This situation needs a little background so I’ll provide all that. It might get a bit lengthy but I’ll try to keep it broken up and easy to read, if you’re not ready to read all of this or just skim it to get a good feel on the situation please just hit back now. I feel like most of the information I am including is imperative to get a good result, some may not be and I might go off a bit, I apologize in advance.

It all started last year around April. I became good friends very randomly with a girl I had known for a very good part of my life but never paid much attention to. We hung out a great deal and became very attached to each other but nothing ever happened because she was moving almost 500 miles away at the end of the summer.

Before she moved we discussed our feelings towards each other and all that came up was really that we both felt the same about each other, but the distance would make anything too hard so nothing happened.

Throughout the end of 2006 she lived about 500 miles away but we kept in touch and she visited a handful of times all of which we hung out a great deal. The last visit took place at around the end of February or beginning of March 2007 I can’t remember the dates or months but it was that general area. We had a problem around December where we actually stopped talking for a while and we started talking again after I had some family problems, but never resolved our initial problems.

Well once we had those problems during her visit when she had arrived back at her current home I contacted her and basically decided that we need to talk things out about everything that happened between us. We ended up talking for around five or six hours. Throughout this long chat we both stated that we still had feelings for each other and she also asked me what I would say if the opportunity for a relationship between us ever was a possibility, this question made me very optimistic since she asked it since it really alludes to a relationship someday.

Now fast forward to around May, due to some problems in her family she is actually going to move back here. Time to get stoked and all hyped up right? Well I didn’t do just that but I should have, I tried to not expect anything but in the back of my head I really was expecting too much.

Essentially when her and me became friends we hung out all the time and because of this we had built up our own clique of friends that we hung out with a lot. I’d assume she was happy with this because she was always very persistent in us hanging out and never really attempted to hang out with her old group of friends.

I was never very fond of her old group of friends; they’re the typical crowd of pretentious high schoolers who think going out and getting plastered all the time is the most incredible thing. They’re I guess what you might call a stereotypical popular high school crowd. I found many of them superficial and a lot of them rubbed me the wrong way so my friends and me always stayed away from them. She never made any real attempts to hang out with this crowd after she was friends with me. She had gotten sick of them for the most part and could take them in small doses.

Essentially I was hoping we could pick up where we left off and start a potentially good relationship. Time went by and she is here, and we have done nothing and I do not mean sexually. We actually have barely hung out, she has almost completely disregarded me and hung out with this ex group of friends almost religiously, which hardly makes any sense to me. Before her move she acted as if she could care less about this group and they did the same towards her.

Now I am very confused as to where I should go. I’ve hung out with her twice, both for very short periods of time since she has been here. I called her tonight after I got home a bit early from a concert to see what she was up to. Of course she was hanging out with this group but wouldn’t even tell me specifically who, all she would say was “people you don’t like.” Which was essentially in my opinion her way of saying I don’t want to hang out with you so I’ll just say who I’m with since I know you don’t want to be around them.

Thus far I am the one who has been trying to make all the actual plans, nothing desperate just a random call here or there, she on the other hand has made no real effort. I feel like I am being overly pessimistic but I am considering just giving up on this situation. I hate to do that because of how good our relationship really is, but I’ve tried and I see nothing else I can really do right now, I feel like trying more just makes me look like a bozo and would be a waste.

So if you actually made your way through all of that or even just skimmed it and hopefully got the jist, what should I do? Should I give up? Should I try something else? Please give me some good advice, I don’t want to do anything until I can get some good advice, so please, give me some good advice.

hmmm imho you should find a new girl and forget about her, seems like to me that that shes changed alot and is not worth worrying over. hope that helps you some.

If you are the one initiating all of the plans then it is obvious that while you are interested in hanging out, she is not.

My 2 cents...

give upHer priorities have clearly changed, and you are no longer one of them.

Forget all of that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" bullshit. All time and distance do is destroy friendships. It doesn't matter how close you were, or how much you loved each other in the past. Spend enough time apart, and it all falls apart.

That sounds like what happened with you.

She came back, realized she didn't feel the same way, and instead of confronting the issue directly, she thinks it's easier/less hurtful to just push you away.

C'est la vie.

Have a drink and move the fuck on.

By that I don't mean "go out of your way to be an asshole to her", I mean stop making an effort. Don't call her. Don't track her down. Don't try and make plans. Just push her to the back of your mind and get on with your life.

If she still has feelings for you, she'll try to get in touch with you. If she starts calling, or she tries to make plans, or whatever, then congratulations. It means she still values your friendship, at least.

And if she doesn't call or write or anything, well, then it means those feelings she had for you are gone, and at least you'll have detached yourself early enough to minimize the pain of this inevitable heartbreaking realization.

I appreciate all of the input. I was pretty sure that I just had to give up, thank you for the reassurance that I wasn't doing anything dumb.