there is a problem that i experience in my romantic relationships. it has happened once before, with someone who i cared about deeply. it is not because i didn't want to be with her. in fact, when it was broken off i was pretty devastated. now, i am in a relationship of the same sort. the girl i am with is great for me. we understand each other and have had similar life experiences.
i have, since entering adolescence (now 21) experienced some kind of depression. there are a lot of things that feed into this depression. my family went through some drastic changes over the past ten years, and being in the midst of these changes has left me with some pessimistic ideas regarding the possibility of enduring love and true fidelity.

i also have a low opinion of myself. i can only guess at the different things that have created this perspective on myself. for the past 7 years, i have abused drugs and alcohol. mostly, i have used this stuff to forget and to shut off the part of my mind that constantly envisions the worst possible scenarios, ones in which the most negative aspects of life are manifest.

this outlook on life helped to contribute to the breakup with the first girl. i was a pretty good boyfriend, i think. i never cheated, i was sensitive to my gf's feelings and tried to support her in what she did. but the lack of dynamism and charisma in my personality eventually drove her away. she became tired of my bleak outlook on the world.

i dont feel like its right to sacrifice my outlook for another, but i want to. i'm sick of worrying about when the (seemingly) inevitable driving away of my current girlfriend will take place. im also not happy with my outlook. i want to change it for myself, but i dont know how. i can change my perspective for a little while, but i always fall back into the hole.
this probably belongs in reinvent yourself, but it involves a significant other.

Have you tried any prescription medication? That sounds like depression to me...

ive been thinking about it. its strange, but i find the prescription meds to be a sell out, even though im a drug user. theres just something about taking a substance that has been designed by a corporation to make life in this society more palatable that i dont like. still, i dont know if some stupid ideal like that is worth losing the good things in my life and feeling and thinking these things. still contemplating it.

maybe you should travel, once you see the world you may appreciate your own life more, or feel that you're not the only one suffering. perhaps therapy is another option for you, the doctors may prescribe some meds that may help you change your outlook, and with a few steady sessions the shrink may be able to isolate your problems and cure them.

Yeah, stay away from the meds.
There is no quick fix.
Youre not just gonna wake up one day with a biig ol grin on your face and realise that life is awesome after all.
But just go day by day and try to live each day a little happier, it works.

i recently came back from germany. of course, i believe i would have to go to a third world country in order to realize and appreciate what i have. my melancholy doesnt come from not being privileged. i would argue that it is a result of living in a privileged world where the simple things are taken for granted. it gives me leisure to think about things that have no definite answer.

one of the things that gets me down is the knowledge that happiness is not an immutable state. even after i battle these demons and overcome them, there will be more on the way...

however, my situation right now is holding on to the things that do make me happy (other people). and these people could grow tired of my lack of hope and faith in the positive things. the loss of these pleasurable aspects of my life will make me even more unhappy, and so on. a vicious cycle.
thanks for the input

I know how you feel. Although, I'm overly sensitive--i take things to be horrible barbs when they really aren't meant to be like that. Anyways, I think your problems lie with your sense of self and your sense of the world. I, personally, have been on and off meds. I was a cutter for a while, did a little too much coke for a while, and still probably drink too much, but breaking free of depression is doable. My advice: existentialism. The only way i've been able to get by without meds is to accept that the world as no meaning but that which we give it. We choose to give events in our lives negative meanings, and positive meanings. That's my advice.

there are a few ways to interpret existentialism and the freedom that man has to act in the world. while i can see what you mean, there is the other interpretation that sees this as the greatest burden. it is liberating to know that you have freedom to act and interpret things, but that also places a huge responsibility on your shoulders. also, there is no way to validate any truths that you may have. for this reason, sartre says that man is "condemned to be free" (he also says that man is a "useless passion")
im actually a student of philosophy. which is one reason why i think i am unhappy.

I suppose. I don't really think there's anything i can say to convince you otherwise, or anyone who might try to for that matter. I dunno though, man, living life by other people's philosophies will always be unfulfilling. What does your life experience suggest to you? What do you want that you don't have? What in your outlook holds you back? Re-evaluate your thinking man. You said you want to change your outlook... Even if things are meaningless, there are things which bling us pleasure. For me, one of those things is love. So, i give meaning to love in my life. It may not endure, and it's far from perfect, but it sustains.

Good luck. It can be difficult to be around someone that is unhappy and expects nothing but the worst all the time.

I'd offer advice, but I think this is something you'll have to work through on your own. Nobody can tell you were you'll find your passions in life.