and it's not a good thing.

Let me explain my dilema. kind of a long read. And i kinda explain my thoughts confusedly.

I love fighting with women. Something is wrong with the way I'm wired. I've found out I sorta mix up pain, and anger in with lust and happiness. I like the rush. And sadly i've had the tendancy of only picking up submissive chicks(more like docile). Don't know why but that's how it goes. But it's not fun. I might as well just be jacking off. Sure I enjoy doing odd shit with her but it's no fun if she doesn't.. have that fire I guess. They're sorta like guted fish, floppy and dead-eyed. they're sorta enduring it, not having "fun". With my mysogint tendancies(in female partners it doesn't really apply to my view on all women) dominance is a must, but some fight and mutual understanding is what I desire. Some type of respect I guess.

As a result categorizing women into wheter or not they'll be fiesty. The sorta fiesty that's I spit in their mouth they spit back, not vomit. So I'm running after blacks, hispanics, and rednecked women. But I've sort of hit a brick wall. They're not willing to be dominated. With that kind of fire they're just not willing. So i'm dancing the invisible line between "fun" and rape. Not really the sort of thing I want to go down for.

It made rethink my tastes. I'm sorta in for the challenge. For the fight. I'm an angry bitter person, why not try to find a like minded person? Sounded good. So i picked out a few traits of an angry chick. Exotic hair(short, bald, mohawk), tattos, piercings and lack of smile(mainly becuase there's a fine line between dressing odd for attention and dessing odd to vent out fustrtations).

Yeah well back to lesbains. Turns out the angry type of woman I'm looking for tends to be a lesbian. I've got like a lesbianized gaydar now. Every chick i think is a possible candidate turns out to be a man hating ,woman dominating lesbian. It's gotten to the point where I jsut go up and ask their suxual preferance before anything else. It's not bad to the point where I'm losing sleep, but to where I worried where this might lead to in the future.

So totse here's my question: Should I give up?
My thinking is that what I'm looking for in a chick is much more like a fuck buddy, I'm looking for something more longterm. As it turns out I get along pretty damn well with some of the man hating lesbians, but they're lesbians and i don't think I've got the mojo to make converts of them. And i think I'm trying to find my version of a perfect chick through the wrong means. Or that my perfect chick isn't really that good of an idea(probaly end up killign each other and the prospect of that excites me).
REally I'm sorta looking for a compainion who I won't break when we play. I'm messed up but i don't want to hurt anybody not willing.

I'm seriously thinking about just giving up and surpressing my desires and just finding a christian chick (so my parents can get off my back) and jsut hope for the best.

So give me a new perspective. I'm sorta getting desperate.

You kinda suck. Sorry i know this isn't SG i'll leave now kthxbai.

whats wrong with loving lesbians