It's four in the morning in my part of the world and I can't sleep because I can't get her out of my head. So I started drinking hoping it would help me fall asleep. It didn't work end result I'm drunk so please bear with me.

I dated this woman for four years lost my virginity to her lived with her the whole 9 yards. I loved (love?) her with all my heart. I also hate her with a passion because it seems like every opportunity she was given to fuck me over she eagerly grasped onto with both hands. I don't even know how many times she cheated on me and fucked other guys(Yes I am a retarded pussy whipped pathetic asshole for staying with her i know it and I hate myself). All that's ancient history though because because she left me a year ago on New Years (18 days before my birthday hooray!) and started dating this other asshole who she of course fell in love with and who promptly then dumped her ass because all she talked about was me.

So she was single and we hooked up again from time to time. Awesome sex (not that I have much to compare it to) but meaningless awesome sex because sex is pointless without love (anyone who's had sex with some one they love knows what I'm talking about, you might as well stay home and masturbate if theres no love.) and she may have loved me but wasn't willing to show it. What with her dating other people and all. One day (or more accurately night) me her and her ugly ass psycho friend went out for a night of drinking and debauchery. I eventually wind up babysitting the hag while she makes out with some guy she meets that night. Of course I was piss drunk and jealous so I get the bright idea to make out with the psycho hag (her brother's ex by the way). Which of course turns into me fucking the hag on the couch while my ex sleeps in the next room in what was our old apartment and is now hers for reason's too complicated to get into. I didn't cum partly because she was a hag and partly because I knew what I was doing was wrong. Long story short ex -girlfriend finds out flips out excommunicates friend, still talks to me but no longer sleeps with me. Not that it matters because it wasn't the sex that was important (but it was!).

So now here it is months later she's dating and maybe falling in love with some other poor asshole, still talking to me, and I'm still alone and missing her as crazy as that sounds (despite all the fucked up shit she really knew how to make you feel loved). I can't get her out of my head no matter how hard I try and dating other women doesn't work because there are no women i want to date. After the whole hag incident i've really raised my standards (prettier ,smarter ,and all around better the my ex) and sadly women of such caliber are rare in the circles i currently travel in and wouldn't be interested in a loser like me anyway.

I don't know why I'm posting this there's not much advice anyone can give. I know she's bad for me, I've known it for years so telling me to leave her alone is pointless. I guess I'm just venting.

It's 4:40 in the morning and I have an apointment with my shrink at 9:30 I'm going to sleep.

Any advice, pearls of wisdom, similar tales etc, are more than welcome
I await totse's judgment and condemnation.

wow... i actually feel for you.

just think about your future i guess dont always hold onto the past i learned that when my grandpa died and i greived for aroung a year and a half then i thought about what a good time i could be having if i wasnt depressed all the time. good luck. :)

ahhhh fuck.

Such is life.

You should try doing something different with your life maybe move, you miss her so much because you still talk to her all the time. Find a way to make a positive change.

Damn... I had a good post and accidentally x'ed out of the window...

Anyways, I was with this girl for 18 months and can honestly say I loved her more than I thought possible. She broke up with me (Sometime in March of 06) out of nowhere and 3 days later was kissing the other guy. He's an asshole and everyone knows it. She breaks up with him after about 2 months. Then over summer she dates this other guy for a short time and the ends quickly. Eventually, during the new school year she gets back with the first one and is still with him.

He's not even attractive. I may be a little heavy and he's as skinny as rail, but I at least look decent. Oh, and just for fun, here's a comparison pic:
http://citricacid.110mb.com/dump/comp.jpg

I was a year ahead of her so I went off to college and had fun, random hook ups and meaningless everything. I got to the point where I'm ready to move onto someone else. Problem is I can't find anyone who grabs my attention like she did, and no one seems to compare. It fuckin sucks.

I think one problem is there was no closure. She's left it as "I need a break" which, if hopeful, means there's a chance at getting back together, but in reality is just a way for the girl to get out of a relationship without saying "I'm breaking up with you"

I think one problem is there was no closure. She's left it as "I need a break" which, if hopeful, means there's a chance at getting back together, but in reality is just a way for the girl to get out of a relationship without saying "I'm breaking up with you"

That's harsh, man. You know what she meant, but psychologically you just can't let go of that chance of 'well maybe she really meant break...' It sucks.
This thread makes me feel melancholy sympathy for mankind and intense anger and disapproval for women.
On a side note, citric, what part of ATL are you in?

Gwinnett, probably aboot 30 minutes from you if you're in Roswell,

I know. I didn't even date my girl for that long before I went off to college, we were both still in love. Or so I thought... she ended up fucking my best friend, there was huge fallout between my entire circle of friends. Then I got kicked out of college, and lo and behold, I started dating and fucking her again. I flipped out and broke up with her over nothing, then realized it was the last thing I meant to do... and wanted to die. We're barely friends anymore, like she sells me weed and shit... I dunno. She was the only one i ever wanted. I want someone like her. I really like the girl I'm with now... but it's just not the same.

Your GF sells you weed? =S

Dude...I know you'll say it's not possible and all but the best thing to do would cut her from your life completely.

The reason you can't move on is because you still see her...And seeing her, talking to her etc will always remind you of her. Therefore, you'll never get her out of your head.

I know it's hard. I'm going through the cutting someone I loved (love?) out of my life completely at the moment. But where I haven't spoken to her for so long, it's been a shit load easier to move on and stop thinking about her all the time.

I know.
It really is the only way, I've been thinking a lot after I posted this and reading people's comment's and I've decided to begin cutting her out.

Not completely in that certain financial obligations will require a degree of contact between us for the immediate future but that's all. She's still my friend and I'm still hers in that there's no animosity between us and I wish her the best, but she's going to be a distant friend that I really don't keep in contact with. beyond keeping her in my phone-book.

I told her tonight and it wasn't easy for me but I did it. Now it's just a question of moving my life out of her shadow. Which is easier said then done but I'm confident in myself and my abilities.

At any rate let my travails stand as a testament to the fickle nature of love and a warning of what can come of it. Love is a powerful terrifying emotion that dwarfs all others and make us do the most irrational things. It is a thing to be feared or if not feared respected for it's dreadful power.

do what I did...

I was in the same situation as this, didnt date the girl as long (2 yearsish maybe.)

Anyways, same type deal, virginity lost (no cheating that I know of though), loved her, yadda yadda.

Anyways she basically dumped me for college. Kinda lame IMO being that shes going to college less than an hour away. She was a real bitch about it to. We had just gotten back from a trip up north to see my family for one of my cousins weddings. When we got back, she didnt call, answer her phone, IM's or anything for a week. Then she shows up at my house to tell me we have to break up. WTF?

Anyways, we manage to patch things up, and we actually sleep together AFTER we broke up (not before...weird). It was both our first time and all that.

I didnt think I would become as attached to her as I did, and apparently she wasnt as attached to me as I thought.

Anyways fast forward to last August or so, when she tells me she has a boyfriend. I blew the fuck up on her and didnt talk to her for a LONG ass time. Anyways I kinda came to my senses later on, and realized that if I truly loved her, and if she loved the new guy as much as she said they did, I shouldnt really condem it. They broke up a little later, and she was pretty sad. Orginally i was a total dick to her, but in the end actually tried setting them back up together. Didnt work.

We hang out from time to time, and I was always hoping there was that little chance. I got drunk at the beach a few weeks back and apparently called her and cried and poured my heart out to her.

Called her back like 2 weekends ago, drunk again, and FINALLY closed things between us. I dont think about her near as much, and am going out and meeting people now...

Best thing to do is just to call her and let it all out and see how she reacts. If shes not digging it, then shes not the one for you man.

You were with her for four years, she still talks to you. It's no surprise you feel this way.

To do so is normal.