So I'm a little bit sad at life right now.

I've only ever had one boyfriend. That lasted about two weeks, he had fat arms and is now dropped out - last I heard he was in jail for stabbing some fellow.

You see, there's really never been anybody who wants to be with me more than they've wanted to be with anybody else. Very, very few people (I can count them on three fingers) have ever had a crush on me, and they were real fucking creepers.

I know that men go for beautiful ladies though, submissive and sexy and sweet. I'm really none of that. I'm chubby and I have crazy hair and bad, bad, mismatched clothing in terrible colour schemes. I've never considered myself especially attractive, pretty ugly for the most part. I'm also loud and obnoxious, opinionated, and I have a bit of a drug problem. Alot of people seem to think that there's something very wrong with my noggin, I look like a douchebag in phys-ed, terribly unathletic. I work my ass off in school though, I'm the entertainer in my group of friends, I have alot of people who like me, I'm very creative, and I love art. So I'm not necessarily a terrible person, just an ugly one.

I don't really want to change myself though, and this sounds terribly chliche, but I would really like for somebody to love me for me. I would love to have a boyfriend who cared alot, and craved me, desired me. That would be the ideal, but it's not coming around any time soon, certainly not in highschool.

Now one of the big problems, I do have a terribly humongous libido that's really been winning out over love. I do get laid once and a while, maybe once or twice a month, but it's one of those things where every boy loves a warm, pink vagina until his friends find out and start to laugh.

I do feel that post-sex guilt and loneliness once the glow of getting fucked goes away. Like good 'ole Mika says "Live your life until love is found, 'Cos love's gonna get you down."

So should I continue to let myself get used like a walking fleshlight, because I really, really, really, really do love sex. Or, should I wait until I find a good fellow who wants me more than he wants my best friend?

You don't seem to remotely like, be comfortable with, or much less love yourself for who you are, but you want someone else to? No offence, but bitch please. Some self respect and not considering yourself a 'waking fleshlight' will have others not seeing you that way and you might just find this mr. perfect you want. If there's something you don't like about yourself, change it until you like and respect and like yourself, you can't expect someone to do the same over something even you dislike.

How old are you Kirky?
I always pictured you as around my age, but you might be a bit younger than I thought.
From the way you describe yourself, sans the drug problem we could probably be personality twins. From the pictures I've seen of you're not an unattractive person, I think you're quite cute in fact, I do you. The personality you put forth indicates that you're a person I'd get along swimmingly with aswell.
BUt I think you need to think about what you want for yourself a bit more.
Because I mean, let's be serious here, the majority of us here are in our teens, and some of the smarter ones know that the love you feel for a person now isn't necessarily going to last forever. I don't personally think that love is something you have to looking for (granted, it's not just going to fall in your lap, a little effort is required), and at the this stage of the game, if you're blessed with a huge libido, go nuts!
I was lucky enough to find someone who took my creepiness, sarcasm and obnxious behavior and with a grain of salt and we've been together for more than a year I think.
You'll find someone.
Maybe just not right now.
As for being used like a walking fleshlight, well hey, if that's the way you swing that's fine with me.

Hmmm, interesting points, and I do like myself as a person, I do, I think I'm pretty brilliant. I was just pointing out what could easily be seen as pretty flawed. Hell, if I was a boy I would love me to death, I mean, I'd love the male version of me. It's just that alot of people don't seem to place the same importance on values such as intelligence and humour and creativity as they do on sweetness and sexyness.

BUt I think you need to think about what you want for yourself a bit more.
Because I mean, let's be serious here, the majority of us here are in our teens, and some of the smarter ones know that the love you feel for a person now isn't necessarily going to last forever. I don't personally think that love is something you have to looking for (granted, it's not just going to fall in your lap, a little effort is required), and at the this stage of the game, if you're blessed with a huge libido, go nuts!
.

Thanks Blooden, you're a sweetie. I'm 16 by the way, just a wee youngin.

Mmm, and I know that love won't last forever, I really just want somebody to lust after me like I lust after them.

Hmmm, interesting points, and I do like myself as a person, I do, I think I'm pretty brilliant. I was just pointing out what could easily be seen as pretty flawed. Hell, if I was a boy I would love me to death, I mean, I'd love the male version of me. It's just that alot of people don't seem to place the same importance on values such as intelligence and humour and creativity as they do on sweetness and sexyness.

I know exactly the stereotype that you're casting yourself into here, we all knew that girl in high school. I was best friends with a girl who sounds pretty much exactly like you.

You are probably rather smart (I'm sure you know this all too well) and are fun to hang out with once you get past the noise level (something my later high school friends never could) and eccentric personality, even if you do lay it on a little thick at times.

You're 16, so I assume you're still in high school, so don't bother looking for a meaningful relationship yet. In the meantime I suggest working on this whole deprecated self image. Try to mellow out, maybe get some excersize. Stop fucking random guys if you don't like it, keep fucking random guys if you do.

It's your life in the end, and chances are you got quite a bit more livin to do so why stress so much?

I felt the need to post in this thread because im almost exactly the same as you, except for the sex and athletic part. The thing is, I'm treated as one of the guys and although im highly respected, no one really sexually likes me. Its easy to hook up with anybody but I dont feel the need or want. I guess I just have to boost my self-esteem, looks wise, and you should too. Its kinda nice to know that someone is in a similiar position as I am, a little comforting if I might say so.

It's all in what makes you happy. If what you've been doing is getting you down, then maybe it's time to try something new.

It's food for thought. Best of luck with your choices.

What the hell, I havent been laid in a month.

Come to papa, baby.

So should I continue to let myself get used like a walking fleshlight, because I really, really, really, really do love sex.

I LOL'ed. if YOU're the one with the raging libido, and HAVE to have sex, isn't HE the one being used?

You're actually quite cute! :O Shouldn't say you're ugly, because you aren't at all.

Maybe you just need to look harder for that certain guyy to claim as your own? I guarantee you there is someone out there.

I see you being with a timid submissive indie kinda guy. But, I don't even know you so, your type of guy would be a fat balding steelworker for all I know :P. Either way, get this, you're very cute, and, look harder for that someone!

I think if you want a respectable boyfriend you should act respectable yourself.

I mean me personally, if I found a girl I liked, clicked with etc, was about to make a move but then found out all the people she slept with, all the one night stands etc I would be really put off.

I mean, you probably don't want to attract weirdoes like me but the point remains, alot of guys think that. they don't want to be the guy that goes out with the girl everyones had a piece of.

I agree with the above stated. Hey man, it's your lifestyle. You have a raging libido and want to get out and fuck the world, go ahead, but there's always a consequence to aiding our vices like that.

You want prince charming? Well, sorry to say this but guys that are worth it now-a-days, don't really rush into relationships with girls that have been around. Then again, you never know, there might be a guy around the corner who is just as hungry for some whips, chains, and anal probing.

Sit back and relax, though, I'm sure if you wait it out and gain a little more self-confidence, Mr. Right will come-a-knocking.

Cheers!

Eh, don't get down on yourself, your a good looking girl. Also, despite not being confident, just act like you are anyways, it totally works for me when I'm feeling shitty.

But...yer living in a tinytown aren't you? What are the chances you have very many choices in the people you could associate with? How many months do you have left in Tiny Town? A dozen? Sixteen?

How's summer working for you & your family? Any chance of youse all making it to either Calg/Edmonton for the folk fests or Big Valley Jam-bor-ee or some other large gathering or camping at Sylvan etc?

Maybe you'll meet kids from all over that might be interesting. You might run into people from not too many hundred miles away that you could even meet again later if it's cool. Look how folks are coming from all over cause of the jobs?

A bunch not much older than you...& if they are older? Then they might be bringing kids in your age range with them.

Do you have any relatives in the region you could stay with for a weekend/week, that owuld allow you to explore alt.areas? I mean, just 'cause yer in bumfug.countryside? It doesn't mean you don't have a few alternatives.

So...yer not the prettiest strawberry in the basket? You could easily go any place that there a lot of citizens <30 & find dozens of babysquirrels that you could be the cutest one in the bunch.

Dressing better? If you go to other places. Not only are there more thrift stores...there are more 2nd hand clothing & cheap regular stores too. Let alone way more girls to look at & see what's good or funny or maybe it works & maybe it don't.

If you can't have more fun now...don't come crying to the tot in 3 years when yer some sophiemore not having enough fun at U of Whatever! :p

ps Never fergit that walking off-pavement is one of the best all round exercises. Only 2nd to cross-country skiing as the most recommened all-round excercise. Just wait until yer going to school in the city & you hardly ever walk off the 'man-made'!

I'm like the older version of you :(



Except I dress hawt.



I'm currently in the stage of stopping the fuck buddies and finding a long term thing. I would love to tell you its working, but I haven't been laid in about 2 months, but on the upside I am making progress with a guy that isn't really my type, but I'm trying not to be 'picky' (because apprantly, I expect too much, according to totse :p ).

I would love to tell you its working, but I haven't been laid in about 2 months

2 months is considered a long time?!?

oh dear...what does that make me:/

Wow, you know, that's exactly how I feel about life, but I'm a guy, and I get treated like that by girls.

Wanna chat sometime? You should PM me

You have no self confidence, and it's obvious why any respectable guy doesn't like you. I'd suggest going on a diet and to the gym every now and then. And maybe find a gay friend to help you dress a little better.

I don't care how entertaining you are. If you are annoying and unattractive, a guy is going to pass you by for your friend. So, you need to give them some reason to stay with you. Hence, diet and exercise along with trying not to be soo fucking annoying.

That was a little more direct than I like telling someone something, but I don't feel like taking time to sugar coat it.

Dressing like you're a 'babe', not neccesaarily a slut? Not showing your underwear or too much skin? Like someone who knows how to make herself look good?

Heck. Even girls wearing a headscarf who have dress sense? You see some of them & it's like they've got a neon sign above their heads, 'Schoolgirl' (Modest Schoolgirl, sure). You don't need a zillion $ or to look like an amateur hooker to dress attractively.

2 months is considered a long time?!?

oh dear...what does that make me:/

I don't know, but it's been 2 years since I've had any, I'm practically forgetting how it felt.

Also, kirk, I would recommend dressing feminine yet conservative, such as with long skirts or dresses. Those I always found extremely attractive, and I am only really into girls that have class.

2 months is considered a long time?!?

oh dear...what does that make me:/

Not really, I've had much longer.

But, kirk will get what I mean and understand that it is quite a time, espeically when you're turning down a casual sex partner. I know it'll be for the best but it doesn't make things any easier - espeically with a girls self-confidence (and even more so when theres a guy you might actually finally like but has no idea you exist any more then a friend - but thats another story :\ ).

You're FAR from "ugly for the most part"

He's right, you're pretty cute from the pics I've seen (although the mo kinda changed the 'cute' thing you had going for obvious reasons :p ).

Thanks everybody.

Hmm, Moonie, about that whole bigger pond thing with more fish in it - I'm going to Spain for a year as of this August, and that's actually nother reason I'm a little worried. There will be sweet, sweet brown boys with those sweet, sweet Spanish bums, and they will be everywhere. I really won't be able to help myself from taking a piece or 6 of that pie. I'm not expecting much in the way of love though, seeing as how we won't even be speaking the same language.

Hmmm, I don't even know if I need love, or just somebody to lust after me like I lust after them you know. I don't need Mr. Right necessarily, just somebody who really wants me.

Oh, and oc6, I've masturbated almost every day for the past 4 years. It gets pretty lonely pretty fast. :(

Wait, three people have had crushes on you? Do you know the emotions that go into a 'crush'?

I'd be fucking EXUBERANT knowing that someone felt that way about me, regardless of the fact that they're a 'creeper' or not. Never mind three times. Unappreciative cunt.

Are you an exchange student or just a...strange student?

A free, strange student.

Don't fergit that there are a fair number of people from Europe & the New World there too.

Do you know that for some folks, paying too much attention to their monkey's getting spanked just makes it worse...almost as bad as not having it attended to at all!? Give it a rest sometimes & see if it helps a bit...

>>>Will you take a little time to be a free man in Paris?

Unfettered & alive? No one calling you up for favours... :p

Yah! Try drugs & binge eating!

Errrrr...maybe not... :(

I 'member an interview with Joni M saying that when she was a free, strange kid in Saskatoon? One of her big thrills was getting on her bike & riding off to some quiet countryside to be alone & smoke the cigs...

I wonder if that half-remembered thrill is what keeps her smoking today at over 60?

I want to be your friend. And I dont mean that in a creepy way. (allthough I would love to go down on you very much).


If you enjoy sex with random people, then.. I guess there's no point in stoping it.
But you've got to think and find out if you really do like it.


I look back on my promiscuous years now with horror, almost.
I did some crazy, dangers,stupid and sometimes disgusting shit. I think I'm very lucky to have got through it without picking up any diseases or getting hacked into little pieces and cooked up in a nice casserole. Allthough that was close, on one or two occaisions.


At the time,I thought it was hilarious. I'd go home with a guy and get him more fucked up on alcohol/drugs than I was, and the next morning I'd sneak out before he woke up, taking his wallet with me, and find my way home.
Or I'd take anonymous tablets strangers offered me, to hell with what the drugs or the strangers might do.


But I cant remember really enjoying it. I think deep down I was really just looking for someone to like me, to want to see me more than once, so stealing a wallet, and going onto the next guy I met was revenge against the person I'd slept with who didnt want me. And it was a vicious cycle.




I want to advise you to not fuck any more guys who go for the 'any port in a storm' phillosophy on life, they're pathetic.

But if you can get your fun out of them, then I cant advise that you stop.
Cant you find yourself a good girl who loves you and knows how to pleasure you? I remember you lamenting your inability to get yourself a girl.


As for clothing.. Gah I dont know. :( The guys in the fashion forum will be able to help. They're a bit like the lot from queer eye for a straight guy and trinny and suzanna.. Oo

16 isn't very old. At your age I had only ever had one boyfriend and he tried to kill me with a tire iron and THEN he cheated on me with a mentally retarded woman.:( Last I'd heard he was living in Tampa as a transvestite named "Diana."

I want to be your friend. And I dont mean that in a creepy way. (allthough I would love to go down on you very much).


*splutters and wipes coffee off monitor*

Do you own a video camera?

Thanks Blooden, you're a

I really just want somebody to lust after me like I lust after them.


They do. You just aren't seeing it.

That's one of the best things i've ever read on totse.

God I feel like Gus doing this.. but I looked you up on ajare.org

http://ajare.org/?q=gallery&GALLERY_FORM_VARIABLE_PREFIXitemId=656

Do your hair and look like this all the time (I know it's just like you've woken up but I think it's really cute) and you'll find a fun loving indie guy who'll treat you like the slut and princess you want to be.

Yeah, that's what SWIM said.

You don't love sex, you love the idea of sex. Seeing as how you are desperately in search for love, and use your pussy as a means to find it, you are doomed start to finish.

That means you are going to die miserable. Get in shape, because no one is attracted to unhealthy people, and for god sakes stop calling yourself ugly. No one likes mopey people either.

After seeing this picture, I am labeling captain kirk as an attention whore.

Yoyobek, you really scared me alot, in a good way, I think, thanks.

You look like a friend I had in high school...She's be 30 years old now, though, so you're not her.:P Also she didn't like the boys.