(addressed to youngest Son-16)

"Ben? BEN???! She's best mates with Ben? Tell me you don't mean fucking Ben 'knicker stealer' ??!

Oh sweet christ jesus wept. DO you never fucking learn?! How many times have I told you to stay the fuck away from him. He walks down the street and you cross over, verstanden? Don't tell me you had to be around him. I was born at night but not fucking last night. SO what if he knows your Bird. Fucking ditch her. No cunny is worth that.

He's a plonker and worse than that a grass. You hang round him and you're gonna end up back down the nick and probably in Clink. Sure as the pope wears a funny hat.

You know the sort of people i know, how d'ya think they manage to stay out of prison? They don't associate with cunts like Ben, even socially.

What did Mr V. tell you about Ben's whole sodding family? Fucking toerags and smack heads the lot. You saw his uncle get lifted by the Knock last year.

And you saw damn well what Ben did to your brother, did the job with him and then dropped him right in it.

ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?

For once in your life listen to your old man. 5 years from now Ben is gonna be either Inside or roadkill, if he doesn't get a knife in the ribs before then. Seen it too many times. "

------------------------------------------------------------------

This happened about ten minutes ago. And yes I am serious about him ditching the girlfriend if she's a friend of the toerag.

Sorry totse, i'm well and truly narked and am ranting out my anger. Ignore or comment as you wish.

There are times when I genuinely wish I could get this kind of advice from my father, funnily enough.

Let us know what he responds with.

It's a fact. Trust can easily sink people, and if you can't trust your girlfriend then you're just straight out of luck.

very true, trust is a nessesity in a relationship

Mmm maybe too extreme?

If shes only friends with him then whats the problem?

Also what exactly did this "Ben" character do to make you hate him so?

Babelfish still doesn't translate british to english.

Is there an american translation for the rest of us?

I'm American and I understood it. Context and guessing, FTW!

I hope you accentuated that when you said it to him with a few smacks and a head bounced off the wall.

Somtimes, violence isnt the only way. But it's the good way.

My bad.

Plonker = idiot (can be affectionate but not in this case), also an old word for 'cock'

Knicker(s) =panties.

Nick = police station

Clink= Prison (old London word, originally the Clink Prison (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Clink) )

Grass = 'rat' (informant)

toe-rag/toerag = (corruption of Tuareg?) a petty idiotic thief or a general pain in the arse.

Smack Head = Heroin addict (southern english word-Northerners say 'skag head' or 'skag rat')

Inside (to be) = Prison

verstanden = (German) Understand.

to be lifted = arrested

The Knock = Customs And Excise, the most feared of all LEO as they require no warrant to enter a premises day or night and have an intelligence service second to none.
Also known as 'the revenue'.

I admit I was sorely tempted.

But I showed remarkable self restraint.

I admit I was sorely tempted.

But I showed remarkable self restraint.

Want to send him to me? I've got a new rolling pin, as if I have to deal with an intruder, I'm less likely to get into trouble if I attack with a rolling pin or every day household item rather than a machette , and I'm dying to try it out.

Want to send him to me? I've got a new rolling pin, as if I have to deal with an intruder, I'm less likely to get into trouble if I attack with a rolling pin or every day household item rather than a machette , and I'm dying to try it out.

Unfortunately, despite his being a soft and gentle soul (he was in tears yesterday about whats going on here) he is also so large that he drags minor planets in his gravitational wake.

When he enters the room you'd think there's a solar eclipse.

And finally lets not forget that for all his stupidity he is a Son Of Ketch, lovingly hand raised and tutored.

Two chavs tried to give him grief on the train the other day...til he stood up...

(for the americans among ..Exhibit A : A Chav (http://www.chavscum.co.uk/4images/data/media/10/ChavOnTrisha.jpg) )

Two chavs tried to give him grief on the train the other day...til he stood up...

That's so cool.

My repetoire seems limited to scaring old ladies who try to grab the last pack of Earl Grey off the shelf at the supermarket, little kids who want to throw rocks at the goff,and dogs.

To be honest, I had absolutely no clue what the hell you just said, until I read your uh, mini dictionary. lol. Damn limeys and your weird language =P actually, us Americans are the ones that messed up English aren't we? damn.

Yeah my brother is blind like that too. His girlfriend slept and got drunk with her brothers older friend (shes 15 hes 21) she claimed she didnt mean to "fall asleep" next to him, and then she is TOTALLY against drinking and "only had enough" to get her drunk with this same 21 year old. ALSO she ditched him for this 21 year old and THEN is hanging out with him tomorrow.

He's totally in love with her and wont leave her.

sigh

Actually no, although it pains me to say it. Historically american english is the more correct.

Actually no, although it pains me to say it. Historically american english is the more correct.

*gasp*! I say! *monocle falls out*

My bad.

Plonker = idiot (can be affectionate but not in this case), also an old word for 'cock'

Knicker(s) =panties.

Nick = police station

Clink= Prison (old London word, originally the Clink Prison (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Clink) )

Grass = 'rat' (informant)

toe-rag/toerag = (corruption of Tuareg?) a petty idiotic thief or a general pain in the arse.

Smack Head = Heroin addict (southern english word-Northerners say 'skag head' or 'skag rat')

Inside (to be) = Prison

verstanden = (German) Understand.

to be lifted = arrested

The Knock = Customs And Excise, the most feared of all LEO as they require no warrant to enter a premises day or night and have an intelligence service second to none.
Also known as 'the revenue'.

Perfect!

EDIT: Wait...why are customs a feared LEO? Don't they just deal with like airports and incoming mail? Why would they need to be searching anyones house? Warrant or no?

(addressed to youngest Son-16)

"Ben? BEN???! She's best mates with Ben? Tell me you don't mean fucking Ben pantie stealer' ??!

Oh sweet christ jesus wept. DO you never fucking learn?! How many times have I told you to stay the fuck away from him. He walks down the street and you cross over, understand? Don't tell me you had to be around him. I was born at night but not fucking last night. SO what if he knows your Bird. Fucking ditch her. No cunny is worth that.

He's a idiot and worse than that a rat. You hang round him and you're gonna end up back down the nick and probably in prison. Sure as the pope wears a funny hat.

You know the sort of people i know, how d'ya think they manage to stay out of prison? They don't associate with cunts like Ben, even socially.

What did Mr V. tell you about Ben's whole sodding family? Fucking pain in the ass and heroin addicts the lot. You saw his uncle get lifted by the Knock last year.

And you saw damn well what Ben did to your brother, did the job with him and then dropped him right in it.

ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?

For once in your life listen to your old man. 5 years from now Ben is gonna be either in jail or roadkill, if he doesn't get a knife in the ribs before then. Seen it too many times. "


fixd! :p

Unfortunately, despite his being a soft and gentle soul (he was in tears yesterday about whats going on here) he is also so large that he drags minor planets in his gravitational wake.

When he enters the room you'd think there's a solar eclipse.

And finally lets not forget that for all his stupidity he is a Son Of Ketch, lovingly hand raised and tutored.

Two chavs tried to give him grief on the train the other day...til he stood up...

(for the americans among ..Exhibit A : A Chav (http://www.chavscum.co.uk/4images/data/media/10/ChavOnTrisha.jpg) )

Wow, that chav guy looks like a total douche bag. seriously. Is that what they all look like? lol.

Wow, that chav guy looks like a total douche bag. seriously. Is that what they all look like? lol.

Yep.

They really think burberry baseball caps make them look 'hard'..

Yep.

They really think burberry baseball caps make them look 'hard'..

It makes them look like idiots, if they walked around here like that they'd get stabbed. lol.

You happen to mean Canadian English.

Americans don't know how to use their "u".

eh?



5char :\

eh?



5char :\

I assume he means 'coloUr','haboUr', savioUr' that 'u'.

So tell me again why customs are feared?

"EDIT: Wait...why are customs a feared LEO? Don't they just deal with like airports and incoming mail? Why would they need to be searching anyones house? Warrant or not."

Lol, this went from Jacks kid to the English language. nice.

Customs and excise don't just deal with incoming/outgoing sutff. They can also deal, I believe, taxation and confiscation of items for non-tax-paying-individuals... Correct me if I'm wrong though.

Actually no, although it pains me to say it. Historically american english is the more correct.

How do you measure the correctness of a language? Just out of interest, I'm wondering how you know this...

Zaknafein.

Customs and excise don't just deal with incoming/outgoing sutff. They can also deal, I believe, taxation and confiscation of items for non-tax-paying-individuals... Correct me if I'm wrong though.



How do you measure the correctness of a language? Just out of interest, I'm wondering how you know this...

Zaknafein.

Americans make history.
Americans write history.
Americans decide whats correct historically.

Americans make history.
Americans write history.
Americans decide whats correct historically.

Americans also talk REALLY LOUDLY FOR SOME REASON

WHY IS THAT?

That was so fucking cockney I couldn't understand it.

Americans also talk REALLY LOUDLY FOR SOME REASON

WHY IS THAT?

We uh...don't. (notice the lack of caps)

Americans make history.
Americans write history.
Americans decide whats correct historically.

*sigh*
Now I know why we're unwanted in almost every other country.

It makes them look like idiots, if they walked around here like that they'd get stabbed. lol.

They do. You've never seen one of these white hip-hop kids who grow up in the suburbs, and really, really want to be black?

That's so cool.

My repetoire seems limited to scaring old ladies who try to grab the last pack of Earl Grey off the shelf at the supermarket, little kids who want to throw rocks at the goff,and dogs.

Update: Eldest (puny weak emo-sk8t3r boy-mall goth) and youngest were in Mickey D's in the city today.

Eldest walked past a table full of chavs who looked at him and started taking the piss cos he wears mascara (BADLY!).

So youngest just "bear stared" them and suddenly said chavs found the contents of their burgers absolutely fascinating....

Bit embarrassing for eldest I 'pose..having your 2 year younger brother as 'Renta Heavy'.

Ya think?!

You should here a real old school cockney (as opposed to me a 'Estuary').

So there was me, out the rubba for a cock and an oily , half pigs in me german, up and down the frog. Nodding to skids but just a nod of me loaf. Then I noticed I'd plunked me daisy in a Elvis (like Little Richard).

Update: Eldest (puny weak emo-sk8t3r boy-mall goth) and youngest were in Mickey D's in the city today.

Eldest walked past a table full of chavs who looked at him and started taking the piss cos he wears mascara (BADLY!).

So youngest just "bear stared" them and suddenly said chavs found the contents of their burgers absolutely fascinating....

Bit embarrassing for eldest I 'pose..having your 2 year younger brother as 'Renta Heavy'.

At least he did stick up for him :)

And on the Chav arguement, I am quite sick of them. I've had too much trouble for them, over what? My choice to have longer hair? My choice to wear jeans as opposed to tracksuit bottoms? Oh, heaven forbid those crimes.

Picky, lecherous, uncouth bastards. Chavs defy evolution by being the masses. It both saddens and angers me at the same time :(

Zaknafein.

Update: Eldest (puny weak emo-sk8t3r boy-mall goth) and youngest were in Mickey D's in the city today.

Eldest walked past a table full of chavs who looked at him and started taking the piss cos he wears mascara (BADLY!).

So youngest just "bear stared" them and suddenly said chavs found the contents of their burgers absolutely fascinating....

Bit embarrassing for eldest I 'pose..having your 2 year younger brother as 'Renta Heavy'.



That makes me happy. :)

Is the kid really of behemoth proportions?!

Edit: tell goth son that mascara doesent look so great on guys because they dont have naturally nicely shaped eyelashes. Tell him to accentuate on his eyeliner more, and wear a little eyeshadow at the outside lower part of the eyes. It looks really hot when done properly.

I'm sure a big tough motherfucker like you will have no problem discussing makeup with your son..

At least he did stick up for him :)
.

Yep, as he's supposed to. The Ketch boys roll up you know you're in for some bad karma.

And I do mean roll, middle son is in a wheelchair.

Jackketch, breeding 'prop pah' London villains since 1988

That makes me happy. :)

Is the kid really of behemoth proportions?!

Well not that large but at age 16 he is now taller and wider than me.

I'm sure a big tough motherfucker like you will have no problem discussing makeup with your son..

Sure, I've worn enough of it in my time (yes jackketch used to be a goth..back when being a goth meant reading Byron, drinking sinthe and 'dancing' to the Cure).

*sigh*
Now I know why we're unwanted in almost every other country.


Except, you know...we're not.

He's a plonker and worse than that a grass.

...I don't see how that is insulting.