especially phase me and you really have no reason to be so unpleasant in the first place. Are you just trying to "stir up trouble" or is there a deeper meaning behind your pessimism? I'm really just curious, because it seems odd for an 18 year old to be such a drag already./shrug

I simply find it incredibly selfish, arrogant, and stupid to run off and marry some older guy just to piss off your parents, when you have an unbelievable amount of potential. Sure, it sucks that they push you about it, but if you really completed high school at 14 that qualifies you as fuckin brilliant in my book. But no, you got mad at mommy and daddy, ran off, and started popping out kids, just like any average loser. Fuckin sad, if you ask me. If I had those kind of abilities, there is no way I'd throw that all away just for some piece of ass.

I simply find it incredibly selfish, arrogant, and stupid to run off and marry some older guy just to piss off your parents, when you have an unbelievable amount of potential. Sure, it sucks that they push you about it, but if you really completed high school at 14 that qualifies you as fuckin brilliant in my book. But no, you got mad at mommy and daddy, ran off, and started popping out kids, just like any average loser. Fuckin sad, if you ask me. If I had those kind of abilities, there is no way I'd throw that all away just for some piece of ass.

Why do you care so much?
There are billions of people so very very stupid who go and 'pop out kids'. Xiao mei has had one child, whom she's loving and caring for in an amazingly brilliant manner.

And really, if your parents were psychotic nutjobs who beleived the word of god was more important than their children, wouldnt you want to get the fuck out of there as soon as possible?

...I didn't get married to piss my family off. I got married because I wanted to and he and I were in love. Also, like I said before he was getting transferred across the country and we didn't want to be separated. My parents had no more say about me if I was married, but if I'd just moved out there as his girlfriend, they could've made me come back.

I haven't wasted my life since dropping out of school. I have a lot of interests and I'm always learning about new things or learning how to do new things. I volunteer at the VA and I used to volunteer at Planned Parenthood and at a home for mentally retarded people before we moved. You don't have to follow the prescribed path to have a meaningful life. My days are spend doing the things I like and spending time with the people I love and making a happy home for my husband and daughter. If you're really too narrowminded to see that happiness is the greatest success that you can get out of life...Well I pity you because you'll end up just like my parents. My mom and dad are considered VERY successful...I mean they are millionaires who live in a big house on the beach and have maids who clean for them and a gardener and a pool boy and my mom even has a personal trainer who lives in ONE of the guest houses! But I swear they are two of the most miserable people I've ever met. They are like black holes of pessimism who suck the happiness out of everyone around them. My life before I left them was like one big orgy of sorrow.

Surely baptism by a protestant female minister doesn't count as baptism in your mother's eyes?

Hell it doesn't even count in my eyes.

Aren't you a protestant? Being as you're from England and all?:P

And Believe me I would never leave my witch of a mother alone with my child. Not after the last time where she told her that her dad and I weren't really married and that she is a bastard and therefore damnned and that her dad and I wanted to abort her back when she was a fetus and that I didn't even know who her father was because I am such a slut who fornicates. (All lies)

Aren't you a protestant? Being as you're from England and all?:P

And Believe me I would never leave my witch of a mother alone with my child. Not after the last time where she told her that her dad and I weren't really married and that she is a bastard and therefore damnned and that her dad and I wanted to abort her back when she was a fetus and that I didn't even know who her father was because I am such a slut who fornicates. (All lies)

Well I'm protestant in the sense I am no longer a catholic and a lot of protestants believe women shouldn't be priests. I can remember the shock of attending a Lutheran service in Germany and discovering to my horror that the minister was a woman. The wife, who comes from a very extreme branch of Baptists, was mortified too and we both walked out (discreetly).

At least she used the word fornicates. I know 20 year olds that aren't sure what that word means.

A pentecostal woman did everything she could short of kidnapping me to SAVE MY SOUL yesterday. It was a new experience, nobody has ever tried to get me SAVED before.

I ordered her out of my home and she walked out willingly with a smile on her face, since that is the proper role of a man; to control the women around him in any way that he chooses. It was a disgusting sight.

Was she one of those lovely people who come door to door to advertise their religions?

I'm a bit torn about them. Idont like that they're forcing their religion onto people, but usually they're really really nice people.

The nicest bunch I've ever met have been these jehovas witnesses who came round once. I invited them in for cups of tea. :)

Was she one of those lovely people who come door to door to advertise their religions?

No, a newly met relative.

I don't mind the Witnesses that come around, they have a set schedule for visits and never talk about their religion beyond asking if I read their new booklet. I don't get them where I live now, but once upon a time they used to visit every two weeks and have a beer.

Was she one of those lovely people who come door to door to advertise their religions?

I'm a bit torn about them. Idont like that they're forcing their religion onto people, but usually they're really really nice people.

The nicest bunch I've ever met have been these jehovas witnesses who came round once. I invited them in for cups of tea. :)

IME Mormon missionaries from Utah are the best. They are SO keen to help in any way they can. They even decorated our flat for us and organised furniture (top quality) and layed carpet.

They truly believe that every good deed earns them point in heaven and points mean prizes.

Personally though I found that after an hour with them I needed to go out and do something NASTY to someone.

Lack of vice in another is an affront.

Joho's are forbidden to talk to me.

Well I'm protestant in the sense I am no longer a catholic and a lot of protestants believe women shouldn't be priests. I can remember the shock of attending a Lutheran service in Germany and discovering to my horror that the minister was a woman. The wife, who comes from a very extreme branch of Baptists, was mortified too and we both walked out (discreetly).

I admit it was pretty shocking at first.

I haven't wasted my life since dropping out of school. I have a lot of interests and I'm always learning about new things or learning how to do new things. I volunteer at the VA and I used to volunteer at Planned Parenthood and at a home for mentally retarded people before we moved. You don't have to follow the prescribed path to have a meaningful life. My days are spend doing the things I like and spending time with the people I love and making a happy home for my husband and daughter. If you're really too narrowminded to see that happiness is the greatest success that you can get out of life...Well I pity you because you'll end up just like my parents. My mom and dad are considered VERY successful...I mean they are millionaires who live in a big house on the beach and have maids who clean for them and a gardener and a pool boy and my mom even has a personal trainer who lives in ONE of the guest houses! But I swear they are two of the most miserable people I've ever met. They are like black holes of pessimism who suck the happiness out of everyone around them. My life before I left them was like one big orgy of sorrow.

I think your breath is wasted trying to convince these people that there's more to life than having as much money as possible.

Besides, your child isn't going to be a child forever, you could always take up whatever you wanted after that.

The wife, who comes from a very extreme branch of Baptists

Anabaptist? (Judging by her funky threads:p)

Besides, your child isn't going to be a child forever, you could always take up whatever you wanted after that.

When she's pushing 40?

When she's pushing 40?

yeap even at that ancient age I still think she'll be physically fit enough to go back to med school if she wanted...stethiscopes aren't that heavy are they?

Besides, women are programmed to birth and raise children; fufilling her biological function is more satisfying for her than money.

I was dating a girl 5 years my senior when I was 18. We met at university. Best relationship I've ever had.

I think your breath is wasted trying to convince these people that there's more to life than having as much money as possible.

Besides, your child isn't going to be a child forever, you could always take up whatever you wanted after that.

Actually, what I'd really like to do is someday own my own coffee shop/bakery. And yes, despite the fact that I'll be an ancient 38 years old when my daughter is grown up...I think I'll be able to combat the senility long enough to get a few good years out of it anyway!:P

Actually, what I'd really like to do is someday own my own coffee shop/bakery. And yes, despite the fact that I'll be an ancient 38 years old when my daughter is grown up...I think I'll be able to combat the senility long enough to get a few good years out of it anyway!:P

hmmmm coffee shop...

You do know that can mean something a bit different to the posters from Euroland?


Oh those nights in Holland...

What is a "coffee shop" over in decadant Europe?:P

In Holland a 'coffeeshop' is like a Starbucks that also sells hash . A 'koffiehuis' just does coffee.

But I swear they are two of the most miserable people I've ever met. They are like black holes of pessimism who suck the happiness out of everyone around them. My life before I left them was like one big orgy of sorrow.

And this excerpt from your very first post on this thread.......

"I have tried to reconcile with my parents...Despite their ill treatment of me, because I wanted my daughter to know my family as well as my husband's family. My husband always says I should just forget about them and I'm starting to think he's right. "

I'll ask a second time, since it went unresponded the first. WHY exactly do you want your daughter to be around, get to know, or have any association with these people????????

I guess because all of my grandparents died before I was born and I always regretted not knowing them. Also, it's mainly my mom who's a psycho, not my dad and I'd like my daughter to know him. I know it sounds weird...To be honest I don't really understand my own feelings on this matter.

I know it sounds weird...To be honest I don't really understand my own feelings on this matter.

Xiao, and you probably never will figure those feelings out either. Listen girl, I see a therapist and when I've discussed my relationship with my mom he can't understand why I let her into my son's life. The truth is she is a toxic, vile wench......absolutely THE most negative person I've ever met. When I was in my mid 20's I finally moved out of the town I was raised in (away from mom) and moved closer to where I was born near family. A couple of years later and mom comes back too, now living about a mile from me and 4 miles from my sister. Sis has even less of a use for her, and she is 17 years older than me.

My involvement with my mom is VERY minimal, maybe seeing her about an hour or two a week. And no she doesn't get any private time with my kid, other than when I step outside for a cigarette. But an hour, afternoon, or overnight sleepover? No fuckin way! I do know this much though....When the day comes that she finally takes her last breath, a HUGE chip/weight/cloud will be lifted out of my life.

The only advice I can give you is its easier to keep that arms distance, than build up a semblance of a relationship and want to distance yourself later in the future. I mean really....what reason do I have now to never let my son near his grandma ever again for? She isn't a great grandma, but he does love her because she does maintain some level of niceness towards him and at 4 he can't comprehend how demented she is. But if I could do it all over again, I wish he never met her and she couldn't bring the cloud around him. I don't think anything she could do to him could really scar him, but the fact remains I do NOT trust her in the least. Not that I think she would molest him or some perverted thing, but she is just a blatantly cruel and compassionless person.

Tellin ya, keep that arm's distance....and if you do try to reconcile, first go see a therapist to try to understand it better and they'll probably just say to you..."what the fuck, WHY?". Like I'm doing here. Good luck.

Actually I do see a therapist and he did suggest that my mother was at the root of a lot of the reasons for me needing to go to him.:P I would never leave my daughter alone with my mother...Not even for the length of time it would take to smoke. I used to even take her with me to the bathroom, back when my parents still visited, anyway.

I guess there's a part of me that just wants my bad relationship with them to be resolved. I just want them to aknowledge that my life ISN'T a failure and that I have done well. Unfortunately, I know that will never happen, but my irrational side still hopes, I guess. After this latest fiasco...I don't think I will try anymore. What sucks the most is my SISTER was a willing party to my exclusion this time. She had to know about this baby shower at least 2 or 3 months ago, because my mom would've told her. (My mom plans everything to death) I've always thought my sister and I had a good relationship...But I guess it's pretty obveious which side of the fence she's on.

Sounds to me like sis could be blinded by all of those dollar signs. Whether its falling into a windfall once they are gone, or the occasional handout/spoiling (like elaborate baby showers) she is willing to deal with the bullshit. Basically she is a sellout.

Yeah, I know all about those irrational hopes. Actually for me, I think its a subconscious desire to keep "proving" to her how a REAL parent acts. The fact that my son is a very happy-go-lucky respectful kid, and we are NOT some manipulative tyrants in raising him. But the truth is, she'll never get it.....just like your mom never will either.

All you, me and anyone else can do is try our best raising our own kids....and then just hope to god that 20 years from now they aren't in some shrinks office bitching about US! : ) And part of that is keeping them out of toxic situations. Even if your mom is an angel towards your kid, there is still the dynamic they have to witness between you and your mom. And kids CAN sense that tension and chaos. Meh, if I were you, I'd be extremely proud. Just remember the fucked up place you came from and think of all the horrendously BAD decisions you could have made in your life. The truth is you could have done thousands of things different and wouldn't today be the loving wife and mother that you are.

Leave the past where it belongs, and let the superficial psychos stay where they belong as well.....FAR AWAY from you, and especially your kid. Its better for everyone in the long run.