I've had a whole bunch of shit go wrong lately. Yesterday it just kind of struck me that life is a bunch of misery with just a few good moments, and that if I was dead I couldn't feel any of it anymore. Nothing would matter, it almost seemed like the safe thing to do - like a game I could just quit playing. I felt like I had just woke up, and wondered if this wasn't a simple truth, and the only reason that people didn't understand was because of some genetic blind spot - some adaption that kept us breeding and living in misery, when simply uncreating ourselves would be the easy solution.

I got my dads gun, and loaded it, and wondered for a moment if I'd really be gone, or if I'd be doing something else in a few minutes. I thought about being trapped forever, or going to hell, or coming back, or getting shot and not dieing -- about going out with a bang, getting revenge or cocaine, about killing and raping with the only consequence being a death I didn't fear.

And then I thought about my girl. About the life we could have together, and I put the gun away. Thats why I'm here. I know that I wouldn't miss her, that her memory would be gone the second my neurons quit firing - but I didn't really want to forget her. It still seems like the dumb choice to me, but I just can bring myself to leave her.

suicide is selfish, thats all there is to it. you are part of every single person you meet. you have a permanent space in their body or memory if you will for the times you spent with them or impact you had on them. when you kill yourself you are not only ending your own life but killing a little bit of everyone you ever knew. why put other people through more pain when all you are trying to do is cure pain. you are just channeling it and its not fair. when times are bad you have to remember the things that make you happy because those are the only things in life that matter. obviously you have one

I was going to be mean, but now I'm not. I have words of advice for you. Mainly, don't listen to retards like me telling you "Darwin fails" and such. I'm in no meed to give out advice. If I'm not drunk and drugged up, I'm either abusing other people for my own benefits or fucking someone. Really, just skip past people like me and read the replies of those who have something useful to say. That is all.

If I ever decided to kill myself (and I've contemplated it alot after the recent death of 4 friends and finding out that I won't have a place to live in a few months), I'd have to go out with a bang. And I don't mean something surprising or shocking. No, I mean I'd have to do something respectfull in a Kamikazi sort of way. To die for a purpose, like push some one away from trafic or take a bullet for someone. Or even going on a suicide mission to kill the fucking corrupt polititions in the white house.

That's a very naive thing to say. When someone's thinking of suicide, it means they've reached a dead end. They're not looking to put 'others in more pain' they're hoping to be less of a burden.

Telling someone that they're selfish won't make them any less depressed so I don't understand why you'd say something like that. Just like telling them to think of happier times won't do anything for their current situation.

OP, try to keep in mind that in all moments of depression when we think of suicide, there are highs and lows which push us over the edge. Go out, talk to your girl and achieve a sense of being content next time you feel that death is your only option. It's best not to come to life altering decisions when we're in an erratic state of mind.
<3

i explained already. simply killing yourself hurts other people more than the pain that you just had because it spreads. THE OVERALL MESSAGE IS THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU WHO CARE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE THINGS THAT KEEP YOU ALIVE. obviously nothing i say over the internet is going to sway the pendulum of life for this guy, its his life not mine. so i think you saying "i dont think saying its selfish will make him feel better" is pretty niave

Last thing we need right now is Bush as a martyr and his contingency shadow government with an excuse to take over indefinitely.


I don't see why it matters if it hurts other people. You will be dead, you will not experience their pain, and so it is irrelevant. I can't really give advice to the op because my reasons for not killing myself are my own, but I think there are things in life more important than pain.

My advice to anyone really ready to commit suicide today is this: Do it tomorrow. Get a good night's sleep, and if tomorrow it still makes sense to you, make your decision.

Or even going on a suicide mission to kill the fucking corrupt polititions in the white house.

I would never forget you.

Honestly.

A few years ago I was suicidal.

No emo teenage attention seeking bullshit.

A calm and fairly rational decision, rather than face...

Even my kids weren't reason enough for me to go on.

But I happened to be on IRC with Zonko's sister at the time and she spent almost a whole night talking to me. She knew what was wrong but she didn't know that I was planning to top myself. Even now I think she finds it hard to believe but that night of conversation with her somehow, and don't ask me how, gave me some kinda hope.

*high fives ketch for the second time in 10 minutes* :)

I was going to pwn you, but I didn't.

Congrats on not having some shotgun mouthwash.

One of my friends killed himself back in January. Nearly 6 months ago, how the time goes...

Anyway, on to the point, no matter how much you think you shouldn't go on, or how much you're hated, or whatever, killing yourself effects everybody you've ever talked to.

Think about other people before you kill yourself, and if you think you can't go on, get some MDMA or heroin, and live through drugs.

My sincere condolences to you, fellow totsean. I suggest you pack up, get some money together and go looking for some other reasons to live. You can't rely on your girl for being the only reason to live, one day she might die or leave you. Take a break, get your head sorted out and come back a better person. Worked for me.

get some MDMA or heroin, and live through drugs.

But then what happens when you run out?

I'd be twice as suicidal than before, if anything...

Although, if I somehow had an unlimited source of a drug that I like, and I was feeling like there was not a single shred of hope left for me in my day to day life, I'd totally just turn to the drugs. I'd just stay permanently high...

I guess that would only really work with some kind of opiate/opioid.

So I guess heroin it is then...

(But like I said, that's only if I had an unlimited source, and if I ABSOLUTELY HATED the sober life, and saw no chance whatsoever for recovery...)

Dood I've made one "serious" suicide attempt and two not so serious ones and I can honestly say that I'm glad I failed in my attempts. It can seem that there's no reason to live, but then things get better and you're glad to be alive. Back when I was trying to have a baby...I was having a tough time. I could get pregnant, but I kept losing the babies and that started to really get me down. My fourth miscarraige was the worst. The first three had happened in the first trimester, but the fourth one happened after I could feel the baby move and after I had started to really look pregnant. I was pretty devastated and I just wanted to die because I thought I'd never have a baby and I felt like I had just totally failed as a woman. But then I got pregnant for the 5th time and I kept telling myself not to hope and not to get attatched...But then despite a lot of difficulty I carried her to term and she was born and I was so glad I didn't die because then she wouldn't be here.

I know you probably can't relate to what I just wrote, but I told the story because it was truly the darkest time in my life and I wanted to show how things got better.

I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't kill myself is a girl....

i dont even care about what the thread says, that is a shit reason. As far as im concerned the only reasons needed for not killing oneself is SELF RESPECT having the balls to suffer through your problems and wait them out.

thank you, although i doubt this thread has given shit for help to this guy at least a couple people agree with me. you made me happy by making the thread and having people agree with me. i seek self approval through other people and you gave me that, thank you for being alive

ps - other people arent irrelevant, how would a life all by yourself sound? thats why they matter, they fucking keep you alive

Wow, I suppose this means you're fucked when she dumps you.

I just decided i need a girl, and to read that fucking post made me feel like shit. I don't know if its the mescaline talking, or your mum, all i know is your daughter kicked my dog :(

a bit of a lifestyle change will likely keep you alive better than some girl (excuse the phrase, she obviously does mean something to you). 1) get an immense amount of self control. it'll help for number two. 2) get yourself into a mindset of "why eliminate myself, when i can eliminate my problem instead, and see another sunrise?"

the self control comes into play because very often (speaking from personal experience) you will think a specific person is the problem, and want to kill them. now, i'm all for chlorinating the gene pool, but murder isn't really your best option. find the real problem, and fix it. maybe it'll take a long goddamn time, but being free from something that makes you want to kill yourself is more than worth the time.

maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm living my life the wrong way and eventually i'll snap. but its worked so far.

No emo teenage attention seeking bullshit.


I really wish emo hadn't come along and dumbed down serious problems like suicide and depression.

I really wish emo hadn't come along and dumbed down serious problems like suicide and depression.

ditto, one of my friends had it all in high school and now he is in a mental institution because he fell in love with all that bullshit. he attempted suicide multiple times, got on some hardcore drugs, started telling people he was god and how everyone was beautiful and he was going to be on mtv tomorrow and all this bullshit

thanks emo for making people dress like fucking tools, ruining peoples lives, and making shit music

emo is a fuckin parallel universe... depression is a trend, guys act like girls (and are in many cases guy or bi), they wear black on sunny days, acting like a dick is normal, attention seeking and feeling bad has nothing to do with problems other than emo itself.

fuck...emo's...to hell

Murder/suicide

But on a more serious note you should really figure your life out if you want to continue living for a while. If your olny reason to keep living is a girl that means you still care about something, and if you care about something you can find other reasons not to kill your self. You really need to find another reason to live BEFORE she isnt a reason to keep living other wise theirs a very good chance that you will try to kill your self and totse members IMHO are alot more likely to attempt and secussfully kill them selfs than most. And think of the girl, she would have to go the rest of her life knowing that she caused you to kill your self.

For alot of people its drugs, or some other vice, for others its just a matter of not having an option to kill them self. I dont care what it is for you but honestly think about it like this what if their is rebirth after death? then you have another miserable life and suffer even more. If death isnt simply an end then your ROYALY fucked if you kill your self. So get your head on straight and do somethign with your life.