This is starting to border on me getting very... something.

My groups of friends is no longer. It has been so for quite a while now. The initial falling out started about a year and a half ago, when I started college. I stopped spending all my time with them, getting drunk and stoned in random basements. Better things to do, like study and prepare for my future, ya know? Then there was the party I had about a year ago, which I think really ruined all my friendships. I won't go into details because it would take too long, but it was bad. Very bad. And none of it at all really my fault.

The last time I talked to any of them was in December, right around Christmas. Not a phone call since. I don't know if I ditched them or they ditched me, I guess it doesn't matter. Occasionally I'll hear stuff about what they're up to, or that they say I should come chill, but like hell that's going to happen.

I dunno where I'm going with this. I miss them, I think. I dunno why though. They were shitty friends. There was me, another girl who was my best friend and whom I no longer speak with, and then all the guys. They're still sitting around doing fuck all with their lives, wasting away. I probably wouldn't really hang out with them much if I did still talk to them. But it's just... weird, I guess. I miss them. Aaand I pretty much have no friends now. Noone I can call up anytime and be like "hey lets hang out" anyway. Just... the boyfriend. And I don't know why I miss them. I'm better off now. But... yeah. :( I'm sad. And I'm not sure if this is discussable or not. Gah.

You want them back, then go for it. Without the details of how you guys fell away, its sort of hard to tell you whether or not they are douches or not, but i'd say go for it.

They fuck you again, never speak to them again. Easy.

Have you got other friends now?
Because if you don't it might just be lonilness setting in and you're getting a bit desperate.
Was it you that got kicked out of your flat by your friends (well not kicked out, they didn't want to move in with you or something)? Or one of the other female members?

I dunno where I'm going with this. I miss them, I think. I dunno why though. They were shitty friends. There was me, another girl who was my best friend and whom I no longer speak with, and then all the guys. They're still sitting around doing fuck all with their lives, wasting away. I probably wouldn't really hang out with them much if I did still talk to them. But it's just... weird, I guess. I miss them. Aaand I pretty much have no friends now. Noone I can call up anytime and be like "hey lets hang out" anyway. Just... the boyfriend. And I don't know why I miss them. I'm better off now. But... yeah. :( I'm sad. And I'm not sure if this is discussable or not. Gah.

Guilt?

I wouldn't judge them for wasting their lives. Some people have it figured out from a young age, some people take a while, some change their minds and go off the rails, and some are just happy to do "fuck all". Try not to be so judgmental (especially because IIRC you're quite financially well off and have opportunities and securities these people may not have had. This is just speculation however).

I think to give good avdvice we really need to hear what exactly happened, as it's all vague. It sounds like you're unsure of you're not friends because they were crappy and you're debating whether it was your fault too.

If you want my opinion..........then.........

It seems to me that you are going through a couple of different changes, or phases in your life.

1. As much as we want too, we cannot live in high school, or college forever. One of the most difficult changes in life is the separation of friends, those that have been together for most of their lives. All of a sudden it seems as if everyone sort of disappears. I live outside of a town of a little over 50,000 in population, and there are years that go by where I don't see the people that I thought that I would be close friends with forever. I haven't seen my best friend from high school in 5-6 years. We didn't have a falling out, it's just that life has taken us in different directions. I'm in the phone book, but I never get a call.
(Also... It sometimes seems that when we finally grow up, we suddenly realize what assholes our former friends really were.)

2. Nostalgia for the good ol' carefree days can lead to depression. The demands of today's hectic pace, and the stresses of just trying to survive makes us sometimes look back, and wish............ That is not good. It is good to remember the people, and the good times, but to actually try and revert back to such a fond period, or dwell on it obsessively for long periods, can have seriously bad effects on your mental state.
Like time, Life must move forward. New friends can be found. New, good times can be created. Don't forget that life is full of peaks and valleys. There will be good times as well as bad times. Sometimes we unwittingly create those valleys for ourselves, and can spend years dwelling there. Seek out new peaks (good times, friends etc....).

3. Counseling can help. Just having someone to talk openly with can be a valuable asset. A good listener can take the place of a best friend until you find another one.

4. Don't lose control of your life. A job, boyfriend, bills, children ect.. can all lead you into a feeling of being trapped. Make time for yourself. Find things that you wish to do that will create those new memories and friends.

5. Study, read, and educate yourself, and then don't be afraid to discuss what you've learned with other people. Sometimes it can lead to rewarding experiences and the making of new unexpected friends. (I talk to complete strangers all the time about all kinds of things. It freaks them out sometimes , but it also , in some cases leads to unexpected friendships.

Remember, above all.......... It is YOUR life. You only get to live it once. You can honor and give thanks for the friendships and experiences of the past, but you can't go back and live them over. Move forward with a smile and confidence that YOU can control your life and....... Dammit! If those other people liked you then some new friends will too.

Right? :D

Good luck.

Demoiselle, I know pretty well what you mean, I'm experiencing similar shit right now.

RecDude, while that's all good advice, it is easier said than done. Oh how I yearn for years past.

Thanks guys. I think it was just one of those days. I'm not much better today, but it'll pass.

The details, in short, involve me spending less time with them and them resenting me for it. I know this because it happened with other people while I still hung out with them. There was also a party in which several people had to be kicked out (due to my best friends psycho drama with the 3 of them, and then I got the shit for all it happening and then after crying and freaking out about it all she fucks some other dude, in my house. Then lies about it. Yuck.) They all backstab eachother. Everyone talks about everyone else. It's really quite weird.

I have friends still obviously, I just don't see them as often. Mostly I hang out with my boyfriend and his friends, which works for me. They don't suck.

Edit: Oh yeah. Rabbitweed's financially well off thing. Most of them are the same as me, at a financial level (that sounds weird.) But, as they are fuckups for the most part, I think their parents kinda gave up on them. The girl, for example, had school all paid for for whatever she wanted to do and decided she'd rather be a bum. The rest of them are just kinda... not very smart.

Oh well, since i'm not like that now i doubt i'll have anything to look back on and yearn for. I have friends, quite a lot of them. It always feels like theres some barrier or something between us though, some mutual misunderstanding. Only four people have ever broken that barrier and i would trust any of them with my life but apart from that, i'm not alone, just lonely.

Be thankful that you had those good times and look forward to the good ones you will have in the future.

They were still your friends, so there was still a significant connection whether you admit it or not. People need friends, and they filled that role for you, there's bound to be some kind of significant connection.

Goddamn, RecDude? The real one?!

Demoiselle...Yeah I feel sad and nostalgic about my old friends, when I'm feeling lonely and down that is.

I guess if you start hanging with them, they'll start eating your life again. How long before you go "meh fuck studying" and go back to drinking and getting high?

Not nescessarily a bad thing, but you got to think about what you want to do with your life.

Very true. The few of my old friends I've seen semi-recently are so perma-fried that they can barely function, and I don't feel like going down that road again. I'd rather have a future than be locking myself in closets because I'm so paranoid. Yep, that's what happens when I smoke pot now. Not cool.

Goddamn, RecDude? The real one?!



Yes ma'am. It be me. (Check the post count). :D

one of the realest, most intelligent, well expirienced and traveled people i have every known left home at 18 to be a bum and squat around america. she lived out of abandoned buildings, trains, tunnels, in the bushes, etc. Now she is 21, happy, making >40k/yr, has a place, a man, etc.

dont trash alternative routes.

You miss these people because you have alot of memories that you share with them.

While life, and "growing up" and "making something of yourself" is good, the point of life is to live. Be yourself, do things you want to do. Have fun, spend it with people you care about. My parents did the opposite of this... They focused on school, and all the uppity things. The fact that my family is worth slightly short of $100 million means jack shit to me. My parents are miserable. They follow every rule and law. They hate each other, and the only reason they dont divorce is because they are greedy. They sit at home, and spend alot of money on it. We have a vacation house in SC that they rarely use. Their life is drab and full of uppity arrogant bullshit.

I noticed this in my junior year of high school. While all my other friends think it must be so tight to be me, it was ME who wanted to be more like them; have a family that is fun, and lives life.

Their families dont care if they're kids smoke ganja or drink, they'll even buy the keg for the kids if they stay over the night, so they know everyone is safe.

While you may think doing drugs or getting smashed or whatever is pointless, you wouldnt have done them if they didnt work.;)

So I'm rebelling against my family. I never want to be like my parents. I want to find a girl I love, become a Nuclear Pharmacist, inherit alot of money, and spend my life living it, not trying to be the best or the richest, I want to be true to myself.

Do what you(the real you) enjoy and what makes you the happiest, and dont let anything hold you back.:)

Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.

Damn Im kinda wise for my age... anyway...