I tried really hard not to come back on here and complain about my husband, because no one wants to hear it, but I can't stand it anymore, seriously. If anyone remembers, I made a thread a fews month back about how we were fighting and he threw something at me and all that. And now, it's about 5 am here on the east coast.. and it's the same old, same old.

So I'm just going to rant and rant and rant until I get tired of it-- anyone is free to read, reply, suggest, ignore, or flame-- I don't even care anymore:

Background: Pretty much, after about 3 months of happy marriage, things got bad and we decided (a very poor decision) to make our marriage "open". I don't believe either one of us really did anything, though, because we're pussies. At least I know I didn't do anything, not really. But just recently-- almost 2 years later- I told him that I think we should take that label off our marriage, because it's tacky and I never even wanted it to be "open" in the first place. So all is really good for about 2 weeks. And now-- it is still a mess. I thought maybe it was because we were young, maybe because marriage is just like that, maybe because we had an "open" marriage-- all that. But now it's all done and we're still fighting and it's not getting better, it's getting much worse.

The last time I talked about this, a lot of people suggested I leave or get counseling but neither of those are options really. Still love him/no money. The violence has, though, more or less increased since that last post. Not like outright punching each other or stabbing or anything, but it is much worse than before. There is definitely slapping, pushing, throwing, screaming, and cursing on both sides. I'm walking into school and work with marks and it's not getting any easier to talk about. I'm not at the end of the line but I don't know what I'm going to do.

And-- my husband works a job where he can be gone for quite some time, and when he comes back, we barely have time to talk. He just gets snappy and bitchy so we fight. Or we end up having angry sex, which is not as cool as people make it seem. I can't discuss with him our problems. I mean, we were never the type of couple who talked about feelings and stuff very much anyway, but now it's working against us A LOT.

I'm getting tired of it. I've lost 23 lbs total since the "bad days" of our marriage began, I'm shoplifting a lot more, drinking a lot more, and feeling really really hopeless sometimes. And what prompted me to write all this, of all days and all those times I restrained myself from talking about it?

I don't know, it wasn't even that bad what he did but I just like COMPLETELY degraded and belittled. Maybe it was just my mood at the time. I just sort of walked away without saying anything and locked myself in our room. Which is not typical-- I would usually fight back. I haven't technically been outside since about 6pm yesterday. And he hasn't tried to start anything while I was in here. I just want a little peace for right now.

Anyway, that was really long and I'll probably regret writing it later on but it's done.

WHY do you have to stay with him again?


Read the book 'Rose madder'.

Then you'll realise why you have to get the fuck away from any person you live with that hurts you.


Get yourself a job and a small appartment that he doesent know the location of, and thank your lucky stars you dont have kids to worry about as well.

?

You say you can't leave him, but that's not true. In a perfect world, loving someone would be enough to make a relationship work, but in this world it's not. If you're putting up with violence, you should leave. I know I'm just a voice over the internet, and nothing I could say would make you listen & change, but honestly if your marriage has come to this, it's time to go. It'll be hard doing it, and it'll hurt like hell for a long time but in the long run it's better for you both. If you truly love him, let him go.

Peace.

The violence doesn't worry me so much, although you say its on both sides which is never a good sign.

The fact he wanted an 'open' marriage and you didn't though kinda says it all.

I hate to have to agree with yoyo but unless you are prepared to change totally and become a wife then the best thing for you to do is leave. And the regulars here know how seldom I advise ending a marriage.

You have just told us your point of view. Obviously there is a reason as to why he is hitting you...
Im not trying to argue that hitting a woman is right, just that sometimes its not just the mans fault.
If he just randomly walks up to you and decides to hit you (which is highly unlikely ;)) then yeh, you should leave. If its both of you causing the arguments then maybe you both need to chill the fuck out and try to resolve the marrige? take a few weeks holiday and go off somewhere nice? (although i think you said about money problems...?) erm, marrige counciling?

But seriously if this gets out of hand, think about buying some kind of self protection thing or something, the thought of a man hitting a woman is sickening..

It's the hookers

On the road

That he do

On the road

Away from you

Makes him feel dirty

& hate himself &

When he's home

Lays the blame on...

It's true

Poo!

j/k :p

>>>Is it time to take up Tantra?

Everyone feels different of course, but it is my opinion that no man should raise his hand against a woman, no matter the circumstances, it's just one of those things that isn't on.

GTFO of that marriage.

At least he doesn't drink.

Seriously, get the fuck out of there. Why Dumb Girls with low self esteem fuck with asshole guys who treat them like shit I'll never know.

My wife and I were having some serious marital problems a year or so ago but we worked through it. You say that counseling isn't an option but it was extremely helpful. I wasn't into at first but it allows both parties to say things that they would never say to each other in private. If nothing else, it'll allow both of you to realize that you two aren't right for each other. Marriage counselors see cases exactly like yours day in and day out and they know exactly what kind of questions to ask to get the responses that you both need to hear. That my two cents on the matter. Just remember that you can't control his actions and feelings only the way that you react to them.

... I'll keep my opinion to myself.
Anyway. It's do or die.

You have to be able to effectivly communicate. Somehow someway you're going to have to control your anger and attempt to talk to him. maybe you're both too prideful. Make some type of concession if you have to.

I think you should do everything possible to see a marraige counselor. Years ago my husband had an affair and we almost got divorced, but he convinced me to see a counselor and we were able to eventually work things out. A lot of our problems stemmed from lack of communication and the misunderstandings that resulted from it. It also helped us to be able to talk in front of the counselor, because we didn't start screaming at each other when she was there.:P

It really helped us...I mean that whole incident happened like 7 years ago and we're still married to this day.

I seriously don't want people to think this is some kind of battered wife syndrome-- we're pretty much equal in terms of the hitting and treating each other like shit. I am not a victim in this marriage.

There are a few places in the Atlanta area that are cheap for counseling services but I don't even know if I would be able to convince my husband to go.
And trust me, I have TRIED to be a better wife to him. I've tried every trick in the book to keep things nice and quiet. But it always ends up the same in the end: Him asking me why I'm trying to "oprah" it up -- "just fight like a fucking normal person". He's just really that type of guy who doesn't know how to apologize or back down. He HAS to have the last word-- and if he doesn't, he gets passive aggressive as fuck.

Recently, he has started to get really jealous and picky about my appearance. He used to NEVER be like that. Example: "the guys are coming over- go cover up" he'll say. So I'll wear something normal and put on some make up. And then he'll compain about that. So then we'll start arguing and end up with him saying something along the lines with, since he's married to a whore, can he keep most of my profits? He thinks he is so cute and slick with his words.

Of course, all of this is one sided. Maybe from his point of view, I am truly just a whiny bitch.

Recently, he has started to get really jealous and picky about my appearance. He used to NEVER be like that. Example: "the guys are coming over- go cover up" he'll say. So I'll wear something normal and put on some make up. And then he'll compain about that. So then we'll start arguing and end up with him saying something along the lines with, since he's married to a whore, can he keep most of my profits? He thinks he is so cute and slick with his words.

Of course, all of this is one sided. Maybe from his point of view, I am truly just a whiny bitch.

Ugh.
You've married Norman Daniels.

Good luck, love. No one can pursuade you to leave except you so I'm just not going to bother trying.

Leave.

Leave leave leave leave leave leave leave leave LEAVE!

Dammit.

Ugh.
You've married Norman Daniels.

Good luck, love. No one can pursuade you to leave except you so I'm just not going to bother trying.

That book really affected you on a profound level, didn't it!:P

You're a chick!?!?

After reading your thread in Bad Ideas, I could hvae sworn you were a guy. Think you could help a poor college student get some books?

Everyone thinks I'm a guy. And then one time, I'm implied that I was a girl, and people harassed me with the ever so cute "boobs or GTFO" so I just let people think whatever.

I can help-- but how?

You have AIM or MSN? I'm on both right now.