I've already made a few threads about my recent unexpected break up with my girlfriend. It really fucking sucked. Most of you on totse, and people in real life, have told me that I should just break all contact with her and move on. I know thats the best way to get past her and what im going through. But I really do like just talking with her and stuff like that. So I would like to be friends if it is possible.
part of me also thinks that if I do hang out with her in non sexual situations I will get more irritated at her, and just plain stop liking her. and that would make it easier to move on....

in your experiences, is it ever realistic to stay friends with an ex?

It usually doesn't work out. What happens is you'll both still have slight feelings for each other, and be heartbroken when one of you gets another boy/girlfriend.

In the long run, it'll be better to cut off contact for a while, until you two are COMPLETELY over each other, and then maybe try a friendship.

QFT - message too short

It depends on the circumstances of the break-up. A messy prolonged break up will result in the two of you hating each other. However, if it goes fairly smoothly there's no reason why not.

However, if you still have feelings for the person it isn't a good idea. It just leads to more pain and suffering. Move on. Out of sight, out of mind. I dunno how long ago this happened. But time will heal.

I was still kinda friends with a girl who was more of a fuckbuddy/someone I cared about for a minute. We were still cool after I kinda fucked off on her to put shit up my nose (coke). I haven't seen her in over a year but she still lives around here and I'd like to see her.

The break up actually went pretty smoothly. I mean it sucked...but I'm a levelheaded guy. We still talk occasionally, but know that the romantic aspect of our relationship is over.

We were together 7 months, and she broke up with me 6 days ago. I'm starting to get over it pretty much. Not as hurt as I was before.

We were together 7 months, and she broke up with me 6 days ago. I'm starting to get over it pretty much. Not as hurt as I was before.

6 days and you're over it?

Somehow, I doubt that.

But yeah, like everyone else said, it's best to keep distance. It's very hard to get over someone you see on a regular basis.

I was with my ex for a year. We lost our virginities together and all that. After a year, I realized I didn't really care about her like that. We decided to remain friends(read get together for sex regularly) and she was okay with that because she still cared about me. Now she just hates me, and I pretty much deserve it.

For me, I will always have feelings for girls I have actually gotten with on purpose.

So after breaking up, friendship wouldn't be feasible...Seeing her with another guy would send me crazy. It would be pretty obvious why I have the screen name I do.

I'm a passionate guy.

6 days and you're over it?

Somehow, I doubt that.



I'm not totally over it. It'll probably take some time for me to get over it...but i'm over the hard part....I don't physically hurt and feel nothing but despair anymore (hate to sound emo). I still miss her, and wish things would've worked out...but I'm trying not to dwell on it. To take my mind off it I've started working out really hard....running over 3 miles a day and lifting weights. I got kinda lazy and complacent when I was with her, and let my self go further than I should've.
Even though I'm not looking for a serious relationship now, probably not for a while, I'd like to be the first one of the two of us to start dating again... I think it'd be easier. She's already had the easy part....she had a month where we were together where she knew she didnt love me, decided not to be with me, and then eventually tell me....I just went from one day she loves me, the next she loves me not....big adjustment.

to sum it up....I'm not over it....But I've stopped being a whiny little bitch about it.

I've never stayed friends with any of my ex-boyfriends. I always thought it would be weird for them to see me with new guys. And when I'm done, I'm done. Why keep flipping through a book you've already read?

It's obvious that the world revolves around me and everyone's actions are purely for my benefit, whether good or bad, and i'm going to assume that this is another one of those cases, of which i will conclude; I am amazing and can/will do everything i plan to, thank you all, you've helped to prepare me for the fucked up world

6 days and you're over it?

Somehow, I doubt that.

But yeah, like everyone else said, it's best to keep distance. It's very hard to get over someone you see on a regular basis.

I was with my ex for a year. We lost our virginities together and all that. After a year, I realized I didn't really care about her like that. We decided to remain friends(read get together for sex regularly) and she was okay with that because she still cared about me. Now she just hates me, and I pretty much deserve it.

I'm in the exact same situation. I guess I should really cut it off.

yes you can. i broke up with the ex about a year ago, it was one of the messiest breakups ever. her father was dieing from lung cancer and as a result her studies at uni were going wrong and she was going to drop out. to keep pressure off her family we didn't mention that we had broken up a weeks previous, and i went through the funeral with everyone still assuming we were together.

after that i helped her get special cicumstances granted at uni, which was a big battle. i did it because i didn't want to see her studies fall through.

in short, it was a clusterfuck. ive lost control and taken swings at guys who she was interested in, and the random hookups that happen between ex's happened.

crazy fucking time.

fast forward to now, she just dropped by to pay for a couple of concert tickets me and her boyfriend and a mate are going to. we had lunch, i burned her off a cd and we chatted for an hour. we are not the best of friends, but we talk every week or so and enjoy being around each other.

if i can come through all that be perfectly comfortable being friends with an ex, anyone can and there is no excuse for not other than childishness.

Yes, typically given time.

Or, the type of friend you screw around with.

Really, feel free to try, every relationship is different, so dont assume that just because xxxx is how someone else's relationship turned out, its how yours will turn out. If you want to stay friends, try.

What if you were together for 18 months, she out of nowhere breaks up with you, then 3 days later is kissing the other guy, but she's never talked about it with anyone and shy's away from the subject if it was brought up. So basically, short, quick, and no closure or explanation.

Cut all contact. You will be much better off.

I generally try to avoid it. But sometimes it just happens, unfortunately. Or at least, they will infiltrate my social circles somehow.

But then I just get all immature and tell my friends that if she's coming out, I'm not. And then they'll usually just not hang out with her. If they do hang out with her, then I just hang out with other friends. Problem solved...

Actually, I can hang out with my first girlfriend. It's been several years since that ended, so it's not so bad. I would still probably fuck her if given the chance, but it's not the only thing on my mind.

you're a cold soul, you know that?

you're a cold soul, you know that?

What?? How is she a cold soul? If anything, I would praise her for her actions... I wish more of the girls I've been with in the past thought like her...

i always have been two are engaged to some of my best mates with the whole jealousy thing just channel it all out onto someone who deserves it

What?? How is she a cold soul? If anything, I would praise her for her actions... I wish more of the girls I've been with in the past thought like her...

-Thanks-

I call it as I see it.

In the sort term I would just avoid it, seeing her and seeing her with other guys will probably hurt you or piss you off. Its not worth the hassle just break contact all together if you can.

In the long term just see how you both feel in terms of friendship. Dont force it just go with the flow.

Me personally, I couldn't care whether I was friends of not with any of my ex's they are in the past and digging up the past only causes problems.

Yes, it's entirely possible.

My g/f gets really pissed at me when one my ex's calls - she says I'm better friends with the two of them than with her.

In my experience, you can still be friends, but you'll probably need a while to cool off from each other first. Stuff is gonna be a bit raw for a while. If you still get on, maybe dont cut off contact altogether, but just enjoy the extra spare time you probably now have to hang out with friends, meet new people, go to parties etc. One day you'll probably see her randomly somewhere and realise you're happy to see her, but there are no romantic feelings whatsoever.

If you're that far along and you're using your energy to work out and stuff, keep doin' what you're doing! Reexamine the friends things thing in a few weeks. You might not even want to hang out with her by then. If you decide to, keep your feelings in check and if you feel yourself falling again keep your distance. She's not into you, you know that, don't hurt yourself.

sounds like really good advice....

I was well on my way to distancing myself from her...until a few nights ago, she came to the bar that i was at with her friends...she KNEW that i was there. she knew that because she told me where she was going that night, and i told her where I was going....then she shows up and hangs around me most of the night....kisses me a few times before she leaves....i was drunk and tried to get her to come home with me...didnt happen....

Yeah, she's playing you. Cut off communication, it'll be easier and better for you in the long run.

Unless you want to experience pain and suffering in a the vain attempt to reestablish a relationship with a girl who has other things on her mind..

Unless you want to experience pain and suffering in a the vain attempt to reestablish a relationship with a girl who has other things on her mind..

ya, thats sorta what I was going for.... I'd still like to have a relationship with her...but not as much as I did...I dont feel like putting the effort out like I did. mostly because I know that most efforts would be futile and end up making me look pathetic....I think that once I start dating someone again I'll really be able to move past it....and then hopefully she gets jealous and comes back...

and I was curious....is there some sort of timetable on dating after a relationship that long? should I give it a while before I go back out there, or just try to rebound soon?

I'd say yes.

What if you were together for 18 months, she out of nowhere breaks up with you, then 3 days later is kissing the other guy, but she's never talked about it with anyone and shy's away from the subject if it was brought up. So basically, short, quick, and no closure or explanation.

Wow

That is like my life's story for the past week

Crazy, but maybe we dated the same chick...