Ok, this is going to be fairly long, just a fair warning for you. Oh, I am 21 now.


Here is a little backstory on why I am the way I am. Back in my junior year of high school, I started dating a girl. Up to that point, I had been just drifting through high school, never going to classes, pretty much failing every single class. She would not stand for me not going to class, and she would be very unhappy with me if I skipped.

Well, being the naive fool I was, I thought me and her were meant to be. I did everything in my power to keep her happy with me, and she "rewarded" me, in ways I am sure you can guess. Well, she moved way to fast for my personal liking (If I really care about someone, I am fine waiting on sexual things) but I rolled with her sexual needs, because I really cared about her.

Well, in the end, she went to college, but I had to stay back for an extra semester of HS. She moved far away for college, but we talked on the phone/internet everyday for at least 2 hours a day. I am absolutely certain she did not cheat on me, or anything of that nature.

Anywho, I ended up moving to be with her, and we lived together for over a year. We had a child together, She wanted to get an abortion, but I do not really like that, so I convinced her to have the baby. She said she would if we could give him up for adoption. I agreed. She gave birth, gave him up for adoption, much sadness ensued. In my case at least.

8 months after the baby was born, one of my friends that lived near us (bless her heart, she died recently in a car crash) told me my GF had just started cheating on me. I confronted her about it, and my GF lied about it, and I ended up catching her at it. Well, I was personally up for "forgetting and moving on with our relationship" thinking it was just a young girl trying to get her wild oats out.

Well, we broke up, her promising me, it was just for a short time. I care very deeply for her, and, it is going to sound retarded, but when she is with me, I can FEEL that she cares very deeply for me. She even says that when she is actually there physically with me, she wishes we were still together.

I moved back to my hometown, to escape all the memories that were haunting me, and it has not gone well. All my old habits, of not caring about anything, about not caring about myself, of not LOVING myself, have popped back up. I am having so much trouble just getting back on my feet, I am worried that it will never happen, and sometimes I just wish that I could give up.

She is coming back here, for a vacation next week. She told me she really wants to hang out, but I am afraid that it will just hurt me in the end. What do you think I should do? Post advice, or ask questions, that will be fine with me. I have nothing better to do.

Suggestions of murder/suicide, or other stupid things, will just be ignored, so do not even bother.

Well, let's keep in mind that this is, and forever shall be, &TOTSE. So let's get the following out of the way:

SURPRISE BUTT-SECKS FTW!

Now with the formalities dispersed with, I shall treat you like a true TOTSEan and tell you to take this shit back over to S&A where it fucking belongs (certain parts of it belong even in B&M for that matter).

As for an actual suggestion to your "problem," tell the bitch to fuck off. The most probable reason behind her wanting the abortion is because the kid probably wasn't yours, and she was afraid you would find that out. With that in mind, is she somebody that you still like as a person? If so, then there should be no problem in hanging out with her. You can care deeply for someone and not like them as a person.

This is definitely Sex & Affection.

First of, you should find a reason to live for yourself. It sounds as if you do all the things you need in your life to please someone else.

If you dig deep enough you should find a reason to go to class, go to work, make a life for yourself.

That aint as easy as it sounds, I have or had the same problems, dunno really. With a girl becoming the only life goal, making sure she is happy and all that... Ah damnit, what can I do if I feel shit, and with her I feel needed, and being needed feels great.
Does OP have something like that too?

That aint as easy as it sounds, I have or had the same problems, dunno really. With a girl becoming the only life goal, making sure she is happy and all that... Ah damnit, what can I do if I feel shit, and with her I feel needed, and being needed feels great.
Does OP have something like that too?

Yeah pretty much. Before I was dating her, I was basically just drifting through life, not really caring what happened, and assuming everything would work out in the end. Then, we got together, and I actually had goals and something that I cared about. Just telling someone to "tell that bitch to fuck off" or "live for yourself" does not always work, especially when you still care about the person.

I do not mean to sound like an emo bitch, and I am aware that I do, but its all freaking true.

Oh man, I feel your pain.

I understand your problem. Everybody will tell you to let her go, forget about her, and "tell her to fuck off."

Those people are wrong, in my opinion. You've cared for her and (I assume) loved her for all these years. It sounds like you are still very much attached to each other. You've been through a lot with her, but you still manage to love each other.

I think it would be stupid to pass up this opportunity. You two seriously could be meant for each other. You could even end up married and spending the rest of your lives with each other.

I think you should sit down with her, talk things over, tell her how you feel, and if you want, suggest getting back together.

You don't have to do that, but at any rate you should at least just chill with her and have some fun while she is in town, and just let things happen the way they happen.

I'd like to tell you that it will eventually get better, but I don't even know.

Good luck.

if you dont feel youself wanting to get back together, then dont hang out with her. its best to just move on, and not look back.

Yeah pretty much. Before I was dating her, I was basically just drifting through life, not really caring what happened, and assuming everything would work out in the end. Then, we got together, and I actually had goals and something that I cared about. Just telling someone to "tell that bitch to fuck off" or "live for yourself" does not always work, especially when you still care about the person.


That's really awfull.

I can relate, to an extent.

I know it may feel selfish to you at first, but you have to find something else you enjoy doing, for YOUR personal happiness.


It's fair enough to dedicate your love to someone, but remember they've their own life, and they wont feel the same about you completely.

Also, if you want to keep this person around, it's important that you find enjoyment from other aspects in life otherwise they'll get bored of you because you'll just become this dull, obsessed little person with no real life enjoyment.

You play MTG? Play computer games?
dedicate yourself to learning a language, or leveling up a charecter in an MMORPG, just anything that can distract you from her for a while. The more you do it the easier it will be.


Dont become a clingy psycho. Apparently it's not an attractive personality trait.

Dude, you are just not facing reality here. Not that it's really your fault, it is easier said than done. I'd suggest some sort of counseling.