So today I did several several bad things.

One of them was destroying a symbol for our relationship... it was literally a piece of paper.

I don't think I can live without her... but does everyone think this? If you are in a long term relationship and you may break up does everyone think they want to commit suicide... or is it just me.

I want to die very badly. I cannot imagine my life without her but we hurt each other too badly too constantly.

Sure you may say I am best to get out... but I can't imagine myself recovering.

What do I do. How many days cold turkey would it take? If I was perpetually high would that count or would it not?

Should I do coke? heroin? meth?

I need something to dull the pain. I am obsessed with her. I love her more than she loves me and we both know it.

I can't believe I destoryed our symbol in anger. I am very sorry about that. I promise you I am puls, if you read this.

I have a theory that when you kill yourself that that last second lasts as long as your lifetime and it will never stop because it is all you have left. It is like a dream where you believe it is happening until reality wakes you up... when you die no reality will ever come.

You know what hurts me the most.. when my dad says to me I hope you are not gay. That hurts more than you can imagine. That he doesn't believe it because he loves me too much and if it were true he'd hate me. He'd hate me. It hurts so badly. I don't want to live anymore. It is too hard. I can't talk to anyone. No one knows me except puls, and she is the one i need to talk about.

I almost destroyed her whole room but her brother was home. I guess it was a blessing in disguise.

SHORT VERSION
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I think I'd die without her. Could this be true at all. Is it possible my life could actually be over or most likely will I get over her?

Your solution is to build a new symbol for your relationship! A Totem Pole! Seven meters tall!

I definitely can relate to what you're saying mate. Been there done that, just need to tell you that when you lose a special relationship - yeah it sucks but you move on, it's the moving on part that you can never see yourself doing, but trust me you will eventually move on and build new relationships.

The old memories wills till hurt you when you recall them but all you can do is learn from your mistakes, become a better person from it.

One final piece of advice that I think a lot of guys need to consider, when you make a decision like breaking up with someone, stick to that decision.

The hurting fades my friend...Trust me. I recently got dumped after nearly 2 years. It hurt like fuck for the first week but now it's faded.
I'm lucky because I tended to be a cold, uncaring mother fucker before I met her so I'm reverting back to that gradually.
The healing process is different for everyone.

As for the symbol of love thing, don't worry about it. It's only material. It doesn't matter.
I have to keep looking at the expensive engagment ring I bought for my ex every time I look in my safe. And the lighter she got me for valentine's day with a special inscription on it.
The fact you destroyed it means it's time to move on and find something you want to do.

Try not to go down the path of self destruction, i.e. drinking, drugs, fighting etc. Do something productive with yourself like learning a new skill. Find something to put your passion into.

Keep cool and take each day as it comes buddy...Keep your chin up and don't be afraid to cry about it once in a while. It will pass. I promise you.

Take it easy mate.

I know it hurts, and I Know you may feel so hopeless without her, like you'll be alone forever. But you wont.

Everyone in this thread, including myself, has gone through the same sort of hurt, and dealt with it.

That doesent nescessarily mean we're special or had loads of friends to help us, or even moved onto someone new. It just means that human ressilience can count for alot.

You'll stop missing her eventually. Eventually you'll feel nothing more than a sickly twinge in your heart when you think about her.

For now, work on looking after yourself, take up cooking, or get yourself a stupid amount of books on something you're really interested in.

The best short term way to take your mind off suicide?
Put on the loudest, baseyest, most twitchy happy techno you've got, and make like the banana!

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yokozunayoyobek@googlemail.com

I cry bullshit on this whole post!

If you were just venting/asking advice I would think this whole thing is sincere. But since you discussed "if you are reading this" with the possibility that your girlfriend is reading this thread.......then it changes the whole meaning of everything you are talking about. This is nothing more than a cheap ploy trying to give her a guilt trip. As if she doesn't give you a second chance, then she will be resposible for your demise.

The only advice I would give HER....is to run, not walk away from you.....because you are clearly unstable, prone to tempermental outburts, and are quite manipulative.

And I'm somewhat offended that you would drag Totse and its members into your little game playing.

my boy joined the military to get a reaction out of a 15 yo and now he is stuck living with the decision...but this guy has way to much pride....so i guess its all good.

the best thing to do is hang out with your family if you have any/close friends/even relatives....use any resource at your disposal....

just find shit to take up your time....get a high paying job where you stay busy to pass time....

TIME HEELS EVERYTHING....

thats what I said and it is the truth....keep telling yourself that.

oh yeah dont listen to emo music or anyhthing depressing....unless you wallow in your poop.

jusst concentrate on the future and look at the past with a positive attitude....

one day your going to laugh at yourself for letting this trick ass ho make you feel this way...but it will still be funny.

I don't think you'll get over it. I'm 48 years old and I'm still suicidal about losing my first love. I've been in love a few times after that, but none was as best as the first one. I'd kill to take it all back, but I can't. I'm worse than Bill Dauterive on King of the Hill. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I drink an ungodly amount of liquor and it dulls the pain. But on the bright side, now you'll be alone forever so you can take up some interesting hobbies. I study Brazil.

Decide what you might want to do with your life and work toward that.

If you have nothing to give yourself, then what do you really have to give someone else? Are you an emotional vacuum? (By that I mean, do you suck the life out of other people because you're too needy?)

I have almost "snapped" like that. The only thing was....those others in my life that also matter to me.

You might want to think about counseling.

And stop isolating yourself.

^^^That is actually the most valid reply yet.

These recent threads strike me as being an emotional game that both come here to play out. But, that's merely speculation.