I've been going out with this girl for a couple of weeks. She is really awesome, I like her a lot and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way.

The topic of sex has come up a few times, casually. On one hand, I really look forward to it. On the other, I'm kind of dreading it.

I should probably provide some background. My last girlfriend was a year and a half ago. We were inseparable, what I would describe as true love. I have never felt about anyone the way I felt about her. We lost our virginities together and I haven't had sex since we broke up. I've had a few solid opportunities since then but never taken them up, mainly because I have pretty high standards, and casual sex doesn't seem to interest me (although this may be because the physical aspect of sex I've experienced has been shit). Also it took me the best part of a year to get over her. Maybe longer. Maybe I still haven't.

It's a little hard to explain why the sex sucked. It wasn't awkward or anything. It just hurt her a whole lot, and I cared about her too much that I just couldn't bear to hurt her. The whole experience was a bit traumatizing, I think. It wasn't sex like I imagined it anyway, or like my mates talk about. It was pretty terrible. I guess I was a bit of a pussy about the whole thing. Too emotional. A lot has changed since then, but I come back to it cause she was such a massive part of my life.

Basically, I really could not handle the same thing happening again. Also it has been a fucking age since I have had sex and I'm a little terrified. How can I get over this, since nerves are not exactly the best thing to have?

Flame if you want, I probably need a good chastising. Thanks guys.

I was the exact same way man, no need to feel awkward about it. Obviously if you haven't done something very often, it's going to still be a bit tricky.

Honestly, the way I dealt with my problem is probably not the same way you are going to deal with yours. I just went off to university and had lots of random encounters. But that's probably not the best advice for you.

I think you should find out if this girl is a virgin. If she is, you may have yet another bad experience your first time with her. I'm not really a fan of virgins unless I am very close to them personally. If she is not, most likely she won't have any problems with pain. If you have the guts, let her know your fear and that you are inexperienced, she may volunteer to help you through it, something that is not only fun but easier for you.

If you don't have the guts, here is what I'd suggest. This may sound ridiculous but it helped me and it's helped some of my friends that had a hard time stepping up to the plate. I find one of the hardest aspects is positioning yourself and her so that things are not awkward. For the first time I'd recommend girl on top or missionary, two easiest, with girl on top being the most easy IMO. Try these positions on your own a couple times, imagining how you'd do them in real life. It'll make things easier when you try in real life.

That's my suggestion, and really, if you talk to this girl and are relatively close to her, you should be open about this kind of stuff. And honestly, not trying to sound like a dick, but some alcohol in either of your systems makes the whole thing a LOT easier the first time. Not drunk, just buzzed, enough to keep away the inhibitions.

Good luck!

If you're with a virgin, do it gently.

If you're with a crack whore, do it hard.

Well...Is this new girl a virgin?

Also, I know how you feel. My first boyfriend and I were together from when I was 14 until I was 16 and we were inseparable. When he and I broke up I thought I would never be happy again. Then after my husband and I got together I was kind of nervous about us having sex, because my sex life with my ex...Sucked. But sex with my husband was great...Once I loosened up a bit.:P

Don't worry about it...You'll be fine.:)

I think the thing you need to know here is, it might not hurt this girl.

Awww buddy, sex ain't nothin' to be afraid of. It's something you and your partner should both enjoy. Just make sure she's ready, get yourselves both nice and comfortable, and just take it easy. You don't have to go all jackhammer joe on her, just start slow and work your way faster. And if it hurts her, you can either stop and try to turn her on more, or just call it a night and try again some other time.

thanks for the thread man. this has helped me even alittle because soon im going to have an encounter which might, probably, lead to sex. idk. after hearing this it gets rid of some of my fears.

Pussy gremlins!

Actually, I've never had sex where it's been super great. I want to find a girl/girlfriend where we're at it constantly, so I can learn a few tricks and stuff. I think that's what you should hope for.

Thanks for the responses. I learnt today that she is a virgin, which surprised me a little- I knew she wasn't super experienced or anything but a few things she has said made me thought she had done it before. So I guess I have jumped the gun a little. Might be waiting a while longer now, but its all good.

Another thing though, we were talking about mental illness and I told her about my depression I had a few years ago. She said she had something similar with anxiety when she was 14 (shes now 18), but didn't want to tell me what it was about just yet, which was fine. But I was thinking about it later and I thought maybe she had been sexually assaulted. She does do kung-fu and I know self-defense classes can be part of the healing process, so it would make sense. It's also a lot harder to talk about than most other things.

I've heard girls who get raped/sexually assaulted often have trouble being intimate physically, which is totally understandable, but can anyone shed some light on this? I'm curious. Peace.

Just try not to worry about it too much. Be gentle. Get drunk with her if that helps to calm you down a bit. (just don't get too pissed then it will be worse than if you were completely sober)

I was the same too, and I just wanted a quickfix. Alchohol/XTC did the job for me there.

You will figure it out.

Though advice is good, eh?

Take it gently, and try to make it as sensual/mushy/corny/loving as you can.

Most of all, pretend you know what you're doing.