Being nice gets you nowhere.

Short version at the bottom.

I dont know how to explain this really.

Last night I was at a party which involved about 15-20 people, nothing big. Anyway the host was a girl from my English class in college who over the year i have developed a good friendship with and i very much have a crush on her.

So i get to the party with the idea that this was my chance to tell her how i felt in the hope that she felt somewhat the same (Many people in my class think she likes me and flirts with me). Well i get there and no-one i know is there so i introduce myself to everybody, sit down and open my crate of budweiser (that crate would become one of my good friends that night).

Within minutes of getting there i learn that the girl has already been with a guy earlier in the morning (i was invited to go at the same time but couldn't make it) and the same guy was now in the attic in bed with another girl i am friends with.(he was a bit of a prick to say the least).

So here's me gutted that the girl is already gettin about. A while later some people that i actually know come to the party: 2 good friends, 1 friend and 1 aquaintance that everyone thinks is gay. Thats where it all kicks off.

The girl from in the attic is pissed at the host for going with a guy she likes something she blatantly tells me even though she is going out with my best friend who she didnt invite. The host is in her bathtub hammered with all my friends. So i go to the attic to find that some girl i met that day is crying because the pissed off girl has had a go at her, so i try to console this girl (though she was hot there was nothing in it i was just drunk and trying to be nice, something which will come back to haunt me).

After she feels better i go downstairs and just chill with my 2 good friends and eat some pizza for a while.

At about 5 in the morning my best friends GF comes running downstairs and into the garden crying. We all go out to see if she alright and again my mr nice guy kicks in and i hug her and let her cry on my should for a good 20 mins and tell me what was wrong. Turns out she had rung up my friend drunk and admitted everything and he was annoyed at her. So i ring my friend and try to sort everything out. Eventually i make her feel abit better and leave her to help the host wash some pots that people had left around. The rest of the party is reasonably uneventful.

So i go sit with my friends whilst the host dissappears to the attic with a few people and the annoyed girl is somewhere in the house being quiet (or cutting herself as i later found out, bloody attention seeker). Here's where the first bomb shell is dropped. Talking to my good mate he tells me how while i was helping the crying girl the host was going with the supposed gay guy in the bathtub. Yet again i am gutted. By being nice ive missed a chance to talk to the host and prevent that from happening cause the guy was just trying to be a player.

Then if things couldnt get worse the cutter has ended up alone in the attic with the prick and i have just found out they slept together.

So basically my being nice has ended up with me leaving the party having spent about 20 minutes talking to the host about trivial stuff and her having out of character gotten with two guys that could have been me, and with the knowledge that my best friends girl has slept with another guy.

I just feel shit. I have an awful feeling in my chest sort of like nerves but it feels like its eating me from inside out. All i can think of is the fact that i havent taken my chance because i was to busy being nice.




Short version: Went to a party. Planned to tell girl how i felt. End up helping others and not talking to her. Find out she went with 2 guys while i was helping others. Feel i have missed a chance with the girl. Also learnt best friends GF cheated on him.


Totse what do i do? Do regard the two guys as drunken mistakes and tell her how i feel?

Ahhhh that post was soo like that random party film with seth green as a wigger and that cute ginger chick in it.



Nicely written though, despite my disinterest in all these people you mention, you kept my attention.



Please, please please please dont lose faith in the female species. Just because this one girl you liked turned out to be a skank doesent mean you're destined to like skanks forever. There are probably some good decent girls out there, and actually, being nice gets gets you everywhere.

Please dont turn into one of those jaded pricks that goes "waaa girls only like assholes because this one chick chose some other guy over me!!"
You're better than that.



How important was this girl to you?
Was she just hot and something pretty you'd seen, or was she really 'special' to you?

Would you consider getting with her now you've seen how she is when she's partying? Or would that severly put you off?


Sorry for wittering. It's late. The temazepam isnt working.

ouch.

my advice would be to just move on dude, from what you posted it doesn't really look like she was taking you seriously.

Its not that your a nice guy , you just make certain people your priorty while they make you their option.

You should make the conscience descision too take charge of situations , because sadness doesnt last forever my freind. Sooner then later it usually turns into rage and frustration. Thats how alot of men who are labeled '' good guys '' turn into cunts. You seem like you have a good head on shoulders and I dont think in the end thats what you want to become.
Just take charge of situations , when you see a girl you like just go up and intiate conversation. The worse she can say is no , and if she does atleast you didnt waste you time wondering if she liked you or not such as this girl in the party.
Im not a dating guru or anything but you'll devolop and come out of your shell accordingly. Hope everything goes well

Lobo

Thanks for the advice guys.

Also Yoyobek, i cant really describe my attraction, too me she is stunning and also alot of other guys like her aswell but what i like is that we talk often on msn and texts and i feel we just get on so well.

I've slept on it now and i have come to the decision that next time i see her (i want to do this in person) im going to tell her how i feel and if she doesn't feel the same way well i guess thats life.

At every party there is that drunk, crying girl who is an attention seeker. I've been that girl, too. Luckily I'm not like that anymore .. but anyways, yeah you shouldn't be the one that feels like shit. You just went to have a good time and ended up being everyone's counselor. I'm sure that the next time you go to a party that those people are at they'll remember what a cool and friendly person you are, and you'll have a much better time. Not all chicks are crappy like this either.

i think what you need to learn from this is that many times you will meet many immature girls who enjoy instant gratification way too much for their own good, even more so when they are intoxicated.

They have not necesarily learned moderation, nor self-control. in reality, there will be ones who will try to play you, but they are smart and usually dont get trashed, cry, or any of that bullshit.


just understand that the girls you have been dealing with are weak. they are weak-minded and weak-willed. Obviously I mean come on she slept with the gay guy and all that other stupid stuff that went on. if you had assumed a more aggresive, dominant roll from the start you probably would've gotten your fair share of the easy-pie.

not trying to make you feel bad dude, iv fucked up like this before man. just do what I did and learn from mistakes.

Just to let you guys know i've realised it isnt me who was wrong it was them and to be honest i'm becoming a bit bitter towards them all. Im just blocking them out of my life and im gonna have some selfish fun.

Im gonna spend a few days away from them and sort my life out. Tomorrow im going out and not coming home till i have a job. I'm gonna meet my best friend and sort things out with him and when i get home if i feel like it i will tell people just what i think of them.

Thanks for the help guys, anymore advice on my situation would be much appreciated.

Sorry to double post but i just thought i would update for anyone who cares.

I spoke to the girl and i think we had one of those cliche moments where your friendship becomes stronger.

I told her that i was worried she had made a fool out of herself and hurt her friends at the same time. She took it well and asked if i was upset with her. I thought to myself "fuck it i'll tell her what i think of her" and i said that i thought she was amazing and it would take alot for me to get upset with her. Thats when things started going well. She replied "good because i couldnt stand to piss you off..." and we have now arranged to go out with friends and catch up on all the talking we missed the party.

So i havent lost my faith in being a nice guy anymore and things are looking up.

Thanks to the people who gave me advice.