My head is fucked.

I heard certain information which I would rather have never known.

So I guess a bit of background is in order. My girlfriend is 21, I am 23. We started going out in january, and she was pregnant within six weeks. At the moment, I am happier than I have been with any other woman.

At the start of our relationship, I didn't trust her. I was trying to fuck her 16y/o cousin, and ended up fucking my now-girlfriend. Next day, I asked her to be my girlfriend in a drunken stupor. Since then we have spent 4-5 days apart.

So I'm drinking in my mate's house tonight and he informs me that in the early stages of our relationship, my girlfriend "snuggled up" to him while watching a film, while I was working.

I dunno, maybe this doesn't sound like a big deal. This was roughly 6 months ago, and she's MY girlfriend... yet I can't he,p but feel a portion of my trust has been removed.

Someone, everyone... tell me how to think.

Is this the same friend that you were suspecting of something a while ago? And you had a thread entitled "Paranoia" or something like that?

Yeah, I think it just may be.

Not...snuggles!

Really now, that's no big deal. It's a good thing that she feels comfortable enough with herself to do something like that. It demonstrates a strength of character.

Well then I guess it turns out your initial instinct was right.

I can't remember exactly how that thread ended though.

Come to think of it though, that might be important. If he seemed like he was trying to hide something at the time, and now he tells you that he did get a little bit close to her, then it does kinda say something...

But then again, it has been 6 months, and maybe she feels that things have gotten more serious between the two of you, and of course gave all that up.

So... I don't know exactly what to suggest. I would definitely be at least a little put off by the whole thing, but since it did happen at the beginning, and stopped shortly thereafter, I would probably be able to let it go.

-Always- get a paternity test.

This is cutting me up inside... she didn't tell me of this, but why would she. If it never happened everyone's happy, right...

right...

right...


right, but it's driving me crazy. Should I get over it. Should I forgive and forget.

Will that even happen if I want it to?

Pfft... I could still be out there fucking teenagers.

Well I wouldn't make too big a big deal out of it, especially if it was 6 months ago. But you also said you had a hard time trusting her in the beginning, were there other suspicions too?

How do you think snuggles are something that need forgiving?

I wouldn't say there were suspisions...

She wasn't without a man's touch when I met her... lets leave it at that, but assume somewhere inbetween average and bad, in the imaginary spectrum.

Now I'm not virgin, but my record of random unprotected sex partners doesn't have a difference, because I'm male... right?

I should probably refrain from giving any further advice on the matter, as my views on trust issues are definitely a bit skewed. I'm very paranoid and always assume the worse, so I don't want to start planting ideas in your mind that could easily be overly irrational.

Hopefully others can help better than I can.

I guess it's the trust I immediately thusted upon her has been broken, while what I have built up since then is wobbly, to say the least.

it depends how you feel about it.

if you feel bothered by it, and you think its something that will stick in your mind as a wtf, then you definitely should do something otherwise it will just grow.

an act of mistrust is somethign to be taken serious imo

I guess it's the trust I immediately thusted upon her has been broken, while what I have built up since then is wobbly, to say the least.

How do snuggles break trust?

Wait, what does the word "snuggle" mean in the UK?

Here, it just means hugging or curling up against someone.

Yeah, thats it. Cuddling up to someone, even just laying against them...

But this was my best mate.

My best mate and my girlfriend.

While I was working.

And I never even knew they were together...

How do snuggles break trust?

Wait, what does the word "snuggle" mean in the UK?

Here, it just means hugging or curling up against someone.

yeah that's what it means here too, but it obviously bothers him and it would probably bother me too. especially if I hadn't been exclusive with her long enough to build some kind of reliable trust.

...

And I never even knew they were together...

They weren't "together", she simply felt comfortable enough with herself to be close to your friend; there's the easy possibility that she assumed that since he is your best friend that he was 'safe' to be around.

(Deleted)

EDIT: Sorry, I was going overboard again with my paranoid perspective...

They weren't "together", she simply felt comfortable enough with herself to be close to your friend; there's the easy possibility that she assumed that since he is your best friend that he was 'safe' to be around.
I only wish this were easy enough to beat into my head.

Thanks, I needed to hear this though.

My head is fucked.



At the start of our relationship, I didn't trust her. I was trying to fuck her 16y/o cousin, and ended up fucking my now-girlfriend. Next day, I asked her to be my girlfriend in a drunken stupor. Since then we have spent 4-5 days apart.


What your problem really is, is you are taking the intensity of your feelings NOW and inserting them in a scenario that happened 6 months ago when you BOTH were obviously a lot more casual with each other. Look how you just described it above. She was actually your second choice, didn't trust her at first, fucked her pretty quick, and then wound up with a girlfriend within days. Like you woke up one day and *poof* had a girlfriend, and since then you've gotten used to her....and now you have a level of comfort with her which obviously has turned to more (perhaps love).

But a month into a relationship that started out like what you just described, and you can't judge her (and most especially her feelings for you NOW) for still being a bit "uncertain" herself because it did evolve quite quickly and in a somewhat weird way.

What you need to gauge is what bond/memories have you built AFTER she was "snuggling" with your mate, and honestly analyze if you think she would play that same scenario out today. Again, I don't think the level of commitment/loyalty/confirmation in either of your minds or hearts in February was nearly as strong as it is now 6 months later.

You got her pregnant after 6 weeks of dating?

words
Thanks mate, this makes a lot of sense.


You got her pregnant after 6 weeks of dating?
She forgot to take the pill a few times and I don't believe in condoms.

She forgot to take the pill a few times and I don't believe in condoms.


So, you're going to carry on breeding forever?

As for the snuggling thing..
Shit like that would piss me off. If my boyfriend snuggled up to some girl I'd be justifiably pissed off. He's not one for affection at all, and I never get snuggles. So if he snuggled some bitch I'd know he had alterior motives. The nasty fuck.

So, you're going to carry on breeding forever?


Nah, I'll use condoms after the babys born, until we get something else sorted. Probably the coil.

Wait, rewind.........you tried to hit on her 16 yr old cousin and you're 23??

I don't think you're the one who has to be feelin the creeps at the moment.
<3

I was only 22 at the time, azalie... age means nothing.

oc6, his girlfriend cheated on him a few weeks ago. He had said before that his relationship meant more than mine, but I always ignored it as drunk talk. I brought up the fact that his relationship obviously wasn't worth shit because she cheated on him, and thats when he decided to share...

yer GF's a suspected snuggler? OFF WITH THE BITCHES HEAD!!!!!



wait, that was your inesecurities talking....

As for the snuggling thing..
Shit like that would piss me off. If my boyfriend snuggled up to some girl I'd be justifiably pissed off. He's not one for affection at all, and I never get snuggles. So if he snuggled some bitch I'd know he had alterior motives. The nasty fuck.

Marry me woman!!! :p

But yeah...

I tell you now, that would fuck me off big time mate.

If my girlfriend snuggled or scoochied or whatever other dumb words/actions there are for shit she should only be doing with me, with some other guy, friend or otherwise, I would be pissed the fuck off. Cereal.

I would get revenge somehow though.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that would be concerned about my significant other snuggling behind my back...

dude, you are a dad? that fucking blows

My brother is going through the same thing, and he took it pretty hard, but he forgave her, his trust isnt there completely but they are working on that, one more time and shes gone he claims

You've certainly gone downhill.

It's too late to do anything now, for such a (in their eyes) minor occurence. Maybe have a talk with her if it'll make you feel better, and let her know that you don't want it happening again in the future.

Marry me woman!!! :p


Okay!
Omg omg a really pretty dress and free cake! And divorce lawyers are real cheap nowadays. :)


Docta, when your friend told you...the fact that he felt it was important enough to tell you probably proves that her snuggling up to him was significant to him and also worrisome.

It makes me wonder what her intentions were. :(


Do you want me to kill her for you?

Do you want me to kill her for you?

A bit extreme perhaps, although it does sound like she badly needs a trip over his knee.

A bit extreme perhaps, although it does sound like she badly needs a trip over his knee.

Or to accidentally walk into the bathroom door, yeah.

She lay against a friend while they were watching a film together. That's not a big deal at all, it's nothing. It's just a comfortable way to lie with somebody. Hell, I've had male friends like like that on me, as well as female. There's nothing sexual or untrustworthy about it if you have a good relationship and a good best friend; if she loves you (and if she doesn't, you've fucked up majorly since she's having your child) then she won't have been thinking anything other than "yay comfy", and if he's a good best friend he won't have been thinking anything other than "warm" and possibly having to keep a couple of sexy thoughts at bay (seeing as he's male). But he wouldn't ever act on them, or even let them come to the surface, if he was a good best friend.

Obviously you wouldn't want her to snuggle up to just any old stranger. But with trusted, close friends of the pair of you, it's just normal levels of friendly semi-intimacy. I'm sure she wouldn't be like that with just anybody. It doesn't take anything away from you or your relationship; it's just pride, paranoia, insecurity and jealousy all fucking with you at once. She probably didn't even consider it worth mentioning, it won't be some horrible secret she's been keeping from you. I bet she doesn't even remember it.

EDIT: Unless she's the type to practically never show affection. But even then I'd seriously doubt there was any intent, she was probably just comfortable and tired. It's pretty much instinct to do that with someone you trust.

Plus, as somebody said, it was six months ago, right at the start of your relationship. Nothing to do with how she feels now.

^^I dunno, I thought snuggling up to someone whilst watching a film was something that you did with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

If a friend snuggled up to me like that, I'd be...disturbed.
And if some bitch did that to my boyfriend I'd drag her out of the house by her fucking hair.


But then! People are odd and weird. And what one views as normal another views as imensely fucked up.
If she's having your kid, and is seing you as part of it and her future, it means she likes you and wants you.

I cant see why someone would remain in contact with the father or even keep the child if she didnt like you.

I'm with bek on this one. Snuggling up during a film...thats worse than fucking in some ways.

You know? Requiting animal lust is one thing, wrong but...