Hey guys...Sorry I haven't been around much of late. It's been a shitty few days.

So as the title would suggest, I'm alone again. My girlfriend/fiance of nearly two years has dumped me because of my difficulties with work and paranoid attitude towards life.

I'm pissed off with working nights and no matter how I try to get a new job, nobody's helping me out. It's like sending my CV and covering letter into a black hole. I never hear anything back.
Working nights is hard when it comes to sleeping and since I've been doing it for nearly three years, the only thing that will get me to sleep most days is drinking. But the problem with drinking is it makes me want to talk to her about problems and concerns I have regarding her. I talk quietly and don't want to argue, she fights back and blames me for it. When all I wanted to do was talk things through like mature adults.

So she dumped me on Monday and I'm still in the process of packing my shit together to move back to my dad's until I can find a flat of my own.

It's just so damn hard having to go back there every morning and see her laying there and knowing I can't cuddle her or kiss her or tell her how much she truly means to me. It hurts even more knowing she's not going to do it back even if I do go ahead and do it.

I've done everything for her...Moved her into my dad's place when she had nowhere to go, helped into a college nearer to home, gone along with her when she wanted to move into a flat her mum had bought and paid £600 a month for (over half my month's wages), turned the other cheek on so many things that I knew would cause us to argue, forgave her for so many stupid things she's done. So many other things. She's the reason I am so paranoid and jumpy when she gets a text message or phone call and seems avoidant/angry when I ask her who it was.

She says there's a chance of getting back together in future but wants me to leave and sort myself out. I agree with it but it's just so hard to see the positive side of it when I know I won't be able to have her there to love me and support me.
At the moment all I can think of is getting her back but I don't know if I'll want her back once I feel better again.

I've given up drinking and I'm taking leave from work to get out there and do some intense job searching. Or maybe an apprenticeship or something.

It's just so difficult to feel anything but sorrow and depression right now. I keep having ideas of suicide being the answer. To make it all go away so I don't care anymore and don't have to feel this way. But I keep convincing myself things will get better one day.

Sorry to whine but I don't have many people to talk to about this sort of thing anymore.

Mods are allowed to whine;) Especially because there rants are paragraphed!

It sounds like you were quite dependent on her. Definitely not a healthy thing. I'd like to think she was wise enough to see that and cast you away for her own good but...I dunno, I don't have much faith in women to be sensible:p

Focus on doing things for yourself. an apprenticeship sounds good...and I know what you mean about sending CV's into a blackhole...you'd be suprised how much more receptive people are when you ask them about apprenticeships face to face. (I'm getting into electrical engineering in a few weeks and people are much friendlier with you when you're interested in their trade).

Yea, getting drunk and "talking" to her about her problems seems like the greatest tool for communication...

And this fag wonders why she dumped his fucking ass?

Yeah Rabbitweed...That's what I want to do...Or plumbing...Whichever.

As for CarbonB...You can quite literally lick my big hairy balls for such a stupid fucking comment...Amazing you needed to quote my whole post to make your point. Douchbag.

That's too bad that things worked out like that. I know how tough it is working nights...My husband worked nights forover a year and he was ALWAYS exhausted and grouchy. I hope you can find a new and better job soon and that the pain of this breakup won't stay with you long.

Thanks for the support sweetheart.

All I can do is hope that I can find a better deal somewhere and prove to her that I'm done drinking (Or if I do I will really moderate it).

I just hope she's willing to give it another go...Right now at least.
Never know...The old P8b might come back and I won't care much anymore.

I dont know you so I dont care. But alcohol and talking to chicks almost never mixes very well. Well, live an d learn I guess.

All I can do is hope that I can find a better deal somewhere and prove to her that I'm done drinking (Or if I do I will really moderate it).

Prove it to yourself my good man.

Look out for number one.

I already have proven it to myself.

If alcohol is ultimately going to make me feel this shitty, then I'm done.

Maybe I'll go get drunk on Jesus or something a little safer.

meh, i just found out pix of my now ex bf of 10 months cheating on me, then when i confronted him about it, he tried to lie and say they were from years ago. then why was my shit in the pix? lol, its allright, we all got bad days :P so, thats also why i havent been on totse, dammmmmmm relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!

meh, i just found out pix of my now ex bf of 10 months cheating on me, then when i confronted him about it, he tried to lie and say they were from years ago. then why was my shit in the pix?

Now thats funny! Khorn is pleased.

Flakes is happy Khorn is pleased lol

Depends on who's doing the drinking, and what it is you're talking about. ;)

Eh, look at it this way: at least she doesn't have half your shit.

C'mon buddy, kick back. Life is sweet, regardless of the complications behind love and sex. Let me buy you a drink, eh? It'll be water, but still a drink nontheless.

Aww that really sucks! Last time we talked you sounded really happy about things.






At least I can flirt with you without feeling guilty though... :o


Chin up.

Sorry to hear that my ol'china. :(

What role, if any, did the abortion play do you think? Or was the relationship rocky before that?

^ I can see where this is going. :\



deeeeee-raaaiiil.

No it won't. I'll even edit to prevent that. It was a serious question. Whatever the rights and wrongs of abortion , it rarely strengthens a relationship . Be that for hormonal or emotional reasons.

I've known several women who were 'happy' to have an abortion and were glad of their partners support but also in secret somehow still hurt that he didn't want their child.

No one ever said women were logical.

Depends on who's doing the drinking, and what it is you're talking about. ;)

i cant get with drunk chicks. Makes me feel like im some sort of predator. i mean i am, but only for sober chicks who are at least 18 years of age.

disclaimer finished.

Condolences my friend. Life has it's downs.

All i can say is take strength from the past, look forward to the future and whatever happens don't fucking give up.

I'll tell you one thing

if your Gf were to read that... part where you said she was the reason your paranoid, She wouldnt be too happy about it and would disagree.

Time heals all wounds. I dont think you have to wait long. Just the act of a declining depressive period is good enough.

Wtf how can a moderator think of suicide, what kind of cruel message are you sending to teh totse! civilians!?

Wtf how can a moderator think of suicide, what kind of cruel message are you sending to teh totse! civilians!?

Well, if he put something in his will about me getting his modship...

I'm sorry to hear that man. I know it sounds cliché, but time will be your best friend in the near future. Try to do more things with friends, get out there, party. Have a good time and things will work out for you.

Night shifts are fucking evil. I sympathise.

I got out of working nightshifts when I realised that I got home about the time my boyfriend of the time was leaving for work. And when I left for work, he'd be dressing up all nice to go out and have fun..without me.

It made me feel a little sad, left out, and ..paranoid.


Is this the same girl you supported totally when she had an abortion?


Not in a cruel way but she sounds like a spoilt fuckup anyway.

lets mummy pay for her rent?
Oh the poor thing, dont you know it's hard for a girl to work these days..?


/sarcasm




Breakups hurt. They really hurt.

And there's nothing helpfull or constructive I can advise you to do, except hunker down and wait for the sadness to go away.

Then get out there and find a newer prettier version. :)

Oh well

Bitches ain't nothin but ho's and tricks/lick on deez nuts and suck the dick


They come and go like seasons that take your money and blow you a lot.

Thanks for the support guys...Even the mean things help in some masochistic way!

I'm moving back to my dad's on Saturday...I'm worried he'll be disappointed with me...But a couple buddies have said he'll be okay with it because he knows I tried my best. He always told me to do that.

Once I'm there, Kate, I'll get the net back up you can flirt with me all you want! :p

Jack...Well the abortion went through and I took care of her throughout. Always going to the shop to get her chocolate and sanitary towels and shit. She kept on with college and work and I always made her a cup of tea when she woke up. Told her I love her all the time.
But this is where it fell...I would complain a bit about work and she thought I was being far too selfish.

Yoyo..Glad you know the nightshift deal...It does make you paranoid. "What the fuck are they doing on my bed?!...I'm gonna fucking machete the cunts for hours!"
And yes...Mummy does pay her rent...Doesn't matter that I'm spending out £600 a month on it when I could have been living free with my dad but hey...I'm selfish right?!

H4te...It's your round mate!

I dunno...I'm still bummed out and it fucking hurts like a red hot poker through my chest but I am beginning more and more to see the positive side of things. I have just gotten a new job offer from an old friend...Day job, better money, cool company etc.
I will get more time to do my hobbies...Electronics, build a forge and try my hand at metal work...And my guitars...Oh yes I will have more time for them again.

But most of all the family and friends I was a lot more distant with are phoning and messaging me all sending their condolences and offering their help if I need it. Makes me feel like a real arsehole for not spending more time with them.

My cousin who lives with us...He's moving to my brother's place because he's always at his girlfriend's anyway. I feel really bad for him because it was my bright idea to ask him to come along with us on the ride so he could experience a bit of independence and now he's screwed through the deal too.
He seems to be cool with it but I still feel really shitty for doing that to him.

I'm going to therapy in the morning...God is she going to earn her money tomorrow! I'm seriously thinking about going back onto the anti depressants. Emotionally they make you feel like the real you, the angry, paranoid guy is screaming from inside a cage at you when something you'd usually go crazy over is happening and it doesn't even make you mad. But I think it would be a good idea for now...It will help me concentrate on things and stop with the painful thoughts until this all blows over.

Once again, thanks for the support...I'm glad to be moderating the best forum on TOTSE!

I've known several women who were 'happy' to have an abortion and were glad of their partners support but also in secret somehow still hurt that he didn't want their child.


Silly jackketch, that's why you dont tell him!!

Well...Bump, I guess, first up.

Moved back to my dad's on Saturday...A wholly deflating feeling I must admit. I was kinda liking the whole adult thing. But hey, life goes on.

Went out on Saturday night with my uncle and cousin...Nothing like family and a good atmosphere to make you feel better. I did have a few drinks but I got to a certain point (nowhere near my usual alcohol capacitance) and knocked it on the head. So the slowing down on alcohol was easier than most thought it would be for me.
So while I was out, there's a girl I'd met a couple months before. Really pretty but I never told her that. I was with my girl and no cheating for me. I'd danced with her a couple times. Innocent enough.

So we danced some more and ended up kissing and what not. Don't think I'll be doing anything else with her though. She's closely related to a pretty naughty family round here and I don't need the trouble. And I told her I didn't want a girlfriend.

Went out for the afternoon with my mum. Had some lunch and a walk and talk. Was a pleasant afternoon. Made a change going somewhere new.

But as of today, I've realised I'm dying inside again. Going back to the way I used to be, i.e. don't care about much...Women are for leisure only and I always let them know that...etc. Back to comfort. Back to indifference.

It feels...Wrong, I think the word is...Wrong that one week later and I don't really care whether or not I get her back. Part of me still wants her in my life but the majority of my concsiousness feels glad to be free again.

It's a really confusing transition to make.

Sorry to bring it back up but I felt like giving a little status check.

Well yeah,after living with a girl for long enough, chances are she trained you to be a good obiedient little blokie, allways putting the lid down, doing the washing up, in bed with a cup of coco by 10pm.
It must be quite a shock for you to go from that to back to clubbing and partying.

Perhaps part of you misses the old cosiness, the routine. That will pass eventually, as long as you dont buckle and go back to her.


You need sex from someone as unlike her as possible.

You've got a good attitude. You'll do fine, no worries.

It's good to have family and friends at a time like this one. Knowing that there are people that care about you helps, I'm glad that you have this environment to fall into.

Just live for a while, give yourself some time to sort things out.