I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 months now and we're both virgins. The most I've done with her is slip my hand up her shirt. I recently descretely slipped my pinky down her front side when we were making out, and she moaned a little, which I thought was good, but then she moved so I was afraid I'd make her uncomfortable if I did it again.
A friend of mine, who happens to be one of her best friends, said that fines it really awkward when a guy slips his hand down her pants, that we should ask first, and someone else agreed (I didn't bring it up, they did). If this is the case, how the hell do you ask a girl if you can put your hand down her crotch? She seems to enjoy it when I touch her elsewhere, which I did without saying anything. but I plan on asking her whether or not she's comfortable with that now... then maybe I could bring the south side up? I just don't want to do anything she doesn't want me to do and seem like an asshole. Thanks for any help.

DO NOT ASK. Jesus, that's the worst buzz kill ever. Start touching her far away from her crotch, then move SLOWLY down towards her pants. You're moving slowly for 2 reasons.

1) If you move slowly enough, you'll build up anticipation, thereby creating a desire for her to have a hand down there. It's like a girl's version of blue balls. If you stimulate her enough, without any crotch area stimulation, you'll drive her to grab your hand and put it down there herself. Well, she'll be too shy to suggest anything like that, but that's what she'll be thinking.

2) If she doesn't like it, you've given her more than enough time to move your hand out of the way or move. You start at her mid-section let's say, moving left and right, but generally downward. She knows what's coming. If she doesn't like it, she can move. If she doesn't moving, that's a yes.

If she says NO, don't do it. In my book, little moans and uncertain gasps mean YES, but a NO, in any way shape or form, means stop. You don't want a rape charge, and you don't want to fuck someone who says NO. Just don't.

If she really doesn't even want to be fingered after 3 months of dating, she's a frigid bitch, move on. Yes, I said it, but come on. Unless she's 13 (in which case you shouldn't be dating a 13 year old, EVER), there's no reason to not fuck after 3 months.

Take her, man. Take her hard.

She's 16, and if she doesn't want to have sex, I'm fine with that. I care about her too much to think less of her because of it, and I there's no doubt in my mind she'd feel the same about me. She hasn't had much experience with gujys at all, and she could just be nervous. We were at her house too, so maybe she was afraid her little brother would barge in or something. Or maybe she was on her period, nobody knows... but I want to.
Are there any females who would like to share their views?

3 months? Fuck, what's with everyone and having sex so early these days?

I'd like to think that there are decent guys around me who aren't always looking to get into my pants everytime I display the slightest interest, but I guess that's wishful thinking.

Christ, go rent a movie and make her night decent.
<3

If by slightest interest you mean dry humping and groping onto anything you can get your hands on aside from a penis, what the hell do you think I expect you want? Get the facts before you jump to conclusions and flame. Funny story: we did rent a movie and watched it, but mutually decided to do something not so damn boring. I'd like you to shut up now, unlesss you're going to apologize for your ignorance.

That was hardly a flame, grow some balls- maybe you'll get some from your girl for once.

There are no facts to this, you said jack. The fact that you're posting this on an internet forum tells me you really are just some kid who has no idea what you're doing. Apologise? Where do you think you are? School?

Grow up and learn to take some goddamn criticism.
<3

You've been in a relationship for three months.

Have a talk with her about sex, no hinting nonsense.

3 months? Fuck, what's with everyone and having sex so early these days?

3 months is a long time!

Life is short, and any of us could die at any minute. Waiting for things that don't necessarily need to be waited for seems kind of pointless to me.

Personally, it takes me like 24 hours to know if someone is right for me. But I guess that isn't the norm.

Holy shit dude, DO NOT ASK!!!!!!! You WILL get DUMPED because you will look like a PUSSY. You're a man, you don't need to hit her on the head and drag her to your cave, but you do need to be confident and the one who leads in the relationship.

You WILL NOT, seem like an asshole if you stick your hand down the front of her pants. HOWEVER, you do need to build up to it, and not just grab for her breasts/cooch >:|


kissing > foreplay > sex

You haven't gotten to the foreplay yet, you shouldn't even be thinking about sex right now.

The best advice I can give you is too read read read read read everything you can about it. And practice practice practice.

Here is a small list of Erogenous Zones, next time you're together experiment with them. Maybe give her a back massage, or start touching/kissing some of them. Much like if someone starts massaging your inner thigh, chances are you'll get a hard-on. Well it's thesame for members of the opposite sex, they will become aroused.

The next time you're making out, start kissing her along her jaw-line/neck/collarbone to start.

Top of head - some women love head rubs or scalp massages. Careful you don't put her to sleep.
Ears - Especially earlobes and the outer edges along the top. Good for kissing, nibbling, or sucking.
Cheeks - Kiss or touch with fingertips
Jawline - Kiss or touch with fingertips
Neck - Especially base and nape. Kiss, nibble, touch, lick.
Shoulders - Especially back/top of shoulders. Kiss or massage.
Elbows - Crook of elbow is sensitive to tongue, might tickle
Hands - Massage palm, kiss or lick palm, fingertips, back of hand. Women also love holding your hands while you do other stuff - for example, you could intertwine your fingers with hers and pin them to the sides as you kiss her neck.
Breasts - Not just the nipple. Most women love having their breasts kissed, touched, or even massaged (gently! They're sensitive!). If she has larger breasts, the crease underneath them will be especially sensitive to kisses. Nipples are sensitive to just about anything. You can even bite them VERY softly, but be careful - they're extremely sensitive and hurting her is a great way to kill the mood. Titty****ing is a porn creation, get it out of your head now - if she has big ones she may do it for you, but she will derive little or no pleasure from it.
Back - Along the spine, and there are also some very sensitive areas on the sides under the shoulder blades. Small of the back is also sensitive. Kiss these areas. Backrubs are also a hit, or soft back scratches with your fingernails that move slowly all the way up her back and all the way back down.
Butt - Kiss the cheeks, can even bite them if she's cool with it. Massaging them is fine too. Spanking lightly can be OK, but don't leave a mark unless she's into BDSM.
Anus - No, I'm not talking about surprise buttsecks. Women have a massive number of nerve endings in the skin surrounding the anus and also at the anal opening. There aren't many actually inside the rectum, which is why most women who enjoy anal say it feels best when the guy is moving (ie, stimulating external nerve endings), and holding still inside the rectum doesn't give them pleasure. Obviously this is a touchy area; most women would never consider allowing a man near their anus. Don't go anywhere near it without prior approval, and even then you should only stimulate the exterior area with your finger or tongue (getting rimmed can actually be extraordinarily pleasurable for women if you're both brave enough to do it - as long as she's had a shower recently and follows good hygiene, it's not really any worse than regular oral sex). Sticking an uninvited finger in there will get you punched.
Perineum - This is more commonly referred to as the "taint" - the area of skin between the vaginal and anal openings. Tongue only for this one - fingers just aren't soft enough.
Leg creases - The lines where her legs join her torso are sensitive to licking and kissing. Hot breath is good too, if she's ticklish here.
Labia majora - The labia majora are the large folds of skin surrounding the vulvar opening. Labia majora means "major lips" in Latin, and they do look like two large lips. Sensitive to licking and fingertips. The minor lips, or labia minora, are just inside the labia majora, and while they are sensitive, I would not classify them as an erogenous zone because they would be difficult to isolate for stimulation.
Clitoris and clitoral hood - This one is obvious, but many men don't know where to find it. The clitoris is the female equivalent of the penis, and the clitoral hood is the equivalent of the penile foreskin. Both homologous organs grow from the same cells in the embryo. The clitoral hood is located at the top of the vulva, right where the labia majora separate from each other. It looks like a small hotdog between the "bun" of the labia. I won't link it, but IIRC there are a couple of good, labeled photos on the wikipedia entry for "clitoris." The clitoris is the most sensitive of all female erogenous zones. If you pull back the hood you can expose the tip of the clitoris, but doing so can often be painful because the area is so sensitive. It is best to lick the clitoral hood or touch it with your fingertips, and not try to provide direct stimulation to the clitoral glans by pulling back the hood unless the lady asks you to do so. Be very gentle.
U-spot - There is a small area of erectile tissue at the urethral opening in the vulva below the clitoris. A study a few years ago found that manually stimulating it with gentle touches can cause a powerful erotic response.
G-spot - Most people seem infatuated with the Grafenberg spot, but it isn't the end-all be-all of vaginal stimulation. It is a patch of erectile tissue surrounding the urethra, which can be stimulated with a finger through the anterior wall of the vagina, about 2-3 inches in. Some say it feels spongy, others disagree. Best stimulated with a single finger, using a "come here" motion.
A-spot - I think the real name is the anterior fornix erogenous zone, or AFE zone. It's on the opposite wall as the G-spot, but much further in - generally it lies just adjacent to the cervix. The same "come-here" motion works wonders on the A-spot, and touching it can make a woman wet extremely quickly, even if she is normally slow to lubricate.
Thighs - Kiss or the insides of the upper thighs, or massage the larger muscles just like a backrub.
Knees - The back of the knee is very sensitive to touch or tongue.
Calves - good for massaging.
Feet - Foot massages will make you her hero.
Toes - Sucking on her toes will probably make her writhe, because it feels very good but it also feels kind of like a tickle.

A study about ten years ago found that women respond MUCH more to mental stimulation than men. In the study, men and women were asked to read erotic stories, and blood flow to their genitals was measured with a non-invasive device as they read. The women, as I recall, had an increase in blood flow to their genitals that was approximately 7 times greater than the men. To get a good erection, many men need physical contact, not necessarily to the penis, but between themselves and their lovers. Women, on the other hand, can become extremely wet without their lovers ever touching them at all. Some rare women can even climax just from the power of their own imaginations. What does this tell us? It tells us that physical stimulation of a woman's erogenous zones is only a part of foreplay and cannot constitute the whole if your goal is to fully please her. You must arouse her MENTALLY as well as physically.

There are many ways to do this. Dirty talk is one way, but don't go overboard and tell her you're going to "nail her in the stink-tube." Paint her a vivid mental image of what you're going to do to her and whisper it to her as you initiate foreplay (ie, while you unbutton her shirt or something): "First I'm going to kiss my way from your left shoulder toward your right shoulder. When I reach your neck I'll move up and kiss my way to your earlobe, then move slowly back down, kissing on the base of your neck with my tongue and nibbling gently on your skin." Let her picture that in her mind. It will give her goosebumps. Even if YOU don't know exactly where on her neck she likes to get kissed, her MIND will fill in the blanks and imagine a perfect series of kisses tracing the exact line you described. Then, follow through on your promise, to the best of your ability. Then come up to kiss her, and tell her about a couple more minutes worth of what you're going to do to her. Etcetera.

Another way is teasing. For example, if you get her bra off, don't dive straight for the nipples. That's boring, predictable, and for some women it can even be painful. You can spend a few minutes getting VERY close to them, but don't touch them at all. After some time, you can kiss your way up to one areola, and sloooowly drag the tip of your tongue up to and around the nipple. She will be going nuts at this point. In this way, you are making her imagination run wild: "When is he going for my nipple? This time? Next time?" etc. You can use more than just your mouth, too. If she's naked, your hands can trace her hips, and go down the line where her leg joins her body without actually touching her vulva. It's close enough to make her shiver, but it teases her without making actual contact. You can even use your breath - hot breath on the back of her neck will drive her crazy (eat a Tic-Tac ). Remember the list of erogenous zones and use it to your advantage.

Physical stimulation is obviously important too. The list of zones has lots of suggestions. Use ALL of them. Mix up the order, do some experimenting, etc. Tease each area first before going in for the kill. Make sure she knows she can guide you and that you'll be OK with it - if it doesn't feel amazing, she should feel comfortable telling you to move on. If it does feel good, she should feel comfortable telling you not to stop.

Obviously, an important facet of foreplay is oral sex. It takes some skill to properly please a woman orally, but it's fairly easy to learn (and fun to practice! ). Don't go straight for the clitoris. Play around down there. Start by licking her labia, leg creases, and even perineum. Breathe on her clitoral hood to get it warm, and slowly slide the tip of your tongue onto it. Gradually work your way up from very light, slow tongue movements to heavier, faster grinding (if you advance too quickly, it may hurt, because the clitoris is so sensitive). You may even take the hood into your mouth and suck on it gently, or roll it around on your tongue, depending on her particular anatomy. The idea is to slowly acclimatize the clitoris to friction, to prepare her for actual intercourse. If you do it right she will soak the sheets. Once she's that wet, try some fingering. If you go for the G-spot, put light pressure downward with your other hand on top of her pudendum - this will increase the pressure of your finger on the spot. Don't press too hard or you may hurt her.

Fingering is also important. Not only is it an opportunity for you to provide her with more pleasure, it’s also an opportunity for you to check her level of lubrication, become acquainted with her anatomy, etc. Fingering takes two basic forms: manual stimulation of the external genitalia, and manual penetrative stimulation of the vagina. We’ll discuss both. The first type, manual external stimulation, covers the touching of anything on her “outside.” This includes her labia, inner thighs, perineum, anus, and clitoris. Touching these areas softly can be very erotic for most women, especially with your fingertips. The clitoris and anus are particularly sensitive, as we’ve discussed. Most external stimulation focuses on the clitoris, so make sure she is aroused enough to handle you touching it (otherwise it can be painful). Use either a single fingertip to flicker across the hood vertically, or use the pads of one or more fingers to rub the hood (vertically, sideways, or in a circle – listen to your lady). This can result in orgasm for many women, and is actually the method used by most women when they masturbate. It will take you a while to learn how to get her there, though – same way that you can masturbate to orgasm faster than she can give you a handjob. Second comes actual penetration, ie inserting one or more fingers into her vagina. Slide the finger in slowly, making sure to get it plenty wet with her fluids so you don’t cause her any pain (it may take a number of slow, partial in-and-out strokes to accomplish this). Use the list of erogenous zones to memorize the spots inside the vagina that are particularly innervated, and use a fingertip or pad to rub or flicker across them. Some women prefer a fast flickering motion of your fingertip, some prefer a slow rubbing, etc. – again, listen to your lady. It is important that you not attempt either type of penetration until she is fully wet, otherwise the friction will be excessive and penetrative fingering will be downright painful. Read her body language and try new techniques if you’re not driving her wild.

The most important thing to remember about foreplay is to TAKE YOUR TIME. Remember, at this point we are devoted to making her feel incredible. You should devote at LEAST 20 minutes to foreplay, and that's just the time that YOU are working on HER. 30 minutes minimum is better. She should be soaking wet and begging you for sex, and you should still make her wait a few more minutes. Some women will get aggressive and grab you, flip you over, and start doing stuff to you. Others will be passive. A good gauge is to come up and whisper "What do you want right now?". The answer will either be "Sex" or "More foreplay", but either way she'll be going crazy. Ask her how bad she wants it, and then tell her to make you want it that badly too. She'll do a number on you. Just hang on for the ride.

Once she starts teasing you during your turn, you still have to have your wits about you. Don't be a neanderthal and try to force her to deep throat you. Let her work her magic. You can guide her just as she guided you, but in my experience, most women can do at least a decent job of turning a guy on. Don't be afraid to tell her what you like, or what feels good. Let her know if she's making you feel good, it will encourage her to do more and will make her happy. After a while, neither of you will be able to take it any more. Then it's time to get out that condom

If you absolutely insist on saying SOMETHING, just slip out something hell seedy, like "hey I love being this close to you... I'd like to be closer though" and then go for it. That way it would be easier for her to say AHHH IM NOT READY cause you've broken the verbal ice. Go on.

Alright, thanks for the advice. I'm thinking about just slipping my hand down, reading her response, and acting accordingly. If I can't tell how she feels about it, I could just whipser "Is this alright?" or something... how's that sound? I think I'm going to wait until we're in a comfortable environment, though.. no parents/siblings home, so I can rule out that factor. Any more advice is still welcomed. :)

Try a "how does that feel?" rather than "Is this alright?".

First of all don't ask anything, it just gives her all the power because you are requesting to do her a favor how does that make any sense?

Imagine a girl asking you if it was alright to give you head... thats strange.

Secondly how come you relationship is moving so slowly?

Most girls are more open to give a handjob then to be fingered and once a girl is giving you a handjob its hard for her to deny you to finger her. You might be better of moving her hand to your exposed crotch and seeing her response to gauge her comfort level.

Try to review the sexual actions you have been taking in your relationship because they are moving far to slowly, you are doing something wrong.

I'm not worried about the speed of our relationship at all. She hasn't had a real boyfriend in the past, and because of that she's a bit insecure with herself, which I'm trying to fix. She calls herself fat a lot, and insists that she is, even though scientific evidence shows that she's at a healthy weight. The insecurity is the main reason I'm afraid to take affirmitive action, because I'm afraid I'll do something she's not comfortable doing. I know some of you will probably say grow a pair of balls and just do it already, but like I said, I care about her too much to do something that she may not be comfortable with.

Me, being a 15 yr old girl, and possibly around the age of your girlfriend can give the best advice on this matter. If I reckon you should make out with her alot, and then just sort of put your hand on her stomach and slowly move your hand down. This way you don't sound like a pussy saying 'excuse me, but please may I put my fingers in your pussy' or more realistically saying 'can I finger you' cos that jst sounds dumb. I think you should say 'is this okay baby' or whatever your pet name for her is. My bf kept asking if it was okay doing that stuff to me and it was sweet.

Love Katrina x x x

Well she was feeling me up quite a bit tonight and last night... kinda like half of a handjob I guess... she was pretty rough, too, which is acceptable since she probably hadn't done anything like that before. When I tried to move my hand down on her she would still move though, I don't know why. After she was done she asked to make sure I was OK, which I was, I was great, but she still seemed really concerned. After that she resumed though, so I assume I cleared any doubts in her mind. I would still like to know why she doesn't want me to return the favor. Maybe she's insecure about herself down there? I know she's not on her period or anything. Maybe she's afraid I'll be grossed out or something... I just don't know. Anyone have any ideas/advice?

Maybe she's insecure about herself down there? Maybe she's afraid I'll be grossed out or something... I just don't know.

Ding ding ding.

So, any other ideas? Or input on how to overcome her severe insecurities? (her self esteem is really bad... she never says anything positive about her or her body, even though she has every reason to.)

i thought the title of the thread was "How to Hint at going at your father"

lol

Bumpp

I don't know if this is sarcastic or you're just really weird and/or really young.

Don't hint, just do it.

Be all 'hey baby, check out my pecs', and take your shirt off. while she's admiring your pecs, take your cock out and put it in her hand.

You must have not read the thread... my cock has been in her hand, now I'm working on getting my hand somewhere... read my previous post... input is appreciated.

Well I was joking...

I don't see what the point is. If she won't let your hand go anywhere, fuck her, focus on leading her mouth to your cock now.