If you did believe in love, would you love me?







^ That doesn't really have anything to do with this thread, but it's there for a reason.






Sidenote:, There's a phenonemon in this forum where a huge majority of the threads here are about the physical act of fucking, and then what's pretty much the rest are about other things involving sex. WHY?

[Why is it that all you care about is sex? What does sex even matter? A special certain bond, but something that is more than just that, is FAR more important than fucking some hot chick or getting fucked by some hot guy. Anyone can fuck anyone, but relationships is where the real trouble lies, so shouldn't there be more threads on them? and FUCK sex based relationships - you should fuck indeed but doesn't anyone here know the value of the alternative?]


All about my relationships:
(I edited out stuff that's not related, as this was in MSN that the realisation was made.)

It basically it goes like this..

I've been a a bit of arsehole my entire life, more or less, and I've always been judgemental in my head, and held stupid standards. If more information is needed about this some can be found in Reinvent Yourself here:
http://www.totse.com/community/showthread.php?t=2029282

Now the last couple of years I've still been that dickhead, I've just wised up enough to give people that I wouldn't otherwise choose to associate with the time of day, care to speak to people, and I guess I have mellowed a bit, grown the ability to see things from other perspectives. (sometimes)

Being an arsehole and having high standards, combined with the fact I'm not exactly good looking myself is the reason that even though pretty much every female I've ever been in a "relationship" with has been decent to quite good looking and there was no mental attraction side of things seeing as shit was always for sex, drugs, and rock and roll. That's a metaphor for Sex, Drugs, and Status. Concerning status - Might not look like great but I've always been seemingly damn popular - including to an extent when I was in school at school - though this could easily be through association.
There's only a handful (I can count on one hand) of females that I've really got to know properly. As in have a proper relationship with.

So it boils down to that I've realised that with a proper relationship.. . ...I'm up shit creek because I'm not in my element at all, not knowing what I'm doing and subsequently not being good at it.

Now in the middle of all this, and before I could just fuck random attractive chicks because I had stuff they wanted, was this 'chapter' of my life.

There's one girl in particular to mention, and she and I had some kind of super friendship, understandings, all that.. ..due to inexperience I fell in love with/at her, and secondmost I didn't tell her. I tried to just play it off all the time. She ended up going out with a really good male friend of mine and that cut me up pretty badly so then I got extremely fucken depressed. my Inexperience.. ...which would basically be like a form of maturity and tact if I had it.. ...lead me to get really cut about it and full of angst, and although I still talked to my school-related mates and we were on pretty good terms I lowered my FRIENDSHIP type standards (I guess) and (Some my school mates were massive stoners) I basically got some more mates [from a different postcode and a totally different mold] who knew what I was talking bout and shit, and how to feel better. I'm not too stupid to go doing dumbarsed shit, but when I was offered Methamphetamines.. ...I had no reason to say no, besides I was curious about branching out from pot. This period in my life has so far defined me. It's had a huge impact.

It all caused me some pretty bad problems within a while, and ever since then and until just recently I have acredited (wrongfully blamed) my depression and thus smoking glass and taking pills and therefore all ensuing uses of any drugs, on her. (apart from pot)

This is yet another thing that proves how much of an arsehole I am by nature - I didn't even KNOW it.

And then theres been a couple deep and meaningful friendships like I had with two other girls in my life. Those both worked out more or less but I've moved 3000 odd kilometres which put a kink in the works with one and the other and I have had a falling out and then reasoned together enough to realised wer'e better off not getting cofused.

>

What's brought all this up? Why have I realised this?

Because again I have somehow got myself into a similar situation to the one I went on about, and I don't want shit happening. I want to be able to control what I feel, control what thefuck goes on, and not be blinded by love.

I do love this person, and it's also exceptional as the circumstances are very much different at first. I'd rather just stay feeling only minor attraction to this person, because they DO mean more tome than is logically healthy. Everything about this person I love, and it's not that they're a kind of person that you couldn't love - they very much are, they're so much - but it's just that my poor ability to handle it will quickly destroy whatever there is there.

And for the rest of my life too, I need to get a handle on things.
I've managed to get a pretty good handle on substance abuse, on having a short temper, and on being agressive and violent. - all of which DOES stem from or was developed from substance abuse and te ruote of that was getting depressed that time in my life. and I was only YOUNG, with a developing mind - but I do not want to expose ANOTHER can of worms by going too far down that track, besides this post is long the fuck enough.

Apparently this thread would help me slightly more if I included some specific questions:

1. How can I take control of this crazy shiat called "love"?

2. How can I be less of an asshole, especially now as I have a lot less going for me than I once did.

3. I need a heap of advice, and to "grow up real quick" about this.

*Note: I sometimes have what I rekon are "good conversations" with anyone, especially over such judgement-deficient media's such as MSN / the Internet. Becuase me being an arsehole doesn't play that much of a big part in those kind of "relationships".

- "Kwinnie".

I <3 you

=]

Cos we're all horny 13 year olds who dont get any.

I <3 you

=]
I <3 you too. :):):)

1. How can I take control of this crazy shiat called "love"?

'Someone' once said that we don't choose the ones we fall in love with. There's no control, and those that are in control aren't really in love. So taking control would ruin the experience.

2. How can I be less of an asshole, especially now as I have a lot less going for me than I once did.

As I see it you could either go back to the person you once were. Keep in mind that we live to move forwards, so going backwards defeats our purpose in life. The things you'd feel would probably (undoubtedly) be numbed. Or you could grow from each bump in the road ..as they say. (:

3. I need a heap of advice, and to "grow up real quick" about this.

Take it for what it is, grow from it, learn from what's there and move on.

You should consider that some people will go through their whole lives without ever being in love. Maybe is scary, or maybe it's fantastically scary. (;
<3

You should consider that some people will go through their whole lives without ever being in love. Maybe is scary, or maybe it's fantastically scary. (;
<3

Take note of this. This sentence alone scares the fucking shit out of me.

If you did believe in love, would you love me?

How do you expect us to answer this? If you're an asshole, as you say you are, then all you need to know is that you most definately (stranger things have happened) will get a lot of sex, but hardly any love.

Apparently this thread would help me slightly more if I included some specific questions:

1. How can I take control of this crazy shiat called "love"?

Love is not something you can control, yo. Either you love someone or you don't, it's more of an instinct and primal (yet oh so eloquant and and complicated) want. How to handle love? You have to swallow whatever pride you may have and treat him/her as what you really see in them. Truth and ignorance can be very deceiving, you must carefully consider your feelings to said person/people. There are also differnt kinds of love, listen to your heart and decide how you want to love the person.

Love kept trapped inside turns to unhealthy outlets, such as being an asshole.

2. How can I be less of an asshole, especially now as I have a lot less going for me than I once did.

Occupy yourself with something constructive. Express your love to the world with hugs and esteem-enhancing through words. You'll find yourself in a terrible situation if you can't healthfully and constructively express your feelings. Not JUST love, but everything. Write a journal, write a poem, write a story, draw a picture, paint something, set something on fire, give a stranger a hug, go to the shooting range and let your anger out on something else. Right now, as things are, you're having trouble expressing your feelings. I can't stress this enough. You keep your feeling and emotions inside your head, and it just builds until you explode and act out in a truely false and painful manner.

3. I need a heap of advice, and to "grow up real quick" about this.

The first step to growing up is to admit you need to. You're there. Next step is to realize that growing up is not something you can do quickly. If you truely want to grow up, start doing something constructive, and things for other people. I once helped build a house for a homeless family, back-breaking work. Doing it though, and seeing the family cry and hug us all made me really see the world in a different perspective. I'm really not one to talk about growth, as I'm still growing. The day you stop growing is when you give up. The day you stop growing is hopefully the day you die.

<3, yo.

Have more to say.

I have '<3' tattoo'd on my wrist. I feel an impossible love toward every single person on this planet (except myself, but that's and entirely different story), and I can't understand why. All I know is that we're all connected by our emotions and thoughts, we're all free and trapped at the same time.

You need to differentiate between what sorts of love you have and can send out. There's only so much one can do to understand oneself, which is where you're failing. Again, I'm not one to talk, but look in the fucking mirror. You're more than just an asshole, you're a human being that has human emotions. What you do with those emotions is up to you, if you can ever find a way to control them. Don't get wrapped up up in your emotions, wrap yourself around them and find out who you really are.

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f75/dumace/223959.jpg

EDIT: I'm starting to contradict myself, hope you can see past that to what I'm really trying to say.

sex is tangible and is something you can taste, smell, feel etc. The abtract concept of love feels good for a second but hurts a lot more for seemingly no reason.

Does no one see the content in this thread?!

It goes past the mundane sexual chatter that you usually find here to one of unique and helpful insight into someone's personal mindset and struggle to find oneself.

You must have things to say about such a matter!

Thanks for reading, posting or either - and huge huge thanks to azalie and Zek especially for their posts, fucken champs. There is somehting I need to say though..

Here come some complications:

Apologies if this doesn't seem to make sense, I really need a clear head when making posts like this.

I've made a mistake here with the message I've conveyed. (Purely from my choice of questions - I really didn't know what to ask, but about not being such an arsehole I've pretty much been getting that under control and the real queries I should be putting forth are about how I could be a better man, how to react to the immense feeling that's known as loving, and generally advice or observations of YOURS - other people's - pertaining to these areas.)

Yes, a problem in this is that I'm an arsehole, but the disconcerting realisation that I had was not this, but coming to see that I've had fuckall decent relationships, that I'm frustrated by "love" controlling me, and that I don't want to fuck things up but improve. Being an arsehole wasn't really the point I was TRYING to make (though it looks like the point I made), but just a setting for my relationship problems so they could be better understood.

It's about 6 months before I'm 20 years old.

I have been improving how I actually am for a few years now, funnily enough it has been pretty much EXACT to what Zek told me to do.. ..so now I know he's very right.... and therefore I really respect what he's saying in it's entirety, and I already really respect some other poster's opinions very much so I'm going to follow theirs to.

That's not to say that I'm not taking in everything said. Even if it doesn't make sense (xRWx XD <3) It is so fucken true though that I'm only halfway there, maybe not even that.. ..I think I haven't found myself properly yet.

And to re-iterate it's about 6 months before I'm 20 years old. I don't want to go by the "Become somone then enjoy who you are" philosophy as much as get some ideas about this now, keep tabs on where I'm going and enjoy my journey.

[sidenote: At the moment I feel like quite a loser though, as I'm not who I was and to be deadstraight honest and ironic: This is because to live the lifestyle I've had I guess you NEED to be an asshole. so right now I have a loser-y lifestyle, a nicer loser but I feel like a bum nonetheless to an extent for a couple years. It'll improve though I'm sure as I follow advice given. ;)]


I could go into the changes that have happened to my mindset over a couple years, but I want to steer this away from there. I would like to just get a handle on meaningful relations.

<3 - Kwinnie.

- I'm still going to pickout the advice I don't yet know/haven't yet been following from what's been given in this thread. It makes good sense in theory to me, so I'll put it all into practice. Thanks a fucken heap for what's been said already.

If there's anything else that anyone feels like saying, do by all means fucken say it :D

Alright.

Good luck.

Cheers, amigo.

Posting in epic thread.

Posting in epic thread.

Responding to a post.

EDIT: The next post, no doubt, might be "Locking a thread"

When I get too stressed out with all those questions about love and sex I just throw it all in and ignore it for a while.

Life is far too long to start taking love to pieces and analysing each pulsating bloody chunk. It is, It's there, you're drawn to it. Apart from accepting those things, there's not alot you can do.

Ever realised that relationships as a whole suck ass?


fact.

Life is too long? Lol, you are one crazy bitch.

To the OP: Your post was written like garbage, and waaaay too fucking long to read.

I'ma read this when I'm not so tired. I promise. ANd edit this post. right here.

I have a problem with love.

I can't eat or sleep properly because i havn't seen or spoken to my girl for 2 days, this being day 3.

I just desperately want her to be sitting here with me. and i'm angry that she's not here.

Ever realised in the duration of typing that post out that this thread is 4+ months old? And the issues within it are just as old?

Nevermind it R-Weed, this shit is old. Someone bumped it for fuck knows what reason

Ever realised in the duration of typing that post out that this thread is 4+ months old? And the issues within it are just as old?

Nevermind it R-Weed, this shit is old. Someone bumped it for fuck knows what reason


oh, my bad...

no need to get all hostile on me.

I am also posting in an epic thread.

oh, my bad...

no need to get all hostile on me.

Don't bump this thread again or I'll think about turning up at your door and whooping your arse.
No but for fucken serious - don't...

... believe me, I do know where you live.